Shifting Problems

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Shifting Problems Page 11

by Jason Paul Rice

I pressed her a bit. “What do you think they do up there?”

  “Probably have weird, crazy sex, which is what we should be talking about right now. YOLO.” She hooked her leg over mine.

  I assumed she kept referring to the contraction for, You Only Live Once, but with this girl, who knew? “Look. I am really flattered. Honestly.” How could I turn her down easily? “It’s just your mother is kind of a client of mine, so there’s that client-detective privilege that I have to worry about.” I was talking out of my ass and hoping she wouldn’t notice.

  I caught a strange vibe in the air and tried to figure it out as she talked. “What? She was the one that suggested this. If you don’t like me, just say so. Like, man up or something.”

  Suzette was emanating vines of magic and she didn’t even know it. It didn’t feel like dark magic though. How?

  I had to do it. I knew this would complicate matters greatly but something wasn’t right about this young lady. I leaned in and kissed her. It took her by surprise and she shifted around in the booth to completely face me. I ran my fingers up her cheek, over her ears and scratched the back of her scalp.

  She arched her back and moaned as most of the other diners checked out the show. One person even clapped for us and I heard several whispers of, “get a room”. I rubbed my short fingernails around the back of her skull and abruptly pulled them out and stopped kissing her.

  Suzette adjusted her bunched up pants. “That’s what I’m talking about. Let’s go back to your house and like, watch a movie and like, I don’t know, see what happens.”

  “I really have a lot of work to do on this case. I could barely squeeze this date in. Is it alright if you just drop me off at home and maybe we do this again sometime?” I wiped off my lips.

  She applied more lipstick as she stared into her compact mirror. “Why you trying to tease me? You get me all hot in the restaurant and like, just want me to go home? What’s up with that?”

  I knew she was going to play hardball after the make-out session. “How about we talk about it along the way?”

  She leaned in and kissed me, marking me with her fresh lipstick. “Deal.”

  She slid out of the booth and I tucked a few strands of her hair into my back pocket. A wizard had to do what a wizard had to do. I followed her out of the restaurant and used the inside of my shirt collar to wipe away her lipstick. She held out her hand as I approached her.

  I reluctantly took her hand in mine and we started down the street. We took two steps, and someone said, “Mike? Hey, Mike, is that you?”

  No way. I knew about fourteen people in the city of Pittsburgh. I turned around and wanted to die. My face ran flush and my palms started to sweat, although Suzette didn’t seem to mind as she squeezed my hand tighter.

  “Hey, Satoku. How are you?” I asked, ditching the Bogart accent, as Suzette pulled me closer and kissed me on the cheek.

  Satoku’s face contorted, creating a confused look. “I’m doing just fine. I didn’t know you had a girlfriend.”

  I put my free hand up. “No, I don’t. This isn’t what it looks like.”

  Suzette slapped my chest. “What are you ashamed of me or something?”

  I turned to Suzette. “No. It’s nothing like that but you know what’s going on here.”

  She slapped me across the face and started to walk away. I turned to Satoku. “Really. I can explain what is going on here and believe me, it is not at all what it looks like.”

  “Never is, huh? Mike, I don’t care that you have a girlfriend. I care that you lied to me about it. I mean, it makes perfect sense now why you were acting like you were. It’s no big deal. We can still be support beams.” She forced a smile and it broke my heart. I realized right then and there that this was the woman I wanted.

  I didn’t want Suzette or Glenn. I wanted Satoku.

  I stared at her glistening lips as she spoke, “You better go after her if you ever want to talk to her again.”

  Right. “I promise I will explain this all when we get a chance.”

  “Again, Mike, you don’t have to explain yourself. Now go get your girl.”

  I turned, lowered my head and went after a girl that I didn’t care about. I chased Suzette, trying to apologize, as she headed for a deserted area of the city. I kept following her as she ducked into a dark alley. She walked all the way to the dead end.

  “Listen. I am not ashamed of you, but we aren’t going out yet, which technically means we aren’t a couple.”

  Something wasn’t right. I detected magic and a whole hell of a lot of hit. I spun around and felt it in front of me, creeping ever closer. Dark magic. A group of people flooded into the alley with a beautiful redhead in a glimmering burgundy evening dress leading the way.

  This. Was. Not. Good.

  14

  I kept Suzette behind me and tried to center my magic.

  The redhead smoking a cigar spoke in a disgusting, gruff voice, “Don’t even try to draw your magic, Merlino. We have you cornered.”

  “All right. Do what you will with me, but you need to let my friend go.”

  “Girlfriend?”

  “She’s not my girlfriend.”

  The woman spoke, “Too bad. I woulda let her go if she was your girlfriend. Now she has to stay. Excuse me while I shift into something a little more comfortable.”

  The woman’s eyes turned bright red as she took her dress off, exposing a perfect figure. The transition started. Her skin was being tugged and pulled in every direction as the size of the body expanded. The skin shifted to a black, scaly reptilian covering with dark red splotches.

  The face started to form.

  The gorgeous redhead disappeared and a grisly face of jowls and scowls materialized. Steely dark eyes formed with molten centers and long fangs jutted out of his cracking lips. The final product produced a formidable, seven-foot tall, thick male with a strange belly bulge and long fingers with claws at the end. I could see how he was half-devil and half-dragon with tiny horns sprouting from his head. No wings. Huh.

  “The Jersey Devil, I presume.” I spoke with smug satisfaction for recognizing him.

  He twirled the red dress with his long fingers. “Indeed. And your introduction is unnecessary. Micheal Merlino.” He pronounced my first name with an extended “eel” at the end. My mother spelled it differently because I was special, but we pronounced it like the classic Michael.

  He puffed away on the long cigar. I made a mental connection and went ballistic. I lost control and charged the Jersey Devil. He throttled me with some quick magic that threw me back about seven feet. I got to my knees. “You put cigars out on my dog, you sick freak.”

  “Ah, you’re the one who stole my ashtray. You owe me for that.”

  I rushed him again and he hit me with even more power, blasting me back even further this time. I rolled around in agony, wondering if my date was enjoying herself. She helped me up and we walked over to the Jersey Devil.

  “What do you want?” I demanded.

  He puffed his cigar and blew three smoke rings in the air. “It’s not what I want. It’s what you will get.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  He removed the cigar from his mouth and spat about an inch from my foot. “Let me start from the beginning. Have you heard of the G20 World Leader Conference?”

  “You wouldn’t.”

  He chuckled, “And why wouldn’t I? It’s the perfect opportunity to get my name in the history books. Everyone made fun of me the first time I came up to play on earth. They didn’t want to take me seriously. Nobody’s going to be laughing at me this time.”

  “So what? You’re going to kill a bunch of world leaders because your feelings were hurt?”

  He shrugged his shoulders and nodded. “Basically. And it will make me feel better, thank you. However, there is a way that we can avoid this altogether.”

  “I’m listening.”

  “I want you to bring me a gift.”

  “Of course,
now that we’re good friends that seems reasonable.”

  He put the red dress around the back of his neck like a towel. “Shut up and listen, smartass. I’m already getting tired of your banter that you probably believe to be witty. It’s not witty no matter how much the little girls tell you so. I am willing to call off the entire operation if you can deliver a book to me.”

  This might be doable. “A book? Yeah, what book?”

  “I would like for you to deliver the Sacred Pages to me.”

  I laughed.

  He said, “That’s strange. I did not crack a joke and I would know if I had. My friends always laugh along with me.” He gestured to the horde of people around him. “Either you deliver that book to me, or lots and lots of people are going to die when November starts. It’s up to you.”

  “How do I know you aren’t bluffing?”

  “I’m sure you’ve heard my warning shot with the random killings around the city. Well, it’s gonna get a whole hell of a lot worse on November 1st. You never know who could be a shifter. You should’ve fucked her good while you had the chance. I hear she’s a real tiger in the sack.” His crew erupted in laughter.

  Suzette walked slowly toward the Jersey Devil, turned around and stood next to him. She stripped out of her clothes and shifted into a weretiger.

  “Get it, tiger in the sack,” he laughed along with the rest of his friends. He screamed, “Shift back.”

  Suzette shifted back into human form and started putting her clothes back on. The nude Jersey Devil, in human female form, threw the evening gown in the air and walked under it as the stunning dress slid down perfectly over her figure. “You’re going to take a walk with us, Merlino. I got something to show you.”

  I held my hands up. “I appreciate the offer, but you’ve already been gracious enough. It’s getting quite late and I have a lot on my plate tomorrow. I also had a date that just didn’t work out and I need some time to get over the emotional heartbreak.”

  “Shut your trap, asshole. I wasn’t asking any questions. You’re going to follow us and you’re going to shut up while we walk. You slip up and talk, I will kill you,” he warned.

  He drove a hard bargain, so I zipped my lips, threw away the key, and followed him to a party bus. The Jersey Devil, his friends and I got on the bus. There weren’t any windows, so I hadn’t a clue as to where we were heading.

  My phone buzzed in my pocket and since it wasn’t against the rules, I plucked it out. If it was Suzette, I might attack her. Unknown number. I checked the text message.

  This is Ruth Westerhouse? Can you come by my house tonight. I think I might know something?

  Other than the mixed-up punctuation marks, this sounded like a promising lead. I had a feeling Ruth knew more than just a little something. Everything kept coming back to her. The Jersey Devil watched me intently for the entire ride.

  The bus slowed and rolled to a gentle stop with a screech of the brakes. The people got off the bus and marched like zombies toward a big open field. I didn’t know where we were as the Jersey Devil shoved a hand in my back to give me a little push start.

  I followed his pack and we soon encountered another massive crowd of people. The Jersey Devil put his hand on my chest to stop me. He gazed out into the massive crowd and puffed his cigar.

  I was scared, but only superficially. He had just asked me to deliver the most important book ever put together. I knew I was safe for now, but I also understood the chances of me getting that book to him were non-existent.

  The book was filled with all the secrets that the Druids had been acquiring over thousands of years. It was bigger than all humankind. Perhaps that was a stretch, but just short of that, would be accurate. The Gods would never let me deliver that book straight to the demons.

  The people started to strip and I assumed that I had a front row seat for the Jerseys Devil’s sex club. They were mostly men in suits, but there were some men in casual clothes and about ten or twenty women. Everyone dropped their clothing on the ground.

  The Jersey Devil, in female form, slipped out of the red dress and hit his cigar again. The demi-devil looked up at the moon and took a deep breath. The demon’s eyes turned into two burning coals and he started to shift.

  The entire crowd shifted into various forms of were-creatures. I saw hellhounds, lions, tigers, jaguars, bears, predatory birds, and other cross-breeds that I didn’t recognize. The shifters started to lumber slowly toward me, most of them foaming at the mouth.

  The Jersey Devil held up an open hand and the entire group came to a stop. “They are under my command. And this is just the tip of the iceberg. We have many more from around the city and world, if you get my drift.”

  I nodded.

  “What’s wrong, tiger got your tongue?” He laughed, and his shifter friends followed.

  I shook my head and pointed to my lips.

  “Oh, that’s right. At least you listen. You can talk now, but don’t blather on.”

  “Loud and clear.”

  “Good. I like you best when you use only a few words at a time. Now that you’ve seen that I’m not messing around, I have something else that might sweeten the pot. Follow me.”

  He led me back toward the party bus, puffing away on his nasty cigar. I asked again, “Why are you doing this? Has one of the devils put you up to this?”

  He stopped and put a huge hand with sharp claws on my chest as he looked down at me. “Let’s get one thing straight, Merlino. I don’t have to answer to anyone, devils included.”

  He was lying to sound tough. It’d be like me saying that I didn’t have to answer to the Gods.

  He continued, “With the skills I’ve obtained in the realm of shifting, I’m untouchable in the Red Cavern. Kind of like you. The Golden Boy.”

  I had been planning to ask him, why me, and this greased the wheels for that line of inquiry. “What are you talking about?”

  “We’re onto you, pretty boy. Not so pretty right now with that lumpy head all those scratches, but I can see past that. Ha ha ha ha. We know you’ve been given preference by the Gods in Clara Spiritus. You guys think you’re so fancy using Latin, huh? Anyway, we’ve noticed the Gods have taken a particular shine to you.”

  “They don’t like me as much as you think. And one other thing, they are principled. I am just one person, a speck of humanity. The Sacred Pages is much bigger than just one person.”

  He smiled, showing his jagged yellow-brown teeth. “I was hopin’ you’d say that. We know they like you, but we know they would love to get back one of their own too.”

  Mabon. He had Mabon.

  We walked up to a black limousine and the Jersey Devil opened the back door. I hoped to get a nice ride home and prepared my next wisecrack about how the Jersey Devil had a side job as a chauffeur. My heart sank and all jokes were cast aside when I poked my head into the vehicle.

  Mabon and Stacy from the cancer support group had been bound and gagged and were sitting next to each other. Stacy looked ill, her pale complexion had turned ghostly white and she had a rash on her neck. We made eye contact and I fought with all my strength to keep the tears in.

  Mabon’s shaggy blond hair appeared greasy and his normal pale tone had taken on a sickly look. The Young Son, draped in his white robes, seemed to be in better shape than Stacy. His widened eyes told a story of great desperation, making me want to throttle the Jersey Devil with some magic and whisk them out of this horrible situation.

  I popped back out of the door. “She needs her medicine. You need to let her go right now.”

  He laughed and chewed on the butt of his cigar. “Negative.”

  “Trade me for her. Your bargaining power with the Gods will be much greater with Mabon and me. She doesn’t give you any leverage.”

  “Oh, but she does. And you’re right, she needs her medicine. Badly. I know you like her too. So it would make perfect sense for you to get your ass back to the Gods and get that book for me.”
<
br />   “Conditions. I get the book and you release both of them and call off the G20 plan.”

  He countered, “That price seems a little steep for just one book.”

  “You know damn well that book is worth more than that. It’s worth more than all three of us so don’t get your hopes up.”

  He spit on the tire of the limo and wiped his crusty lips with his scaly forearm. “No sweat off my back. You fail and I get to kill a God. It’s going to be so sweet too. You got until the 29th to deliver my book. Don’t worry about wrapping paper, I’ll take it as is.”

  My mental calendar sprang into action. “The 29th, that’s like a day and a half away.”

  “Good. I don’t have to explain to you that there isn’t much time. It shouldn’t be hard. You go and ask. And if they say no, you steal it.”

  “They would kill me on the spot if they found me trying to steal the Sacred Pages. You know that.”

  He put the cigar out in the palm of his other hand. “I’ll tell you what I know. The Gods might take mercy on you. If you don’t deliver the goods, the demons won’t be nearly as forgiving. But it’s not just your life we’re talking about now. You hold two more lives in your hands. Do you really want to die and cause thousands of more deaths including your little friends in there?”

  I didn’t want to, obviously. “How did you get Mabon?”

  “Let’s just say we had the right bait for him. He’s an inquisitive little one, he is. He’s interested in a great many things, you could say.” He pushed up his moobs, or man boobs.

  You were probably wondering how a male could shift into a female. A male demon can shift into a female body, hiding his original anatomy inside the new vessel. The Jersey Devil had advanced shifting techniques that I needed to figure out. He hadn’t been playing by the rules that I had learned.

  So they’d preyed on Mabon’s sexual weakness. I imagined they had sent in a succubus or incubus depending on which way Mabon’s door swung. I started to get the strong impression that Glenn was a succubus working for the Jersey Devil. If so, she had been breaking the conventional rules as well.

 

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