LIGHTS IN THE SHADOW

by Rana Demiriz

  I frowned. I wasn’t quite fond of my new title. “Please don’t call me like that,” I said through gritted teeth.

  He seemed defeated. “I’m sorry I was just joking.”

  “I don’t care. Just please don’t call me like that again.” I repeated. My voice came out angry. I guess that upset him a little bit. I still couldn’t look at his face.

  “What are we planning to do today? You said I was finally going to learn the truth.” I said.

  “You need to go to your school first, Ms. Riley. You have some paperwork to do.”

  I made a sour face when he reminded me of that. He giggled. “And after that?” I said.

  “After that, we will go to the airport to send off Lana and Richard. And then, you and I are going to somewhere different. I will take you somewhere where all of your questions will be answered.”

  “All right. At least Lana and Richard are leaving. What about the others?” I asked.

  “After a little bit of research, I found out that Sophia is going to stay with Alex in New Jersey.” I made a sour face again when I heard that.

  “And what about Carmela and Aida?” I asked.

  “Carmela wants to go to France to take a wine tasting class. She was planning to go with a friend from the saloon. She was not sure about going or not, so I encouraged her a little bit. She is quite excited about the trip right now.” he said braggingly.

  I was a little bit hurt by how he knew more about Carmela’s plan than I did. I was so busy with my own problems and trying to put a boundary between Rio and me that I couldn’t pay attention to my sisters.

  But I couldn’t be happier about Carmela’s trip by sheer luck. My sisters were going to be scattered all around the world. They were going to be safe. While they were having their holidays, I was going to be at ‘war’ here. Still, it was better if I died, not them. But then I realized I forgot someone: Aida. What was going to happen to Aida? Was she going to battle with us? How could an Azurite, who doesn’t even know her talent, take part in a war like this? Even her sisters were not fighting! Well, actually, I was the one who prevented them. If I ever told them, they would join us right away. In fact, they knew about the war, but they didn’t know that we, or rather I was involved. And it was in their best interest. They must have thought that I was planning to spend my whole summer at home with Rio.

  “Aida must leave here. Everywhere is safer than home,” I said.

  “Yes, I agree. That’s why I found a training program for her.”

  I couldn’t help laughing. Was Aida going on a training program? In summer?

  “Okay, fine, but what kind of training?” I said when I finally managed to stop laughing.

  “You know the farther away is the better, so I decided to send her to Germany to learn how to speak German,” he said.

  “Great idea! I don’t know if she’s going to be thrilled or upset, but this is great.” I paused. “We don’t have enough money to cover all the expenses. Carmela is leaving, Sophia is leaving, everybody is leaving. The tickets, her school, the payments… What am I going to do?” I pursed my lips.

  “You’re not alone in this, Mia. I can cover all the expenses,” he said.

  “No! I can’t accept that! It’s not possible.” I said. This was out of question.

  “I’ve already arranged everything, young lady. I won’t take ‘no’ as an answer. Everything is ready: Carmela and Sophia’s plane ticket, Aida’s school, and a place to stay.”

  “That is so generous, Rio. But I’m going to pay every penny back to you.” I said.

  “No, you won’t. Because even though you don’t pay me in cash, you pay me more spiritually. Think of it like this: I thought about it last night and decided that my part of the deal required less sacrifice. I felt bad about it, so I arranged the rest. Don’t think about this as a gift or a loan. Think of it as a responsibility. Because it had to be done.” he said.

  That made sense to me, or rather it worked for me. Because Rio was right, I had more responsibilities in this deal. “Okay, whatever you say. But I have one more question. When did you arrange all this?”

  “I dealt with everything while you were sleeping. I arranged all the plane tickets. They all leave today.” he said.

  “What? Do they know that? I mean the fact that they’re leaving today!”

  “I don't think so. But I’ll tell them now.”

  I froze for a moment. “Whoa!” I said.

  He raised one eyebrow and smiled. I guess he decided to be humble all of a sudden. His smile got wider and I…

  And I was going to be late if I kept staring at him like this. So, I got up from my bed and slipped on my robe in a swift movement. I opened my thrift shop like wardrobe and looked for an outfit that would fit today’s importance. My jeans and my red strappy blouse seemed to volunteer for the job. As soon as I grabbed them, I went to the bathroom and took a shower, but this time I didn’t lock the door.

  When I got out of the shower, Rio was not in the room. He must have made his bed and went downstairs. I felt bad and made my bed, too. As I knew my sisters would be leaving today, I wanted to spend time with them as much as possible. I quickly got dressed and ran to the stairs. When I reached downstairs, Rio had already told everyone their destinations. Contrary to my expectation, everybody looked surprisingly pleased, even Aida. That made me happy. While I was taking a shower and getting dressed, everyone had already packed their suitcases and had placed them by the entrance door. Unbelievable.

  When I rushed to the kitchen, it was 9.30 am, and there was no sign of breakfast. Everyone must have finished theirs. I opened the fridge and got a bottle of milk. I was going to have my usual breakfast: Cereal and milk. I remembered Rio’s schedule: Aida’s plane at 11 am. I didn’t even realize how fast I stuffed the cereal in my mouth.

  At 10 am, we called two cabs and went to the airport. When we arrived, Aida took both of her suitcases under her arm and said goodbye to all of us. I was the last to hug her.

  “Don't worry, I'll behave. Wait for a second! Are you crying?” she asked.

  Was I crying? I realized tears were falling on my cheeks, wiped off the tears with the back of my hand, and I managed to smile. “No, honey, I’m not crying. I’m just happy for you. You will be speaking another language when you get back. That’s great. I just want you to be careful, that’s all.”

  She lifted her chin. “Don’t worry; I can take care of myself,”

  “I’m sure you can.” The moment I finished my sentence, I started crying again. I felt like a mother who was about to lose her daughter forever. The mother part might not have been true, but I was right to fear that I might not see her again. What if something terrible happens to me and this was our last goodbye?

  A woman's voice coming from the speakers interrupted my thoughts. “That’s your flight. Go.” I said, still tearful. I hugged her one more time. She picked up her suitcases, waved at us, and rushed to the gates with a big smile on her face.

  I felt a delicate touch on my shoulder. Rio approached me and whispered: “Stop worrying! They’re going to figure out that something is wrong,” he said, looking at my other sisters. But my mind was elsewhere.

  “What if I never see my little sister again? What if I die?” I said, trying to swallow the lump in my throat.

  “Nothing is going to happen, Mia. Nothing. Calm down.” he said desperately.

  Once we avoided the curious looks of my sisters, the rest of the day was easier. Before we left the airport, I said goodbye to Lana and Richard, and even though it was hard, I managed not to cry. They were going to wait for their 2 pm flight at the airport, and I would meet with the student affairs officer.

  Rio offered to give me a ride, but I needed some time alone and went to school on my own. I walked to the student affairs office of my humble university and signed some papers. I printed the transcript of this semester, which meant the term was over. I wanted to sit on my favorite bench and think. I had only taken two steps when I s
aw Rio was sitting on the bench I intended to sit. Apparently, he came to take me from school. He smiled as soon as he saw me and got up.

  “Could you take care of everything? I guess there was a mix up with the grades,” he said.

  His smile turned into a grin. He had the grin of a boy who did something bad. “Please tell me you didn’t do what I think,” I said.

  “I only did a little research,” he said with an innocent look on his face.

  “Rio, what you did was illegal. You know that, right?”

  “The guy on the door backed up the moment I reached for my pocket anyway,” he said before bursting into laughter.

  “You can’t do that!” I said after I punched him on the shoulder. I should have sounded mad, but I was laughing with him instead.

  “Ms. Riley,” said a man behind us. That voice wiped the laughter off of my face and caused me to freeze in my place. I hated that voice more than anything in the world: The voice of Mr. Stanley, our mythology teacher.

  “Ms. Riley,” he repeated. “Considering that you skipped the last two classes, it’s interesting to see you here,” he said. He had always been sarcastic. It wasn’t personal. “Aren’t you going to introduce me to this young man?”

  I lifted my eyebrows. “Of course… Rio, Mr. Stanley; Mr. Stanley, Rio,” I said reluctantly. They shook hands.

  “You still haven’t said what you were doing with this young man,” said Mr. Stanley. He was constantly checking on us like we were still in the twentieth century. Even though he annoyed us, we still had to answer his questions. After all, he was my teacher.

  “Rio is my… Err...”

  “Boyfriend,” Rio finished my sentence. That was a mistake. Mr. Stanley was a meddler. “Send me an invitation to your wedding, Ms. Riley,” he said.

  “God forbid,” I said to myself. And even if there were a wedding, he would be the last person to see it.

  “Pleased to meet you, Rio. Ms. Riley,” he nodded and left. I sighed.

  “What was that about?” said Rio.

  “He is a bit eccentric,” I said. “Come on, let’s go.”

  I let him hold my hand. All eyes were on us as we were walking on the side of the road. All the girls were checking out Rio and trying to understand what he was doing with me. Some rumors were going around. I got in the cab immediately.

  Our next destination was the airport again. This time we were going to say goodbye to Carmela. Rio made a few unsuccessful attempts to start a conversation, but when he realized I didn't feel like talking, he gave up eventually. My sisters were leaving one by one. I couldn’t just sit there and keep talking to him or make war plans. This was not the time.

  When we arrived at the airport, I saw Carmela, sitting in a corner with her friend whom Rio mentioned before. I recognized her when I saw her face. Rita and Carmela have been friends for four years. She'd been helping Carmela with the beauty salon.

  The gates were closing in ten minutes, but they were still waiting for us. I saw Sophia running. She was happy to make it on time. I wondered when she was leaving. She was probably leaving today, too. Rio didn’t mention her name in his schedule.

  I ran to Carmela. I hugged her and said: “Have fun and travel well but most importantly, be careful. Be very, very careful.”

  “Mia, sweetie. Are you sure you want me to go? I can still cancel my flight.” she said. She looked concerned.

  And here I was, crying again. I couldn’t help myself because Carmela had a special place in my heart. She'd become a better big sister to me than Lana. We shared almost everything. My brain started echoing with the thoughts Rio helped to ease earlier. What if I died? What if I never got to see her again? What if this was our last conversation?

  “No, No, I’m fine. I’m just a little over-sensitive today.”

  “Okay, sweetie,” she said and turned to Rio. “Take good care of my sister. If she is harmed in any way, I won’t be responsible for my actions,” she said. She looked scary even to me. That made me laugh bitterly as I was surely going to get harmed. It would be a miracle to come out of this war in one piece, and apparently, miracles never happened to me.

  I hugged Carmela for one last time and watched her leave with Rita. This time, Sophia, Rio, and I were left behind. Soon, Sophia would also leave, and I'd be alone with Rio. Just Rio and me.

  “I’m leaving in an hour. Alex is going to meet me at the airport in New Jersey,” said Sophia behind me.

  “Call me when you get there, okay?” I said.

  “Don’t worry Mia, we’re all happy but are you okay?” I was almost sure she was glaring at Rio suspiciously.

  I turned my head and saw that I was right. “I’m happy for you. Don’t worry about me. Enjoy your vacation!” and I added, “Don’t spend too much money, okay? We can’t afford that.” She was the biggest spender in our family, so I had to warn her.

  “Okay, don’t worry,” she said, laughing.

  We sat there silently for half an hour. When we heard them announce Sophia’s flight, we all got up, and I hugged her. She turned her back. I yelled behind her.

  “Sophia! Say hi to Alex. If he upsets you, he will be in trouble. Tell him exactly that.”

  “Okay, I will,” she said and kept on walking. I couldn’t help myself and called her name once more. She turned to me.

  “I love you no matter what, okay? You’re always going to be my little sis. Don’t forget that. Whatever happens, I will always love you.” I said.

  My eyes filled with tears, and suddenly Sophia was right beside me. “Nothing is going to happen to any of us, Mia. But if you keep talking crazily, I will leave my luggage and come home with you.”

  “No, just go!” I said louder than I thought.

  “Well, if you want to be alone this much, then sure,” she said, looking at Rio hintingly. “Don’t coddle him too much, okay? "she whispered to my ear.

  I was mad, but I smiled anyway. “Come on; you’re going to miss your flight!” She kissed me on the cheek and left.

  I didn’t say anything. I just couldn’t. Rio was also silent; he didn’t have anything to say either. We just looked at each other’s eyes, and after a silent cab ride, we stood in front of my big house and just stared at it. We opened the front door quietly and got inside. We sat on the couch, looking at each other in silence.

  I had sent all my sisters away. They thought it was just a vacation, but they had no idea they had just saved their lives. This might've been the last time I saw them. It was a moment of truth. I was already at a point of no return. We were making the final preparations for the war: I sent my sisters away, and now we needed more followers. As far as I knew, there were only two of us—Rio and me. And I still had no idea why I was significant in all this. That was next on my to-do list. I had to know why I was so important. Rio must have realized what was bothering me because he said: “Don’t worry; I will show you. We are leaving tomorrow. Be prepared.”

  “Okay,” I said in a rather calm way. When I became quiet, he got up from his seat and sat beside me, placing his hand over my leg. I would normally get mad, but his hand was on my knee. It seemed completely friendly.

  “I thought you were happy about sending your sisters away.”

  I started crying again. Even I was tired of myself. “Of course I’m happy about it, but who knows when will I see them again?” I said.

  He put his hand on my shoulder. “How many times should I tell you to stop talking like that?” he said.

  “Yes, you’re right, I’m sorry,” I sobbed. “Well, what can I say?” I sighed and lowered my eyes. “Saying goodbye is never easy.”

  CHAPTER 12

  I prepared dinner, and we ate in silence. What was there to talk about anyway? I was hurting. My life became upside down suddenly. I had to process what I've learned so far. My sisters were not here anymore, so I didn’t have to pretend. This was a massive relief for me. But how long would it last?

  To avoid talking to him, I turned on the TV, pretending to wat
ch whatever was on. Not yet, I repeated in my head. Rio’s phone rang around 11 pm. My brain was numb, so it was like a wake-up call for me. I glanced at him. He got up and reached for his phone in his back pocket. He answered the phone the moment he saw the name on the screen. He didn’t leave the room or told me who was calling; he just nodded silently in response to whatever the caller was saying. I was trying to understand what was happening from his expression, but his face was blank. When he finished his call, he politely thanked the caller and hung up. He turned to me and smiled.

  “Change of plans, Mia. Pack your suitcase. We’re leaving right away.” he said.

  I adapted faster than I thought. “Fine, okay.”

  “Hurry up; our plane departs in two hours.”

  It was starting.

  I nodded obediently and went upstairs. When I couldn’t decide which suitcase to bring with me, I took the big brown one. After all, I had no idea when or if we were ever coming back. I stuffed everything I could find in the suitcase. I put in some clean underwear, a couple of my nightgowns and my robe, my T-shirts and my shorts. I didn’t know where we were going, so I had no idea how the weather conditions might be like. I took my sweatpants, my jeans, and a heeled sandal. When I went beside my dressing table, I hesitated for a minute then I decided to take a lipstick with me, a mascara and an eye pencil. I didn’t need anything else. We were not going on a cruise. I gave a last look at my little room, which I shared with Carmela. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that I had to fight for them.

  When I ran downstairs with my suitcase, Rio was waiting for me. “Be careful! You’re going to fall,” he said.

  I held onto the railing. “It's okay. I’m ready to go.”

  “So am I." He was holding the jacket which he was wearing when he came. He took the suitcase from my hands.

  When we reached the entrance, I wore my sneakers and tucked my jean jacket under my arm. At that moment, I felt overwhelmed by sadness and turned to look at our living room. The house, which was always filled with joy thanks to my sisters, was empty now. All the lights were off except the hallway’s light. I switched it off. We were also leaving.