by J. L. Beck
“Are you okay, Xander?” I prod quietly. It had only been twenty-four-hours since Xander saved my life and killed his father. During those hours, he’d been mostly quiet, answering only questions that I asked, or engaging in conversation if I started it.
“I’m fine, Mouse. I just want to do the right thing. I want to be the man that you’re proud to have as yours.”
I was an emotional wreck, and everything he said seemed to turn the water works on. Sitting up on the bed, I dangle my feet over the edge while facing him. “I’m not leaving you, Xander. I just need some space. Some time to digest everything.”
“I know,” he responds, a sadness trickling into his voice.
“Then why’re you acting like I’m leaving you?”
Xander doesn’t respond. Instead, he pushes from his chair and comes to stand in front of me, pushing my thighs apart, before moving between them. I’m in nothing but one of his t-shirts, and the fabric rises up as he does so, exposing my bare pussy.
“I don’t deserve you, Mouse. Not even a fucking little bit, but I can’t risk losing you.” He gently nudges me backward, and I fall helplessly against the bed sheets.
“You aren’t losing me,” I whisper.
Xander gently pushes my t-shirt up over my belly, his warm lips press against my skin and I damn near moan in pleasure.
“Good, because I’m going to make this up to you. I’m going to go slow with you, Mouse. I’m going to love every inch of you. I’m going to show you what it’s like to be cherished. I’m going to please and care for you as you did me.”
Lifting a hand, I run it through his silky black hair as his lips move over my heated skin. His kisses promise ungodly pleasure as they move lower, and lower, making my head spin with need, and my belly pool with desire.
“Xander.” His name comes out as a moan, and I’m not sure if we should be doing this. I don’t want him to stop but I don’t want him to think I’m going to have sex with him. I’m not ready for that yet. He just killed his dad, and I just found out we’re having a baby.
“Shhh, Mouse, I don’t want anything from you. I just want to please you, to give you pleasure, can I do that? Can I pleasure you?” He drops down to his knees between my legs and looks up at me, eyes the color of the night sky.
A part of me wants to tell him no, but deep down, I know I want this. I want his touch. I want… no, I need to feel close to him. So, I nod, giving him my approval, and whimper when he lifts my legs, placing them over his shoulders.
He opens me up wider, his fingers digging into my thighs. I feel his heated breath against my mound, and then his fingers as he trails them up and down the inside of my thighs.
“So ripe and ready for me.” His voice is filled with want, need, and my fingers find their way into his hair, pulling him forward.
“I want you,” I gasp, feeling one of his thick fingers slip inside my tightness.
“Is this what you want, baby? Me to fuck you with my fingers?”
I can’t respond, not with his finger inside me. He slides in until he’s knuckle-deep and keeps himself seated while flicking his tongue against my swollen bundle of nerves. How I feel so full with nothing but his finger inside of me, I don’t know, but I want more of him, all of him.
A warmth fills my veins and works its way up every inch of flesh. Xander ravages me, feasting on my pussy as if he is starved. I can feel every swipe of his tongue, every suck and flick pushes me closer to that breaking point of pure bliss.
“Xander… oh, god… oh, god…” One of my hands fists into the bed sheets while the other holds him head in place. My legs fall apart, giving him even more room. I cling to the pleasure spiraling out of control inside of me.
“Come for me, beautiful. Come all over my tongue. I want to taste you inside my mouth.” If it’s not his words that are going to push me over the edge, it’s his finger moving in and out of me. Without warning, he pulls away, leaving my swollen clit all alone. I whimper, wanting his tongue right back on that sensitive bundle of nerves.
What I get instead is a second finger added to the first, stretching me, owning me, as he pumps in and out of my tightness, giving me just enough pressure while stroking all the right spots. I feel Xander’s heated gaze on mine, and I push up onto my elbows, feeling the need to watch him own my body.
He moves in and out of me with pure precision and need, his muscles tighten and hunger for my body as he continues to bring me toward the edge. It’s enough to send me into a freefall of pleasure. My peak finds me, and hits me deep, right in the center of my chest, moving downward.
“Xander,” I cry out, as the first wave slams into me. Pleasure unravels like a bow that’s been untied, the ribbons blowing in the wind. My eyes drift closed, and my pussy clenches around his fingers. I feel him slowly moving them in and out of me, milking every single drop of my release out of me.
He leans forward and presses a kiss to my belly, his sweaty forward resting against my clammy skin for a moment. Air fills my lungs, and my pulse pounds in my ears as the endorphins of pleasure run rampant through my veins.
“Fuck, Mouse, you came so hard... so fucking hard. I wish it was my cock inside you instead of my fingers.”
“I’ll... if you need…” I hadn’t ever offered to give him a blowjob, not on my own. Usually he asked me, but this time, I wanted to ask him. I wanted to return the favor.
But Xander refused, shaking his head. “No. That’s not how this works. Let me pleasure you. Let me show you how much I want this, how much I want you, and then, when I’ve lived up to your expectations and done what I need to do, then you can give to me.”
“But you do all those—”
Xander places a finger against my lips, shushing me. “No. Don’t make excuses for me. I need to be a better man. For you, for Q, for our unborn baby. I need to be the man I should’ve been all along.”
I don’t say anything, because there is nothing to say. Xander wants to prove himself. He wants to make things right, and I want that, too. I don’t want to give into him simply because we’re having a baby together. I know he has demons and skeletons in his closet, but I want a real relationship. I want us to be together, and though I’m not going anywhere, I feel like we need to work on trusting each other.
“I love you, Mouse. I didn’t want to believe that I could, but I do. I love every single fucking thing about you. I loved you even when I knew I shouldn’t. You deserve better, and I’ll be damned if I let you settle for less than perfect.”
“I love you, too, Xander.” I smile, enjoying this new side of him.
He pulls my shirt back down, covering my bare skin and helps me move back onto the mattress. Once I’m situated beneath the covers, he crawls in beside me, tucking me into his side, his boner poking into my back. I’m blanketed in warmth, and I feel secure, and happier than I ever have been in my entire life.
“Someday, I will be good enough to marry you, and you’ll be the best fucking wife and mother to our children the world could ever have.”
I blink away the tears that appear in my eyes. Xander protected me when he didn’t have to. Yes, he hurt me, and broke me at times but how could I expect any less from a man who never knew what love was? From a man who never experienced what it was like to be cared for. Xander only knew death and pain, and me coming into his life opened up doors he had never thought of touching.
He thought having a son was weakness.
He thought finding someone to love him was a weakness. And maybe when his father was alive it was, but now, now it was a blessing and no matter what, I was going to remind him of how much of a blessing it was every single day.
“Someday, I’m going to marry you, Xander, and you’ll be the best father and husband a woman could ever ask for.” My voice cracks, giving my emotions away. I feel Xander melt into my body, and I relish in the feeling of being in his arms again.
“I don’t deserve you, Ella, but I’ll be fucking damned if I let anyone else have you. You’re
mine, forever, and always. I’ll be keeping you until the day I die.”
As my eyes drift closed, a permanent smile appears on my lips, one that I know will linger there far beyond today, tomorrow, or a month from now.
Epilogue
Xander
Six Months Later
I give every single one of my men the night off. I have the nanny upstairs in Q’s bedroom for the rest of the evening, and I’m ready to show my sweet little mouse how good of a chef I am. I haven't cooked but a few times before, but I want to be this man for her. I’ve worked at it every single day. Taking anger management classes and talking about my feelings more. It made me feel like a fucking pussy, but I did it for her.
I did it because it’s what she deserves and what my children deserve. Darkness still surrounds me, but I don’t let it claim me, not like I let it before. I still kill, but I do it for the greater good instead of just doing it because I can.
I will never let the darkness ruin my life like it did with my father’s, and I tell myself this every single day.
“Are you ready for dinner?”
Mouse looks up from reading her book at my question. “Isn’t it a little early for dinner?” She smiles up at me, her big blues sparkling with happiness. Her beautiful strawberry-blonde hair flows freely down her back.
“Well, yes, but I still have to cook it, so if I start it now, it’ll be ready in time for dinner.”
Mouse raises her eyebrows at me. “You… cook?”
“Of course, I cook.” I grin. “Do you want to come down to the kitchen with me or do you want me to come and get you when I’m done cooking?”
“Oh, no, sir. I’m coming. I’ve got to see this for myself.” She puts the book down on the little side table and pushes herself up and off the armrest of the recliner I got her. Her belly is nice and round now and because of her petite frame, she looks as if she is farther along than seven months. She’s starting to wobble when she walks, too, and it’s the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.
If I have it my way, I’ll have her pregnant forever, just because she looks so fucking sexy swollen with our child. She loops her arm into mine, and we walk downstairs together. It doesn’t take her but a few steps to notice that something is up.
“Where are all the guards?” she asks curiously.
“I gave everybody the night off.” I shrug nonchalantly, because really, it’s not a big deal.
“You did?” She looks around like she is expecting a guard to pop out and scare her.
We get to the kitchen where I’ve already set out all the ingredients for parmesan chicken. It’s not a gourmet meal, but that’s not the point. It’s not about making something over the top or expensive. It’s just about creating a meal for the woman I love.
I guide Mouse to a chair, and she sits down, watching me intently as I fill the pot for the pasta with water, salting it I put it on the stove. I move around the kitchen with ease, as if I’ve done it all my life. I grab a knife and start cutting the chicken breast into smaller pieces.
I feel so domesticated, and it’s all because of the beautiful fucking woman sitting across from me.
“Do you want me to help you? I mean, I kinda miss cooking. I haven’t done it in what seems like forever.”
“You can join me if you’d like, and as you know, you’re welcome to cook whenever you want.”
She smiles and gets up and walks around the kitchen island, coming to stand beside me.
She pours breadcrumbs into a bowl and makes an egg wash in another before taking the cut-up chicken from me. I wash and dry my hands after cutting up all the chicken.
I know I should probably turn around and preheat the oven, but I can’t help but step behind her. I snake my arms around her body, resting my hands on top of her round belly. She leans against my chest, her head resting against my shoulder.
She smells of brown sugar and vanilla, like a perfectly cooked dessert that I just want to devour but savor all at once.
“Is this the kind of normal you were talking about, Mouse? Because I could get used to this,” I whisper into her hair.
“Yes, I like having you all to myself. I like us being just a normal couple. I want to go baby shopping and on dates.”
“We’ll make this happen more often, I promise. Someday, we might not even need guards. It will just be you, me, Q, and Adela, and maybe one or two more little ones.”
“You want more children?” Her tone tells me she is surprised.
“Of course. Have you seen how beautiful you are? Now that I’ve seen you like this, I don’t think I can imagine you being anything but swollen with our children.”
“You do make cute babies,” she giggles. “But I don’t know about staying pregnant my whole life. I’m miserable right now, and we still have another two months to go.”
“How about we take it one day at a time.” I kiss the back of her head and she sighs into my touch. She’s so reactive to my touch, to my love, and I know that she is meant to be mine.
We finish cooking together. Our movements are synchronized, as if we both belong and work in the kitchen together every night preparing dinner, and maybe, someday, we will. If I can let go of the control, let go of the crippling fear of someone hurting my family… maybe then, someday, somehow, we can live a normal life.
I guide Mouse over to the leather couch, and we snuggle together. We talk about how Violet is putting the baby shower together, and all the things Mouse still needs to get. I remind myself to take her shopping, just her and I at least once more before our baby girl gets here.
I get the chicken out of the oven and prepare two plates. We eat together, just the two of us in a quiet house. When we’re done eating, Mouse gets up and grabs her plate as if she is about to clear the table. I take the plate from her hand and motion for her to sit back down.
“Don’t worry about that right now. The dishes can wait. Come on, I want to show you something.” I deposit the plates onto the counter before I take Mouse's hand and lead her out to the patio in the backyard. The summer air is still sticky with heat, but it’s starting to cool off. It’s the perfect kind of weather to spend a little time outside.
As soon as we walk through the French doors and out onto the patio, Mouse sees what I did to it.
She gasps as if in shock, bringing a hand to her chest. “Xander… what is all of this?”
“You like it?”
She stares at the bed of oversized pillows and blankets covering the makeshift bed. I’ve strung some outdoor lights above it and vases filled with flowers are placed all around the area.
Tealights are nestled into little bowls of water, placed all over the patio, and with the moon hanging in the sky, it makes the entire place look just as romantic as I’d hoped it would.
“It’s beautiful, Xander!” Tears fill her beautiful blue eyes, and I wipe them away with my thumbs as they slip down her cheeks.
“No crying, Mouse. Tonight is special to me, and not just because you’re here with me. It’s special because I’ve made the decision to let love win, forever, and always. I vowed I’d always protect you, and there’s one more way I can ensure they you will always be protected and cared for.”
Mouse blinks very slowly, as if she isn’t sure what’s going to happen next.
The weight of the ring in my pocket feels heavy now.
What if she says no?
Things have been great between us but there is still a chance she might say no.
The thought never occurred to me until now. I’d been working on my emotions, dealing with the pain and anger I had. I’d given her space like she’d asked, and we’d grown closer with each passing day, but what if this wasn’t what she wanted?
“Are you okay? You look like you might be sick?” Mouse’s features fill with concern. I wanted to laugh… even in these moments she proved how sweet, and caring she was.
“I’ve never wanted someone the way I want you, Mouse.”
She nods, as if she u
nderstands but she has no clue. She has no fucking clue how hard her presence makes my heart beat, or how much her whimpers and pleas during sex push me over the edge. She has no clue what she does to me and maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be with us.
“I love you, Xander, but you didn’t have to do any of this.” Her hands gesture toward the lights and bed.
“Oh, but I did…” I grin, reaching into my pocket. I pull out the red velvet box and drop down onto one knee before her while flipping open the top. As soon as she realizes what’s happening, her hands cover her mouth. Her gaze widens with excitement and shock.
“Will you do me the honor of becoming Mrs. Rossi, Mouse?”
“Do you… do you really mean it?” The words rush from her lips, and my smile widens.
“Yes, I really mean it. I want you to be my wife.”
And just like that, she is crying again. Big huge wet tears fall from her eyes, and she hiccups into her hand before nodding.
I reach out, taking her hand in mine.
I had her ring custom made. A two-carat diamond sitting on a white gold band. Thanks to Violet, I didn’t have to guess her ring size. I slide it onto her slender ring finger… and damn near sigh finding that it fits her perfectly.
As I try to stand back up, Mouse takes my face between her hands and brings her lips to mine. I wrap my arms around her and pull her closer… as close I can get her without squishing her belly.
She tastes delicious, and I want nothing more than to strip her bare and taste more of her, every single inch of her flesh. My tongue delves between her lips, and she grips onto me tighter, her hands fisting into my shirt and showing me just how much she wants this.
I pull away, resting my forehead against hers, my body trembling. “I want you, Mouse. Can I have you? Can I make love to you beneath the stars?”