He snorted dismissively. “Because you feared you wouldn’t be able to love a true-born dragonet.”
Tears blurred her vision as he spoke her eternal shame out loud. “In part. You’re right. I was afraid of that. But every time I thought of purging them from me, I couldn’t. Because I remembered the way you held me, protected me. How you endured the mistreatment of my tribe in silence so that you wouldn’t hurt my feelings, and it made me determined to keep that part of you, no matter what.”
“You saw?”
She nodded. “And I hate myself for saying nothing.”
In that moment, as she stared up into his hurt gaze, she saw the same painful memory haunting him that still haunted her.
Seraphina had just ridden back from a particularly dangerous mission. Because they’d been on the brink of war with another Amazon tribe, Nala had stayed behind with a contingency of warriors to defend the village should it come under attack, and sent Seraphina out to lead their forces against the dragons they’d spotted.
Exhausted and wounded after losing half her hunting party to the Katagaria, Seraphina had done nothing but dream of returning home and sleeping for a few hours. Of curling up to Maxis’s warm body and having him hold her until she forget the rancid smells of battle.
Instead, Nala had issued an immediate summons for an audience on her return.
Fresh from the kill, Seraphina had gone to her queen and bowed low, thinking the matter had to do with their hunt or the Amazons threatening to invade their lands.
She couldn’t have been more wrong.
Nala had risen from her throne—something that was never a good sign. “We have had it with that thing you’ve dragged into our village and forced us to tolerate for years now so that you’d have a playmate.”
“Pardon?”
“Your rabid mate! He attacked me!”
Seraphina’s jaw had dropped. “Excuse me?”
Nala pointed to the remains of a deep-purple bruise on her arm. “Your animal attacked. Unprovoked. He is disobedient. Disrespectful … Dangerous! What if he’d attacked one of the children? Or someone else’s mate who couldn’t protect himself?”
“Basilinna, please. I’m sure—”
“No! No more of your excuses. He is an animal unleashed that you’ve left unattended, to walk amongst us without any rules or boundaries. We, I, cannot allow him to roam around, unchecked. Not after this. The time has come for you to choose—your sisters or your beast. I will not excuse this!” She gestured at her injured arm.
“Am I being cast out?”
“No. You are to submit him for a harrowing. Only then will I allow him to stay in our village, but only so long as you keep him chained like the wild animal he is. If you disagree, I will have him executed.”
Terrified, Seraphina had gulped audibly. Maxis would never tolerate being kept chained down. And she couldn’t blame him.
Nala threw a collar at her. “Bring him to me within the hour for his punishment or I’ll send a tessera for his head.”
Her hands shaking, she’d picked the collar up and slid it into her satchel. A part of her had wanted to beg, desperately, for Nala to change her mind. But she knew it would be useless. Nala was too angry.
And she was queen. Her word was the law they all lived and died by.
Unable to fight Nala’s command, Seraphina had headed to her tent, where she found Maxis waiting with his meager handful of clothes already packed.
The instant he saw her face, he’d visibly winced. “I guess you heard.”
“That you bruised my basilinna? Of course! What were you thinking?” She would never forget the look on his face. He dared to appear as if she’d slapped him for no reason. And that had only made her angrier.
“I was going to move into my cave, but I didn’t want to do so until your return. I thought it rude not to say good-bye and tell you where I was going. I know how upset you get when you don’t know where I am. Now that you’re back … I think it’s for the best. No one else here knows where it is.”
“That’s it, then? That’s your solution? Aren’t you at least going to apologize?”
Total shock filled his eyes and expression. “For what?”
“Embarrassing me? Assaulting the leader of my tribe? Does any of this sound familiar?”
Scowling, he glared at her. “I asked you to leave with me.”
“Is that your answer? I didn’t abandon my duties and tribe for you, at your command, so it’s all right for you to assault them whenever I leave?”
“I didn’t say that.”
Furious, she’d watched as he picked his pack up and slung it over his back, then his sword and fur cape. A furious tic had worked in his jaw, as if he had some right to be angry after what he’d done to them both. They were lucky Nala wasn’t calling for both their lives. “I’ll be at the cave whenever you have your cravings for me.”
As he started past her, she’d taken his arm to stop him. “Wait, Maxis.”
He paused to look down at her with an expression of hopeful expectation that had quickly melted to sad resignation as he realized she wasn’t going to stop him from leaving.
Sighing, he leaned down to kiss her cheek.
And as soon as he was about to kiss her, she’d clapped the collar around his neck and turned it on.
His breathing had turned instantly ragged as he dropped everything he held and tried to pull it off. Since she’d never worn a collar, she hadn’t known it would be painful. But as he staggered to his knees, panting and desperate to remove it, she realized that it wasn’t just prohibiting his magick. It was actually hurting him.
“What have you done to me?” His tone had been filled with utter agony.
“Nala has demanded a harrowing. It’s time you learned your place.”
His eyes widening, he’d glared at her with such fury that she’d actually stepped back in fear. “Don’t do this, Sera. I will not forgive it.”
“It’s too late for that. I have no choice.” Grabbing the collar, she tried to drag him to Nala’s tent. Then quickly learned how heavy his stubborn, inert weight was.
With no choice, she’d left him in her tent to tell Nala she had him collared. And as she walked away, his curses for her rang in her ears.
“You do this, Sera, and I will leave you forever! I promise you, I won’t take this lying down! You will regret what you’ve done. What you allow them to do to me!”
In retrospect, she wasn’t even sure why she’d done it. Nala had never been that good to her. She could blame the humiliation of being called in before her queen on her arrival. Especially given the number of times she’d told Maxis to stay away from the others. Had ordered him to stand down. Her exhaustion on her return …
A thousand things that were stupid and poor excuses.
The only thing she could really say in her defense was that she’d had no idea how brutal they would be to him. Normally, a harrowing was a few lashes of the whip—no more than ten for an ill-behaved mate—a few days in the pit, and a few more weeks of shunning.
Then everything went back to normal. Since they already shunned Maxis, and he was stronger than most, she hadn’t thought much about his being punished, other than it would appease Nala and prevent any more action from being taken against Maxis.
Yet the instant she told Nala that he was collared and waiting, Nala had led half the village in to drag him out so that they could attack him as if he was solely responsible for every ill a Katagari had ever done an Arcadian. The feral glee in their eyes as they rained down an unimaginable wrath on his body still sent chills over her.
When she’d started forward to protect him, Nala had grabbed her and shoved her back. “You interfere in this and you’ll be harrowed next.”
“Basilinna—”
“I mean it! No one challenges my authority. And definitely not some piece-of-shit dog.”
Seraphina had stepped back, thinking it would be over quickly. But a few minutes later when they showed no si
gns of stopping, when their jubilant cheers had continued for them to worsen it, and they had yet to do a formal punishment for him, she’d moved in to stop them regardless of Nala’s threats.
They’d turned on her then. An all-out brawl that had forced her to withdraw or risk losing her unborn children.
By the time their anger was spent and they’d finally dragged, then thrown him into the pit, the damage was done. Maxis had barely been able to breathe or move. His wings broken, he’d lain there, panting in pain like the animal they accused him of being.
“Maxis?”
He’d refused to look at her. Instead, he’d stared at the pit wall, slowly blinking.
Heartbroken and sick, Seraphina had wanted to soothe him. To take everything back. “Maxis, please look at me.”
Finally, he’d pinned her with a cold, hate-filled stare.
Time and silence hung between them as she tried to think of something to say to him. But as she saw his condition and the betrayed fury in those golden eyes—anger and rage she fully deserved …
No thoughts would come to her mind.
Instead, he’d spoken those quiet words that had haunted her ever since. “I told you when we mated that I would gladly give you my heart, my life, and my love, but that when I did so they came with one condition. Never abuse me. Love is not abuse. And you have harmed me for the last time, my lady. I am done with you. Forever.” Then he had closed his eyes and refused to look at her.
Now he stood before her again. And she had a whole new chance to screw up everything.
A new chance to rebuild. If he’d allow it.
Wanting to start over, she reached up and fingered that short hair that reminded her how different he was from the feral dragon she’d been mated to so long ago. “Will you tell me what happened between you and Nala?”
More sadness darkened his eyes. “You don’t care. What difference does it make?”
“Because instead of attacking you then, I should have asked for your side of the story, and I never did. I want to know, now. Please?”
Max hesitated. He still wasn’t sure this was a good idea. But really, what difference did it make?
Nodding, he held his hand out. “Let me show you.”
She scowled. “Show me, how?”
His eyes took her to task for her hesitation. “You still don’t trust me?”
“I didn’t say that. Just—”
“You don’t trust me not to hurt you.” She could deny it all she wanted, but he saw the truth in her hazel gaze. With a heavy sigh, he headed back to his bedroom. “Either join me or not, it’s up to you. I really don’t care one way or the other.” He’d written her and their relationship off centuries ago.
Tired, aching, and honestly pissed off over all of it, he headed for his small pile of furs he sometimes used as a pillow. He’d have already turned into a dragon had it not been for the horror her eyes betrayed every time she saw his true body. But then, he was used to people reacting badly to it.
He was a dragon, after all. They only threw parties for his kind when the dragons were fake ones or had been slaughtered and they were celebrating their deaths.
So he was stunned when she followed after him and lay down by his side.
“Show me.”
He opened his arms in invitation.
Seraphina hesitated, unsure of what he would do to her. With no choice, she curled up and allowed him to hold her. Cupping her head, he rested his chin on her hair and cradled her against his body. She could hear his deep, fierce heartbeat under her ear.
“Close your eyes and let me guide you.”
She obeyed and was stunned as images … no, memories began to play through her mind. Only they weren’t her memories, they were his.
Max had gone to bathe and fetch fresh water in expectation of her arrival. For over a fortnight, he’d been forced to endure the excruciating misery of living among the Amazons without her. Because of his promise, he was locked in her village where they wouldn’t allow him the most modicum of hospitality.
While she’d known some of it, she hadn’t realized that he’d been banned from their meals, too. That whenever she returned home to find food waiting for her, it was something he’d hunted and prepared for her because they wouldn’t allow him to take her portions unless she was there and she got it for them.
He wasn’t even allowed to draw water from their well lest he contaminate it. Rather, he had to hike to the stream to gather his own and carry it back to their tent.
As he returned to fill their stores, he found Nala in their tent, waiting.
“Where were you?”
Worried by her unexpected presence, he’d set his water down and frowned at her question. “Has Sera been hurt?” It was a natural assumption since that was the only time the queen came to visit someone’s mate.
Laughing, she’d circled him. “No. I sent word to them. They won’t be back for a few more days.”
His stomach had shrunk at the prospect of going even longer without her. “Oh.”
“So tell me, dragon, what do you do here while she’s gone?”
Shrugging nonchalantly, he refilled their water stores. “I wait.”
She’d arched a brow at that. “And?”
Unsure of why she asked that, he’d set the jug aside. It was what his kind did. They weren’t a creative bunch. Rather, they checked their perimeter, marked their territory, and guarded whatever fell under their protection. Hobbies served no purpose except to distract them from their duties.
“And what?”
“Don’t you get bored waiting?”
“Not really.”
She tsked at him. “You know, I could help you with your doldrums.”
“How so?”
Nala had stopped in front of him then. Her eyes hungry, she’d reached out and traced a line down the center of his chest that had headed straight for a part of his anatomy that wasn’t meant for her.
Max caught her hand just as she went south of his belly button. “I’m mated.”
Instead of being daunted, she’d hooked her finger in the waistband of his breeches. “Do you know what I keep thinking about?”
“No idea, my basilinna.”
“The night Seraphina brought you in for our inspection.”
Heat had suffused his cheeks at the bitter reminder of a night he’d rather forget. To appease her queen and her sister tribeswomen, Sera had “presented” him to them so that they could inspect him and be assured that he was tame enough to reside in their village. Completely naked, he’d been forced to endure their bold scrutiny and rude groping of his body as they made sure he was “man” enough to live among them.
No part of him had been left unexamined.
Or fondled.
By the end of it, he’d been so furious and hurt that he would have left Sera, but she’d apologized and promised him she wouldn’t let them treat him like that again. That this was a one-time event, and that she would make it up to him.
Even so, the humiliation and pain had stayed in his heart. Especially since he knew they didn’t do that to Arcadian males. The Arcadians were respected and allowed their dignity.
Never him.
The animal.
“What of that night?” he’d asked her, stepping back, out of her reach.
She’d closed the distance between them and reached out to touch the feathers braided into his hair. “You’re the most handsome male in our tribe. Did you know that?”
“No, basilinna. I haven’t paid much attention to the other men here.”
She’d laughed at that. “You know, part of your job in this tribe is to please and serve me.”
Those words had sent chills over him. Especially when she reached for the laces on his breeches.
Grabbing her hands, he’d stopped her. “Basilinna, please. I can’t do anything. You know the laws of our people.”
“And what a waste they are. Still … you have other parts that are capable of pleasing me.” She’
d led his hand to her breast. “Tell me that you haven’t been as curious about other women as we are about you.”
He’d tried to pull away, but she was relentless.
“Do you know how many times I’ve seen the two of you rutting like animals? I know exactly how capable a lover you are with your mouth and hands.”
Anger and embarrassment made a deadly mix in his heart. “You spied on us?”
“It was human curiosity. Something an animal wouldn’t understand.”
The insult had stung him. He always hated whenever they said that to him.
“Now as your basilinna, I command you to submit to me. Give me what I want!”
He’d grabbed her more forcefully to keep her hands out of his breeches and off his body. “No.”
“No?” Her shocked tone would have been laughable had the situation not been so dire. “You dare deny me?”
He glared at her. “I’m just a dumb animal, incapable of understanding the complexities of how your society works. In my world, the rules are simple. I have a mate and I belong to her, and no one else.”
“And she would be the first to lead you naked to my bed and chain you there if I asked it of her. Are you too stupid to comprehend that?”
Even more furious, he’d started to deny it. But deep down in his heart, he knew Nala was telling the truth. At every turn, Sera had shown him that she would submit to her queen, no matter how ridiculous or mean the command.
How humiliating.
Still, he wasn’t going to accept this. Not without a fight. “Then get Sera’s permission. But without it … I won’t do this. She is my dragonswan. My loyalty and heart go first to her.”
Nala had backhanded him. “And hers go to me, you stupid bastard!” She reached for him again.
This time, Max had grabbed her arm and forced her back, toward the opening of the tent. “I will not fuck you, bitch! I don’t care who you are. You are not my Sera and I don’t want your human ass in my bed.” He’d shoved her away so forcefully that she’d stumbled and fallen through the opening, outside the tent.
Knowing if he stayed, he’d probably kill her, Max had immediately gathered his sword and a few supplies, and left the village to head for his cave to wait for Sera’s return. This was the only place he ever felt as if he belonged. Where no one mocked or belittled him.
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