by Jack Vance
"That was not at all respectful.”
"In this regard, we agree. In any event, when I closed the door, I was allowed a modicum of privacy.”
Wayness looked around the walls. “Things do seem, well, a trifle disorganized. Could the Charter be tucked into one of those trays or folders?"
"No chance of that,” said Pirie Tamm, "if only for the fact that the thought also occurred to me and I methodically examined every article of paper on the premises. I fear that your quest will not have so simple a resolution.''
Wayness went to examine the desk and the control system. Pirie Tamm said: "It is quite standard and should give you no difficulty. At one time I had a simulator focused on the desk yonder; which Moira happily used to model new fashions on herself!”
“Ingenious!” said Wayness.
“In a sense, yes. One night when Moira was about your age we hosted a formal dinner party. Moira wore an elegant gown and was conducting herself with all possible dignity, but after a bit we began to wonder where all the young men had taken themselves. We finally found them in here, with a four-foot replica of Moira in the nude frisking about on the table. Moira was intensely annoyed and to this day suspects that Challis imparted a sly hint to the young men.”
“Was Varbert among the group? If so, he must have liked what he saw.”
“He said nothing to me, one way or the other." Pirie Tamm shook his head sadly. “Time goes by quickly. Try the chair. Is it comfortable?”
“Just right. Where do I find the Society archives?”
“if you enter ‘ARC’, you will be provided a comprehensive index. It is quite simple.”
“All of the Society correspondence is on record?”
“Every last jot, jog, item and tittle — for two reasons: compulsive pettifoggery and because recently we have had nothing better to do. I guarantee that you will find precious little of interest, and now I will leave you to it.”
Pirie Tamm departed the room. Wayness gingerly set herself to exploring the records of the Naturalist Society.
By day's end she had learned the scope and organization of the records. A very large proportion of the material pertained to events of the distant past. These Wayness ignored, and started her investigation with the arrival of Frons Nisfit on the scene. She learned the date upon which Nisfit’s delinquencies became known. She reviewed the subsequent tenures of Nisfit Myhack, Kelvin Kilduc and Pirie Tamm. For a time she ranged through the files almost at random, skimming through financial statements, minutes of the annual conclaves, and membership rolls. Each year the dues-paying membership decreased in numbers and the message was plain to be read: the Naturalist Society was near upon extinction. She skimmed the files of correspondence: requests for information, memoranda of dues owing, dues collected; death notices and changes of adders; scholarly tracts and essays submitted for inclusion into the monthly journal. Late in the afternoon, with the sun low in the sky, Wayness leaned back from the desk, surfeited with the Naturalist Society. “And it is only a start,” she told herself.
“Evidently both fortitude and persistence will be very useful before this project is ended.”
Wayness run the dim study and went to her room. She bathed, dressed in a dark green gown appropriate to the formality of dinner at Fair winds. "I must find myself some new clothes,” she told herself. “Otherwise, Uncle Pirie will think I am coming down to diner in a uniform."
Wayness brushed her dark hair and tied it with a length of fine silver chain. She descended to the drawing room, where she was presently joined by Pirie Tamm. He greeted her with his usual punctilio. “And now: in accordance with the invariant ritual of Fair Winds: the Sundowner. Will you try my brave sherry?"
"Yes, if you please.”
From a cupboard Pirie Tamm brought a pair pewter goblets. “Notice the subtle hint of green in the patina, which to some degree indicates their age?"
"How old are they?"
"Three thousand years, at least."
"The shapes are extraordinary.”
“Not by accident! After initial forming, they were heated to soften the metal, then bent, crumpled, flared, compressed, distorted and finally given a comfortable lip. No two are alike."
“They are fascinating little objects," said Wayness. “The sherry is good too. A similar wine is produced at Araminta Station, but I suppose that this is better.”
“I should hope so,” said Pirie Tamm with a sour smile. “After all, we have been at it for a considerably longer time. Shall we step out upon the verandah? The evening is mild, and the sun is setting.”
Pirie Tamm opened the door the two went out on the verandah and stood by the balustrade. After a moment Pirie Tamm said: “You seem pensive. Are you discouraged by the scope of the job you have taken on?”
“Oh no. For the moment, at least, I had put both Nisfit and the Society out of my mind. I was admiring the sunset. I wonder if anyone has ever made a formal study of sunsets as they appear on different worlds. There must be many interesting varieties.”
“Without a doubt!” declared Pirie Tamm. “Off the top of my head I can cite half a dozen striking examples I particularly recall the sunsets of Delora’s World, at the back of Columba, where I went to research my treatise. Each evening we were treated to marvelous spectacles, green and blue, with darts of scarlet! They were unique; I would recognize a Delora sunset instantly among a hundred others. The sunsets of Pranilla, which are filtered through high-altitude sleet storms, are also memorable.”
“Cadwal sunsets are unpredictable,” said Wayness. "The colors seem to explode from behind the clouds and are often garish, through the effect is always cheerful. Earth sunsets are different. They are sometimes grand, or even inspiring, but then they wane quietly and sadly into the blue dusk and create a melancholy mood.”
Pirie Tamm gave the sky a frowning inspection. “The effect you mention is real. Still, the mood never lasts long and disappears completely by the time the stars come out. Especially,” he added, by way of afterthought, “when a jolly meal at a well-laid table is in the offing. The spirits soar under these conditions like a lark on the wing. Shall we go in?"
Pirie Tamm seated Wayness at the massive walnut table and took his own place opposite. "I must repeat that it is a pleasure having you here,” said Pirie Tamm. “That is a charming frock you are wearing, incidentally.”
“Thank you, Uncle Pirie. Unfortunately it is my only dinner gown, and I must find some new clothes, otherwise you will quickly become bored with me."
“Not on that account, certainly. Still, there are two or three good shops in the village, and I'll take you in whenever you like. By the way, Moira and Challis know that you are here. I expect them to drop by in a day or so, to look you over. If they decide that you are not too gauche, they might introduce you into local society.”
Wayness made a wry face. “When I was here before neither Moira nor Challis liked me very much. I overheard them talking about me. Moira said that I looked like a Gypsy boy dressed in girl’s clothes. Challis was amused but felt that the description was too lenient; that in her opinion I was just a moony little prude with a face like a scared kitten."
Pirie Tamm uttered an exclamation of mild astonishment. “My word, those girls have sharp tongues. How long ago was this?"
"Five years, more or less.”
“Hmf. I can relate similar incidents. One day I overheard Varbert describe me as ‘an unlikely hybrid of screech-owl, heron and wolverine’. On another occasion Ussery spoke of me as the ‘house-devil’ and wanted someone to give me a chain to rattle as I walked through the halls."
Wayness, with difficulty, restrained a grin. “That was a rude remark.”
“I thought so too. Three days later I called both families over on the pretext of asking for advice. I was changing my will, I told them, and could not decide whither too leave everything to the Naturalist Society, or to the Coalition for the Protection of the screech-owl and the Heron. There was silence in the room. Challis f
inally said, very tentatively, that surely other possibilities must exist. I said no doubt she was right and I'd give the matter some thought when I had the leisure to do so, and I rose to my feet. Moira asked me why I dangled a length of chain from my belt. I said that I liked to rattle it as I walked up and down the halls." Pirie Tamm chuckled. “Varbert and Ussery have since become noticeably more polite. They expressed enthusiasm upon hearing of your arrival, and spoke of introducing you to suitable young people — whatever that means.”
"It means they’ll look me over and decide I'm still a frump and pair me off with a dog-breeder's assistant, or a very tall divinity student, or perhaps a junior underwriter from Ussery’s office. I will be asked how I liked Old Earth, and where, exactly, is Cadwal — of which none will have ever heard.”
Pirie Tamm gave a bark of laughter. “Not unless you have met a Society member, which is unlikely, since there are only eight left.”
“Surely there are nine, Uncle Pirie! Don’t forget to count me!"
“I counted you, never fear! But as of today we must omit Sir Regis Everard from the count, since he has died.”
“That is depressing news," said Wayness.
“So it is.” Pirie Tamm looked over his shoulder. “Something dark stands back there in the shadows counting on its fingers.”
Wayness peered into the shadows. “You are giving me the shudders."
“Ha hum,” said Pirie Tamm. “Indeed. Ah, well; we must learn to deal impersonally with the topic. Never forget, the institution provides a livelihood for multitudes of the living. Reckon them up! Priests, mystics, grave diggers, composers of odes, paeans and eulogies; also doctors, hangmen, mortuary attendants, tomb builders and tomb robbers — which prompts me to ask if you have come across the name Adrian Moncurio? Not yet? The name will surface sooner or later, since he was a former member. As you may recall, it was Moncurio who presented me with the beautiful amphorae.”
“A tomb robber is a good friend to have,“ said Wayness.
IV.
Two weeks went by. One evening Pirie Tamm entertained his daughters Moira and Challis, with their husbands Varbert and Ussery at dinner. For the occasion Wayness wore one of, her new costumes: a high-collared dark mulberry pullover blouse with a skirt of soft mulberry, dark blue and dark red stripes which clung to her hips, then hung in soft lines almost to her ankles. When she descended the stairs, Pirie Tamm was moved to exclaim: “Upon my soul, Wayness! You've become a full out and out three-masted smasher!"
Wayness kissed his cheek. "You'll make me vain, Uncle Pirie."
Pirie Tamm gave a snort of amusement. “I'm sure that you have no illusions about yourself."
"I try to be practical,” said Wayness.
The guests arrived and were received at the door by Pirie Tamm. For a time there was a flurry of greetings and counter-greetings, then a new set of exclamations as Wayness was discovered. Moira and Challis gave her quick head-to-toe inspections, followed by a spate of enthusiastic comments: “My, how you have grown! Challis, would you have recognized the child?”
“It’s hard to think back to that funny little waif who found Earth such a strange and frightening place!"
Wayness smiled pensively. “Time works changes, for better or worse. You both seem far older than as I remember you."
“They are relentless socialites and have led fast hard lives,” said Pirie Tamm.
“Father! What a thing to say!” cried Moira.
“Pay no attention, Wayness dear!" said Challis. “We ate quite ordinary upper class folk.”
Varbert and Ussery came forward and were introduced: Varbert, tall and lean as a pickerel with a beak of a nose, ash-blond hair, a receding chin; Ussery somewhat shorter, plump of cheek, soft of midriff, with a mellow voice and a sententious style of speaking. Varbert used the critical manner of a discriminating aesthete who could be satisfied with nothing less than perfection; Ussery somewhat more tolerant in his judgments, was both easy and jovial in his remarks. "So this is the notable Wayness: equal parts tomboy and bookworm! I say, Varbert! She is not at all what I expected!"
“I try to avoid preconceptions,” said Varbert indifferently.
"Aha!” said Pirie Tamm. “That is the mark of a disciplined mind!"
"Quite so. I am thereby ready for anything, at all times and on all occasions, and who knows what might blow in from the outer worlds?"
Wayness said: "Tonight, since it is a special occasion, I am wearing shoes."
“What an odd girl!" murmured Varbert to Moira, just at the edge of audibility.
"Come,” said Pirie Tamm briskly. "Let us all have a glass of sherry before dinner.”
The party trooped into the drawing room, where Agnes served sherry and where Wayness again became the focus of attention.
"Why are you visiting Earth this time?" asked Moira. “Is there any special reason?"
"I'm doing some research on the early Naturalist Society. I may also take a few trips here and there."
"Alone?" demanded Challis, eyebrows raised. "It's not wise for an inexperienced young girl to travel alone on Earth."
Ussery said in reasonable tones: “She probably won’t be alone for very long."
Challis chilled her over-jovial husband with a glance. “Molra is quite right. This is a wonderful old world, but for a fact we breed some strange creatures in the dark places.”
“I see them often,” said Pirie Tamm. “They hide in the Faculty Club at the University.”
Varbert felt impelled to remonstrate. “Come now, Pirie! I'm at the Faculty Club every day! We have a distinguished membership!”
Pirie Tamm shrugged. “I may be a trifle extreme in my views. My friend Adrian Moncurio is far more uncompromising. He asserts that all the honest folk are gone from Earth, leaving a residue of deviates, freaks, nincompoops, hyper-intellectuals and sweet-singers. "
“That's utter nonsense," snapped Moira. “None of us fit these categories!”
Ussery spoke mischievously: “Speaking of music, are you performing at the lawn party?”
Moira spoke with dignity: "I have been asked to participate in the program, yes. I shall do either ‘Requiem for a Dead Mermaid’ or 'Bird Songs of Yesteryear’.”
“I especially like your 'Bird Songs',“ said Challis. “The piece is ever so plaintive.”
"It seems that we are in for a treat," said Ussery. “I believe I will have another taste of that excellent sherry. Challis, have you invited Wayness to the party?"
“Naturally, she is welcome to come. But there won’t be any young people on hand, and I doubt if she'll find much excitement, or anyone to interest her."
"No matter,” said Wayness. “If I wanted excitement, or interesting company, I could have stayed home on Cadwal.”
“Really!” said Moira. “I thought Cadwal was a nature preserve, where the only activity was nursing sick animals."
"You should visit Cadwal and see for yourself" said Wayness. “I think that you would be surprised."
"No doubt, but I am not up to such adventures. I have little tolerance for discomfort and bad cooking and nasty insects."
"I share your sentiments,” said Varbert. “One could make a nice philosophical case that the outer worlds were never intended for our habitancy, and that the Gaen Reach is an unnatural construct.”
Ussery gave a jocular laugh. “If nothing else, we Earthlings avoid a number of very picturesque diseases, such as Daniel's Number Three Dengue and the Big-eye, Shake-leg and Chang-chang.”
“Not to mention pirates and slavers and all the wild things that happen Beyond."
Agnes appeared in the doorway. “Dinner is served.”
The evening ended on a note of careful politeness. Ussery gallantly reiterated his invitation to the lawn party, but before Wayness could respond, Challis snapped: "Ussy, have mercy! You must allow the poor girl to make up her own mind. If she wants to come, I'm sure she will let us know."
'"That seems a sensible arrangement," said Wayness. “Goo
dnight to all!"
The guests departed; Pirie Tamm and Wayness were left alone in the drawing room. “They are not bad people,” said Pirie Tamm gruffly, “and not even typical Earth folk — but don’t ask me to define this typical creature since he is far too variable, and sometimes surprising. Also, he can be gloomy and dangerous, as Moira hinted. Earth is an old planet, with pockets of rot here and there."
Days passed, and weeks. Wayness read documents of every description, including the Society’s by-laws, along with those amendments which had been added across the centuries. The by-laws were almost naive in their simplicity and seemed to be based on a hypothesis of universal altruism.
Wayness discussed the by-laws with Pirie Tamm. "They are wonderfully quaint, and almost seem to urge the secretary to become a swindler. I marvel that anything was left for Nisfit.”
“The Secretary is, first of all, a member of the Society," said Pirie Tamm in lofty tones. “Almost by definition he is a gentleman and a person of probity. We Naturalists, now and always, have considered ourselves an elite element of the general population. We were never mistaken in this belief — until Nisfit."
“Something else puzzles me. Why has interest in the Society declined so dramatically over the years?"
“That has been a great deal of soul-searching done on this point,” said Pirie Tamm. “Many reasons have been advanced: complacency, a failure of new ideas with an attendant waning of enthusiasm. The public began to think of us as a group of fusty old bug-collectors, and we did nothing adventurous or startling to dispel the idea, nor did we make membership any easier or any more appealing. A candidate needed the endorsements of four active members, or falling this — as might be the case of a candidate from off-world — he must submit a thesis, a biographical précis, and a police report attesting to his identity, correct name and lack of criminal record. A discouraging route.”