Love 2.0: How Our Supreme Emotion Affects Everything We Feel, Think, Do, and Become

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Love 2.0: How Our Supreme Emotion Affects Everything We Feel, Think, Do, and Become Page 25

by Barbara Fredrickson

187 What Barrett and her collaborators (including one of my newest Carolina colleagues, Kristen Lindquist) have asked is simply, what is an emotion?: Lisa Feldman Barrett (2012). “Emotions are real.” Emotion. See also Kristen A. Lindquist and Lisa Feldman Barrett (2008). “Constructing emotion: The experience of fear as a conceptual act.” Psychological Science 19(9): 898–903.

  187 William James himself devoted considerable attention to this very question back in 1884: William James (1884). “What is an emotion?” Mind 9: 188–205.

  188 Research coming out of Barrett’s lab and other labs, including my own: Barrett (2012); Lindquist and Barrett (2008). See also forthcoming publications by Lindsay Kennedy, Bethany Kok, and me.

  188 Those who took anger to be an emotion showed the typical jumps in heart rate and blood pressure, whereas those for whom the idea that anger is an emotion was debunked had an appreciably more muted cardiovascular response: Kennedy, Kok, and Fredrickson. Manuscript in preparation.

  189 A global poll, released on Valentine’s Day, 2012, revealed that most married people, or those similarly coupled, identify their significant other as their most important source of happiness: http://af.reuters.com/article/commoditiesNews/idAFL2E8DDGDX20120214?pageNumber=1&virtualBrandChannel=0.

  190 By the flip of a coin, they tried either LKM or a different style of mediation, one that does not aim to cultivate loving feelings: In this latest research, we compare learning loving-kindness meditation to learning mindfulness meditation, a similar practice albeit with less emphasis on cultivating positive emotions. This is work I am conducting with Steve Cole, Karen Grewen, Sara Algoe, Sy-Miin Chow, Kimberly Coffey, Ann Firestine, and others, which is funded by the National Institute of Nursing Research at NIH (R01NR012899).

  191 Feeling good is that indicator: See classic work by Michel Cabanac (1971). “Physiological role of pleasure.” Science 173(4002): 1103–7.

  191 That’s because good feelings trigger a cascade of neurochemicals that makes you like whatever caused it: Berridge (2007).

  192 Evidence suggests that it isn’t until midlife or beyond that people develop true wisdom about positivity’s quiet cues: Catalino, Coffey, and Fredrickson. Manuscript in preparation.

  Index

  Acceptance, 106, 133–136

  Adaptation, 27–28

  Adversity, 142–144, 149

  Alcohol consumption, 86

  Algoe, Sara, 76

  Alzheimer’s disease, 83, 86

  Amusement, 7, 10, 12

  Amygdala, 50, 53, 58

  Anger, 16, 28, 187, 188

  Animal ancestors, 27–29

  Appreciation, 76

  Armstrong, Karen, 180–183

  Armstrong, Louis, 17

  Arthritis, 59, 85

  Attachment, 48

  Attraction, 139

  Atwood, Margaret, 3

  Awareness, broadened, 82, 83

  Barrett, Lisa Feldman, 187–188

  “Be open” motto, 104, 146

  “Be positive” motto, 104

  Bedtime rituals, 25–26

  Beecher, Henry Ward, 185

  Benefit/benefactor, 76

  Biobehavioral synchrony, 17, 18, 22, 23, 25, 30–31, 52, 70–71, 74, 169

  “Biography” (Masefield), 84

  Blake, William, 64, 181

  Blessings, counting, 155

  Blood pressure, 51, 86, 128, 188

  Body mass index, 190

  Body’s definition of love, 4–6, 10, 13, 15–38, 29, 190–191

  Bonds, 5–6, 9, 28–30, 35–36, 52

  Boston University, Danielsen Institute, 179

  Brach, Tara, 132

  Brain, 40–47, 58, 61

  Brain coupling, 43–46, 58

  Brain imaging, 41–47, 65, 66

  Breathing, 54, 124

  Broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions, 8, 9, 11, 22, 53, 60

  Buddhism, 11, 102, 116, 117, 181, 182

  Calm-and-connect response, 51, 54

  Cancer, 85

  Cardiac arrhythmia, 55, 57

  Cardiovascular disease, 59

  Carr, Lloyd, 70

  Case for God, The (Armstrong), 180

  Catalino, Lahnna, 13, 154

  Celebratory love, 153–160

  Cells, 4, 27, 29, 59–60, 85, 190–192

  Center for Investigating Healthy Minds, University of Wisconsin–Madison, 133

  Child development, 33–34

  Childbirth, 48

  Cicero, 95, 96

  Cognitive behavioral therapy, 131

  Cognitive functioning, 34, 83

  Colds, 86

  Cole, Steve, 85, 190

  Commitment, 6, 9, 35–36, 75

  Communication, brain coupling and, 44–45

  Compassion, 10, 67, 142, 143–153, 160

  Connection, 9, 10, 12, 17–29, 37, 47, 51, 54, 58, 68, 72, 75, 77, 86, 96, 97, 109, 137, 141, 142, 169, 179, 194

  Conversation, 16, 22, 23, 41–44, 71, 82–83

  Coping mechanisms, 79

  Core effect, 187–188

  Cortisol, 50, 59

  Couples, studies of, 73–75

  Criticism, 69

  self-, 115, 129, 131, 137

  Crowd euphoria, 70

  Cultural heritage, 7

  Dalai Lama, 56, 58, 116–117, 122, 133

  Danielsen Institute, Boston University, 179

  Darwin, Charles, 93

  Darwinian natural selection, 19, 28, 187, 191

  Davidson, Richard, 133

  Day Reconstruction Method (DRM), 166–170

  Depression, 19, 33–34, 116

  Diabetes, 85, 86

  Dickinson, Emily, 39

  Dissatisfaction, 116

  Distancing, 155

  Divorce, 79

  DNA, 4, 27, 29, 59, 60, 78, 85, 191

  Doors of Perception, The (Huxley), 64

  Dreisbach, Scott, 70

  Eastern philosophies, 39

  Ekman, Paul, 21, 93

  Emerson, Ralph Waldo, 139

  Emotional neglect, 33

  Emotions science, 7–8, 11, 105, 186–188

  End-of-the-day reflection, 96–98, 100

  Enduring resources, 57–58

  Environmental Protection Agency, 134

  Envy, 140, 154

  Exclusivity of love, 6, 7, 16

  Eye contact, 20–23, 32, 51, 52, 54, 94, 123, 148

  Eyes-closed positivity, 130

  Eyes-open positivity, 129–130

  Facial expressions, 21, 24, 69

  Faith (Salzberg), 182

  Fear, 27–29, 187

  FFA (extrastriate fusiform face area), 65

  Fight-or-flight response, 51, 54

  Finger-wagging, 69

  First dates, 72

  Forecasting, 45

  Francis, Saint, 119, 120

  Freud, Sigmund, 179

  Functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), 42, 46, 65

  Gestures, 20, 23, 69, 71

  Good fortune, 153–156, 158–160

  Gottman, John, 80

  Gratitude, 7, 10, 76, 155

  Greed, 27, 29, 51, 140

  Grewen, Karen, 190

  Gross, Melissa, 68

  Group solidarity, 69

  Guided imagery, 103

  Guided meditation, 109, 123, 127, 190

  Hand gestures, 20, 23, 69, 71

  Hasson, Uri, 41–47

  Hayes, Mercury, 70

  Health, 8, 29, 55, 59–60, 84–86, 183

  Heart disease, 85, 86

  Heart rate, 8, 51, 53–55, 85, 128, 188

  Holding hands, 23

  Hope, 7, 10

  Humor, 79

  Hunter-gatherer ancestors, 7

  Huxley, Aldous, 64–66, 181

  “If... then” plans, 92

  Illness, 29, 59–60, 78

  Immune system, 59, 85

  Impermanence, 39

  Imposter syndrome, 135

  Impulse control, 192

  Indifference, 155, 156

  I
ndividualism, 161

  Infant-caregiver synchrony, 25–26, 32–35, 51–52, 58–59, 79

  Infatuation, 7

  Inflammation, 59, 85, 190

  Inner self-talk, 128–131

  Inner voice, 83–84, 132

  Insight Meditation Society, Barre, Massachusetts, 116

  Insincere smiles, 94

  Insula, 45, 47

  Intersubjectivity, 24

  Intimacy, 30–32, 35, 47, 75, 76

  Intuition, 21

  James, William, 180, 187

  Journal writing, 126–127

  Joy, 7, 10, 12, 16, 187

  Kahneman, Daniel, 167

  Kennedy, Lindsay, 188

  Kindness, 76, 115

  Kinnell, Galway, 119

  Kok, Bethany, 56, 97–99, 188

  La Rochefoucauld, François de, 15

  Lactation, 48

  Le Guin, Ursula K., 91

  Leans, 69, 75, 86

  Life expectancy, 27

  Life history, 7

  Lindquist, Kristen, 187

  Living Buddha, Living Christ (Nhat Hanh), 181

  Loneliness, 19, 37, 59, 85

  Longevity, 85–86

  Longing, as physical state, 3–4

  Love

  biology of, 12, 19, 39–62

  body’s definition of, 4–6, 10, 13, 15–38, 29, 190–191

  celebratory, 153–160

  compassion and, 143–153, 160

  connection and, 9, 10, 12, 17–29, 37, 47, 51, 54, 58, 68, 72, 75, 77, 86, 96, 97, 109, 137, 141, 142, 169, 179, 194

  definition of, 9, 15–38

  exclusivity of, 6, 7, 16

  health and, 84–86

  infant-caregiver synchrony, 25–26, 32–35, 51–52, 58–59, 79

  longing for, 3–4

  Love (cont.)

  loving all, 161–184

  loving others, 139–160

  micro-moments and, 16, 18, 29–33, 37, 45, 52, 55, 60, 67, 68, 75, 76, 79, 84, 86, 91, 93, 98–99, 101, 162–163, 166, 194

  nonverbal cues and, 68–69, 72

  as nourishment for body, 4

  as physical feeling, 93

  preexisting beliefs about, 6–7

  products of, 6

  relationships and commitment view of, 5–6

  resilience and, 77–81

  ripple effects of, 63–87

  science of, 4–7, 10, 12–13, 185–187

  similarity and, 139–141

  spirituality and, 178–183

  as supreme emotion, 10, 14, 24, 194

  unconditional, 6, 20

  use of word, 9–10

  Loveliness, 119

  Loving-kindness meditation (LKM), 11–12, 25, 56, 57, 96–97, 102–110, 116–118, 120–127, 162, 190

  Lovingkindness (Salzberg), 119

  Loyalty, 9, 28, 31, 35

  Magical thinking, 105, 162

  Maître, 11

  Marriage

  ceremonies, 7

  positive emotions and, 80

  successful, 35, 74

  Marriage of Heaven and Hell, The (Blake), 64

  Masefield, John, 84

  Mass positivity resonance, 70

  Mathematics, 174–176, 183

  Maupin, Armistead, 152

  Meditation, 11–12, 25, 56, 57, 91, 94, 102–110, 186

  guided, 109, 123, 127, 190

  practices (see Meditation practices)

  Meditation practices

  celebratory love, 156–158

  compassionate love, 149–151

  list of, 205

  loving all, 163–165

  loving-kindness, 107–110

  seeing yourself as target of others’ love, 120–122

  self-love, 123–127

  Merton, Thomas, 63, 86

  Method acting, 95

  Metta, 11

  Micro-moment practices, 186

  celebratory love, 158–159

  creating compassion in daily life, 151–153

  creating three loving connections, 101

  Day Reconstruction Method (DRM), 166–170

  list of, 205

  narrating your day with acceptance and kindness, 132–137

  redesigning job around love, 177–178

  reflecting on social connections, 98–101

  using own suffering as cue to connect, 143–145

  Micro-moments, 16, 18, 29–33, 37, 45, 52, 55, 60, 67, 68, 75, 76, 79, 84, 86, 91, 93, 98–99, 101, 162–163, 166, 194

  Mind and Life Institute, 186

  Mind-training, 56–57

  Mirror neurons, 43–44

  Mirrored reflection, 17–18, 20

  Motherese, 52

  Mutual care, 10–11, 17, 25, 29, 45, 75, 169

  Mutual responsiveness, 31

  Mutual understanding, 45

  Narcissism, 114, 131, 138, 155

  Natural disasters, 79, 142

  Natural selection, 19, 28, 187, 191

  Nature, 49

  Neff, Kristin, 115–116

  Negative emotions, 28, 65–66, 77–80, 82, 128, 154, 173

  Neuropeptides, 47

  Neuroplasticity, 58

  Nhat Hanh, Thich, 181, 182

  Nods, 23, 69

  Nonverbal cues, 68–69, 72, 105, 152

  Obesity, 27, 86

  Objectification, 166

  “On Friendship” (Cicero), 95

  Oneness, 16, 20, 46, 179

  Openness, 32, 78, 104–105

  Oxytocin, 40–41, 47–53, 54, 58, 60, 61

  Pali, 11

  Parallel play, 22

  Parasympathetic nervous system, 85

  Passion, 75

  Peace Corps, 171

  PEP Lab (Positive Emotions and Psychophysiology Laboratory), 56, 84, 85, 188

  Perception, 64–67, 181

  Plasticity, 58–60

  Poetry, 183

  Pointing, 69

  Porges, Stephen, 40

  Positive emotions (see Positivity resonance)

  Positive psychology, 129, 130, 155, 176

  Positivity

  defined, 8–9

  prioritizing, 13, 154

  Positivity (Fredrickson), 8, 78

  Positivity resonance (see also Love; Meditation)

  accessing wisdom and, 82–83

  biobehavioral synchrony, 17, 18, 22, 23, 25, 30–31, 52, 70–71, 74, 169

  brain and, 40–47, 58, 61

  broaden-and-build theory, 8, 9, 11, 22, 53, 60

  cross-generational, 26

  defined, 17

  marriage and, 80

  mutual care, 10–11, 17, 25, 29, 45, 75, 169

  oxytocin and, 40–41, 47–53, 54, 58, 61

  perception and, 65–67

  relationships and, 72–75

  resilience and, 78–81

  self-love and (see Self-love)

  shared positive emotions, 17, 25, 169

  spirituality and, 182–183

  tendency toward, 92

  vagus nerve and, 40–41, 53–58, 61

  visual metaphor for, 17–18

  PositivityResonance.com, 92, 98, 109, 127, 167

  Postpartum depression, 33–34

  Posture, 20, 68, 105

  PPA (parahippocampal place area), 65–66

  Prairie vole experiments, 48

  Preparatory practices, 93–96

  Princeton University, 42, 47

  Radical acceptance, 132, 135

  Rapport, 24, 71, 72

  Relationship science, 10–11

  Religion, 178–182

  Resentment, 154–155, 156

  Resilience, 8, 60, 77–81, 106, 142–143, 145

  RNA, 190

  Rodent research, 53

  Romanian orphans, 33

  Saddha, 182

  Sadness, 16

  Safety, sense of, 19–20, 31, 32, 36, 68, 113, 129, 137, 141

  “Saint Francis and the Sow” (Kinnell), 119

  Salzberg, Sharon, 116–117, 119, 182, 183, 186

  Sanskrit, 11

&n
bsp; Self-absorption, 10, 67, 74, 95, 102, 103, 144, 156, 161, 162, 170

  Self-acceptance, 116, 133–136

  Self-aggrandizement, 114, 115, 129, 131, 155

  Self-change, 92, 186

  Self-compassion, 116

  Self-criticism, 115, 129, 131, 137

  Self-deprecation, 116

  Self-diminishment, 113–114

  Self-esteem, 19, 114–116, 138

  Self-focus, 123

  Self-help industry, 131

  Self-interest/concern, 67, 161, 165–166

  Self-love, 113–138

  obstacles to, 113–114

  Self-pity, 140, 144

  Self-praise, 129, 130

  Self-protection, 77

  Self-reflection, 94, 186

  Self-regulation, 34

  Self-soothing techniques, 79

  Self-talk, 128–132, 137

  Serenity, 11

  Sexual desire, 5, 7

  Sexual intercourse, 48

  Shared experiences, 75–76

  Shared history, 32, 35, 47

  Shared positive emotions, 17, 25, 169

  Similarity, love and, 139–141

  Simpsons, The (television series), 127–128

  Sincerity, 94

  Smiles, 23, 50, 51, 68, 69

  evolution of, 24–25

  sincere and insincere, 94

  types of, 21–22

  Smoking, 86

  Social comparisons, 139–141

  Social connection, 92–93, 96–101, 145

  Social engagement system, 40

  Social Genomics Core Laboratory, University of California at Los Angeles, 190

  Social resilience, 79–81

  Social support, 156, 192–193

  Solo activities, 93–95

  Spiritual Evolution (Vaillant), 182

  Spirituality, 178–183

  Sports, 69–70

  Stress hormone, 50, 59

  Stroke, 66, 86

  Suffering

  compassion and, 141–151

 

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