Coming Home: A Story of Undying Hope

by Karen Kingsbury

  Ashley still had a tender hold of the girl’s hand when her eyes began to flutter. Then, for the first time since the accident, her eyes opened all the way. She closed them again and after several minutes, she blinked them open again. Instead of looking away or searching for someone else, in the dim light of the hospital room she squinted at Ashley. And for the first time since the accident she opened her mouth and tried to speak. It took work, and her pain was evident in her expression, but finally she eked out, “Hi, Aunt Ashley.”

  This wasn’t the time to cry, but Ashley had to blink away her tears so she could see the girl clearly. “Hi, sweetie. How do you feel?”

  “Sick.” She frowned again and shifted herself one way and then another. “Everything hurts.” She let her eyes make a careful search of the room. “Where am I?”

  “In the hospital. The doctors are taking care of you.”

  “Why?”

  The child’s single word undid Ashley. She held her breath, silently begging God for the words. The medical team working Amy’s case had advised that when she woke up, they should tell her the truth. “Tell her gradually,” the doctor had said. “Don’t worry. You’ll know what to say and when.”

  “Aunt Ashley,” her words were croaky and barely more than a strained whisper. “Why am I in the hospital?”

  Ashley felt panic rise within her until it was up to her neck, threatening to consume her. Help me, God … I’m not sure I can do this.

  I am with you, Daughter … I am always with you.

  The truth settled her heart. Ashley leaned closer, and with her free hand she brushed the blonde hair off Amy’s forehead. “You were in an accident, baby. Your whole family.”

  Amy blinked, her eyes beyond blue even here in the shadows. “Was my family hurt, too?”

  “Yes.” This time Ashley could feel the Lord’s hands on her shoulders, feel Him beside her, His spirit bringing calm to the moment. Ashley tried to divert the conversation. “You were sleeping for a long time.”

  She blinked again, confusion still coloring her expression. “I’m still tired.” She squinted again, as if maybe her head hurt or she was trying to see clearly. “I had a dream.”

  “You did?” Ashley’s heartbeat quickened. “Tell me about it.”

  “It was pretty.” The girl smiled, a shy, slight, little smile that was gone as soon as it came. But still it gave Ashley hope. “We were having a picnic in a field.” Her words were slow, her tone still groggy and hoarse. “Everyone was there. Mommy and Daddy … Clarissa and Chloe … me and Heidi Jo.” Her eyes lit up a little. “There was someone else. I think she was our grandma. That’s what she told me. And there was another little girl named Sarah.” She thought for a second. “Remember that pretty painting, Aunt Ashley?” She stopped, tired from the story. “The one in the playroom?”

  If Ashley hadn’t been sitting down, she probably would’ve fainted. Amy was describing a scene she’d painted years ago, one that hung in their playroom to this day. The painting was of her mother in heaven with baby Sarah, the two of them in a beautiful field of flowers. She struggled to find her voice. “Yes. I remember.”

  “It was like that.” Amy yawned and her eyelids looked heavy again. “It was so beautiful, Aunt Ashley. I didn’t want to leave. But Grandma said we’d all be back there one day.”

  And like that the girl yawned again and closed her eyes. She was asleep before Ashley had the chance to exhale. Was it possible? That somehow Amy had been given a glimpse of her family in heaven? That her mother had spoken to the child and that little Sarah had been there, too? Had God allowed this as a way of lessening the blow for Amy? If not for her faith, Ashley wouldn’t have believed the child’s account of her dream. She would’ve thought the girl was confusing the painting with some strange vision and an overactive imagination.

  After all, Amy was little more than a baby when her grandmother died. As far as Ashley knew, she’d never asked about the painting in the playroom. Even if she knew a little of what her grandmother looked like, that wouldn’t explain the child having a conversation with her. In a beautiful grassy field, surrounded by the rest of her family?

  Ashley noticed the chills on her arms, the ones still making their way down to her feet. She remembered a passage from 1 Corinthians, chapter 13 … something she’d read in preparation for tomorrow’s memorial service. It was the section of Scripture most known for its description of love. But tucked in the midst of that was a verse that said, Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

  Now we only know in part, right, Lord? That’s what You’re showing me. Because there was no real explanation for the dream Amy had shared with her. Whether it was an actual visit or a vision or simply a dream given to her from God alone. And no way of knowing whether she’d remember it again in the morning. For now if nothing else it gave Ashley the chance to see something she desperately believed to be true.

  The picture of Erin and her family, and her mother and Sarah, all of them together and in a most wonderful place called heaven. If God would give Amy a picture like that, then Ashley had nothing to worry about.

  God would carry them through whatever heartache lay ahead.

  THE QUESTION DIDN’T COME WHEN AMY stepped from her hospital bed into the wheelchair and was pushed down the hall with Ashley and Landon and Cole. It didn’t come as they went through the glass double doors or as the nurse who walked them out made sure they were okay, and as she headed back inside with the wheelchair. In the tense quiet, Ashley and Cole stood on either side of Amy, their arms around her frail shoulders, as they waited while Landon went to get their Toyota 4-Runner.

  “It’s hot out here.” Amy looked up at her. Katy and Dayne had bought Amy a few new outfits on Friday after their day at the lake. She wore one of them now, a pretty pink and white shirt, pink leggings and white Converse tennis shoes. She seemed strong, able to handle the work of standing as they waited for Landon to pull up. “It’s still summer, right, Aunt Ashley?”

  “Yes, sweetheart. Summer’s just getting started.”

  Cole swapped a nervous look with Ashley. At fifteen he was already taking on the role of older brother to his new little sister. But even with the concern in his eyes, neither he nor Ashley pushed the conversation. They were following doctor’s orders, letting Amy ask the questions, but at some point soon the truth had to come out. She understood his concern. The question about her family had to come up soon. Cole pulled out his phone and stooped down next to Amy. “Have I showed you Devin’s frogs? He’s caught about twenty this week.”

  “Really?” She looked interested, but not overly so. She looked at the pictures and smiled, but then she quickly turned her look to Ashley, and her smile was gone. “Are we leaving the hospital?”

  “Yes.” Ashley put her arm around Amy’s shoulders. “We’re going back to my house. The Baxter house.” Ashley felt her heart begin to race. “Remember that?”

  “Yes.” She looked over her shoulder, straining to see someone, anyone. “What about my mommy and daddy? Are they coming?”

  Ashley felt herself falling, felt gravity double its hold on her. “Well … honey …” She turned and faced Amy, just as she heard Landon pull up behind her. She had told him about the previous night, about Amy’s dream and how strangely real and comforting it had been. Now she hoped Landon could help her remind Amy of the details.

  “Want me to get Dad?” Cole asked his question in a whisper. The fear in his voice reminded her of her own.

  “Yes.” Ashley nodded, and she watched Cole hurry over and open the passenger door. She focused all her attention on the blonde girl, her arm in a sling, the cast from her shoulder to her fingertips. It looked half as big as her. “Amy.” She closed the distance between herself and the girl and hugged her. As she did, Landon and Cole returned and took up their positions on either side of her. Amy didn’t return the hug, but she didn’t fight it, either.

  Finally Ashley took a half step back. “Honey, we
need to tell you something. Can we do that when we get to the house?”

  “I can’t leave.” She took a shaky step to one side and then the other, glancing over her shoulder to the left and right. Then she looked from Ashley to Landon, from Landon to Cole, and then back to Ashley. “We can’t leave them here. Where are they?” Her face looked pale, her eyes wider than before. “My mommy and daddy? And my sissies? Are they in the hospital?”

  Ashley’s thoughts froze in place, and her tears were instant. She pictured this conversation happening at home in a quiet bedroom. But Amy thought they were leaving her family behind — and so she needed to know now. Landon seemed to notice Ashley’s struggle. He started to stoop down to Amy’s level, but Ashley put her hand on his shoulder and shook her head. This was something she needed to do. The promise to Erin had been hers, and she felt personally responsible for telling Amy Elizabeth the truth.

  She filled her lungs and begged God to give her the words. Because for the rest of her time, regardless of what wonderful or tragic things might happen in Amy’s life, she would remember the next few minutes always. Ashley knelt down on the ground in front of Amy. She felt Cole and Landon put their hands on her shoulders, and their presence helped.

  “You’re crying.” Amy brushed lightly at the tears on Ashley’s cheeks. “Are you sad?”

  “I am.” Ashley sniffed. Please, Lord … help me handle this. I need You. She breathed in again, deeper this time. As she exhaled she saw the image of her painting, the one with her mom in heaven. Heaven the way she pictured it. And a sense of peace filled her soul. “Sweetheart, remember your dream?”

  This time she only nodded, her eyes never leaving Ashley’s.

  “What do you remember about it?” Ashley put her hands on Amy’s slim shoulders, praying her touch would give the girl strength. She would be tired of standing soon.

  “My dream?” Amy gulped a mouthful of air, her fear tangible. “I was in a really pretty place with green grass and flowers. And my mommy and daddy were there. And Clarissa and Chloe and Heidi Jo. And my grandma and a little girl named Sarah.”

  Ashley was stunned at Amy’s recall. Was it a dream, then? Or something else? Something they wouldn’t understand until they were all in heaven. “Remember what you told me … how you didn’t want to leave?”

  “Because it was so nice.” She gulped again. “Everyone was happy.” Again she looked over her shoulder, straining a little as if her parents might come into view at any moment.

  Ashley felt Landon squeeze her shoulder. She understood. There was no way to delay the news another moment. “Amy …”

  “Yes.” She locked eyes with Ashley again. “So do you know where they are? My family?”

  “I do.” Tears overflowed from Ashley’s heart, but she blinked them back. “Your family is in that beautiful place. Where you saw them in your dream.”

  “But that … that was a dream.” Amy’s little body began to tremble.

  “No, sweetie. It was real.” Ashley brushed her knuckles against Amy’s velvet-smooth cheek. “Your mommy and daddy and your sisters are in heaven with your grandma and your cousin Sarah.”

  Amy looked down at her new tennis shoes. She twisted one foot, her body still shaking.

  “Amy, sweetie … do you understand?”

  She looked up, and though the fear remained, her eyes were dry. “How did they get there? To that pretty place?”

  Ashley wanted to take the girl in her arms and never bring this up again. But this was only the beginning. “You and your family were coming to the party, do you remember that?”

  She nodded. “For Papa’s birthday.”

  “Exactly.” Ashley’s heart raced. Please help me, Father. For all the things Ashley had been through, this had to be one of the most difficult. “On your way here, your family was in an accident. Your mommy and daddy and your sisters went to heaven, Amy. That’s why God let you see it in your dream.”

  “Why didn’t I get to go?”

  “Well …” Ashley felt Cole crying quietly beside her. “The only reason any of us is here is because God still has plans for us. We still have more work to do.”

  “Oh.”

  Amy’s precious question was still ringing in Ashley’s head. It wasn’t the question she’d expected. She thought Amy would ask why God had taken her family away from her. But she’d been given a glimpse of heaven. Of course she didn’t want to know why they had gone. She wanted to know why God had left her behind. Ashley could barely draw a breath for the ache in her heart. “Do you understand, honey?”

  Amy nodded. Again her eyes were dry, but the fear had dissipated some from her expression. She looked over her shoulder back at the hospital once more, and Ashley could see her searching, hoping. Wanting so badly to see her mom or dad … one of her sisters … come running into view. But the lobby was empty.

  She turned once more and looked at Ashley, her sweet eyes full of concern. “Who’s gonna take care of me?”

  “I am.” Ashley’s answer was immediate. “We are. Uncle Landon and me, and Cole and Devin and Janessa. You’re going to stay with us.”

  Amy lifted her eyes to Cole, and then to Landon and back to Ashley. She nodded once more. “Okay.” She looked like she might faint, like shock had completely taken over, and caused a shutdown in her heart and soul.

  “Come here.” Ashley gently pulled Amy into her arms. And as she did, she could see herself standing over Erin’s bed again, talking to her for the last time, telling her Amy would be safe. That nothing would ever happen to her. That final conversation.

  Amy still didn’t return her hug, but this time she fell against Ashley, as if she couldn’t stand for another moment. Ashley tried to imagine the questions Amy must have. Questions about her home back in Texas and how they were going to get her things, and whether she was going to stay for now or forever, and a hundred others. But for now she didn’t ask any of them.

  “I’m ready to go.” She stepped away from Ashley and hugged her broken arm to her chest. “My arm hurts.”

  Ashley stood and shared a look with Landon, a look that said they had a long way to go. Cole, too, had the look. And as they helped Amy into the car, as Ashley finally allowed the tears that had been building in her heart, it occurred to her that they wouldn’t only need God’s help to get through this season of pain with Amy.

  They would need a miracle.

  THEY DECIDED TO CELEBRATE THEIR FATHER’S birthday Sunday afternoon.

  Since they’d all come with letters and plans to make this birthday unforgettable, Ashley and the others thought it only right that before Katy and Dayne flew home Monday morning, and before Luke and Reagan drove home to Indianapolis Sunday night, they take a few hours and do what they had set out to do from the beginning.

  Let their father know how much they loved him.

  Amy had gone to bed right when they got home last night and she was sleeping now. The way she had most of the day. Ashley helped her brush her teeth, and the whole time she said very little. She was up for breakfast this morning for a short while, and all the cousins talked to her, hugging her and telling her they were glad to see her.

  Amy was pleasant and kind. But she was definitely in shock. Like she had found a way to convince herself she was merely having a visit at her aunt’s house, and that somehow she’d find her way back home, back to her family when the trip was over. She still hadn’t cried or gotten angry or asked another question. Ashley had set her up on the sofa where Jessie had been sleeping until a few nights ago. After Erin’s death, after their around-the-clock vigil at the hospital was over, Kari and Brooke and their families and their dad and Elaine had returned to their homes.

  But by Sunday at noon everyone was back at Ashley’s.

  Landon and Ryan were out back getting the barbecue ready. Ashley noticed something she hadn’t heard in a week, a week that felt more like a year. The guys were laughing. Not loud raucous laughter that at times had marked so many of their family get-togethers.
But a quiet easy laughter, the kind that took first steps toward living again. Laughter also marked the sound of the cousins playing Frisbee at the back of the property. The sky was blue and cloudless, cooler than last week.

  Luke and Reagan were still at the house, since they lived an hour away. Luke found Ashley in the kitchen as she was chopping a fruit salad.

  “I just talked to Naomi Boggs.” His features were tight, the concern in his eyes at a new level. “Things aren’t good, Ash.”

  “What’d she say?” Ashley set down the knife. Adrenaline flooded her veins.

  “She talked to the judge. The hearing’s set for a week from Wednesday.”

  Ashley steadied herself against the kitchen counter. “That’s … ten days.”

  “Right, and we either have proof Candy isn’t fit to be a mother, or she gets custody. It’s an open-and-shut case.”

  “Proof?” Ashley’s hands were shaking. “Erin’s texts … she had proof, right?”

  Luke released a heavy sigh. He stared at the floor for several seconds before looking up. “Since I can’t ask her …” He hadn’t cried much or often since the accident, but here his eyes welled up. More out of frustration than anything else, by the looks of it. “Since the first time I saw that text, I’ve been trying to figure out what proof she could’ve had.”

  “What have you done?” Ashley was still trying to get past the news. Amy could be taken from them as quickly as ten days from now? They couldn’t let that happen. If Erin had proof that Candy had wrong intentions, they needed to find that proof. Immediately.

  “I contacted Erin’s neighbor. She was listed in Erin’s phone as an emergency contact.” By then the neighbors knew what had happened. Friends from Erin and Sam’s church had contacted everyone acquainted with the family. “The neighbor knew where Erin and Sam kept an extra key.” His frustration seemed to grow. “I had her go in and look around, scour the place for anything with Candy Burns’s name on it.” He shook his head. “Nothing.”