by Emma Nichols
Eva stood in silence, delicately brushing her index finger against her lips, not quite able to identify the feelings the brief kiss had elicited.
17.
Lauren stepped out into the cool night air, carrying two tumblers of Macallan on ice. She hoped the offering would at least spark positive memories and give her the courage to talk. The absence of any moonlight darkened the grass the further she stepped from the house, but the tree was clearly visible and the figure propping up against it, caused a tingling sensation to rise up her spine. She loved that feeling. She would get her mind to focus on that feeling and not the turmoil that Anna’s honest revelation had triggered in her.
Anna turned as Lauren’s footsteps infiltrated the night’s silence. Lauren offered up the glass and she took it, turning her attention back to the landscape. ‘It’s so beautiful,’ she said.
Lauren stared out into the darkness, picking up the rising mountains where they met the cloudy night sky. She still hadn’t skied there with Antoine, something they had promised themselves they would do once she had recovered from her injury. Maybe this winter? ‘It is. Spectacular, and especially when the snow comes. Over there.’
Lauren pointed into the distance and Anna’s eyes followed her arm, stopping at her hand, absorbed by the long fingers, and her thoughts. She hitched her breath in her throat, forgetting to be mad at Lauren for her instant withdrawal. ‘Thanks… for the drink.’ Her voice revealed her longing.
‘I’m sorry.’ Lauren’s voice was soft, deepening her naturally husky resonance.
Everything about the sound of that voice sent a pulse of heat racing from Anna’s neck that weakened her knees. Her mouth had dried, and she sipped at the drink in her hand. It didn’t help. She emptied the contents into her mouth and swallowed hard, adding heat to the intoxicating sensations that had already consumed her body. She could feel the ache starting to throb. In one short pace, her lips were on Lauren’s, her tongue delving hungrily. Lauren responded instantly, her free hand securing Anna’s head, their teeth clashing with the urgency of the kiss. ‘I want you.’ Anna’s broken voice elicited a deep groan, increasing the frenzy between them as Lauren dropped the glass and slid her hand up Anna’s bare leg and under her coat and dress. ‘Jesus!’ Anna cried out, allowing her glass to fall, as Lauren’s fingers tracked the wet heat below her panties and penetrated her. Forcing her back against the tree for support, Lauren moved rhythmically, kissing Anna’s neck, biting down on the nipples that remained covered. The goose bumps springing to life across Anna’s body had little to do with the cold air; Lauren was pressed too closely for that. The orgasm peaked quickly, but the intensity blinded her, and her knees buckled. Only Lauren’s weight, pressing her against the tree prevented her from crashing to the ground, as the release quaked through her.
‘I love you.’ Lauren said. Three small words that made everything perfect. Lauren kissed Anna’s watering eyes with such tenderness that the tears tumbled in earnest. ‘Hey, it’s okay,’ Lauren said, softly, through a slight wave of concern, until Anna’s lips took hers. The languid kiss had a depth of a different quality. As they pulled out of the tender touch, Anna was shivering. ‘Let’s go inside,’ Lauren said, brushing away the tears that had fallen down Anna’s cheeks. Her own admission could wait.
*
‘So, how are you planning to find your father?’ Carine asked, as she sat on the couch. She was intrigued.
Eva handed her a tumbler glass, half filled with the Cognac Carine had picked up. Taking the seat next to her, she sipped at her own glass. ‘I found someone on the Internet. I’m gonna try and get hold of her tomorrow.’
Carine nodded as Eva spoke. ‘And what are you going to do when you’ve tracked him down?’ she asked, having been unable to fathom in her own mind what Eva might do with any information she discovered about her father.
Eva’s eyes locked onto Carine’s, but their expression was vacant. ‘I don’t know,’ she admitted, her voice weak. She hadn’t thought that far, she was simply responding to some force that had been driving her since the chat she’d had with her mum, before she died. The unplanned recollection of the memory, anchored itself to the fact that her mum was now deceased, and caused an overwhelming wave of grief to consume her. She started to cry.
Carine slid across the space until their bodies touched lightly. Wrapping an arm around Eva, she coaxed her to rest into her shoulder, and placed a tender kiss on the top of her head. ‘I’m so sorry Eva.’
The gentle words did little to stop the recurring image of her mum on the couch presenting itself in Eva’s mind’s eye. Eventually, she allowed herself to fall into the warmth of the bodily contact, comforted by the scent that had become familiar to her over the past weeks. The tears fell until they dried. ‘I miss her,’ she said, with a child-like quality to her voice, like the young child who has lost their best friend. Eva knew that feeling too well. It haunted her, and had driven her to live recklessly for many years. As the painful sensation hit her again, she had an overwhelming need to fill the well of loneliness that seemed to stop her heart from functioning properly. She pulled out of the hold and turned her head to face Carine.
Carine sensed Eva’s emotional shift and a wave of excitement coursed through her as she watched Eva’s light-blue eyes darken. Her racing pulse matched her breathing, and as Eva’s mouth closed the space between them, the heady feeling took her breath away. She groaned at the contact, and willingly opened to Eva’s request.
Eva’s sex flared instantly at the touch of Carine’s lips on hers. She hadn’t realised she’d missed this, at least not until Carine had stirred something in her earlier. Suddenly awakened, she needed more, and she needed it now. Standing suddenly, Carine gasped at the absence of her mouth. Eva pulled her to her feet and led her into the bedroom.
*
Carine woke to an empty bed. The sheets were cold, even though it was still dark outside, and she hadn’t been asleep for very long. Eva’s scent lingered on her. She breathed it in, drifted in thought, increasingly aware of the low throbbing sensation that was building between her legs. She turned face down and placed her hand beneath her, allowing her fingers to explore. She moaned at her own touch, unaware of Eva’s intense gaze on her.
Eva stood in the doorway. She’d been seduced from her work by the sounds emanating from the room. She watched for a while, allowing the burning sensation to take hold in her own sex, before she approached the bed. Casually, she slipped her hand between the sheets. The contact caused Carine to jump, and she groaned even more deeply, opening her legs, raising her hips slightly, urging Eva on. Eva pulled back the covers and knelt on the bed. Her fingers found their target and as she thrust into Carine she slapped her hard across the arse, causing her to scream out. The intensity of the pain heightened the sensation of Carine’s fingers on her own clit, and Eva’s fingers pumping into her from behind. The multi-layered sensation sparked, simultaneously setting alight every cell in her body. Eva felt the wild desire build in her own sex as her fingers connected with the silky wet flesh of the woman beneath her. Familiar. Real. She moved her free hand into the robe, releasing the cord, and applied the pressure she needed to her own pulsing centre.
Carine screamed out as the orgasm sent her body into spasms, but a sense of urgency stronger than the desire to hold on to the exquisite sensation, drove her to shift herself up, turn, and throw Eva onto the bed, in one swift move. As she landed Eva on her back, she moved on top of her, hooking Eva’s legs over her shoulders, immediately fucking her with her fingers, and replacing Eva’s own hand with her mouth. Sucking, biting down and pumping her hard, Eva’s body began to shake, until she too screamed into the early morning darkness.
Falling back onto the bed, they both lay facing the ceiling. Eva could feel her heart racing. She didn’t feel satiated though; she had only just started. When she looked at Carine, her face didn’t hold the smile of contentment and Carine’s eyes widened as the unspoken offer dawned on her. The wicked grin
on Eva’s face contorted in ecstasy as Carine flipped her onto her front and entered her from behind.
*
Eva looked at her phone. 12.30. She was sure Mitch had said to meet at the small patisserie; a strange location for a meeting, with just two tables and selling cakes and bread to take away rather than eat in. But, she had grabbed one of the tables and sat, waiting for the coffee she had already ordered. She hadn’t slept. Carine had been a distraction, and a pleasant diversion for her mind. She had gotten through the night without thinking about her mum, or her dad, for the first time in too many nights. She had left the house before Carine had woken, wondering how she would face the woman after what had passed between them. She didn’t want Carine as a lover. It wasn’t about that. She didn’t want to hurt her either. Lost in thought, she didn’t notice Mitch approach the table.
‘You must be Eva.’ The singsong voice, slightly lower in pitch than Eva had expected, invaded Eva’s reverie.
Eva’s head thrust upwards, her eyes immediately drawn to the light scar running down the right side of the young woman’s dark brown skin, from the side of her eye to the centre of her cheek. She hadn’t noticed that in the website image. The white of her eyes shone healthily around the dark pupils. Her skin looked fresh. She looked about seventeen, Eva thought, noting the absence of any of the normal aging factors. ‘How old are you?’ she asked, without intending to.
The black woman laughed, a deep, full hearted laugh that blended into a chuckle that seemed to shake her whole body, and Eva couldn’t stop herself from smiling as she spotted the faint lines appear around the woman’s big wide smile.
‘I’m Mitch.’ The woman held out her hand to introduce herself, before taking the seat opposite Eva, ignoring the question about her age.
‘Hi… Mitch.’ Eva pronounced the name as she studied the woman whose name didn’t seem to fit her persona too well. Her quizzical tone seemed to convey her judgement.
‘Long story,’ Mitch responded, picking up on Eva’s thoughts. She stopped speaking to allow the two coffees to be placed on the table in front of them. ‘Thanks,’ she said to the hostess. Eva watched with interest as the young woman winked at the dark-haired shop assistant.
‘I didn’t see you order,’ Eva queried, plopping two cubes of sugar into the small cup.
‘I didn’t,’ Mitch said, her eyes sparkling. She sipped from the large creamy coffee, leaving Eva waiting for further information. Nothing came for a while. Mitch savoured the coffee. ‘How can I help you?’ she asked, eventually.
‘I want to find my father,’ Eva responded, reaching into her holdall for the photos and paperwork she had managed to track down.
Mitch’s eyes glanced down to where the photos rested, without moving her head. Her eyes returned to Eva. ‘What do you know?’ Eva shrugged, and her posture slumped slightly. Mitch noticed. She always felt for her clients, with their desperation weighing them down and preventing the flow of life.
‘Not a lot really,’ Eva responded in a deflated tone.
‘Tell me what you got.’ Mitch said, her eyes reflecting the hope that Eva needed to feel.
‘Last we knew, he was serving in The Gulf.’ Mitch nodded encouragingly. ‘Shouldn’t you be taking notes?’ Eva asked.
‘You said you didn’t have much,’ Mitch responded, matter of fact. ‘My memory’s not that bad for a few facts,’ she added. Her smile was confident, reassuring, and Eva felt duly reprimanded.
‘He’s originally from Cardiff, in Wales.’
Mitch started to laugh. ‘It’s okay I know where Wales is… and Cardiff. I’m originally from Wales, not that you would’ve known that. I didn’t mean to laugh,’ she apologised, raising her hands in front of her face, palms towards Eva.
Eva smiled; suddenly feeling more optimistic that the person sat opposite her might actually be able to find David Adams. ‘If he’s still alive he would have been discharged from the Army sometime around 2008.’
‘Anything else?’ Mitch’s eyes seem to have got whiter. ‘Any siblings, grandparents, cousins?’
Eva’s eyes lowered to the table. She picked up her coffee and finished it, biting back the bitter sting in her mouth. ‘My grandparents on both sides are dead, my mum is…’ her breath hitched in her throat and she swallowed hard. ‘My mum died recently, and I don’t have any siblings that I know of,’ she added.
‘I’m sorry to hear about your mum,’ Mitch responded, genuinely touched by Eva’s loss.
Eva acknowledged the empathic response, unable to prevent her eyes from glassing over. ‘My dad had a brother and sister, so there may be cousins somewhere, but I’ve never met them.’
Mitch leaned into the table and took a long look at the images. ‘Can I borrow these?’ she asked.
‘Sure. They’re the…’
‘I’ll take good care of them,’ she confirmed. ‘You look a lot like him,’ she added as she studied the picture. ‘I’ll find him for you,’ she said. There was no mistaking the certainty in her voice, or the determination in her eyes, when she looked up from the pictures in her hand and held Eva’s gaze. ‘If he’s alive, I’ll find him. And if he’s not, you’ll get the closure you need.’
‘Thank you.’
‘I’ll contact you when I have something.’ Mitch downed the remains of her coffee, stood, and held out her hand. Eva stood, shook it, and held the dark eyes firmly with her own, sealing the contractual agreement between them. In a blink Mitch was gone, leaving Eva standing. Only then did she realise, she didn’t get to hear the story behind her name. Maybe another day, she thought to herself. She had already decided she would like to know more about the woman with the engaging smile. Something about her reminded her of Charlie…
Leaving the café, the lightness Mitch had just injected into her world darkened slightly, as Eva was reminded of the fact that Carine would be waiting for her. Taking a right, instead of a left, she headed straight to the tatty bar that had become her friend. Just a couple of drinks then she’d go home. If she texted Carine to say she’d be late home, then hopefully she’d be out of the house by the time she returned from the bar.
*
Eva turned the key in her door and breathed a sigh of relief at the darkness inside the flat. Carine had vacated the place. She flicked on the living room light and walked through to the kitchen. Feeling hungry, she opened the fridge door. It was virtually empty, and she closed it again, with a deep sigh. She pulled out a short glass, cracked open a new bottle of whiskey and filled the tumbler. Walking the short distance back into the living room, she sat on the couch, listening to the ringing still intruding on her ears. There was no such thing as silence. There was always some noise, coming from somewhere, even if that was from the inside, she reflected. Maybe that was the worst kind of noise too? She was feeling restless, having restrained herself to just a couple of drinks at the bar, and with nothing much to do, the feeling was becoming oppressive. She took a hefty swig of the whiskey and debated going out to a bar. Any bar. She didn’t know if she could wait for answers from Mitch. She was feeling impatient to find out about her father’s existence, or not as the case may be. She sipped again, and then again. Her mind was beginning to soften, but with it came the tears. She didn’t want to cry, so she stood, finished her drink and went and poured another one. She downed that one quickly, and soon after she could feel her vision fading and her thoughts beginning to merge. The sadness had gone. She staggered her way into her bedroom and fell onto the bed.
The sound of raised voices breaking the silence caused her to stir, prising her tiny eyes to open, instantly and widely. The familiarity of the deep tone, vibrated in her chest and her eyes searched into the darkness, seeking out the lines of light that seeped around the closed door. Her small frame was beginning to shake, even before she sat bolt upright. She cried silently, not wanting to add to the noises coming from out there: she didn’t want to draw attention to herself. Instinctively, she reached her arms upwards, in the hope of being swept into the sa
fety of her mother’s comforting bosom. The pattern was ingrained though, and no one came. The slamming of a door caused her eyes to blink and her body to jump. She waited. Her tiny heart pumped ferociously. The male voice disappeared. Another sound occupied the space. She couldn’t put a name to it, but someone was feeling sad. She continued to stare at the bedroom door. Time passed slowly. She wasn’t sure when she fell asleep again, but her mummy didn’t come. When she woke, the room was filled with bright light and her mummy stood over the bed, carrying boxes wrapped in pretty paper. Her mother’s mouth smiled, but her eyes looked different and those eyes didn’t look at her. Instead they looked at the box in her tiny hand. ‘Open it,’ she had said. In the afternoon they had cake with four candles on it. ‘Happy birthday darling,’ she had said. The man that she had called daddy didn’t come back for any birthday cake.
Eva sat bolt upright, her heart thumping through her fragile frame into the darkness, and opened her eyes. She was alone. Her wild eyes scanned the room then closed again, and she fell back into the mattress.
18.
‘What do you think you’ll do with the business?’ Carine asked tentatively. She had avoided asking the question for as long as she could. They were heading into a new year and she needed to know if she still had a place at the agency she had been brought into, to head up.
Eva looked up from the screen that had held her attention for the past hour, slightly bemused at being asked something to which the answer was obvious in her own mind. ‘I don’t have any plans,’ she said. ‘That’s why you were brought in, if I remember rightly.’ There was no animosity in her voice as she relayed the facts. ‘I need you to carry on doing what you’re doing,’ Eva said without further thought. She didn’t notice Carine’s facial expression soften, or hear the long puff of air she released from her lungs. Eva’s concentration had already diverted to an email that had just hit her in box. She needed to know its contents and didn’t have time for discussing business matters with Carine. It had only been five days since she had spoken to Mitch, and with it being New Year’s Eve she hadn’t expected to hear anything until at least the early part of January. She clicked the icon, aware that her hands were shaking, her heart sinking with the words on the screen.