The businessman was back.
Her heart sank.
‘Okay, whatever you think,’ she said brightly to cover her frustration. Perhaps he was right. It might make things more complicated.
But it didn’t stop her from hoping he’d change his mind.
* * *
The journey home was just as luxurious and comfortable as the one out there, except for a strange sort of stiffness between them that hadn’t been there previously. They’d been really careful around each other ever since they’d had that conversation about not having sex again, as if they were tiptoeing around a bombshell that could trigger the second they relaxed and took a misstep and it was making both of them act in an over-the-top, super-polite way towards each other.
So by the time they walked in through the front door to the Hampstead house, Soli was completely and utterly exhausted from nervous tension.
So much for having a relaxing holiday.
Xavier immediately excused himself and she found herself alone again in the kitchen, fixing herself a meal for one, wondering whether her life would ever be normal again.
She came to the conclusion that it was very unlikely. Especially now she knew how wonderful it could be to be wanted by Xavier McQueen. She’d so enjoyed being able to get close to him. They’d been good together in bed. He was certainly a lot better than the men—well, boys really—that she’d slept with in the past. He’d known exactly what to do to give her the most pleasure and had been incredibly attentive to her needs. She’d never experienced anything like it. And she wanted more. Much more.
The idea of living with him until the year was up, with this sexual tension throbbing between them the whole time, and not being allowed to act on it, made her stomach turn over with restlessness. They’d go insane, surely.
They’d be much better to give in to their physical urges and ride things out till the marriage was up. They’d probably be bored with each other by then anyway.
Refusing to listen to a niggling little voice that told her not to bank on that, she decided to keep herself open to the chance it could happen, but not push for it in any way. Xavier was definitely the kind of man who needed to feel in control of his decisions—and his destiny—so if it was going to happen it would need to come from him.
It would be fine with her either way.
Absolutely fine.
To keep herself occupied, so she wouldn’t go crazy thinking about it all day, she went into the café to check everything had run smoothly without her.
After being away for a while she found to her shock and distress that the place seemed shabby and cluttered to her now, and the warm, cosy atmosphere that she’d been hanging on to as the excuse not to change a thing about it was sadly lacking. It had all been in her head. A phantom of the past.
She’d been desperately hanging on to her father’s vision for the place, to try and keep a part of him alive, but it was actually holding the business back. Destroying it, in fact.
He never would have wanted that.
She knew now, with absolute clarity, that it was time to let go. She needed to stop being afraid of the future and allow herself to finally move on.
It was time to make some changes.
* * *
It took two more days of Xavier making himself scarce in the evenings and acting all stiff and formal with her again before Soli’s resolve to be cool and indifferent about how their relationship would go from now on snapped.
‘Are we really back to you treating me like a piece of furniture again?’ she bit out in frustration the morning of the third day when Xavier swept into the kitchen, poured himself a coffee and gave her a polite nod before starting to retreat outside with it.
He turned back, then carefully put his mug down on the nearest work surface, the coffee slopping over the edge as if his hand had been trembling.
‘That’s not what I’m doing, Soli,’ he said quietly, his expression surprisingly tortured.
Her stomach flipped at the sight of it, but she held her nerve. They really needed to address this and the sooner the better.
‘Look, I get that you don’t want to have a physical relationship with me, but I’d really prefer it if you at least acknowledged my presence in the house. We can be friends, surely?’
The muscle in his jaw was working overtime. ‘It’s not that I don’t want a physical relationship with you, Soli,’ he ground out, taking a step towards her, his shoulders rigid and his eyes flashing with frustration, ‘it’s that I do.’
‘You do?’ she whispered, shocked by the passion in his voice and the intensity in his eyes.
‘Yes,’ he said, letting out a low, frustrated-sounding breath.
‘Oh. Okay. I see.’
‘And seeing you every day but not being able to touch you, when I know how good we can be together, is driving me insane.’ His chest rose and fell in rapid movements as if he was fighting for control and barely keeping it together.
The idea that she was doing that to him thrilled her to her core. Without thinking, she took a step closer to him, unable to fight the instinct to push him a little bit further to see what he’d do.
They stared into each other’s eyes, their breath coming fast and their bodies tense.
Xavier made the first move, closing the gap between them and sliding his hand into her hair, then pulling her towards him so her mouth met his. The kiss was rough and full of the longing they’d clearly both been battling since the last time they’d given in to the need to touch each other.
He let out a low growl in the base of his throat as she wound her arms around him and pressed herself closer to him, feeling exactly how much he wanted her right then.
She pulled back from the kiss to look him in the eyes again, wanting to make sure they were both thinking the same way before this went any further so they didn’t end up in an even more awkward position later.
‘I thought you said—’
‘I know what I said, but I decided not to listen to myself for once,’ he ground out, his brow pinched in a half-relieved, half-frustrated sort of frown. His eyes were alive with pleasure though, which her body responded to by sending a throb of pure desire through her.
She couldn’t help but grin at him. ‘Good decision. Let’s be wild. It’s a healthy life choice.’
‘I don’t know about healthy...’ His words tickled her lips.
‘Liberating, then. We’re grown-ups. We can handle it. Both of us know the score and we’re not looking for anything in addition to our agreement.’
‘You mean that, right?’ His expression was deadly serious now.
‘Yes,’ she said, matching his seriousness with her own. ‘I absolutely do. I promise.’
His hands had been tight on her back, holding her against him, but they relaxed a little as something seemed to occur to him. ‘Still, we need to be sensible, so we should use condoms too from now on, just to be extra-safe,’ he said.
She nodded. ‘Fine by me.’
And it was fine, because the last thing she needed right now was an added complication in her life.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Battleship—sink your opponent with a blow to the heart.
XAVIER WAS LATE for work, for the first time ever, after taking Soli to bed then having a lot of trouble forcing himself to get out of it again and leave her there, all warm and sexily rumpled.
It had definitely been worth it though. More than worth it. All the pent-up frustration and jagged need that had been stressing him out—to the point where he was having trouble concentrating at work—completely evaporated the moment he let himself give in and do what he’d been desperate to do again ever since that incredible night in Corsica.
Ever since they’d crossed that line it had been inevitable they’d not be able to go back to their platonic existence.
He felt pretty confident it would be okay though. They’d had another talk about sex not changing anything about their deal and had both agreed they were still happy with that. Their physical relationship would only last as long as the marriage; after that they’d both walk away.
A clean break.
Now the thought of having Soli at home, waiting for him every evening, had a very different impact on his mood.
He even started coming home from work earlier, looking forward to spending his evenings with her, eating her wonderful food, or seeing the look of astonished approval when he insisted on cooking for her instead.
Life was pleasingly satisfying and straightforward, with his rapport with Soli on an even keel, both knowing exactly where they stood with each other.
There was no pretence and no underlying conflict of interest.
It was the most simple and rewarding relationship he’d ever had.
She seemed to know just how to pull him out of one of his funks with a few choice words and a smile, and she charmed him with her positivity and humble joy. For those few weeks he felt as if he was finally living the life he’d always wanted.
A few days after they decided to ignore their no-sex agreement Soli moved into his bedroom—which he’d suggested, saying it was ridiculous for her to return to her own room every night.
He loved waking up with her beside him. It had been a long time since he’d shared his bed like this and he was surprised to find how much he’d missed it.
Setting off for the office bright and early one morning, he turned back from opening his car door to see Soli standing on the doorstep, still wearing the short silky pyjamas she looked so damned alluring in, blinking in the sunshine.
‘Where are you off to so early?’ she asked, carefully picking her way over the gravel towards him in her bare feet.
He met her halfway and lifted her into his arms so she could wrap her legs around his middle and save the soles of her feet from the sharp stones.
Walking back to the car, he put her down gently onto the bonnet and leant in to kiss her, breathing in the enticing, sleep-warmed scent of her.
‘I’m off to the office. I want to get everything that needs doing today finished in good time so I can come home early and take you out for dinner. I’ve booked that new place on Hampstead High Street that you mentioned the other day.’
‘Really?’ she said, beaming at him. ‘That’s so thoughtful of you.’
He smiled back. ‘It’s mostly a selfish move on my part. I really fancied checking it out too.’
Leaning back in, she kissed him hard and he felt her smile against his lips.
‘What are you going to do today?’ he asked when they broke apart.
‘I’m going in to the café. The marketing I’ve been doing seems to be paying off and we’ve seen a real increase in business recently.’ She took a breath and he felt her fingers dig into his back as she tightened her grip on him. ‘And I’ve decided it’s time to give the place a new fit-out.’ Her brow pinched in a frown as if she found this idea troubling. ‘I can’t keep clinging on to my father’s vision for the place. It’s looking so shabby now and needs modernising.’ Her eyes welled with tears. ‘Time to let go of the past and look to the future.’
‘I think that’s a good decision,’ he said, running a finger gently under her eye to brush away a tear. His heart gave an extra-hard beat in his chest as it suddenly occurred to him that she was talking about a future he’d have no part in. His time with her would quickly slip away and at some point soon so would she.
‘You know, I think my time with you has really made me grow up and look at life from a new perspective. So thank you for that,’ she added with a sad sort of smile.
‘I’m glad to have helped,’ he said roughly, leaning in again and kissing her hard to try and disguise the troubling emotions that were now raging through him. Emotions he didn’t know what to do with.
She let out a small sigh of contentment and pressed herself harder against him.
His mind went mercifully blank. All he wanted to think about right now was the feel of her soft, supple body against his and the luscious, honeyed taste of her in his mouth.
So it was a few seconds before he realised there was someone standing on the driveway with them, clearing his throat to politely get their attention.
Pulling away from Soli, he turned his head to see Samuel Pinker, his great-aunt’s spy, looking back at him with a slightly sheepish look on his face.
‘Sorry to interrupt you. The front gate was open so I thought it’d be okay to come right in. I have some documents from your great-aunt’s solicitor to drop off and as I was in the area...’
They nodded politely, all of them patently aware that it had actually been another ruse to check up on the two of them, as per Aunt Faith’s decree.
‘That’s quite all right, Mr Pinker,’ Soli said with a grin in her voice. ‘I was just sending my husband off to work in the best possible way I know.’
Mr Pinker cleared his throat again as a red flush appeared to creep up his neck and brighten his cheeks. ‘Your husband’s a very lucky man, Mrs McQueen,’ he replied, ‘and could I just say, I think the two of you make a lovely couple?’ He turned to look at Xavier. ‘Your great-aunt would be very pleased to see you so happy, Mr McQueen.’
And with those incisive words hanging in the air, he handed the envelope he was carrying to Xavier, gave them both a friendly nod of goodbye and strolled away back towards the open gates.
Soli couldn’t help giggling. ‘I don’t think we need to worry about him thinking we’re not behaving like a real married couple any more,’ she said with a grin.
Something about the way she said this, on top of Pinker’s parting shot, made a shiver of discomfort rush across his skin. Were they acting like a married couple? He wouldn’t have said so. They were just enjoying each other’s company whilst they were forced to live together. In order to be convincingly married there would have to be a palpable emotional connection between them as well as a physical one. Which he didn’t think they had.
Did they?
He mentally shook himself. It wasn’t important. They both knew the score. At least, he was pretty sure Soli did. Though from what she’d just said he was a little worried now that she was allowing herself to become more emotionally attached to him than was wise.
That wasn’t what he wanted at all.
Was it?
No. That wasn’t what he’d signed up for.
His chest suddenly felt tight.
He needed to get out of there and off to work before his concern became apparent to Soli and potentially started a conflict he really didn’t want to deal with right then.
‘Anyway, I’ll see you later,’ he said, forcing himself to give her an unconcerned smile.
‘Looking forward to it,’ she replied, not seeming to notice the sudden tension in the air. ‘Have a good day, darling!’
* * *
Soli strolled back into the house, closed the front door and stopped abruptly in the hallway as a sudden horrifying knowledge that she was going to be sick assaulted her.
Her stomach lurched and churned as she dashed to the nearest bathroom, only just making it there in time.
The bug she’d had in Corsica couldn’t have got her again, surely. She’d only had it a couple of weeks ago.
Was that right?
No. Hang on, it couldn’t have been that short a time ago.
Life had been such a whirl; she’d barely had time to notice how the weeks had flown by. It seemed like only yesterday that they’d been in Corsica.
But it wasn’t. It was at least six weeks ago.
A cold sensation trickled down her spine as something alarming occurred to her.
She should have had her period by now. She remembered spotting a bit a couple of weeks ago, which wasn’
t unusual because of the pill she was on, but she’d forgotten to write down when her last proper period was.
Her heart gave a painful thump in her chest and she dragged in a breath as she felt suddenly dizzy.
She couldn’t be pregnant though. Could she? They’d used double protection, apart from that time in Corsica when they’d just relied on her pill.
Which she’d not taken for the following two days after they’d had sex because she’d been so ill.
But there was no point panicking. She needed to be sensible and keep a cool head about this.
Pulling herself together, she got dressed then went straight out to the nearest chemist for a pregnancy test, using it as soon as she got home. Just because some things pointed towards her being pregnant, it didn’t mean she actually was, she reminded herself as she waited for the results to show. It could be another bug, or stress or—something else that her whirling brain couldn’t think of right now.
The lines appeared in the little window.
It wasn’t anything else.
She was pregnant.
Sitting slumped on the bathroom floor, staring at the little white stick in her hand, she felt hot tears press at the backs of her eyes as her stomach dropped to the floor.
This wasn’t supposed to happen. This wasn’t the plan.
What was Xavier going to say? He’d been so definite about this thing between them being a sex-only arrangement.
But perhaps he’d actually be happy about it, a determined little voice in her head whispered. He’d told her that he’d wanted to have kids before Harriet had left him, after all.
She took some deep breaths and forced herself to calm down.
It could be a wonderful thing for both of them. They were good together. They worked, both in and out of the bedroom. He made her laugh and feel good about herself. She seemed to bring out the best in him. He’d even told her that a couple of times in the last few weeks—perhaps not in those words, but he’d certainly alluded to it. He enjoyed her company, and she his.
But could she really have a child with someone who didn’t love her?
A Contract, a Wedding, a Wife? Page 13