by Julian Clary
Contents
Cover
World Book Day Info
Copyright
Title Page
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
More Books
Mr Bold's Jokes
Word Scramble
Spangles McNasty Extract
World Book Day Share A Story
WORLD BOOK DAY 2018
CELEBRATE STORIES. LOVE READING.
This book has been specially written and published to celebrate World Book Day. We are a charity who offers every child and young person the opportunity to read and love books by offering you the chance to have a book of your own. To find out more – as well as oodles of fun activities and reading recommendations to continue your reading journey, visit WORLDBOOKDAY.COM
World Book Day in the UK and Ireland is made possible by generous sponsorship from National Book Tokens, participating publishers, booksellers, authors and illustrators. The £1 (€1.50 in Ireland) book tokens are a gift from your local Bookseller.
World Book Day works in partnership with a number of charities, all of whom are working to encourage a love of reading for pleasure.
The National Literacy Trust is an independent charity that encourages children to enjoy reading. Just 10 minutes of reading every day can make a big difference to how well you do at school and to how successful you could be in life. LITERACYTRUST.ORG.UK
The Reading Agency inspires people of all ages and backgrounds to read for pleasure and empowerment. They run the Summer Reading Challenge in partnership with libraries, as well as supporting reading groups in schools and libraries all year round. Find out more and join your local library. SUMMERREADINGCHALLENGE.ORG.UK
WORLD BOOK DAY ALSO FACILITATES FUNDRAISING FOR:
Book Aid International, an international book donation and library development charity. Every year, they provide one million books to libraries and schools in communities where children would otherwise have little or no opportunity to read. BOOKAID.ORG.UK
Read for Good, who motivate children in schools to read for fun through its sponsored read, which thousands of schools run on World Book Day and throughout the year. The money raised provides new books and resident storytellers in all of the UK’s children’s hospitals. READFORGOOD.ORG
This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.
Version 1.0
Epub ISBN 9781787611221
First published in Great Britain in 2018 by
Andersen Press Ltd,
20 Vauxhall Bridge Road, London SWIV 2SA
www.andersenpress.co.uk
Text Copyright © Julian Clary, 2018
Illustration Copyright © David Roberts, 2018
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.
The rights of Julian Clary and David Roberts to be identified as the author and Illustrator of this work have been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988.
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data available
ISBN 978 1 78344 629 2
Parents are a funny lot, aren’t they? Full of surprises! My mother once met me from school wearing a pair of knickers on her head. She said it was World Knickers Day, but of course there’s no such thing. She was just being silly.
And my father encouraged me to read and write, but then seemed less keen when I wrote on my bedroom wall with felt-tip pen. Make your mind up!
But it is true, I suppose, that parents know things we don’t. They’re bound to because they’re so old. And it can be worth listening to them sometimes.
Occasionally parents say something interesting, if only by the law of averages. And parents know things too: what you’re having for tea, whether you’ve washed your hands or not, where your birthday presents are hidden. And what the family secrets are...
This is a story about a very surprising family secret told to Betty and Bobby Bold by their parents, the evening before their first day at school. It is a story that is hard to believe. But I assure you it is true. I mean, if I was going to make something up, it wouldn’t be as incredible as the tale I’m about to tell you, trust me!
Betty and Bobby are twins and they live with their parents in a lovely semi-detached house in Teddington. On this particular night they were ready for bed – their teeth cleaned (they both have very large, pointy teeth) and their ears brushed (they both have very hairy ears).
They were waiting for their mother to tuck them in and their father to tell them a goodnight joke – Mr Bold loves jokes and has a job writing them for Christmas crackers.
But when they came into the room, their parents were looking very serious. Which was most unusual, because Mr and Mrs Bold are the most fun parents you could ever meet – always laughing and telling jokes.
‘What’s wrong, Dad?’ asked Betty.
‘You look worried,’ said Bobby.
Mr Bold sat himself on the end of Betty’s bed and coughed a couple of times. His wife put her hand on his shoulder and gave it a little squeeze. ‘Come on, dear,’ she said. ‘We’ve got to tell them.’
‘Tell us what?’ asked Betty.
‘Tell you who you really are,’ said her mother.
The twins didn’t understand and looked at each other in confusion.
‘Have you ever noticed that you’re different from other people?’ asked Mr Bold.
‘Well, I suppose our teeth are bigger than others’,’ suggested Bobby.
‘And we’re a bit hairier than other children,’ said Betty.
‘And we can’t stop laughing,’ said Bobby, and his shoulders started to shake as the giggles erupted from inside him.
‘Precisely,’ said his mother. ‘But there’s a reason for all that, my dear. A very unusual, rather special reason.’
‘Yes,’ agreed her husband. ‘You see it’s so unusual, we’ve been keeping it a secret. But now you’re going to school, we think it’s time to tell you.’
‘Tell us what?’ asked Bobby.
Mrs Bold opened her mouth to speak but no words came out.
‘What your mother is trying to tell you is that the reason we’re not like other people is because we’re not really people at all,’ said Mr Bold.
‘What?!’ Bobby howled with laughter. ‘What are we then? A computer game? Aliens?’
‘Oh no,’ said his mother. ‘Something much more unusual than that.’
‘We’re hyenas,’ stated Mr Bold. ‘Hyenas from Africa living in disguise as humans. And so far no one has discovered our secret. And that’s the way we want it to stay.’
As family secrets go, this is quite a shocker, don’t you think? The sort of thing that would keep you or I awake all night, wondering about it. But Bobby scratched his hairy ear and Betty ran her tongue across her pointy teeth, and they both began to consider whether it could really be true.
‘Africa?’ said Bobby.
‘Hyenas?’ said Betty.
The twins looked at each other and started to laugh.
> ‘This is the funniest joke you’ve ever told us, Dad.’
‘It’s not a joke, son. Far from it. For once in my life, I’m being serious.’
‘We don’t believe you,’ said Betty.
‘Can you prove it?’ demanded Bobby.
Mrs Bold looked at her husband, who nodded. ‘Yes children, I can,’ she said. ‘Look inside your pyjama bottoms and tell me what you can see there, apart from your legs and, er, private parts.’
The twins did as their mother suggested.
‘Round the back,’ said their father, helpfully.
‘This?’ asked Betty, pulling out a long, furry tail.
‘I’ve got one too,’ said Bobby, producing his own tail. ‘Don’t all children have these?’
‘No dear, they don’t,’ said Mrs Bold. ‘Now show them the photo, Fred.’
So Mr Bold produced a book called Animals of Africa, and opened it at a particular page.
‘Here,’ he said. ‘Take a look. This is a family of wild hyenas. Look at the cubs. Remind you of anyone?’
The twins’ eyes widened in wonderment.
‘Wow!’ said Bobby.
‘They’re just like us!’ said Betty. ‘And they’ve got tails, just like us!’
‘Human beings most certainly don’t have tails,’ pointed out Mrs Bold.
‘Now do you believe us?’ asked Mr Bold.
‘We really, really are wild African hyenas?’ said Bobby. ‘Brilliant!’
Mrs Bold held up a paw sternly. ‘No, Bobby. Hyenas, yes. Wild hyenas, definitely not. Not any more.’
‘But how did we get here?’ asked Betty, frowning.
‘We’ve got a lot to tell you, children,’ answered her mother. ‘Settle down and listen carefully. This is our Bolds’ Family Secret.’
‘Your mother and I haven’t always been called Amelia and Fred Bold,’ began the twins’ father. ‘We used to be Sue and Spot when we were hyenas living in Africa. Every day we scavenged for meat, rubbed our bottoms on plants and laughed along with the rest of our clan.
‘We lived very near a safari camp and the human beings there were always leaving scraps of food around. So most nights we would creep in, on the lookout for something to eat, and then listen to the stories they told each other round the campfire. Well, we animals are a lot more intelligent than people realise and it wasn’t long before your mother and I learned to speak human – in particular English, as many of the visitors to the camp were from England.’
‘One evening your father and I were going for a stroll when we came across a large pond,’
continued Mrs Bold. ‘Then we found some human clothes discarded on the side. Guess what? Some foolish humans had gone for a swim in the pond and been eaten by a crocodile.’
Betty gasped in shock.
‘I know, dear,’ said Mrs Bold, giving Betty a comforting stroke. ‘But these things happen in the wild. Survival of the fittest and the smartest. It’s dog eat dog. Or croc eat human, in this particular case. They wouldn’t have suffered. It would all have been over in a snap.’
‘Well, your mother and I had a rummage around,’ Mr Bold said, ‘and soon found amongst the clothes two passports, aeroplane tickets to England, a driving licence, and house keys to 41 Fairfield Road.’
‘That’s our house!’ exclaimed Bobby.
‘That’s right,’ said his father. ‘But at the time it belonged to Mr and Mrs Bold.’
‘But you’re Mr and Mrs Bold.’
‘Well, we are now, but at that time we were Sue and Spot the hyenas.’
‘Were Mr and Mrs Bold the people eaten by the crocodile?’ asked Betty.
‘Yes, they were,’ said Mr Bold (who wasn’t Mr Bold at the time of the crocodile incident, of course, but Spot.)
‘Well I suddenly had the boldest idea ever,’ said Mrs Bold (or should I say Sue the hyena? Try to keep up.) ‘I asked whether your father could walk on his hind legs and without hesitation he jumped up to show me. I then convinced him to try on the clothes with me and they fitted us beautifully. So, tucking in our tails and hiding our ears and snouts beneath hats, we decided to pretend to be Mr and Mrs Bold and leave the safari park for an adventure and new life in England.’
‘Are you for real?’ asked Betty.
‘I promise you,’ said her father.
‘It was terribly hot out there, dear,’ explained her mother. ‘Played havoc with my mange. So that evening your father and I walked into the safari camp on our hind legs.
‘ “Good evening, Mr and Mrs Bold,” said the man on reception. “Have you had a nice afternoon?”
‘“Yes thank you,” I said. “We’ve just been for a swim in the watering hole.”
‘“Oh, you must be very careful,” said the man. “There are lots of crocodiles living there. You could have been eaten alive.”
‘Your father and I couldn’t help it, we started to laugh. Well it’s what hyenas are famous for.
‘“Are you all right?” asked the man on reception.
‘“Oh yes, fine. Sorry, just dead tired.”
‘“Well, here are the keys to your room. Why don’t you get some sleep? The bus to take you to the airport will be here in the morning at five o’clock sharp. Good night.”
‘“Good night,” we said. He gave us the keys and we stared at them – they had a small key ring attached with some funny squiggles over it.
‘“What are these for?” asked your father. We didn’t know humans locked their doors. Whoever heard of such a thing? Hyenas might not be the most popular creatures in the animal kingdom, but we certainly never go into each other’s burrows to steal things.
‘“They’re the keys to your room of course,” said the receptionist. “Number 531, at the end of the corridor.”
‘“Of course,” I said. “My husband is being very silly!”
‘We tottered down the corridor to our room and shut the door behind us. It was the beginning of our exciting adventure – and there was no going back now. But of course we had an awful lot to learn!’
Mr and Mrs Bold began to laugh at the memory.
‘Your father had a drink out of the toilet!’
‘Your mother did a poo in the shower!’
‘We slept in the mini bar!’
‘We drank the bubble bath!’
‘We ate the wooden fruit bowl!’
‘And the pillows!’
‘We were laughing so much, Reception phoned, asking us to keep the noise down. But of course we’d never heard a phone ring before. When it started your father thought it was some sort of rodent and bit it. Then we heard an irritable voice say, “Mr Bold? Could we ask you to please make a little less noise?” It’s a wonder we weren’t rumbled.’
‘The state we left the honeymoon suite in! Terrible, really. Goodness knows what they must have thought.’ Fred and Amelia shook their heads at the memory of it all.
But then Mrs Bold continued the story. ‘We’d better crack on, Fred. So much more to explain to the children.’
‘Yes, indeed,’ agreed Mr Bold. ‘So, somehow we managed to pack our cases and get onto the bus to the airport. Which is where it happened for the first time...’
‘What did?’ asked Betty.
‘Your father heard his first joke. From the driver.’
‘What was it?’ asked Bobby.
Why did the bus stop?
Because it saw the zebra crossing!
‘I thought it was the funniest thing I’d ever heard, and I laughed hysterically for so long, people began to stare.’
‘Of course we didn’t want that, so I managed to calm your father down eventually by putting his head between his knees. And that was the first, and really the most important, lesson we learned.’
‘Don’t draw attention to yourself!’
‘A very important lesson, children. If people start to scrutinise you too closely, they might notice things about you that will get them thinking. And when human beings think too much, it always leads to trouble.’
‘Got it,’ said Bobby and Betty together.
‘So what happened next?’ asked Betty, wide awake and eager to hear the next bit of the Bolds’ adventure.
‘Well, it all got a bit tricky, I can tell you,’ said her mother.
‘Our adventure was almost over before it began,’ agreed Mr Bold, shuddering as he remembered what happened.
‘Oh no!’ said Bobby, pulling the duvet up to his furry chin.
‘The airport,’ said Mrs Bold darkly. ‘A strange and dangerous place for a hyena. For lots of reasons.’
‘Tell us, tell us!’ cried the twins.
‘Very well, we will,’ said Mr Bold.
He told the twins to snuggle down and get comfortable under their duvets. Mr and Mrs Bold perched on the ends of their beds. It was going to be the longest and most remarkable bedtime story the twins had ever heard.
And so Mr and Mrs Bold continued to tell their children the incredible story. It’s a shocking tale and goes like this...
When Mr and Mrs Bold arrived at Kilimanjaro Airport, they were feeling nervous and a little queasy. They had never been on a bus before and the bumpy ride gave them both a headache. The sight of the big concrete building, with its high ceilings and lots of official security people wandering around, did little to calm their nerves. Unsure what to do, they just followed their fellow travellers off the bus, collected their suitcases and joined the queue for what was called ‘Baggage Check In’. Whatever that meant.
‘Oh dear, Fred,’ said Amelia. ‘We’re never going to get away with this. Whatever were we thinking?’
‘Stay calm,’ said Fred. ‘As long as we keep our hats on and our heads down, we should be fine. We’ll just do what everyone else does.’
Suddenly they were at the front of the queue.
‘Tickets and passports,’ said the man behind the counter.
‘Oh, er, yes, of course,’ said a flustered Amelia, fishing into her handbag and pulling out a used tissue and a packet of mints. ‘Here you are!’