by MJ Prince
I don’t know whether to be pleased by the possessive and utterly confusing gesture, or pissed. Pissed, I decide. Because who the hell does he think he is? He clearly doesn’t want me, yet he warns other guys to stay away from me? Screw him.
“Oh, yeah, I mean Devon Waldorf tried to ask Jazmine out on a date just the other day. That was before Raph showed up and scared the poor guy off,” Dani says. I glare at her in response.
Keller flashes me an approving smile.
“Devon’s hot and the Waldorfs are one of the oldest noble bloodlines. They’re old money. Ivy tried to get with him the beginning of junior year before Lance, but he wasn’t interested. He’s kind of picky.”
Perfect. I think to myself. He actually has standards—not just willing to sleep with any girl that drops her panties for him. Unlike someone else. As I’m thinking it, I know the judgment isn’t entirely accurate, because I’m pretty sure Raph is pretty picky himself—all of the girls I’ve ever seen him with are model hot. Not that it’s much comfort.
Keller and Dani keep my mind off Raph with their jokes and pervy comments as they ogle the other players on the field. It’s probably the first time they’ve ever spoken, but they get on like a house on fire. It’s not surprising, because they’re both real and grounded in a way that not many students at Regency are.
When the match is over, Keller leads us down to the field where some of the players are all still celebrating their victory. My stomach twists when I see Raph standing in the middle of the field. Shirtless. Sweat glistens from his golden skin and it’s difficult not to stare, because the guy is cut like a diamond.
The twisting in my stomach turns into a sickening feeling when I realize who’s standing next to him.
Layla is wearing a tight, hot pink, dress that shows off her cleavage and slender figure perfectly. It strikes me as a bit much for a soccer match, but none of the players seem to be complaining as they ogle her.
I can’t deny that I’m pleased to see that Raph isn’t one of those guys ogling. But he is standing with her and he doesn’t push her away when she places a hand on his forearm in what’s clearly a possessive gesture. Great, they’re back together no doubt—not that I ever knew what was really going on between them. Only that Raph indicated that they were over but as Dani had told me before—one minute they’re off, the next they’re on. Bitterness creeps into me because maybe he was just using me to distract himself from whatever drama he had going on with Layla and I hate the fact that I’ve become a footnote in their ‘epic love story’.
Raph doesn’t notice me standing there with Keller and Dani. But Baron does and he jogs over to us.
“Good game, B,” Keller says when Baron reaches us, slapping him a high five.
“Hey, Dani, nice seeing you again” he greets her with that lady killer smile and I think I see Dani blush.
“Jazmine, I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages, too. You’re always staying after class or holed up in your room with Raph.”
Dani is staring at me in shock, because I haven’t exactly mentioned that up until yesterday night, Raph had effectively moved himself into my room and that we’d been sharing a bed for the past few weeks. In fact, I was hoping that it had gone unnoticed. But Baron and Keller’s rooms are in the same wing, so clearly they have noticed.
I still try to deny it though, letting out a forced laugh.
“What? That’s crazy—Raph doesn’t hang out in my room.”
I want to wipe the shit-eating grin off Baron’s face.
“So, I haven’t seen him sneaking out of your room every morning and he hasn’t been sleeping in your room every night?”
He looks back at me nonchalantly, like he hasn’t just dropped a truth bomb about something that I would’ve cut off my own arm to keep other people from knowing.
Dani looks like she’s about to explode with the questions that I know she’s dying to bombard me with. Keller doesn’t look surprised, though, because like Baron, she clearly hasn’t been oblivious to the new rooming situation on our wing.
I’m saved from saying anything as a familiar face comes into view.
“Who’s been sleeping in whose room every night?” Devon asks, clearly having overheard those last words. I hope that it’s the only thing he overheard.
He looks pretty damn good, freshly showered and in his soccer jacket. That boyish smile, hazel eyes and clean cut wholesomeness makes him the kind of guy you’d want to bring home to meet the family. Not that I have any apart from Magnus. But still, I can appreciate that wholesomeness.
“No one,” I answer quickly. Maybe too quickly. I’m well aware that my face is flaming.
Baron looks like he’s enjoying this too much.
“Anyway, if someone had been … doing that …” I say hurriedly. “It’s not happening anymore and it will never happen again. Because that is now over. Before anything even started.”
Devon looks totally baffled. But that’s a good thing because no way do I want this guy, this cute guy, who is potentially interested in me and doesn’t come with a million complications, thinking that I’ve been rolling around in bed with Raph St. Tristan.
Baron throws a smirk at me.
“Are you sure about that? Because Raph is staring at you so hard right now, those big blue eyes look like they’re about to fall out of his pretty head.”
Shit. So much for not naming any names. I shoot Baron a look of death as he flashes me another shit-eating grin before jogging off to join his groupies.
Dani throws me a look and mutters something under her breath that thankfully I think only I can hear.
“Lip-brushing, huh?”
Keller is almost pissing herself with laughter. But I’m not laughing as I look over at Raph, who is indeed staring. Staring hard.
Screw him.
I turn to Devon, giving him my full attention.
“So, are you coming to tonight’s after game party?”
He looks nervous and it’s kind of sweet.
I hesitate because inexperience means that I don’t know what the proper etiquette is —is he just asking if I’m coming to the party generally or is he asking me to come with him? And all of this is difficult enough without having to focus on blocking out a certain pair of uncanny blue eyes which are still trying to burn a hole into me.
Dani answers for me.
“Yes, Jazmine would love to go to the party with you, Devon.”
Now, it’s my turn to feel embarrassed.
He smiles back at me, and I find myself thinking that he really does have a great smile. He doesn’t have dimples and it’s not so beautiful that it’s difficult to look at, but then again, he’s also not an asshole who’s likely to break my heart in two.
“Great. Do either of you girls need a ride there, too?” he asks Dani and Keller.
“Nah, I drove here,” Dani replies.
“I hitched a ride with B, but it looks like his car’s gonna be full with all his groupies, so mind if I catch a ride with you?” Keller asks Dani.
“Sure, no problem.”
And with that, the two of them are walking off, leaving me alone with Devon.
I catch a glimpse of Raph over Devon’s shoulder and I notice that he still hasn’t moved and that he’s still staring. His eyes narrow as he notices that Devon and I are by ourselves and I almost hear the cogs in his mind whirring as he probably realizes that we’re going to the party together.
To my horror, I see him start to walk towards us, no, more like stomping. Layla is still next to him, but he isn’t paying her a shred of attention and she looks furious.
I quickly grab Devon’s arm to steer him off the field and he looks perplexed by my sudden rush, but goes with it.
Devon’s arm drapes around me casually and I stiffen at the touch, but there’s no way I’m about to give Raph the satisfaction of seeing me push Devon away. So, I lean into Devon instead as we walk off the field.
“Is this okay?” he asks after a second.
Not that Raph has any right to be angry. None at all.
“It’s fine,” I reply. “Great, actually.”
“Hey, D—got a death wish?”
I tell Devon to ignore the taunts from the other players as we walk off the field, but I’m not sure I believe my own advice, because Raph really does look like he’s about to murder my date.
Devon is the perfect gentleman during the drive from Gramercie back to the beach just beneath Regency Mount, where the party is tonight.
He doesn’t try to hit on me and doesn’t make a single inappropriate comment as we chill together at the beach party. We hang out with Dani, along with some other guys from the soccer team, who all look at Devon as if he’s a dead man walking. Then we dance a little on the makeshift dance floor, and sit by one of the bonfires. The whole thing feels so normal, like the typical high school date that I’ve missed out on all these years and part of me is really enjoying it.
But despite myself, I can’t deny that I can’t fully enjoy myself because part of my mind is elsewhere. It’s on Raph. Just like he was on the field and at school, he’s the center of attention at the party. Star player and team captain—everyone is congratulating him and paying their respects to the king. What the fuck ever.
He’s surrounded by at least half a dozen girls at all times and I don’t fail to notice that Layla never leaves his side.
I don’t know what Baron said to him back on the soccer field, but whatever it was, has stopped Raph from murdering Devon, although I do catch him glaring at my date several times throughout the evening, as if he would very much like to kill the guy. The whole thing is so twisted, that it just pisses me off even more.
“So, I’m guessing you know this but I’m kind of taking a big risk by being here with you tonight,” Devon says, as we sit by the bonfire, watching the flames flicker and dance.
“Oh you are?” I reply in a teasing tone.
“Yeah, I mean Raph’s been giving me the look of death all night.”
“You noticed that, huh?” I say, with a grimace.
“Kind of hard not to and I’m sure soccer practice isn’t going to be much fun for the next few weeks.”
“Sorry.”
“But I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s worth it. Because I like you, Jazmine, and I want to get to know you better.”
His words surprise me and at the same time I don’t know how to respond. I mean, Devon is good looking, funny and seems like an all-around decent guy. But do I like him? Do I want to get to know him better? I have no clue. My stomach doesn’t flutter when he’s around, my heart doesn’t pound like crazy. But he also doesn’t irritate the hell out of me or make me feel like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff about to fall to my death. He’s open, honest and uncomplicated. He’s being up front about how he feels and what he wants from me—and maybe that’s the most that I can expect.
The uncertainty must show on my face.
“Look, I’m not sure if something’s going on between you and Raph …” he starts.
“There isn’t,” I interject quickly. “I mean, he used to hate me and now he doesn’t and that’s it.”
Devon pauses for a moment, then nods.
“Okay, well, if you ever want to hang out—on a date or otherwise, I’m here,” he says then.
“And in particular, if you don’t have a date to the Fall Ball yet, then I’m also here,” he adds.
Dani’s mentioned the Fall Ball a few times, but I’d forgotten that it’s coming up. Raph didn’t mentioned it at all before I started avoiding him, but then again why would he? It’s not like he was ever going to ask me to be his date.
I’m saved from having to come up with the right response, though, when someone calls over to Devon, asking him to move his car, because it’s blocking someone else in.
Devon sighs before turning back to me.
“Hold that thought, I’ll be right back.”
I nod as I watch him go. My eyes find their way to Raph. He’s sitting closer to the cliffs, with Layla next to him. Ivy and Lance are there, too. The four of them look so right together, they fit together perfectly, like they belong. It’s me who doesn’t.
I get up and find myself walking away from the party, towards the water. I don’t know where I’m going, but I keep walking until the orange lights of the bonfires are replaced by darkness and the silvery glow of the moon. I walk towards the shore until I feel the cool water lapping against my bare feet. In the distance, I can see people from the party swimming and splashing around.
“Can we talk?” Raph’s voice makes me jump. I didn’t sense him approaching but now that he’s here, his presence is all that I can feel. I hate how he does that—makes the whole universe narrow until it feels like we’re the only two people in it.
I turn to look at him and school my face to stay blank, although it’s difficult as hell. In a white t-shirt and denim cut offs, he cuts a sexy figure, even in the darkness.
“What’s there to talk about?” I ask, keeping my voice flat.
I can see that it irritates him. Good.
“Well, for starters, do you mind telling me why Devon Waldorf has been glued to your side the entire night?”
He looks pissed, but I am, too.
“What happens between Devon and me is none of your business.”
Those blue eyes flare in the darkness.
“Like hell it isn’t.” He has the gall to say.
“It isn’t,” I reply.
“Look, I have no idea what twisted game you’re playing. I thought we’d called a truce, but it looks like you’ve just come up with a new way to torture me. Whatever it is. I’m done being your pawn.”
Raph looks back at me in confusion, but I can’t allow myself to believe him.
“What are you talking about, Jaz?”
I lose it then—the control that I had been trying to maintain vanishes, and there’s only anger and hurt left.
“I’m talking about the fact that you’ve been acting all nice to me—pretending that you want to help me, sleeping in my bed, making me believe that you’re not actually an asshole, but that you might actually be a decent guy, trying to make me feel that I can actually begin to trust you, trying to get me to like you.”
I’m aware that I’m ranting and that I’m probably embarrassing myself with the words that are coming out of my mouth. But I don’t care.
“Then you almost kiss me. But then tell me that it was a mistake and you’ve been avoiding me ever since. Now, you’re here with Layla acting like, I don’t know. Like you’re back together or maybe you always were together. Because that’s the thing with you—I have no idea what the hell is even going on.”
I throw my hands up in frustration and turn my back to him so that he can’t see the shine in my eyes. I’m angry at myself, because I have no idea why I even care. I don’t feel anything for this guy but hate, I don’t even like him. So, why does it feel like my chest is being ripped open? Why does every fiber of my being want him to turn around and tell me that it wasn’t a mistake? Raph St. Tristan is nothing but a heartache waiting to happen, I shouldn’t want anything from him other than for him to stay the hell away from me.
I force my breathing to calm as I look up at the stars and the night sky. But even that does little to comfort me just then.
I feel Raph coming up behind me and my body stiffens at his presence but because I’m stupid and weak, I don’t move away. I feel his solid chest against my back and the warmth that he radiates causes me to shiver. It reminds me of that morning when we woke up tangled up in each other’s arms. His hands are gentle as they caress my arms and move down to my waist. I want to push him away, when he wraps those strong arms around my waist but I lean back instead, letting him support me. He must be able to feel my body tremble under his touch, and I think I must be imagining, it but I can
swear I feel his body quake, too.
I hate him for how good this feels. How wrong it is and at the same time, I want it to be right.
“It’s not like that,” he says, his voice sounding hoarse.
“Then tell me what it’s like.” The question is barely a ragged whisper in the night, and I’m not sure if I’m even ready to know the answer.
He lets out a long sigh which makes my skin tingle, and I swear I can feel his face hovering over my neck, over my hair, breathing me in. I feel the ghost of his lips brushing against my shoulder and it’s barely a touch, yet it shakes me to the core.
“It’s complicated—Layla, the throne, this world.”
He doesn’t offer up any other explanation. He doesn’t seem to be able to. But those words alone are enough. They tell me everything I need to know and I feel them like a punch to the stomach. I feel every inch of my body locking up, the stone walls starting to close up again.
I wrench myself out of his arms, hating myself for feeling the loss of his warmth. When I turn to face him, my face is like stone, because I’m made of stone.
“What are you even doing here?” I ask, with a deathly calm that scares even me.
Those impossibly blue eyes lock onto mine and I see the anguish in them, but it doesn’t matter, because he still can’t answer the question.
“I don’t know,” he says finally.
I take a deep breath and I feel the stillness settle inside me as we look at each other in silence for what seems like an eternity. Because he doesn’t seem able to say the words to make the silence go away.
Fuck this. I can’t bear to stand there a moment longer. I turn on my heel to walk away. He speaks then. But his words make me wish that he hadn’t.
“Dammit, Jaz—it’s complicated. There’s so much you don’t understand.”
“You keep saying that,” I reply flatly.
“I didn’t ask for any of this. Everything was fine before you came along.”