by Jc Emery
We make it out of the classroom and to the van before either of them speaks.
"That was so cool, Dad!" Ryan shouts from the backseat. He bounces in place. Leave it to my kid to be fucking excited over me telling his teacher off. While Ryan chatters about whatever the fuck it is that his teacher did to piss him off this time, Ian sits in his seat in silence with his brows pulled together.
"Hey, bud. What's going on over there?" I keep one eye on the road and the other on the quiet boy behind me. He doesn't respond, so I try again. "Why are you so quiet?"
"Where's my mom?"
"She's at the clubhouse." He's opening up, which is good. It also gives me something to focus on aside from the fact that I'm driving a fucking minivan. I bought the stupid thing as kind of a joke for the little woman, but since this was the only thing available for me to pick the boys up in, it's not fucking funny anymore. I'm trading this goddamn thing in for something I can be seen in around town. If any of my brothers see me in this mom-mobile, they might take my fucking cut.
After a quick stop by the trailer park in town to pick up Josh--the boys' friend who somehow managed to evade summer school--the four of us head toward the park. Might be the first time in my life, but we're running early, and I have to circle the lot a few times before I give up and put the car in park. Keeping three rowdy boys contained in one vehicle without issue takes some kind of special mastery I don't have. By the second lap around the park, all three are unbuckled and Ryan and Josh are wrestling. They probably shouldn't be doing that, but fuck it. They bump their damn heads, they might learn to sit the fuck down. Christ, I don't know how Ruby does it all day.
"Ow!" Ryan screams from the very back of the van. One of his legs is stuck straight up in the air as it kicks relentlessly at Josh's side as he keeps my boy pinned down. The kid deserves it, so unless there's blood, I'm staying in my fucking bubble. Ian's in the seat in front of them, facing the back, and he's actively coaching Ryan in how to get out of Josh's hold. The kid has a surprising amount of knowledge regarding wrestling maneuvers.
"Dad, help!" Ryan screams. I smile to myself and turn around in my seat to get a better view.
"Just tap out. He's got you pinned," Ian says with a sigh. Already bored of the action, he turns around and faces me. "Are you going to help him?"
"Do you think I should?"
Ian thinks on it for a moment before he grins and shakes his head. "No," he says. "He started it."
"You know if you need it, I got your back right?" He nods his head and gives me an unenthusiastic, "Yeah", but I can tell he doesn't mean it. The boy's probably had a lot of men promise him shit they couldn't deliver throughout his life. "I'm gonna show you. Every single day, I'm gonna be here for you. You and your mom."
He doesn't say anything. He just stands there, watching me for a long moment before his eyes get really big and the largest grin I've ever seen spreads across his face. His eyes are firmly focused on something behind me.
Ruby.
When I turn around, I see her. She's standing in front of the minivan, hands on her hips and a smirk on her face. She raises an eyebrow at me and shakes her head. Ian and I fight to see who can get out of the mom mobile first. I think he wins by a hair, but I'm so focused on my own pursuit that I don't push it when the kid jumps out of the side door and screams, "I win!"
"We weren't even racing!" I shout and scoop him up in my arms. My back aches as I spin him around in circles. He's not nearly as small as he was even a few months ago. "You're a cheat!"
Ian squeals in delight and reaches out for Ruby, just barely missing her outstretched arms as we make another circle. He's laughing a full belly laugh that warms my fucking heart. He could probably do this forever, but my head is already spinning, so I set him down and gather my bearings.
"Doesn't matter. Momma cheats all the time and gets away with it."
"Does she now?" My question is for Ian, but my eyes are for Ruby. She's smiling at us in a way that makes it impossible for me to not smile back. It's not the happy, joyful smile I give our boys. It's different. I don't know how exactly. I just know it doesn't feel quite the same.
"She cheated during Monopoly last week," Ryan says, bouncing toward us. Josh follows, rubbing one eyes and using the other to glare at my kid. As Josh passes, his eyes meet mine and I pat him on the back. Josh is a little taller than Ryan, but my kid's a fucking bruiser.
"I did not!" Ruby's eyes are wide as she stares down at Ryan in fake disbelief.
"Yes you did. You also said liars get their butt spanked!" Ryan darts around me with an outstretched open palm, but I catch him before he can smack her.
"Hey, that ass is mine," I say with narrowed eyes at my son. He glares back at me, and I swear to Christ the kid is my fucking clone. God help the entire goddamn world. When I fix my attention back on Ruby, I lick my lips and watch as her eyes heat. Jesus fuck, this woman could kill me with a single moan. She's going to moan for me one of these days, and my heart is just going to give out right then and there.
"Tell me there's a reason these punks aren't in school," she says. Her tone is a mix of hopeful and suspicious, but she's not pissed, so that's something.
"There is," I say and pull a red bandanna out of my back pocket and bend down to face Ian. He stares at me, almost nervously, but I smile, and he relaxes in response. "I'm gonna put this on your eyes. Is that okay with you?"
His eyes automatically dart to Ruby's, and after a thoughtful moment, he nods his head. Trust is everything with this kid. With Ryan, you can just grab him and blindfold his ass. He'll pitch a fit about it, but he won't be distressed. Knowing everything Ian's been through, much less with a man he trusted and looked up to, I can't do the same with him. He needs to trust me so I can help him work through his shit. So when I reach up and put the blindfold around his eyes, I'm talking to him the whole time. Mostly, I'm telling him about Ryan's last birthday when he got us kicked out of the pizza place. That ban lasted for almost an entire month before the owner realized how much pizza the club orders and lifted it for the sake of his business. Still, I can't say it wasn't embarrassing to have my kid break into that machine that's totally rigged but is supposed to give you a chance to grab and win a stuffed animal. Even after I told him to give back the quarters he'd gotten out, he still managed to make it home with almost four bucks in his shoes. I was pretty proud of the little asshole, if I'm being honest.
"What are we doing?" Ruby's biting her lip. She watches me as I stand up and place a hand on Ian's back.
"We're throwing a fucking party here," I say. "It's Ian's birthday, isn't it?"
Her eyes widen to the size of saucers before the tears start. The fucking tears. I pretend not to notice and just shrug off her reaction like it's not a big deal even though I know damn well it is a big deal for her and her son. I just don't like the tears. Thank fuck she has a son and not a daughter. I don't know how I'd handle all the crying.
My steps falter with the thought. She does have a daughter. She also has another son. They're not here, but that doesn't mean they don't exist or matter to her. Ian was old enough when they were born to remember them. I know Ruby talks about them as much as she can so that Ian never feels like they're forgotten or disposable. That's the worst thing, she said, the idea that Ian might think she could just toss a kid aside. She couldn't, but he's a little kid, and he needs to be reminded of that fact and often. I can't give her back the time she's lost, but I'm going to try like hell to make sure she's reunited with them one day. I haven't asked her anything else about the twins since she told me about them. I don't know what to say. Every time I think about that motherfucker who hurt her, I want to kill someone. She begged me to leave it alone, so I have. For now. But the first chance I get, those babies are coming home, and fuck anybody who gets in my way.
"What did you do?" Her voice is a mix of amazement and curiosity.
"Something you were afraid to do," I say and don't meet her eyes. I know why she didn't plan a party for
him. She doesn't want to give him something he might not ever get again. But what she doesn't know is that this isn't a one-time deal. This is the first of many we're going to have as a family, and even though she's not ready to admit that yet, I am. Ruby gets my boy in a way no woman ever has. She tolerates me and my shit like nobody else ever could. So fuck her doubts. She's ours.
Looking at my woman, I see the tears clearing from her eyes. I kind of like it, knowing they're happy tears. Feeling a little fucking romantic, I take her hand in mine and give it a squeeze. We walk across the park and over the hill that separates the lot I parked in from the playground where my mom has the party set up. When we get to the top, we stop and I grin to myself at the gasp that escapes my girl.
The trees surrounding the playground have been decorated with balloons. Ma's already got three of the grill stations going with burgers and hot dogs, and the entire club is here. Grady's got his woman here, and she's starting to show, so I know we're going to have a new little fuck running around soon. Chief's daughter, Elle, is on the swings, trying to see who can pump higher with Butch's daughter, Nicole. Across from the crowd of adults is Butch's woman, Sheryl, and their baby, Jeremy. Kid was just barely hatched and he's already got a handful of lost girls losing their shit over him.
"You didn't." Ruby's got her free hand over her mouth, and the fucking tears are back, but I don't care. She's happy, and fuck if that doesn't make my entire goddamn day. It makes riding around in that minivan like a bitch totally worth it.
"You ready, Ian?"
"Yeah," he says with a shout. I remove the blindfold from his eyes and pat him on the back.
"Happy birthday, son."
"No shit?" Ryan's curse earns a slap on the back of his head from Ruby. I have to fight off a laugh.
"No shit," I say and give Ryan and Ian a push toward the playground. "Go. Have fun!"
They don't wait for further instruction. The three boys dart off toward the playground. Ian goes for the slide while Ryan heads to the monkey bars. Josh, as predicted, slides up beside my mom and starts sniffing the air while eyeing the food. The kid won't stop growing, so it's no wonder he's hungry all the time.
"You did this," Ruby whispers. She moves to stand in front of me and stands on her tiptoes to place a kiss on my cheek. It's not exactly the kind of kiss I prefer, but I'll take it.
"Little boys deserve big parties."
She nods her head and blinks away the tears that are threatening to fall. In an attempt to stop that shit before it gets out of hand, I pull her against me and walk us to the playground. She's reluctant at first, her eyes still wet, but eventually catches on and pulls it together.
We're barely at the decorated trees before Sheryl meets us with baby Jeremy in her arms. She grins at my woman and bounces on her feet. "Surprise!"
"You knew?" Ruby asks in shock.
Sheryl laughs a little too loud and scares the baby, but she bounces him in her arms to calm him down.
"Of course I knew," Sheryl says. "We all knew."
One look at Ruby and her eyes are watering again. Oh for fuck's sake. I gesture to Sheryl to hand the baby over, and when she does, I peer down at the kid and smile. His eye color isn't fully developed yet, but they're already a striking blue.
"Babe," I say and hand him to Ruby, "You want something to cry over. Hold this little asshole."
"God, he gets cuter every time I see him," she says.
As Sheryl and Ruby lose themselves in small talk about the baby that turns into shit talk about Layla using while pregnant, I silently make a break for it. Another minute talking about Layla and the women will be demanding I do something about it, and since I don't know what the fuck to do, or if there's anything I can do, I opt out of the situation entirely. Today's been a good day. I don't want to ruin it by thinking about things I can't change.
So instead of worrying about all the fucking bad that looms over us, I go meet my sons on the playground and see if I can fit my ass down that slide Ian's obsessed with.
CHAPTER 13
Ruby
Jim's standing across the main room in the clubhouse. Maybe thirty feet at most, but it's too far. I just want him closer. After waking up today, convinced the entire day was going to suck, only for him to turn it around for me . . . I need him here. Like now.
"Seems my boy can do more than just fuck things up," Sylvia says from beside me. She purses her lips and then takes a long draw from her bottle of beer. My eyes linger on her pale features and thinning hairline for too long. She shrinks back from me and focuses on the wall behind the bar.
"I can't believe he did all that," I say. It's the truth. Even Mike didn't do shit like that for my boy. Sure, he'd bring him by a toy the week of his birthday, but beyond that, it was like the kid didn't exist. I'd just kind of accepted the fact that Ian's birthday would always be a kind of solemn day. We've always celebrated it, just the two of us, with a private little party at home. One year he got cookies, the next he got cupcakes. One year he got a single cupcake--it was all I could afford at the time--but he acted like that lone cupcake was made of gold with the way he thanked me for it. And that's not normal or right. Kids should take cupcakes for granted.
"Of course he did," Sylvia says. "Ian's his boy, too."
My eyes fall closed at her words. Ian isn't really Jim's. As much as I appreciate the club wanting him to feel like he's part of the family, I can't let this continue. Ian is my son. I carried him in my body and safely delivered him in a hospital in Tampa. I fought to get him to latch on, and I'm the one who diapered him. I taught him to read and write. I've fed and clothed him since the day he was born. I put that boy through hell and then pulled him back out of it. That's on me. I've been the only parent, only fucking constant in this kid's life since even before he was born. It might take a village to raise a kid, but history's shown me that people leave. My heart is going to break when Jim decides we're too much trouble, and that's fine, but I won't let my boy feel like he's lost one more thing. So no, fuck that. Ian is mine.
"I know that look," Sylvia says. Her tone is of defeat rather than irritation. I hear a lot of that from her these days. She always sounds so tired and fed up, not even frustrated, just doing her best to keep on living.
"My boy finally has something stable. I don't want to take that from him by letting Jim play daddy. When this ends, it's only going to hurt Ian."
"And if it ends, you won't be hurt?"
"That's not what I meant," I say.
"No, I don't suppose it is," she says. Finally, she turns in her seat to face me. I do the same and when I meet her eyes, I find an exhaustion there that surprises me. I see the woman almost every day. She's become a surrogate mother to me, treats Ian like he's her own. Sylvia Stone is family, and if we ever have to leave, it's going to break both our hearts.
"And what if it doesn't end?"
"That's the fairy tale, right? Nobody goes into anything wanting it to end, but shit happens. Jim thinks he can handle my baggage now, but it will get too much for him."
"The Mancuso thing?" She's smiling all coy and knowing, as if she didn't just drop a huge bomb on me. For the first time in months, she looks healthy. A confusing mix of gratitude and fear overtakes me. It's overwhelming.
"Didn't know you knew about that."
"They might not get along that well, but Jim is his father's son. His loyalty to Forsaken is unwavering."
"He told them," I whisper. There's a brief panic that spikes before it settles. I just sit there, soaking it in. The club knows. Jim fucking told his brothers about my history. It's no small detail for anyone to drop on the club, much less the VP.
"I don't know what to say."
"You want my opinion?"
"Not really," I admit.
Sylvia shakes her head in response, her smile growing with every passing moment. Her lips part and a laugh escapes. She's a good woman, and I think I forget how much I rely on her to keep me sane. I haven't had a mother in years, much less a good mothe
r. I can't imagine living without her now that I have her.
"I think you need to trust in a man who puts his cut on the line for you."
"But I don't want him to put his cut on the line for me. That's not right."
"Sweetheart, it's the most right thing he's ever done," she says.
I give her a resigned smile and push away from the bar. Sylvia and I can talk more later, if we must. For now, there's something I need to do. And he's standing across the room with a beer in his hand and a large, totally chill smile on his face.
And I love him.
Holy hell, do I love him.
I don't even care if this turns around to bite me in the ass later. Right now, I just need him. I need to touch him and be held by him. The sun has already set, and the boys are passed out in the chapel, surrounded by a pile of empty Pixy Stix wrappers. I don't need to play mommy for the time being. Right now, I'm just Ruby. I'm a woman who's in love with a man and desperately needs to be with him.
Jim's focus is on a conversation he's having with Grady. They're talking business, so I don't interrupt. Instead, I just slide up beside my man and cozy into his side when he wraps an arm around my shoulders. The guys don't talk business out in the open if they want to keep it from us, but it's still not our place to chime in, so I don't. The conversation lasts a few more minutes, with Grady bringing up what I think are some solid points about switching up transport routes. Jim agrees on principle but is hesitant for the club to take any action now. It's a whole lot of mumbo jumbo that I try not to understand. The less I know about the details of their business, the happier I am. When Layla starts calling for Grady, the guys wrap it up and end with Jim agreeing to bring up Grady's ideas to Rage.
"What do you think?"
"He's a good guy," I say, figuring that's what Jim means. It's an odd question, but my head is buzzing with anticipation, and I'm not thinking clearly.
"Fuck that prick," Jim says with a grumble as he pulls me closer. "I meant about his ideas."