‘You make it sound as if I’ve been totally cloistered all my life,’ he said.
‘You have. You’ve been sheltered from reality by wealth and privilege. Your mother never worked outside the home and nor did she work within it if that bevy of household staff had anything to do with it.’
‘What about your parents?’ he asked. ‘You’ve never told me much about them. Did they both work?’
‘You know I don’t like discussing them.’
He frowned as he pulled up in front of the restaurant he’d selected and, once he stopped the car, turned to look her way. ‘Methinks therein lies a clue.’
She turned away from his contemplative look and opened the door to avoid giving a response.
He locked the car and came to where she was waiting on the pavement and gently took her arm. He gave her a twisted smile as he looked down at her. ‘Time for a change of subject?’
She felt a tiny reluctant smile tug at her mouth and nodded. ‘Arguing with you is so exhausting. I never realised how much so until now.’
‘Only because you’re out of practice,’ he said, leading her to the entrance. ‘But you’ll soon brush up on your skills, I’m sure.’
She followed him into the restaurant and, once they were both seated with a drink, she decided to get straight to the point of the evening.
‘I wanted to talk to you about something…’ She began to absently toy with the rim of her water glass with the tip of one finger.
Xavier took a sip of his brandy and dry. ‘Fire away.’
She pushed her glass aside and faced him. ‘Are you currently acting for Aidan Dangar in his application for divorce from Eliza?’
He took another sip of his drink before answering. ‘I don’t usually discuss my clients outside of the office.’
‘For God’s sake, Xavier!’ She was losing her patience fast. ‘He’s one of your closest friends.’
‘I have lots of friends.’ He twirled his glass.
His evasive manner annoyed her into retorting, ‘I can’t imagine how you hold on to them. You must be paying them for the privilege of your esteemed company.’
He put his glass down onto the table with such exaggerated precision that it delivered the same warning reflected in his dark blue gaze as it held hers.
‘Careful, Carli, you don’t want to make a scene in the middle of a crowded restaurant, do you?’
She fought her temper back down with difficulty, reminding herself this was about Eliza and her little children, not her.
‘I know you’re acting for Aidan so there’s no point denying it.’
‘Is that going to be a problem for you?’ he asked.
‘Eliza’s my friend.’
‘So?’
Carli stiffened at the clinical detachment in his tone. ‘So I don’t want you to represent Aidan. I want you to hand him over to someone else in the firm, someone more junior.’
He leant back in his chair and surveyed her face for endless seconds. ‘Now, why would you want me to do that?’
She moistened her lips with her tongue before responding. ‘I don’t think you can maintain professional objectivity, that’s why.’
‘I’ve acted for friends and acquaintances before,’ he said evenly. ‘I haven’t had any complaints so far.’
‘That’s exactly my point!’ she returned. ‘You’ll destroy Eliza Dangar just to get back at me.’
He gave her another long studied look. ‘What’s it worth to you if I drop the case?’
Carli felt the slow crawl of realisation make its way through her body, making her feel as if ice instead of blood had entered her system.
He gave her one of his lazy smiles. ‘How much, Carli—enough to come and live with me again?’
Her fingers around her glass tightened. ‘That’s blackmail.’
He gave an indolent shrug and lifted his glass back to his still smiling mouth. ‘Take it or leave it. I’ll hand him over if you come and live with me for the rest of your pregnancy.’
She swallowed against the restriction in her throat. ‘I can’t.’
‘Poor Eliza,’ he drawled as he twirled his glass. It was low of him, he knew, but it was a means to an end he very much desired. He had considered trying a softer approach with her but he could see she was too angry and embittered to respond to him on that level.
No, ruthless and calculating was the only way to go.
He gave her a sardonic look and mused, ‘I wonder how she’ll cope without full custody of the kids?’
‘You bastard!’ she spat at him. ‘You really mean it, don’t you? How can you live with yourself, playing with people’s lives like that?’
‘The law is the law,’ he said with the same clinical detachment he’d used earlier. ‘Eliza Dangar has been bordering on the psychotic for months. Did she happen to mention it to you? No, I didn’t think so. It wouldn’t be too hard to convince the judge of her inability to parent full-time.’
She sucked in a painful breath. ‘I can’t believe what I’m hearing…I didn’t think even you would stoop as low as this.’
‘I didn’t get my reputation on hearsay, Carli. Perhaps you should remember that.’
‘She’s a young mother!’ she said. ‘She’s vulnerable and—’
‘She’s also an unfit mother,’ he interrupted. ‘Aidan has been worried about issues of safety with the children. Maybe you should have spent a little more time looking into the details of the case instead of jumping straight in to castrate the nearest male in sight. Where’s that professional objectivity you were harking on about?’
‘You are such a jerk.’
‘So you’ve told me.’
‘I can’t believe I’m sitting here with you. I should have known you’d twist things around to get your own way.’
‘Is this why you agreed to have dinner with me?’ he asked. ‘So you could butter me up to convince me to let this case go to someone else?’
She felt the guilty colour storm into her cheeks. ‘No…’
‘Don’t lie to me, Carli. I can see what you’ve been up to but it won’t wash with me. I’m calling the shots here and I’m telling you unless you agree to live with me for the rest of your pregnancy your friend is going to lose her kids. Do you really want their tears on your hands?’
She was trapped.
Trapped by her very own set-up; a set-up which he had cleverly turned upside down to force her hand.
‘I could report you for this,’ she said through tight lips.
‘Ah, but would they believe you?’ he taunted her ruthlessly. ‘I’m one of Sydney’s highest-earning lawyers and, since you happen to be my ex-wife, what do you think the tribunal will make of that?’ His dark eyes glinted with anticipatory victory. ‘No, I think you’ll soon see the way the pathway goes.’
‘I will not resume a physical relationship with you.’
‘Did I ask you to?’ He leant back in his chair with languid grace.
‘You’re not in the habit of asking. You just do what you damn well like and to hell with the consequences.’
‘Now, now, Carli, that’s hardly fair; I’m the one trying to help you with the current circumstances. It wouldn’t do to go snapping at the hand that in the end could very well be feeding you.’
‘I’d rather die of hunger than accept anything from you.’
It was unfortunate that at that precise moment their entrées arrived. Carli looked down at the deliciously fragrant laksa she’d so looked forward to and wondered if she’d been a little too vehement.
‘Eat up, Carli.’ A knowing smile played about his mouth as he picked up his cutlery. ‘Who knows? I might even let you foot the bill.’
She picked up her spoon and wished she had the courage to throw it at his face, but her hunger got the better of her and she dipped it into the steaming coconut-milk broth instead. She silently seethed as she mechanically transferred the food to her mouth, her brain desperately trying to think of a way out of the net that was closing aro
und her. Living with Xavier for months on end was just asking for trouble.
Big trouble.
She hadn’t been able to resist him for that one night at the conference, how in the world was she going to keep him at arm’s length while they shared his house? Living with anyone forced certain intimacies on the parties concerned. What sort of intimacies would Xavier force on her?
She could see it now, the subtle slide of her independence into grasping, needy dependence just like before. She would be hanging about waiting for him to return, grateful for a few minutes of his attention whenever he could fit her into his busy work and social schedule.
She pushed her plate away, her appetite suddenly disappearing.
‘Is something wrong with your entrée?’ Xavier asked.
‘I’ve had enough.’
He frowned as he inspected the contents of her bowl. ‘You’ve barely touched it. Is it too hot and spicy for you?’
The only thing too hot and spicy for her was him but she could hardly tell him that!
‘I hope you’re not going to stand over me every time we share a meal,’ she said instead, her gaze caustic as it connected with his.
‘If I have to force-feed you then I will add it to my list of daily duties,’ he answered evenly. ‘Now, won’t that be fun? Food fights…mmm. Do you remember that time with the whipped cream?’
Carli felt her face heating up and reached for a bread roll to distract herself from his taunting look. She tore it apart savagely, lavishly spreading it with butter and stuffing bits of it into her mouth to stop herself from engaging in conversation with him.
Xavier chuckled as he handed her another bread roll once that one was finished. ‘Do you want me to order some more?’
‘I want you to shut the hell up,’ she said, pushing the bread roll away.
He leant back in his seat and surveyed her flustered features for a lengthy moment.
‘You don’t like thinking about what we had together, do you?’ he asked.
She was saved from having to respond when the waiter appeared to clear their entrées away. She didn’t want to remember the good times. It hurt too much.
Once the waiter was gone Xavier redirected the conversation. ‘How much longer do you expect to stay at work?’
‘I intend to keep working as long as possible.’
‘Don’t you think you might need some time to get used to the idea of motherhood?’ he asked. ‘Maybe you should have a few weeks off before the birth to prepare yourself.’
‘Do you realise that indigenous women in past times simply squatted and delivered and then carried on with the rest of the tribe?’ she said with considerable asperity.
‘Yes, I do happen to know that and I also know the infant and maternal fatality rate of that time. This is the twenty-first century, Carli—people do not squat and deliver any more, or at least not in the middle of Sydney.’
She held his challenging look for as long as she could but in the end she had to lower her gaze first.
‘I haven’t had time to think about all the details,’ she said. ‘I don’t even know how I’ll cope as a mother.’ A vision of her worn-out mother flitted into her brain, making her stomach hollow in fear. Would she too end up like that? And wasn’t she already halfway there with her uncontrollable need of a man who no longer loved her?
‘You’ll be fine when the time comes,’ Xavier assured her as he topped up her glass of water.
‘I wish I had your confidence.’
‘I’ll be there to help you,’ he reminded her.
She crushed her napkin in her lap and lifted her eyes back to his. ‘Have you told your family about…us?’
He reached for his glass and took a small sip before answering, ‘I was thinking of paying them a visit some time later this week.’
‘Don’t you mean deliver them a fait accompli?’
He gave a shrug of one broad shoulder. ‘What I do is my business. If I choose to get involved with my ex-wife once more surely that’s my affair?’
‘It was hardly a choice,’ she said. ‘If I wasn’t pregnant we wouldn’t be sitting here now, would we?’
His eyes held hers for a long moment. ‘Maybe not, but I have a feeling we might have been somewhere else much more comfortable.’
Her brows drew together in a frown. ‘What are you saying?’
‘I’m saying it’s not over. What we had hasn’t died in spite of our divorce.’
‘What you’re talking about is merely the most fundamental physical attraction. We’ll get over it in time.’
‘How much time?’ he asked. ‘You have only to look at me in a certain way and I’m ready to burst. Five years has done nothing to dampen my desire for you.’
She bent her head to stare at a tiny spot of green-tinged laksa broth on the tablecloth rather than face the intensity of his dark blue gaze.
‘Physical desire is not a good basis for a relationship,’ she said. ‘It will eventually burn itself out.’
‘Deny it if you want but I know what I feel. I also know you feel it too otherwise we wouldn’t be sitting here with a baby growing between us.’
Carli felt her breath trip in her throat. He made it sound so intimate…their bodies somehow permanently connected now their child was developing in her womb. But he hadn’t mentioned caring for her, only physical desire. Would it be enough to carry them through?
‘I’ll organise for your apartment to be rented out,’ he cut across her private rumination. ‘Someone will collect your things tomorrow. After work come straight to my house, you won’t need to worry about anything for it will all be done. I don’t want you packing and lifting anything in your condition.’
‘Xavier…I don’t think—’
‘As for the Dangar case, I’ll pass it on to one of the younger partners to deal with.’
She let out her breath on a sigh. ‘I know I’m going to regret this. I can just feel it.’
‘Stop worrying, Carli,’ he said. ‘We’ve lived together before. We’re not total strangers and we have interests in common. The next few months will fly past and maybe at the end we’ll be part of that rare breed of divorced couples who actually manage to become good friends.’
The rest of the meal continued with Xavier making every effort to keep the topic of conversation on neutral ground but all the time Carli felt as if she was being led further and further into more dangerous territory.
Part of her wished she had the courage to call his bluff, to simply walk away and let him do his worst with the Dangars, but when she recalled the desperation in her friend Eliza’s voice she knew she couldn’t pull out now even if she’d wanted to.
And she didn’t want to.
She stiffened in her chair as she realised what she’d finally admitted. She wanted to live with him, She wanted to see him each day, hear him talk, see him smile, hear him laugh, see him frown. She wanted to smell his aftershave in the air and on her clothes not to mention lingering on her skin the way it had used to do in the past. She wanted him to feel for the bulge of his child with his open palm on her growing belly, she wanted him to press her down as he brought his mouth to hers…
Xavier tossed the dessert menu aside and met her eyes across the table.
‘I must say, for a woman who always swore she’d never have children you seem to have taken all of this very well.’
‘What do you mean by that?’ Caught off guard, Carli knew her tone sounded far too edgy and defensive. ‘You still think I planned this to happen?’
He had the grace to look a little shamefaced and when he spoke his tone was distinctly gruff. ‘No, of course not. I was way out of line that day. I wasn’t thinking all that clearly.’
‘If you think you were shocked, can you imagine what I felt when I saw the results of the test?’ she said.
Xavier had thought about very little else over the last few days, wondering how she’d coped on her own for all those weeks, gradually summoning up enough courage to tell him.
His gut twisted painfully as he thought about his child growing up without a father.
‘Children put such a strain on relationships,’ she said. ‘How many marriages break up once kids come on the scene?’
He returned her direct look. ‘But we’ll be one step ahead, Carli. We’re not married any more so maybe our child will do the very opposite.’
‘You mean repair the damage of our past?’ She stared at him incredulously.
He gave a noncommittal shrug. ‘It can happen.’
‘So can miracles but they’re still incredibly rare.’
He reached for the remains of his drink and tossed back the contents of the glass before speaking. ‘Love and marriage didn’t work for us, Carli, so I think we should concentrate on the things that do work.’
‘How can this possibly work?’ she asked. ‘You’re forcing me to do something I don’t want to do.’ Liar, her conscience whispered in her ear. You do want to.
‘The trouble with you is half the time you don’t know what it is you want. You’re stuck in a going-nowhere job, you live in a poky little apartment and your car looks like it needs a serious make-over. As far as I can tell, you have little social life unless you count the odd conversation with that nosy little crone who lives in your block. For God’s sake, Carli, you’re young and attractive, don’t throw your life away.’
‘Wouldn’t I be throwing my life away by living with you?’ Her tone contained a heavy dose of irony.
‘No. I won’t let that happen a second time. You have my word.’
Carli wished she could believe him. She knew his observations were partially right; she had very little in the way of social life and the demands of her job were testing at times with little monetary reward for her efforts.
Over the last five years she’d become stuck in a rut, unable to go back and unable to go forward. Her break-up with Xavier had totally destroyed her confidence. She had taken the first job that came along and in spite of her misgivings had stuck at it, too afraid to move forwards to something more satisfying. She’d been marking time professionally and personally and she knew if she didn’t do something soon things would never change. But how would living with Xavier solve anything? She’d been totally swamped by his career demands before, so how would it be the second time around with a baby to complicate things even further?
Back In Her Husband's Bed (Bedded By Blackmail) Page 6