by J. L. Beck
A profound pain radiates through my chest. I swallow my apology down, deciding that he doesn’t deserve it. I don’t move or say a single thing for the rest of the drive. When the car stops and the door opens, Xander gets out, and I follow behind him, even though I don’t want to. As soon as my feet hit the hard ground, he’s on me.
“If you run from me at any point in time, I will put a bullet in you. Got it?”
I nod my head profusely, and he backs up. I don't believe he’ll shoot me if I run, but I do know he'll hurt me. I watch him walk up the small metal staircase to the plane, and I have to force my legs to walk up behind him. My hand grips onto the rail so tightly my knuckles turn white.
When I finally make it to the top, I’m dizzy and I feel like throwing up already. I take a few steps into the plane before I look up. I expect Xander to glare at me and yell for me to hurry up. Instead, I see Keira jumping up from one of the huge leather seats. She heads straight for me with a wide smile on her face, and I just stand there motionlessly.
She slams into me and wraps her arms around me, pulling me in for a big hug like we are old friends who haven't seen each other in years. Even though I’ve only met this girl once and exchanged a few words with her, I already like her. I like her kindness and right now, I like her hug. The sweet gesture warms my heart and makes me feel a little less scared.
I lean my head onto her shoulder and wrap my arms around her, embracing her touch.
“Are you okay? Do you need anything?” she whispers into my hair, and I almost start to cry. Her voice is so kind, so calm. I want to tell her everything, even though I don’t know her at all.
“I’m okay, I’m just scared of flying.” I don’t know why that’s all I’m telling her right now. Shouldn’t I be asking her for help? Asking her to help me get away from Xander? I know I could ask her for help, and she’d help me, but being this close to finding my sister, I'm not so sure it’s worth it.
“Keira, get your hands off my property,” Xander yells from the back of the plane, interrupting my train of thought.
“She is not your property!” Keira shouts, fire blazing in her eyes. I get the feeling she doesn't like Xander just from the dirty look she’s giving him.
“Keira, just stay out of it. Come and sit down, baby.” Xander’s brother comes up to us, grabbing his wife by the arms very gently while ushering her to the seat beside him.
How did Xander’s brother end up so different than him? It’s like they’re two different people. I wonder how Keira met Damon and if he was different, more like his brother, before they got together. I remind myself to ask Keira later all of these questions. But for now, I’ll just keep my mouth shut.
I feel like I’m doing the walk of shame as I step farther into the plane and walk up to where Xander took a seat. It’s all the way in the back of the plane and farthest away from where Keira is sitting. I hate how far away from them we are, and I desperately want to turn on my heels and walk in the opposite direction.
“Sit,” Xander orders and I know he is furious with me by his tone alone. I haven't dared to look him in the eyes. Only when I sit down on the seat across from him do I finally look up to meet his gaze. I don’t know what I’m more scared of at this moment… him or the flight.
Both could easily be the end of me. I place my shaking hands in my lap and wait for him to say something else, anything really at this point. Tears fill my eyes, and I can’t stop them from coming. Today was perfect until I opened my mouth to tell him that I thought maybe I loved him. Thinking on it now, it was such a stupid thing to even consider saying.
I swipe at my eyes with the back of my hands. I want to ask him why he’s so angry over words that I never fully said, but I bite my tongue. The fear of the unknown stops me. I sit in silence, buckling my lap belt before staring at my hands, which I’m nervous fiddling around with.
Once the plane starts moving, however, my fear of the flight overcomes my fear of Xander. My head snaps up to him, meeting his eyes. I open my mouth to say something, but he shakes his head. My chest is heaving, and I look out the window to see trees whizzing by. We are about to take off and I am in full on panic mode. I look back at Xander, my fearful expression making his death glare morph into curiosity.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” he asks low enough so only I can hear him, his hands gripping the arm rests.
“I’m scared of flying,” I admit, my voice low and shaky. I don’t dare look up at him. I feel the plane rise into the air, and I squeeze my eyes shut. Trying to calm my erratic breathing, I hope I’m not going to hyperventilate. I hear Xander unbuckle his lap belt, and I open my eyes to find him standing beside me. Then he leans down and unbuckles me from my seat.
“What…?” I don’t finish my question, remembering what happened last time I asked something. Xander just grabs me by the arm and pulls me from my seat like I’m a rag doll. He drags me along with him, and I nearly trip three times before we make it to the back of the plane. A door opens, and Xander pulls me in, before closing us inside. I look around the room, noticing that this is a small bedroom.
Why are we in a bedroom? The sound of Xander undoing his belt and unzipping his pants fills the room. I blanch, shaking my head slightly as I peer up at him. He has an evil glint in his eyes. I step backward, trying to put some distance between us, but he’s having none of that. He grips me by the arm, pulling me into his chest, his hardened cock poking me in the belly.
“I… I’m too sore…” I’m praying for mercy, all while knowing I won’t be getting any, at least not today. Xander is showing me the side of him that everyone else gets. He’s showing me that if I get too close, he’ll bite, much like a cornered animal.
“I told you not to touch or talk to anybody. I told you not to speak to me unless you are spoken to. I told you to follow my fucking rules or you will pay dearly. You didn’t make it twenty minutes before breaking every single one of those rules, and I’m starting to think you aren’t taking me serious?”
He leans in real close, his nose nearly touching mine. I can feel the danger oozing out of him and my first instinct is to run, hide, and protect myself from the evil man before me. But I don’t. I can’t. If I want to understand him, then I have to face him, the beast, the darkness.
“No, I am, but I don’t understand why you’re so mad? I didn’t do anything. Everything was fine until I brought up my feelings in the shower.”
“Your feelings don’t mean shit to me.” He sits down on the edge of the bed, taking me with him. He grabs me by the shoulder, his fingers pressing harshly into my skin, causing me to whimper. He pushes me down to the floor and onto my knees before him and it’s then that I realize exactly what he wants.
I actually calm down a bit, knowing that this is something I can do. I can give him pleasure this way. I peek up at him, as I push a couple strands of hair behind my ear. I take his length into my hand and feel its weight. My thumb rubs across the silky-smooth tip and over the slit.
“Your mouth, Mouse. I want your fucking mouth. Don’t use your teeth, and don’t bite me. Otherwise, you won’t like what happens,” he hisses, weaving his hands into my hair, guiding me to his length. I open my mouth and let him slide over my tongue as far as he can go before making me gag.
I close my lips around him and start sucking, alternating between hard and soft sucks. A low groan fills my ears, and I keep sucking and swirling my tongue at his tip. I pull out a little and stroke him with my hand, just like I did last time.
Then I take him as deep as I can again, but this time, he won’t let me go back. The hand in my hair tightens and he holds my head in place with it. Instead of sliding back out, he pushes his penis to the back of my throat, making me gag. My eyes water, and I look up at him, pleading with him to stop.
“Just relax your throat, breathe in through your nose, and swallow with every stroke.” He takes his other hand and places it against my cheek, stroking it with his knuckles. His touch is comforting, and he looks d
own at me with the adoration in his eyes instead of fury like earlier.
I do as he tells me, swallowing around his length as he moves in and out of my mouth deeply. I still gag, but it becomes more bearable with each stroke. Tears slip from my eyes as he uses my mouth just like he would my body.
I watch pleasure contort in his features, and his hips thrust harder, faster. I can barely breathe through his movements, but I’m still watching him take from me, watching him use me. It turns me on. My pussy clenches, and though it’s sore, I know that if Xander touched me right now, it would turn into molten lava.
“You’re mine, Mouse… mine…” He slams all the way to the back of my throat, his grip tightening as he comes harshly, his teeth clenched, and his eyes closed. I swallow the salty release down, swirling my tongue across his slit one last time as he pulls out of my mouth. When his eyes finally open, there’s a calmness to the storm that was brewing before.
He helps me to my feet and traces a knuckle against my jaw before dressing himself.
“If you don’t want me to treat you like this again, then don’t pretend there is anything more than sex between us. I don’t want to hear about your feelings. I don’t want to hear about anything personal. I just want your pleasure, and maybe a little bit of your pain. Do you understand me?”
I lick my lips and nod my head.
“Good, now let’s go back to our seats.” He opens the door, and I walk back to my seat, my eyes trained to the floor. I hope Keira doesn’t think differently of me now. I understood before why he was so angry, why he had so much fire in his eyes, but I get it much more now that he’s spoken to me.
I see right through the facade of pain and anger.
The man who claims to be unlovable is falling for me, just as I am him, and there’s nothing quite as terrifying as being completely exposed and at the mercy of another human being.
34
Xander
When we land in Vegas, I’m much calmer. Which probably has something to do with the amazing blowjob Mouse gave me earlier and the fact that she’s actually listened to me for the remainder of the flight.
Still, guilt consumes me every time I look at her. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I needed her to know how serious I was about her feelings for me. She can’t know how consumed with need I am for her because she’ll only use it against me.
She already knows I don’t want to hurt her, but hopefully, I’ve set her straight with this whole… ‘I think I love you’ bullshit. She doesn’t know the first thing about love, or all it entails… what it means to be with a man like me. I watched my mother love my father for years, and it never turned out well for her. He beat her, stripped her bare, and turned her against her children. Love ruined my mother. It destroyed her, and I couldn't let Mouse make the same mistake.
My eyes dart to Keira and my brother. They seem so happy, so in love, and parts of me wish I could have the same kind of life they do. But I’m not stupid enough to hope for something like that. I can never have what they have, because I’m not like Damon. He married Keira to save her from my wrath. He protected her. He toned his darkness down.
He let go of his pain for his wife, but I don't know that I'm capable of doing that. Not when my enemies would be chomping at the bit to put a bullet in her head.
Love isn’t an option for me, not even close. I need to remain the dark, calloused boss that I am. I shake the silly thoughts away as Damon and Keira exit the plane first. I wait a few moments before I follow with Mouse closely by my side.
“Remember the rules.” I leave the threat unspoken but we both know it’s there. Mouse nods, her eyes trained on the floor. Good girl.
We all pile into the limo waiting for us on the landing strip. It can easily seat eight people but with the uncomfortable silence between us, it suddenly feels too small. Keira is staring daggers at me, making me smile on the inside. On the outside, I show no emotion whatsoever, just like I’ve learned to do.
“You are aware she is a human, right?” Keira sneers, completely ignoring anything my brother said to her. She’s putting her nose into something it doesn't belong in and obviously, I need to make sure she understands that.
“I'm sure you're more than aware that I don't give a fuck what you have to say. After all, if it weren't for my brother, you'd be dead, too.”
Mouse seems to gasp beside me, but Keira's looking at me with murder in her eyes, not fear. I smirk like the bastard I am.
“Xander, knock it the fuck off.” Damon snarls, grabbing onto Keira’s hands as if he already knows what she wants to do to me. I bet if I gave her a gun, she’d pull the trigger. She’d be smart, too. I killed her brother. An eye for an eye, right?
“He can’t treat her like that, Damon. It’s clear he is hurting her. Look at her.” I can see the conflict in Damon’s eyes at Keira’s words. He wants to please his wife, but he knows better than to get into my business.
“She’s none of our concern.” The coldness in Damon’s voice shocks even me. Usually, he speaks to Keira so kindly, and with love, but right now, I can tell he’s clearly pissed.
Mouse remains quiet, with her gaze on her hands.
“I’m not hurting her. I haven’t done a fucking thing to her. I’ve merely asked her to follow my fucking directions.”
Keira’s eyes widen. “You are aware her name isn’t Mouse, right? It’s Ella. Fucking Ella. She has a name, Xander. She has feelings, and she is a damn human, not your property. I will not let you hurt her.”
I’d never considered Mouse’s name to be Ella but looking at her, it seems to fit her. Sweet, naive, a princess. Keira’s words spark a fire deep inside me. She’s accusing me of hurting Mouse, and while I haven’t been very kind to her, I haven’t truly hurt her, not like I know I should. Hell, I’m here looking for Mouse’s sister, all with the intention of killing my father. I’ve never done such a thing for someone.
“Don’t accuse me of shit you have no proof of… not that it would matter anyway. If I wanted to snap her neck right fucking here, right now, it wouldn’t matter. There wouldn’t be a damn thing you could do about it, would there?” I dart an eyebrow up in question, knowing damn well there is nothing she can do.
“Xander…” There’s a warning to Damon’s voice, and I have half a mind to tell him to get back on the plane and go home with his pain in the ass wife, but revenge against our father is half his, so I bite my tongue this once.
The limo rolls to a stop, and I peer out the window, realizing we have arrived at the hotel.
“Let’s go to our rooms and then meet for dinner in an hour’s time.”
Damon nods, taking Keira’s hand in his. We all exit the limo at once, and I pull Mouse into my body as soon as we step outside. “We need to get invited to this auction, and I know just the guy who will let us in, but it would be better if we are all seen together. So, Keira, maybe you could stop being such a raging bitch and…” My voice trails off at the murderous rage appearing in my brother’s eyes.
“She’s my fucking wife.” Damon looks like he is about to punch me in the face, so I decide to leave it at that and walk away with a smirk, guiding Mouse toward the elevator. Mouse’s eyes are wide and full of wonder as she looks at every single little thing, as if she’s a little kid in a candy store for the very first time.
She looks happy, and her smile widens. Well, that is until she sees me.
“I’m sorry…” she mutters beneath her breath, and I usher us into the elevator, wanting to tell her she has no reason to be sorry… not for this.
“Don’t be sorry, Mouse. I enjoy seeing your smile,” I whisper, my hand against the small of her back as more people pile into the elevator. I pull her as closely against my body as I can and watch the numbers tick upward, stopping here and there to drop people off.
When we reach the very top floor, we get off and I enter a special code into the door, opening it and ushering Mouse inside. Our luggage has already been brought up and is waiting for us at the door. I
roll it to the bedroom with Mouse following me closely. She looks like she is afraid of touching anything or stepping onto something she isn’t supposed to. Obviously, she’s not used to staying in five-star hotels.
I get out Mouse’s dress and lay it down on the king-sized bed. When I turn around, I nearly run into her, my hands grasping onto her arms. She looks up at me through light brown lashes, her big blue eyes full of unknown emotions.
“Do you think we will really find her?”
I release her and turn around and walk toward the floor-to-ceiling windows that overlook the Strip.
I need a fucking drink in order to deal with all of this. My own emotions are conflicting with the things I must do. I know letting Mouse in will only hurt her, but the idea of actually having her fascinates me. I want to throttle her and make sweet, sweet love to her all at once.
“I don’t know, Mouse.” I turn to face her, seeing the sadness flicker in her blue depths. I want to remove that sadness and replace it with pleasure, desire, need, anything but goddamn sadness.
“We need to get ready for dinner. Would you like to join me for a shower?” I start to strip out of my suit, undoing the cuffs and my belt, shucking my shirt, pants, and shoes to the floor. I remove every single piece of clothing, feeling her eyes on me. As soon as I start walking toward the bathroom, she stands undressing herself as she follows me, leaving a trail of clothing behind her. Turning the shower on and all the way to hot, I grab her hand and tug her inside with me, closing the glass door behind us.
When I turn around, she’s turned away from me with her face directly under the water. I take the opportunity to take in every inch of her perfect ass, as well the slope of her back, and her long strawberry-blonde hair that hangs down it. I envision myself wrapping my hands in her hair and fucking her. My eyes move down to her ass again.
Fuck, I’ll claim her there soon, too. Every part I can weasel myself into, I will claim. But for right now, I want to return the favor and give her the same fucking pleasure she gave me earlier. Licking my lips, I take a step forward, stopping only once I’ve pressed my hard front against the curve of her back. Her skin is soft, and I want to mark her skin, make it known that she belongs to me and only me.