by Angela Price
And even if we’ve only been intimate twice, I realize that sex with Lucas is addicting. I’m in serious trouble.
We’re driving down M street and I look at the shops, lit up during the day for Christmas. Everything looks festive and shoppers are everywhere. I feel anything but festive. I feel tired, and raw. I don’t know how to manage my feelings. I’m sexually satisfied and emotionally empty. I realize. I have feelings for Lucas, of course, but his attraction to me seems based on nothing but getting into my panties. Sitting right by him, in silence, I have the most profound sense of loneliness that I’ve ever felt. He’s got other women; that much seems true. I only have me. I’m adrift, even with this lovely man clutching my hand. I think about him, kissing Violet, and the hair on my arms stands on end. I feel slightly nauseated again. God, I’m an idiot.
He says he cares about me; wants to be with me. He doesn’t mean it.
I know he doesn’t.
I suddenly realize the scenery is blurred because my eyes are swimming with tears. And then I wonder how I’m going to be able to pretend for the rest of the time we’re together.
Everything isn’t okay.
It’s not.
And whatever is happening between us now - it’s going to be over lightning-quick.
Chapter Twelve
“Love To Be Loved”
Peter Gabriel, So
The limo pulls onto a side street near Georgetown University and glides up to a four-story brownstone. We turn into a driveway and ease into its garage, on the first floor. The huge overhead door closes and we’re in relative darkness. Lucas still has my hand in his. He smiles at me, and squeezes. “I’ve looked forward to this. Come inside.”
His staff lets us exit first, and he opens the garage entrance to let both of us in. We step into the kitchen. It’s big, with cherry cabinets and granite countertops. The floors are eighteen inch tile, in a light color. There’s a huge wine rack to one side, and stainless steel appliances gleam. Lucas switches on the light, and a wild sound of running and yips comes from the right.
That’s when I see her. My namesake.
A little white and brown dog comes careening around the corner, ears flying. I see right away; she’s a Cavalier King Charles spaniel. Her mouth is open. She is overjoyed at seeing her owner. She runs straight to Lucas and leaps against his leg, begging for attention. “Sadie, baby!” he laughs. He picks her up and hugs her to him.
“Sadie Graves, meet Sadie Sutton”, he says with a laugh. The little dog is licking at his jaw and neck, so excited to see her master. She’s adorable, and I light up to see her. “Oh! What a cutie!” I say, stroking her head. “Does she like people, other than you?”
“Not really – at least, not usually” he replies. He turns her toward me and she looks at me with a thoughtful gaze. I love her brown eyes and soft chocolate nose. She’s gorgeous. I pet her head and stroke her ears and shoulders, telling her she’s a pretty baby. She looks at me for a few seconds, and then tentatively licks my hand. I smile, looking right in her eyes. She opens her mouth and smiles right back at me. I know immediately why he thinks she’s special, and I laugh out loud. He laughs too, exclaiming “Well, Sadie has another convert!”
We laugh together and walk out of the kitchen, Sadie still in Lucas’ arms.
Staff has lined up in the drawing room for a meeting with Lucas. He sets the dog down sweetly, patting her when he does.
He looks at all of them, and puts one arm protectively around me. “Everyone, this is Sadie Graves – my girlfriend.” Girlfriend? Please, I think. “Sadie, this is my cook and housekeeper, Marisol; my driver, Edgar; and of course, you’ve already met Curtis. He provides security, along with a few other men.” Edgar is a huge black man, close to seven feet tall. His jacket looks too tight. Next to him, Curtis looks tough and dangerous with his shaved head and crisp suit.
Marisol is about forty, with shoulder-length black hair and huge brown eyes. She’s pretty, and is wearing modest street clothes; black pants and a soft blue sweater. She smiles kindly at me. “Miss Graves, are you hungry? I have lunch prepared, if so.” I’m starving. I haven’t even thought about eating; I’ve been so absorbed by today’s activities. My stomach is growling.
“I would love to eat, actually. Thank you for offering.” She leads Lucas and me back to the kitchen, to two plates and silverware laid out on the breakfast bar. There’s a votive candle glowing between them. For some reason, I find that odd.
He looks at her wordlessly and she pours two glasses of red wine into Reidel glasses. He tells her to serve when she’s ready, and she gets two shallow bowls warm from the oven and fills them with homemade chicken and dumplings. There’s crispy cornbread, slathered in butter, on the side. She grates fresh pepper over each bowl and smiles at both of us. “Miss Graves, I’m so pleased to cook for you. Mr. Sutton rarely brings guests here. I hope you enjoy! Mr. Sutton, help yourself to seconds. I’ll be back when I’m sure you’ve left the room.”
Marisol closes a pocket door behind herself, and Lucas relaxes in his chair, sipping the wine. His dog is lounging nearby, probably hoping for someone’s leftovers. It’s peaceful in the kitchen, for a moment. I look at the clock – it’s after 1:30PM. No wonder I’m hungry. I look at him tentatively.
“Thank you for lunch. I didn't realize how hungry I was.”
He nods. “Me, too. I didn't get much sleep after Violet made a scene last night, and then I was off, after you. Let’s eat. Do you think you could take a nap afterward? I think we’d both feel better.”
I close my eyes. I’m tired. I nod. Yes, I could sleep.
He looks relieved and smiles softly, his brown eyes kind. “Good.”
We both eat a bowlful of dumplings (hand rolled – wow), with big chunks of chicken and a deep, deliciously fatty broth. The cornbread is to die for. The pepper is perfect, giving an edge to a simple, peasant meal. When I push away from the breakfast bar, my eyes are heavy. The wine has made me sleepy, on top of my hurt and upset from last night. Somehow, all that seems far away.
Lucas reaches for my hand. “Are you finished?” He stands. “I am; it was delicious. Thank you.”
He envelops my hand with his and says, “Let’s go lie down.”
We take a short staircase to Lucas’ room on the third floor. There are original artworks everywhere, and a king-sized bed layered in cream linens and blankets. Ornate Persian rugs line the chocolate hardwood floors. There are bookshelves along two walls, and modern furniture is mixed with antiques. It’s lovely. Just what I would have expected from him. I wonder what his New York apartment looks like, in comparison.
He pulls me to the bed, and pushes me to sit on the edge. He deftly removes all the clothes he’s taken off me once already. I look down at myself, naked in no time under his fingers. I sigh, too tired to care anymore.
Lucas removes all of his clothes too, and gets under the covers. He reaches for me, and pulls me across the expanse of the mattress. I’m faced away from him, on my side. He snuggles behind me, one arm over my waist and hip. He’s warm. He kisses my shoulder, hugs me to him hard, relaxes, and pulls in tight.
I feel the little dog jump onto the bed, and she lies down comfortably at its foot. She lets out a sweet little sigh of satisfaction. I smile when she does.
Within seconds, I’m asleep.
Chapter Thirteen
“Push”
MatchBox Twenty, Yourself or Someone Like You
I wake up to a space shrouded in early winter darkness. I’m disoriented, not sure where I am. Oh. I’m in Lucas’ room. He’s still asleep. God, he’s hot. His body is against mine, inch for inch, and his temperature is about ten degrees hotter than mine. Both of us have a slight sheen of sweat coating our skin where we’re touching. I turn to look at him, knowing I can do so without being observed.
In the glow of a bookcase light, I admire him. His face is relaxed in sleep; his hair tousled; his face otherworldly. I scrutinize his warm brown skin, eyelashes long and dusky a
gainst his cheeks. His nose is so straight. His lips are full, perfect. Everything about his face, neck and shoulders is beautiful. He’s like a living sculpture.
He stirs, and his eyes open for an instant. He groans, flexing his hips forward. His eyes roll back in his head. Oh. My sex god has arisen. Hands snake forward to grab my hips and pull me backward; into his erection. I swallow, hard – my mouth goes dry.
“Mmmm. Sadie. I dreamed about you.” He doesn’t open his eyes.
I roll over to face him. What the hell. Why can’t I enjoy myself too? “I’ll be right back.”
I get out of bed, figure out where the bathroom is, use the restroom and brush my teeth with one of the toothbrushes in the holder. It’s probably Violet’s. I smile wickedly, and head back to Lucas.
I drop on his side of the bed. He’s not fully awake. Oh, good. I work my way under the covers and run my hands over his frame – his arms, shoulders, pectoral muscles, flat stomach; his thighs. I bend down to kiss him, and work my fingers into his hair. He responds with a moan and pivots to give me more access to his face and chest. I kiss him softly on the lips, and he makes a soft sound of enjoyment, of comfort.
I pause. That wasn’t the sound he made with Violet. He was protesting. I realize it now. That’s’ what I heard – his protests against her mouth. Oh. That makes me want to be sweet to him.
And so, I do.
I move, kissing my way down Lucas’ body, past his ripped chest and lean stomach. I nuzzle his trail of pubic hair, moving toward his groin. He immediately wakes, sensing my direction. “Sadie”, he warns, whispering. “Be careful, baby.”
“Be grateful, baby.” I laugh. I rub one cheek gently against his stomach, his hips. His skin is the softest thing I’ve ever felt.
I move my face between Lucas’ legs, and lick him gently. His manhood jumps in appreciation. I take the tip of his penis in my mouth and blood surges into it. He moans audibly. I make my lips soft and wrap my tongue around his throbbing crown, pushing him deep into my throat. I pull him back out again, dragging the head of his cock against the roof of my mouth, keeping my lips slack so he can feel the friction. Sucking him back in again, I apply deep force to his head while teasing it with my tongue, never stopping the delicious contact. He tastes wonderful. I pull him in and out, back and forth, across my mouth, palate, lips and tongue: over and over. Within seconds, he’s keening inside his throat. I feel sexy, powerful. His hips lurch forward, moving in rhythm to my mouth.
He’s close to coming. I can feel it.
He stops me with one hand, and his cock leaves my mouth with a sound that’s something like a ‘pop’. He clears his throat, trying to gather his wits. “Sadie. I don’t want to come. Stop, okay?” I giggle, hug his hips and dip my mouth toward him again. He stills and grabs me forcefully. “I said, no.”
I pause, the smile leaving my face. He pushes me away from him and down onto the bed, covering my body with his own. He isn’t smiling at all, but instead looks confused – or is it angry? He positions himself over me, pushes my legs far apart and drives his rigid length deep into my body. God, he’s huge. I could never tell him how raw I am down there; he might feel guilty. Or stop doing what he’s doing. So I’m quiet, not making a sound. He moves slowly, forcefully between my legs, propping his weight on his arms. He looks at me full in the face, tension on his. Well, admittedly, a combination of pleasure and tension. He can’t hide the passion on his face, the intensity of his enjoyment. His eyes flutter open and closed with each lunge. He moves in me faster, grunting as he increases the pressure on my sex. Lucas closes his eyes, a bead of perspiration dripping off his nose and onto my breasts. He’s close to orgasm; I can see it on his beautiful face. He pounds into me for six or seven last thrusts and then his cock swells and empties into me. He gasps, eyes closed; his mouth open. Then he lowers his face to mine and rubs his cheek against my neck, my face. He’s panting, sweating.
“Sadie, baby”, he gasps. He rolls away from me, unsticking the two of us. He lies on his back, staring at the ceiling.
He pauses for a minute, ready to speak but hesitating. “Look, I know you’re innocent – but that wasn’t your first blowjob, babe. Far from it. So, someone’s taught you everything about pleasing a man with your mouth. Am I the only one you’re involved with right now? Don’t lie to me.” He looks at me, both skeptical and disappointed.
I flinch.
Oh, I get it. I’ve only been able to keep my virginity up to this point by giving head to every man I see. I clear my throat, tears close to the surface. I’m sure I have a horrified look on my face, and I have a two-second memory of Dusty Kennon, locking me in a small room at the ranch until I’ve learned how to suck his cock just right. My jaws ached afterward, to say nothing of my heart. I shudder involuntarily. I suddenly feel spent, exhausted – as if I never slept at all. The security and acceptance of our nap is long gone, replaced with mistrust and hurt.
“Lucas, you obviously know nothing about me. I’m leaving now, as soon as I’m dressed.”
I get out of bed, retrace my steps and gather my clothes. He sits up in bed, now fully aware of my upset. Cream sheets puddle around his naked hips. I take my wadded outfit into the bathroom, locking the door.
My hands are shaking.
I wash myself off, rinsing the traces of Lucas from my lower body. I brush my teeth again, splash water on my face, and get redressed. There’s a hair tie in my tunic, and I put my disheveled mane into a quick updo in an attempt to look more polished. I look at myself in the mirror. I’m paler than usual. I wish I knew where my duffle bag went, so I could put on makeup. I find a tube of lip gloss in my sweater pocket, and gratefully apply it. Anything to give me more leverage. I need to cry, need to cry with all my might.
But I’m not going to. It’s after dark. I’m either headed to the train station and back to New York, or to my dad’s place. Either one of them will be a blessed relief from all this. I step out of the bathroom, prepared go toe-to-toe with Mr. Unpredictable.
He’s leaned up against the wall facing the bathroom door, dressed again. He has a closed look on his face, and he swallows with difficulty. “Listen, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m sorry, Sadie. I hurt your feelings, and I didn't mean to. Please, forgive me?” He moves toward me. “I get confused by you; I think that’s what it is. I know you’re inexperienced, but there are things about you that aren’t …like how you touched me just now. I don’t think I’ve ever been so close to coming, so fast, in my life. You’re so unbelievably sexy to me, baby. I want you, all the time. I’m not a jealous person. And, I just got jealous. For no reason. You’re bringing out feelings in me that I don’t like, along with the ones that I do. ”
Tears push wetly out of the corners of my eyes. How can I explain to him how messed up I am? I just…can’t. If he knows, it will be the end of anything between us. Who would sign up to get involved with me?
I know the answer. No one.
Chapter Fourteen
“This Life”
Mandalay, Empathy
I’m about to make up an excuse for leaving when I hear a booming voice call Lucas’ name from downstairs. It’s loud, and one hundred percent male.
“Lucas Sutton! Get your ass down here!”
We both pause.
He looks at me with a smile. “My dad”, he says. “I have no idea what he’s doing here. Come downstairs, Sadie. I want you to meet him, and he definitely needs to meet you.” Lucas moves closer, in my personal space. “We’ll figure all this out, baby. I want to. Really want to.” He leans in and brushes my glossed lips with his. I pull back, slightly. Oh, you can hurt me. I can’t do this and survive, I think.
I decide to go downstairs, make nice with Mr. Sutton senior, and get out of this place as quickly as possible afterward. Hopefully with both my pride and my baggage, intact. This is it. I’m done.
Bain Sutton is at the bottom of the stairs. He’s wearing a navy blue suit, and he looks expensive and in charge. Everything
about him is perfect, from his gleaming shoes to his haircut. Wow. Runs in the family, I muse. Lucas precedes me down the stairs and I see his father react to my presence very subtly. He’s surprised to see a woman coming from Lucas’ private floor. I file this away mentally for future consideration.
Lucas lopes elegantly down both risers of steps, and shakes his father’s hand when he’s reached the floor below. I follow him, hesitating. Both of them look up to me as I hit the top of the last riser. I’m not sure who to look toward, so I look down - better to be sure I don’t trip and fall. I take the last ten stairs. When I look up they’re just looking away from each other, and something has passed between them. I have no idea what it means.
The older man clears his throat and says, “It looks like there are introductions that need to be made.”
Lucas smiles. “Dad, this is Sadie Graves. She’s the lingerie designer I told you about on Friday, working with Anna Rosenstein. Funny enough, she’s also close with Teddy Thomas’ wife, Emma. Small world.”
He inclines his head toward me. “Sadie, this is my father, Bain Sutton. He’ll be working with Anna to secure the lingerie line for Sutton Shield. I’ve told him about your designs, but not about us.”
My eyes widen. There is no us, my brain says softly. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Sutton. I’ve heard Anna speak of you before.” I don’t acknowledge Lucas’ last comment. I look into Bain’s black eyes, and smile. He relaxes and takes my hand. “Lucas is impressed with your talent, Sadie. I’m glad to meet you in person. I have an appointment with Anna on Tuesday, to discuss working together. Will you be sitting in?”