“We don’t have to go for a walk, you know,” he said. “I can see you’re nervous, and it’s understandable, considering what happened last night.” He pulled his hands from his pocket and gestured to her, taking in how close she was to him. She didn’t step back and gave everything to him in that one glance.
“Is that what you think?”
He hadn’t expected her to be so direct, and he certainly hadn’t expected to see how grounded and comfortable she seemed. “It’s how you looked a second ago. I know nervous. The way you looked back at the house…we can stay right here.”
She tilted her head and didn’t pull her gaze from him. She was slender, and he took in how the tracksuit she was wearing did nothing to hide her amazing curves. She was the total package, and he felt in that second like a complete dirtbag for noticing. He pulled his gaze away. Just last night, a guy had believed he could just take what she had. He knew what that did to women.
“You think I’m nervous around you?” she said. She gestured with her hand, and he noticed the scrape, the scab.
“Well, aren’t you? It would be understandable, considering, and it’s not like I haven’t experienced that before. Look at me, look at you.”
She pulled back as if someone had hit her and narrowed her eyes. He could see he’d hit a nerve. “I hate to put this out to you, but that sounds as if you’re trying to say I’m racist? If that’s what you think, then you’re an idiot, because you’re the one person I’m not going to be nervous with. Yeah, I’m messed up from last night, and I’ve sat outside all morning, unable to figure out why I was so off. I can’t think a single straight thought. I don’t know what to do, but I don’t want to do anything. I can’t talk to anyone, can’t stand hearing any more about how I screwed up and part of last night is on me. I’ve relived that guy a million times in my head—his breath, the beer, the booze, the cigarettes, the way he grabbed me.
“He was just there in my face, in front of me,” she continued. “He moved fast on his feet. He was tall and solid. He blocked my way, and his hands, the way he grabbed me, the way he didn’t leave even when I said get lost… I keep thinking maybe I wasn’t direct enough. He said he noticed the way I looked at him at the party, and I can’t get past how I may have done something to encourage him. I’m a nice person. I smile at everyone. Yeah, I flirt, but who doesn’t? I don’t cross lines—and he very much did.”
She was breathing heavy when she finished, and she lifted both her hands to her face and brushed back her hair. Her eyes had suddenly turned red, and she blinked rapidly. He could see how strong she was in her determination not to cry.
He had to fight the urge to reach out to touch her, so he kept his hands where they were at his sides. “Hey, Sara, not sure where you’re getting that you screwed up or that any of last night is on you, because it’s not. What that guy did is totally, one hundred percent on him. He overpowered you. He was hurting you. Reliving something bad that happens is normal, everyone does it, but this is where your head can mess with you. When you relive something, you change the story and start to question if you did something wrong. Your mind is messing with you, so you need to shut it down. When that happens, just tell yourself you did nothing wrong. You need me to tell you? I will.”
The screen door to the house slapped closed, and he turned to see Tiffy and Jeremy step out, coming their way, hand in hand. Quite the happy couple, young, normal—nothing he could relate to.
“Hey, Devon, great to meet you,” Jeremy said. “You should come by for dinner sometime.”
“Yeah, over at our place, above the barn,” Tiffy pointed with a smile. “Would love to have you.”
“Sure, sounds great,” he said. It was a vague invitation, one he’d never had before. Were they serious?
He turned back to Sara, her hands fisted at her sides. She said nothing but was still watching as if trying to get her head around what he’d said. She was tense. Maybe a change of subject was needed to get her head out of what had happened. Even he didn’t want to think of how he’d fucked up last night, saving her but screwing over his brother. He still believed he’d done the right thing.
“You have quite the family, Sara,” he said. “Never seen this kind of support. You have to know they’re pulling for you.”
She gave a hint of a smile as she said, “You have no idea.” Then she gazed over to the corral and gestured as she started walking. He fell in beside her. “I’ve been sitting on the porch most of the morning, mainly to get out from under the hovering, the third degree. But yes, you’re right, my family is here for me. At the same time, they’ll point out when I’ve fucked up and not let it slide. You’re probably wondering why I called you and asked you to come out here.”
What could he say? Yeah, but he wasn’t sure why he’d said yes. Seeing Sara now, he didn’t want to leave. He shouldn’t be there, though, because nothing good could come of this. He had too much on the line. “Maybe a little.”
She nodded and flicked her gaze over to him, and he didn’t miss the shy smile. Guys would cross a room just to be with her. “Do you think it’s true that if they catch this guy who attacked me, I could come out looking like the bad guy?” she said.
Whoa, what the fuck? Of all the things she could’ve asked, that was the one thing he hadn’t expected. Where had that come from? “Why would you think something like that? Last night is really messing with your head. Seriously, did someone say something?”
She stopped walking as they reached the corral gate and rested her hand on the rail, then glanced out to the cattle grazing in the distance. She kicked at a rock on the ground with her sneaker. “Because I was at the party, having a few drinks, messing around, and the way a few of the kids are talking, according to the sheriff, it’s not painting a flattering picture of me. If this guy is caught and it goes to court, his lawyer could make me sound like some slutty dealer who was asking for what happened. It could taint my name so that I’ll never be able to hold my head up in this town again, because people will hear and believe everything bad about me even though none of it’s true.”
All he could do as he stared at her was realize that she really believed what she was saying, and she was very serious.
Chapter 11
Sara wasn’t sure what to make of his expression. She hadn’t meant to say what she had, and she took in Devon, the way he leaned against the rail of the corral, staring into the distance. He was tall, solid, handsome, exuding strength, and at the same time, she couldn’t explain why she was so comfortable with him. She’d shared a fear she hadn’t been able to voice even to herself.
“Just forget it,” she said. “I can see by your face you think I’m nuts or something.”
When he turned and looked down at her, his expression oozed confidence, and she took in the small diamond studs he wore in his ears. “Unless you suddenly read minds, I don’t know how you’d have any idea what I’m thinking.” he said. The way he spoke really packed a punch, and it almost seemed as if he was scolding her. “What I was wondering was where you would get the crazy idea that what that guy did to you is in any way your fault. I was there, I saw what he did. Nothing about that could be twisted against you. Smashing your face into the pavement, choking you while trying to rape you? You screaming for help and fighting back, and all the marks on you?
“You can see the marks, the handprints around your neck, the scrapes and bruising on your face where he punched you and everywhere else,” he continued. “Yeah, not sure what happened at the party would have anything to do with what he did. So you were at a party on campus and it got crazy, which they do. It’s irrelevant, and if someone is trying to paint a picture of you being in the wrong, then you want to ask what their fucking agenda is.”
He was so powerful when he spoke. He really had a gift. He was the kind of guy who wouldn’t take any crap, and she wanted to believe him even though she was still rattled over what the sheriff and her dad had said. Carmen and Sue had thrown her under the bus and create
d a story, but why? That was the only question that kept coming to mind.
“Well, when you say it, it doesn’t make me feel as if I did anything bad. Kind of wish it would be that easy.”
“It can be, but then, I’ve learned not everything is black and white, so to speak,” he said.
She spotted the hint of a smile and couldn’t stop the laugh that slipped out. Something about the spark in his eyes had her heart kicking up a beat. She wanted to walk on across the field, into the distance, but at the same time, she felt the need to stick close to home.
Her hand rested on the latch of the gate to open it, but he pressed his over it, and she took in the gold ring. Yeah, definitely the class ring she remembered from last night.
“Let’s just hang here,” he said, then pulled his hand away, and for a second, the look on his face had her worrying. It was as if he thought he shouldn’t have touched her, but it wasn’t awful. Something about being here with him was oddly comforting, and she didn’t want him to leave.
“Is it the cows?” she said. “Because they’re harmless.”
He didn’t smile, his expression serious. “You were nearly raped last night, and now you want to walk off alone with me? I’m a stranger, and you don’t know me. You know nothing about me, Sara. Besides, you may try to say you’re okay with me, but I can see how nervous you are. It’s as if you’re trying to tell yourself to ignore it, but sometimes listening to that is what keeps you alive, keeps you safe. So what were you doing at the party that was so bad? I knew you had a few drinks, but you weren’t wasted.”
The way he spoke sounded much like a scolding, and she didn’t know how he’d masterfully changed the course of the conversation. His expression was so serious, and she sensed that she could spend a lot of time talking to him and never be bored. It was just something she picked up when talking to people, and it came with that attraction, when they just clicked.
“I’m not scared of you,” she said, “and you should know that when I say something, I mean it. I’m comfortable with you, Devon. No, I like you. And yeah, maybe you’re right about me taking chances, but life is about taking risks. You think me walking off alone with you is going to put me in danger?”
She poked his chest with her finger, and just that touch shot fire through her. She could feel the connection, and it was so unsettling. “Let me remind you again that you’re the guy who pulled him off me. You fought him, and you treated me with tenderness and caring and called in help. You didn’t leave me. Yeah, who’s now letting their head mess with them? I feel safe with you, I want to be with you. Besides, you really think that with my brothers here, my dad, and the sheriff, I would have to worry? They know where I am right now, and I guarantee my dad has looked out the window half a dozen times to watch us and see that you’ve behaved yourself. If anyone should be worried, it’s you, because if you hurt me, well, they’d kill you.”
This time he laughed, and it was like music. He really made her feel better.
“Gotcha, okay, but just the same, how about baby steps?” His eyes were deep brown and bold. She could get lost in those eyes, that confidence. She nodded and could feel some of the tension that pulled across her shoulders lift. “So, again, how about you tell what you did at this party that was so bad that someone could assassinate your character and ruin your life with it?”
“Did a few tequila shots,” she said. She left out the part where she’d made out with Hank, a jock she’d always been attracted to, but when he’d become too handsy for her liking and his kiss turned sloppy, hard, and frantic, she’d had to push him off, because that was when it had become weird. He’d been ready to toss her down, pull off her clothes, and screw her fast and hard, and it had been an icy splash of reality that he was about sex and nothing more. He’d have been out the door as soon as he pulled up his pants, telling everyone how he’d scored.
She pulled in a breath, because the less people knew, the better. At least she’d been thinking. “Some people crushed and snorted some pills, but I don’t do drugs, and…” She stopped talking, feeling her face heat, because he was still staring at her. “I was with some guy, and it could’ve been perceived badly, considering we started to hook up, you know, but then we didn’t because I came to my senses. I left shortly after because everyone was wasted and I had to go. You know what? Enough about that party. I wish I hadn’t even gone. At the same time, my feeling of isolation had me needing to break free, to have some fun. My dad is so overprotective, and then look what happens?”
The way he pulled in a breath and crossed his arms over his wide chest, she could see his strength. “We all wish we could go back and undo stuff, but we can’t,” he said. “It was a party. If you did something you shouldn’t have, get over it. Again, it’s got nothing to do with what happened. This guy you hooked up with, he your boyfriend?” He didn’t pull his gaze away at first, but then he did, looking out into the distance as he waited. The energy turned awkward.
“No, just some guy I crushed on because of how he looked, but there was nothing of substance there. I woke up. Nothing happened other than messing around, him being too handsy, and me saying no and leaving. It won’t happen again, and I don’t have a boyfriend. Did you not just meet my dad?”
He didn’t smile when he turned back to her, but he did lift his gaze over her head, looking back to the house. “Your dad’s overprotective, but nothing wrong with that. At least you have parents and a family that care.”
The way he said it, she thought there was something more. “You have family, parents, siblings?”
He shrugged. “We all have family. The thing is that you don’t get to choose. Some luck out, some get screwed. I have a brother who’s always looked out for me.”
At first, she thought that was all he was going to say, but then he continued.
“The way you’re looking at me, Sara, I’m wondering what this is. You have a nice family, and I’m…”
What was he about to say? She was positive he was going to say something to put himself down, maybe that he wasn’t good enough for her—or he wasn’t interested, he was taken. Of course he was. Guys like him weren’t single. But that wasn’t why she’d called him, so why was that all she could think about now? Deep down, she knew they were just talking, but being together, she could feel his energy and heat, and she felt as if he wouldn’t let anything happen to her.
“I’m looking at you the way a girl looks at a man who saved her,” she said. “You didn’t leave me. You stayed last night, and it sounds to me like you were going to say something along the lines of…” She stopped talking, because he wasn’t giving her anything as she took in his face, his expression. He wasn’t just handsome and kind and strong; there was something about him that made her feel safe. She shouldn’t be feeling like this, especially after what had happened the night before and all this angst, and with her parents, her brothers, and the sheriff just feet away.
“I’m from the other side of the tracks, Sara,” Devon said. “You seem like a nice girl. Yeah, of course I pulled him off you. It was unwanted. He shouldn’t have done it. But I’m not a hero, so don’t make the mistake of putting me on some pedestal, thinking I’m a good guy. Because I’m not.”
The way he took her in and stared down at her, his eyes were so intense, as if he was determined to warn her, to make her think he was awful. She wasn’t about to believe that was true.
“But you are a nice guy,” she said.
This time, he did laugh. It was deep, the kind of laugh that got right inside her. She couldn’t remember ever feeling this with a guy before. Man, she was still reeling from the night before, a mess, but at the same time, everything about Devon was making her feel so right.
“Uh, no, I’m not, Sara. You’re so young, and you have a nice family and people who care about you.” The way he was looking down at her, the way he was talking, she could feel him pushing her away.
“You really think being from the right or wrong side of town has anything
to do with being a nice guy or having a nice family?” she said. “I remember last night very clearly, and the guy who grabbed me and hurt me, what side of town do you think he came from?”
The amusement that had been there a second ago disappeared, and he lifted his gaze. “Okay, I don’t know, but just the same, Sara, if your family knew about some of the things I’ve done, they would never let me around you again. The way you’re looking at me now, you wouldn’t be…” He stopped. “Let’s just say you haven’t had to do the kind of things I have to survive, because different doors are open to you. I don’t have the same things you have, the kind of nice family that’s portrayed in movies, the all-American family. I’m standing on the outside looking in, because it’s so foreign to me.” He really was trying to push her away.
“Yes, you’ve made your point,” she said. “You’re not good enough for me. I’m just a white girl from a privileged family who hasn’t had to scrape by and struggle. You’re one hundred percent right about that. I have a mom and dad who love me. My father is so overprotective that at times I think I’m choking, but I know he’s like that because of something that happened. He loves me. You know what? My dad sees everyone differently, because he doesn’t treat my brothers with the same overprotectiveness. He’s even stated that men and women are different. He’s sexist and I told him that, but we all have faults and disagreements, family issues. Nothing about us is perfect, but we do love each other.
“At the same time, I know my dad would do anything for his family, and he has. He doesn’t care what lines have to be crossed to protect us, so the perfection you’re trying to allude to, I think you’re full of shit. I may not know you, but you don’t know me or us. You see an illusion or what you perceive us to be, but no one truly knows anything about anyone, how they think or feel. You’re not me, and I’m not you. Don’t make the mistake of sticking a label on me or my family. You may think you’re bad, but let me remind you that you came in and pulled him off me. You didn’t leave. You did everything to make it as okay as something like that could be. So I don’t give a shit about sides of town, or tracks, or families. It’s about you and what’s inside of you. I know what really matters. Do you?”
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