The Accidental Archmage: Book Two - Gifts of the Greeks (Accidental Archmage Series 2)

by Edmund A. M. Batara

  “DO YOU DRINK?” asked DIO.

  “YOU DON’T HAVE TO SHOUT, YOU KNOW. THEY’RE NOT DEAF!” remonstrated the older man.

  “WHO'S DEAD?”

  "WHY? SOMEBODY DIED?"

  Tyler shook his head. This was going to be one of those days. His two companions were looking at him. Whether in surprise or to take the lead, he wasn’t sure. Probably both.

  “Gentlemen, can we ride with you up to Akrotiri?” he asked the two drunks.

  “Huh? They're not gentlemen," Dio pointed to the donkeys, "We are!"

  "I was talking to you."

  "Oh. Only if you drink with us!” answered Dio.

  “How can they fit here in front? There won’t be space for the jugs!” observed his companion.

  “They can have a donkey each! One sits with us!”

  “We rarely drink when traveling. But our companion here will be happy to join you,” said Tyler, pushing Habrok forward.

  “Excellent! A drinking session to celebrate this fine day! I am Dio, and this is Pappo. Not my father! I'm more handsome than him! Have more hair too! He’s more like an uncle. And Pappoooo! Stop opening those jugs! The ones with the red stoppers are for the temples!”

  “I am Havard, and this is Jorund. Your companion is Habrok.”

  “Nords? Hah! Let’s see your vaunted drinking might! You people always boast about it. And stop getting those red jugs, Pappo!”

  “You’re drunk, Dio! The ones with the yellow stoppers are for the temples!”

  “Go on back, Havard, while I correct this miscreant! If you feel like drinking, just open one of those jugs with the yellow stoppers.”

  “Red!”

  “You addled old man! Yellow!”

  Tyler almost pitied Habrok. Until he saw the man’s eyes focused on the jugs.

  Tyler and Jorund went to the back of the wagon. There was barely enough space for them, it was full of wine casks and jugs. But Jorund again brought out his battleaxe.

  “Wine, Jorund? Wine. Not ale, mead, or grog.”

  “I would love to, Sire. But this is a strange land. Better to keep my wits about me.”

  Tyler noticed the controversy at the front of the wagon had died down. Then the carriage lurched forward.

  “HEY, YOU AT THE BACK! IF YOU START DRINKING WINE, YOU HAVE TO DRINK ONE OF EACH KIND. ONE RED AND ONE YELLOW!

  Drunk as lords. I hope the donkeys don’t get to drink too.

  “Hal?”

  “Yes, Elder.”

  “Scan those two drunkards. Gods or mortals?”

  “Hard to say. A touch of the divine and of being a mortal. An inconclusive reading. But if they do supply temples with wine on a regular basis, then some of the aurae of the temples may have affected their magical affinity.”

  “Thanks, Hal.”

  Quiet reigned for a while when the three in front concentrated on serious drinking. Then somebody started singing a Greek ditty about a girl who went to the barber. Somebody followed with a ribald ballad about a satyr who had three heads.

  Not to be outdone, Habrok sang his risqué song about the story of a farmer’s daughter, a farm implement, and a nosy neighbor. Considering the lyrics of the tune, Tyler was thankful nobody except him and Jorund could understand it. Surprisingly, despite the language issue, the three got together well enough. But the countryside rang with their laughter and bawdy songs.

  And in such fashion, did the group reach the outskirts of Akrotiri.

  The city of Akrotiri was grand in its mediocrity. Though it was a large settlement, it looked more like a frontier town than a city. It was full of people and caravans though. From the outskirts, it did seem impressive with its tall walls and a high gate.

  Once inside, the façade crumbled. True, there were several structures made of marble. The temples, the palace, and some buildings which looked governmental. These all dominated the skyline of the city. But the ordinary wood and stone houses and establishments predominated.

  Except for the inn. It was a magnificent two-story stone and wood edifice, complete with carvings and rich inlays of marble and colored rock. One would have thought it a temple. Or a palace.

  The streets lacked the orderly layout Tyler saw in Skaney. Roads meandered between houses and establishments. Stone and dirt avenues were in chaotic array. A stone-paved street abruptly ends and continues as a packed dirt road and then just as suddenly finds its life again as one made of stone.

  For a Greek city, Akrotiri really didn’t meet his expectations. Even garbage was piled in the open here and there. The air smelled of horse piss and other olfactory abominations. And that was just past the gate and through the city square.

  Tyler turned to the two drunks in front of the wagon.

  “Where are you gentlemen headed?”

  “WHO'S BEHEADED?” shouted Dio.

  “NOT BEHEADED, YOU DRUNK FOOL!” commented Pappo who turned to Tyler and shouted, “THE TEMPLE OF ATHENA IS OUR FIRST STOP!”

  “Do they accept Norse coins here?”

  “NO. THEY DON’T SERVE NORSE DEER! GOATS, MAYBE,” came the very loud answer from Pappo.

  “I meant coins!”

  “WHAT DO GROINS GOT TO DO WITH DÈER?” That was Dio.

  Tyler sighed.

  “Sire, they do accept Norse coins here as long as it is in gold or silver. Our coins do have more value. I have a few left from Scarburg.”

  “Thanks, Jorund. Talking to those two drunkards is like dealing with madmen.”

  “I do know a little Greek. I have fought with them and beside them back in the past. Mercenary work. I was younger but ordering a cup or two, food, or a room in an inn, wouldn't be difficult. I guess the basics will come back to me. Just don’t expect me to go beyond those matters.”

  “For now, let’s go with the wagon. This lets us see the city without too many questions. We'll find an affordable inn when we have seen enough.”

  “YOUNG HAVARD! WHERE DO YOU WISH TO GO?”

  “An inn, Master Dio, but we can ride with you for a while to see the city.”

  “FINE! THE BEST INN IS THAT GRAND BUILDING OVER THERE!” he pointed to the two-story structure, “BEAUTIFUL, ISN’T IT!?”

  I am surprised he heard that right, thought Tyler.

  “Yes, it is. But it must be expensive for the likes of us. Wonder who owns it? It’s one of the better buildings in the city.”

  The two drunkards started laughing loudly. A spate of laughter which continued for some time, until Pappo hit his head on one of the wagon’s wooden supports. That put a stop to the hyena express, thought Tyler.

  “WE DO!” shouted the two in unison.

  “Huh? You’re serious?” Tyler couldn’t believe it. These two drunks own the inn?

  “WHY, LAD? JUST BECAUSE WE'RE DRUNK MOST OF THE TIME DOESN’T MEAN WE'RE NOT MEN OF MEANS!” Dio sounded insulted.

  “No, no. I didn’t mean that. Just surprised, that’s all. But why do you do the wine deliveries yourselves?”

  “THAT, YOUNG MAGE, IS A MILITARY SECRET!” proclaimed Dio.

  “FOUR MILITARY SECRETS!” echoed Pappo but with a lewd snigger.

  Dio called me a mage. Now that’s interesting.

  “Do you have any room vacancies?”

  “OF COURSE, WE DO! THOSE DAMN DORIANS HAVE BEEN SCARING AWAY BUSINESS IN THIS FINE TOWN!”

  “YOU CAN HAVE YOUR ROOMS AT HALF RATE AS LONG AS YOUR FINE COMPANION PROMISES TO KEEP US COMPANY DURING OUR EVENING DRINKING!” butted in Pappo.

  “WHY ALL OF THEM? THOSE TWO DIDN'T DRINK ANYTHING! ONLY THIS FINE SLEEPING GENTLEMAN DID!”

  Tyler stood up on the wagon and chanced a look. Habrok was indeed plastered and out of the drinking session. He was already sleeping. The body on top of some of the casks and his feet was in the space between the two. How he maintained the position was a miracle.

  “GIVE THEM THE RATES! HABROK’S SINGING MORE THAN MADE UP FOR IT. LEARNED A FEW NEW SONGS! THAT I DID!” countered Pappo.

  “THAT WE CERTAINLY
DID! DIDN’T KNOW ONE COULD DO THAT WITH A TOMATO AND TWO POTATOES! FINE! HALF RATE! HABROK DRINKS WITH US EVERY NIGHT WE ARE IN TOWN!"

  “FREE FOR HABROK!” asserted Pappo.

  “GRANTED! HE MAY HAVE SOME OTHER SONGS IN THAT WONDERFUL BRAIN OF HIS!”

  "WHY MAKE COMPLICATED? TELL YOU, LADS. JUST PAY WHAT YOU CAN AFFORD! BUT HABROK GETS TO SHARE HIS SONGS!" counter-offered Pappo.

  To that extent, it was funny. Negotiations for their inn accommodations were being conducted between the two owners.

  "What's the name of your inn?"

  "THE SLUMBERING HORNY DONKEY TAVERN AND INN!" shouted the two in unison, who then laughed boisterously.

  Tyler sighed and shook his head. He gave his thanks and then sat down. What a pair of jokers. But they understood Habrok's songs. Things are getting weird. As in deity-weird.

  When they reached Athena's temple, Tyler noticed it had a lot of hoplite guards in full armor. He thought it strange. Not the light ekrodomos gear but the iron muscle cuirass, with long spear, hoplon, and xiphos. Helmets were of the Thracian style, with large cheek pieces.

  Two men came out of the temple and unloaded a cask and some jugs. The same thing happened in three other temples. The temples of Zeus, Hermes, and Aphrodite. It was with relief that Tyler saw that no temple to Ares was in the city.

  Finally, they went back to the inn. The two drunks left the wagon and its contents with some attendants. Habrok, on the other hand, was carried by Jorund on his shoulder.

  Upon entering the inn, Tyler was amazed at its interior. It looked more like an opulent hall than an ordinary drinking establishment. And it really seemed out of place in dingy Akrotiri.

  Beautiful wood panels covered the interior, decorated with the heads of beasts, old armor, and various items. The floor was polished black stone. Long tables and chairs were of solid oak carved with drinking and hunting motifs.

  The two had disappeared. A man approached Tyler and gave him three keys. Their rooms were on the second floor. According to the servant, food will be available anytime they want to eat. But what impressed Tyler was when he was told that each room had its own bath. As they were going up, the servant quickly reminded them that Habrok was expected to join the owners every night.

  His liver will not be happy. Though his libido will, thought Tyler as he looked at the serving ladies. Those two drunks really know how to pick them.

  Jorund first brought Habrok to the man’s room. Then he checked Tyler’s designated room. Finding everything to his satisfaction, he left to go to his place. Tyler looked at his space. It looked more like a suite. He didn’t think this was the usual room offered by the inn.

  He took a bath, luxuriating in the rare pleasure. Then came the soft bed. After the bumpy wagon trip, it was heaven. He let his body feel the clean sheets, his tired muscles relaxing in the unaccustomed comfort. He closed his eyes. Clean and in a comfortable bed. He’ll take the small pleasures when he can get them.

  Things have been moving too fast. I don’t think it had been a month since I arrived. A rollercoaster ride. I don’t even remember how many times I came close to dying. It seems surviving for the moment had become my way of life. I wonder how Aunt Emily’s holding up. I really wouldn’t want her to worry but apparently there’s nothing I can do about it. Yet.

  “Hal?”

  “Yes, Elder.”

  “Do you have any data on Elder temples in Hellas?”

  “I will check, Elder. Retrieving the information is difficult when the data available is incomplete. I will see if I can find something by cross-relating data from my database with that of the one you found in Scarburg.”

  “Just keep me posted.”

  “I will, Elder. Be informed that I detect a powerful emanation approaching your room.”

  “Hostile?”

  “Not Ares. Somebody else.”

  “Shield, Hal.”

  “Barrier activated. Returning to overwatch mode.”

  Tyler stood up and got his staff. He had no time to put on his armor and could now feel the aura of the being coming to his room. It was powerful indeed but lacked hostile intent, as far as he could tell. It was distinctly unlike the aura of Ares which radiated an antagonistic field.

  Somebody knocked on the door.

  CHAPTER LORE:

  Hellas - Ancient Greek. Refers to the homeland of the ancient Greeks. The name is derived from the mythological patriarch named Hellen from whom the ancient Greek tribes descended, such as the Aeolians, Dorians, Achaeans and Ionians.

  Deep Blue - Modern reference. The chess-playing computer developed by IBM. The first computer to win a chess game, a match against a reigning world chess champion.

  Pappo - Greek. From the Ancient Greek term "pappos". An affectionate term for elderly men.

  Akrotiri - Greek/Minoan. The name of a Minoan settlement on the Greek island of Santorini. Destroyed by a volcanic eruption around 1600 B.C. In the story, the name of an Ionian city.

  Thracian helmet - A type of hoplite helmet which had a distinctive shape. With a high and forward apex, resembling the caps worn by ancient Thracians and Phrygians. Sometimes referred to as the Phrygian helmet. As is the practice, helmets may differ from each other by minor variations. For example, in the design of the nasal protection and size of cheek pieces.

  Xiphos - A double-edged, one-handed straight short sword used by hoplites as a secondary weapon. Variations in the design exist.

  Chapter II

  Drinking, Disturbed.

  A polite being for once, he thought, who had the decency to knock.

  He went and opened the door.

  “Hello, Havard.”

  It was Dio. But a younger, boyish man of about twenty-one to twenty-three years old. He was wearing a long chiton with decorative borders, a chlamys, and sandals but had an overpowering aura about him. Of great power and hidden mischievousness. He still had the impish charm about him, especially in his eyes.

  “Can I come in?” he asked.

  “Of course,” replied Tyler. “Though I was wondering when you would reveal yourself.”

  “I knew I shouldn’t have brought Pappo with me! That god is a giveaway.”

  “Pappo is a god?” Tyler couldn’t get his mind to accept the idea.

  “Of course, how else could Papposilenus be my tutor!” answered the god of wine as he walked into the room. The door closed on its own.

  "Well, the wine and drinking made it obvious. Not to mention the donkeys."

  "HAH! Next time, I should consider goats instead. But I think Thor had started that trend already. No matter! I'll think of something!"

  "Pappo was your tutor?" Tyler now had another alien concept to consider.

  “Yes. But I don’t recommend his morbid philosophies. Always invited him to drink when he starts becoming too philosophical for my taste,” continued Dionysus as he sat down.

  “What philosophy?” asked Tyler as he sat down on another chair.

  “You don’t know? What kind of education do they teach young men these days! Scandalous! Even Aristotle, that fat-bellied busybody, wrote about it.”

  “About what?” Gods! They can’t even say things outright. Tyler was getting exasperated. His desire to sleep markedly affecting his temper.

  “Oh, about the condition of the dead being better than the living.”

  “That’s indeed morbid.”

  “That’s what I just said. Don't wear it out," commented Dionysus.

  Oh, my aching head.

  “Thanks for the accommodations, we really appreciate it. So what brings the god of wine to a mortal’s lowly presence,” dryly stated Tyler.

  “Don’t talk like that, young man. My mother was mortal, just so you know.”

  “I apologize, Dionysus. Just a knee-jerk reaction arising from a dangerous, sometimes nearly lethal, rollercoaster ride since I arrived in this world. And I don’t think the ride has ended.”

  “What's a rollercoaster?”

  Freak me again! Tyler e
xplained the idea of a rollercoaster.

  “Sounds interesting but too dangerous for me. Wouldn't be good for alcoholic drinking,” the deity commented.

  “The spinning and rolling would be disconcerting. But now you know how I feel. One dangerous situation after another.”

  “I understand, Havard. But don’t overthink it. You should learn to play the cards you've been given. I do know what you’ve been through, Athena told me. Also talked with that old man who seems to favor you a lot. Call me Dio. I don’t mind. Of all the gods on Olympus, I bridge the gap between the divine and the mortal. Probably the reason why I can’t distance myself from the grape. Too much stupidity on both sides. Makes you want to drink yourself into a stupor. And no, I am not drunk. Yet. Still sober.”

  “Thought you were one of the big guys and gals on that mountain?”

  “As if they would accept one with mortal blood to that rank! THAT will be the day!”

  Oh, another divine being with an axe to grind.

  “To what do I owe this pleasure, Dio?” asked Tyler, anxious to avoid another Loki-like rant.

  “Ah! The main course of the buffet! The pick of the vine! Well, you, my friend, together with Athena, had given me a bit of a problem.”

  “Well, coming here wasn’t exactly my choice.”

  “I can’t blame Athena, can I? She speaks for Zeus most of the time these days. And she is also the goddess of calculated war. Very calculating,” said Dionysus with a snort.

  “What have I done this time?”

  “Ares.”

  “But I haven’t done anything to him! He’s the one who attacked me. Got me good, by the way. Knocked me unconscious.”

  “It would have been better if you had beat the machismo out of him. Like Diomedes who sent him crying back to Olympus.”

  “Didn’t have the ability to do so, even if I wanted to. He was too fast for me. I didn’t even see the blow.”

  “A shame but you may get your chance. But our problem is still Ares. Through his sons, Phobos and Deimos. Not to mention his attendants. Though the prideful fool had been prohibited from attacking you directly, he can make life dangerous for you. For now, he cannot attack you directly. Unless you attack him first.”