by Baird, Ginny
“Who was that?” she asked from the living area.
“The ferry will back in business tomorrow. I guess I should start packing.”
“No, don’t,” she said suddenly. “You can stay. I’ll go.”
And, for the first time since she’d arrived here, Matt didn’t feel any inclination to stop her.
The next day, Matt sat at the table, watching the waves through the window. The skies had mostly cleared, except for a few dark clouds rumbling above. Scattered showers were predicted, but there were heavier rains raging inside him. He felt all turned inside out, as if someone had extracted his heart and laid it on this very table. And someone had. Her name was Sarah.
“I’m leaving,” she said, standing by the kitchen door.
Matt glanced her way and set down his coffee. She’d already loaded her SUV and now held nothing but her small purse and a travel water bottle. “I see.”
“Matt…” Her cheeks were flushed. “If there was any way to work things out, I’d stay.” Like hell she would. She hadn’t even given them a chance, wouldn’t even tell him what was wrong. She was just playing herself again, calling the shots, and getting to be the one who decided when it was over. “You’re going to miss the boat.”
She sucked in a breath, and it sounded like she was crying. Matt didn’t dare turn to look at her. He studied the shore instead, watching it take a relentless beating from the waves. His heart knew just how that felt.
He heard the door creak open as she spoke, her voice shaky. “It was good seeing you again.”
In a different world, he might have felt the same. At the moment, though, all Matt wanted was for her to go away so that the pain would end.
Chapter Nine
Sarah waited in line for the ferry, queued up behind two other SUVs and a couple of pickups. These were the greatest signs of life she’d seen in days, and still they were paltry. Few folks ventured to the island this time of year, and those who did were die-hards. Rugged outdoorsmen or property owners, the types not easily put off by a ten-foot storm surge or the occasional nor’easter. She peered through her windshield at the darkening sky. More bad weather was coming, but it could nowhere compete with the storm in her soul. Her parting from Matt had been heartbreaking, yet necessary. Wasn’t it so much better to say good-bye now, when becoming even more involved would only make separating worse? He’d told her just what he wanted: the same thing his parents had. She knew what that was because she’d seen it firsthand. A warm, wonderful family with lots of offspring, and having children was not in Sarah’s future.
She steeled her heart, worried that she’d always be alone. After rupturing her appendix in college, she’d developed pelvic inflammatory disease, a horrible infection. Its outcome had left her sterile, completely unable to bear children. It was a bitter pill to swallow at age twenty-one and apparently had been too much for her college boyfriend to deal with. They’d talked about graduating and moving to work in the same city. Eventually getting married and raising a family of their own. While he hadn’t left her immediately, receiving news of her medical condition had seemed to change the way he felt about her. Though he denied it, afterward things started breaking apart. They began fighting more frequently, then finally split up the second semester of their senior year.
Later, Sarah had chalked up her college boyfriend’s reaction to youth and inexperience. Surely a mature man who loved her deeply wouldn’t react the same way. She’d learned differently with her first adult relationship in Maryland. It wasn’t that he hadn’t loved her; it was more that he’d seen a different sort of future for them going forward. Naturally, adoption was an option, but he’d been the only son in his family and had always thought he’d carry on the family line. When he’d also gone away, the breakup had ripped Sarah’s heart to shreds with its haunting déjà vu. Consequently, it had become harder for her to become intimate with a man. She’d surprised herself by falling into bed with Matt at Elaine’s wedding.
Now that she knew the truth, she could more clearly piece together what had happened. She’d not only been desperately attracted to him, she’d also seen him as someone with potential. Serious potential. He was intelligent, witty, and unbearably handsome, just the sort of guy she’d always known she’d fall for. The more champagne she’d had, the better he’d looked. And the better he’d looked, the more devastated she was by her secret. Here he was, this super terrific guy, and their mutual attraction was powerful. So powerful, Sarah wasn’t sure if she could fight it. Part of her wanted to totally give in, see if things would follow through and they might begin a relationship. But most of her was utterly terrified that what had happened in the past would occur again. In her fits and starts between wanting him and wanting to flee from him in order to protect her still fragile heart, she’d drunk herself silly.
If only she’d believed it wouldn’t have made a difference to Matt, she would have told him the truth. But he was so clearly into his family and the concept of a big, happy brood. After spending time with him this week at the beach, she believed that more than ever. His background was not just Italian but also Catholic. Sarah recalled all the toasts and jokes that were made at Elaine and Robert’s wedding about making tons of babies, and quickly. Creating lots of little Salvatores was clearly a family expectation, one that she’d be unable to fulfill.
Needing to distract herself from her pain, Sarah switched on her satellite radio. It was set to a blues station, and the song Stormy Weather began to play. As if on cue, light rain began to ping against the windshield, flecking it with little dots of moisture that ran in sad streaks down the glass. Don’t know why there’s no sun up in the sky. Stormy weather, since my man and I ain’t together. Keeps raining all of the time… She shut her eyes as Etta James crooned on, and the memories from the week flooded back. Catching Matt by surprise as he emerged in a towel from the outdoor shower… Enjoying movies and board games together… Matt wrapping his arms around her during that very sexy baking lesson… Kissing him in the rain and in the snow… And finally, that truly magical Christmas tree he’d so lovingly crafted for her on Christmas morning morning.
A horn blared, and Sarah opened her eyes to see the queue ahead of her was moving, the ferryman motioning vehicles onto the broad deck of the boat. She wiped her tears with her coat sleeve and set her vehicle in gear, her hands trembling. Despite the damp cold, her heart was on fire, burning like a forest blaze consuming its final pine. There was nothing much left of her; she had nothing left to give. Why, then, had Matt seemed to trust that she did? Sarah rolled onto the ferry, her SUV rising and falling over the loading ramp with a jolt. Stormy weather… All I can do is pray the Lord will let me…walk in the sun once more… Just then, a beam of sunlight streaked in through her windshield from behind a faraway cloud.
The Christmas-tree-shaped crystal dangling from Sarah’s rearview mirror pivoted in its glow, dazzling her with an astounding array of color. Matt’s words came back to her in a husky whisper. “There’s a rainbow after every storm,” he’d said, looking into her eyes. “You just need to believe it.”
Sarah’s heart beat faster as she knew suddenly what she must do. She could no longer run from her life. She had to confront it head-on. She needed to start by gathering her courage to explain things to Matt. Even if he didn’t want her after what she had to say, he deserved to hear the truth. He’d been nothing but good and kind to her. So thoughtful and romantic too. It was wrong of her to leave without any explanation at all, leaving him to wonder if he’d somehow been at fault. How could she do that to someone as great as him when the blame was hers and hers alone? It was time for her to stand up and own it, letting the cards fall where they may. But oh, didn’t her heart hope that would land her in Matt’s arms.
She glanced in her rearview mirror and gasped. Another car was getting loaded onto the ferry behind her. Then another…and yet another still. “Wait!” she shouted, throwing up her hands. The ferryman continued his work, unable to hear her. She could
n’t let this happen. Not here, not today. The year was coming to an end, so maybe it was time to consider new beginnings. Sarah laid on her horn and opened her driver’s side door, leaping from the SUV. “Stop!” she yelled at the stunned ferryman, who stared at her beneath his tartan-plaid tam. “Off! I’ve got to get off,” she continued, a bit breathless. “Off of this boat!”
“I’m afraid that’s impossible, lady. We’re already halfway loaded.”
Sarah glanced at the line of nearly a dozen vehicles behind her, then met the ferryman’s gaze. “What if I ask them all to back up?”
“What?”
“I’ll do it! I’ll go car to car if I have to!”
“What is this? Some sort of emergency?”
It most certainly was. In fact, it was the greatest state of emergency Sarah Anderson had ever had. For the first time in her life, she was falling for the perfect man, a good man, a wonderful man, and she was being foolish enough to let him get away. It was time she learned to fight for her life, work for the future she wanted. Even if it proved painful. Even if she might fail. The hard truth was she’d never forgive herself if she didn’t try. “Yes.”
The ferryman removed his tam and slowly shook his head before looking up. “What kind of an emergency?”
“It’s…” Sarah felt her voice warble and pursed her lips a beat to steady herself. “…my heart.”
His faced creased with concern, and he took a step forward. She held up a hand to stop him.
“Two hearts, really. There’s a very big risk of someone getting hurt. Of both hearts being broken.”
The ferryman heaved a sigh, his expression lighting with understanding. “And you think that by getting off this boat, you can fix it?”
She stared at him, feeling her confidence surge. “I have to try.”
Back at the cottage, Matt morosely disassembled his makeshift Christmas tree. Sarah had looked just like some delighted kid when she’d happened upon it Christmas morning. He’d really thought he’d done everything right, but apparently his efforts had been a major fail. What a fiasco this trip had been. He’d come to beach to forget about one woman and had been unexpectedly raked over the coals by another one. Maybe what Matt needed to do was take a break from women altogether. A long break.
He was just coiling up the deck lights when he thought he heard a car in the drive, screeching to a halt. Seconds later, a door popped open, then slammed shut. Could that be Sarah? Coming back to retrieve something she’d forgotten?
His answer came in the sound of her footfalls racing up the front steps. “Matt!” she said, bursting through the kitchen door. “We have to talk!” She was out of breath, her coat unzipped and her sweatshirt and hair speckled by the light rain that had been falling.
“I thought you were catching the ferry?”
“I was,” she said, stepping forward and shutting the door behind her. “But I got off.”
“Off?” he questioned, trying to imagine that feat, particularly if she’d already been loaded. “Sarah, what’s going on?”
She crossed to where he stood, and looked up, her brown eyes brimming with moisture. “I haven’t been completely honest. There’s something. Something that I need to tell you.”
Matt swallowed hard, not knowing what to expect. “And what is that?”
“I can’t…” She stopped, seeming to gather her nerve.
“Are you changing your mind? About the two of us?”
“I’ve never wanted anything but the two of us.”
“Then why…?”
“I can’t have children,” she said in a whimper. “A long time ago, I had an infection, and—”
He brought his fingers to her lips. “Is that why you left? Why you said we couldn’t have a future? Because you believed that was a deal breaker for me?”
She held his gaze through bleary eyes. “Isn’t it?”
While he’d never had occasion to consider it, the truth was he wasn’t about to let someone as amazing as Sarah get away due to a medical condition beyond her control. What kind of man would that make him? Not the one he understood himself to be. It must have taken tremendous courage for Sarah to come back and tell him the truth, particularly as she had no guarantee what his reaction might be. “No. It isn’t,” he said, knowing when he said it that answer felt right.
“But you said… You told me that you want what your parents have.”
“I meant their relationship. The way they are with each other and are there for one another, even after all these years.” He took her in his arms, damp clothing and all. “Sweetheart, listen to me. I want you. Do you hear me? You’re the person I’m falling in love with and can’t bear to see walk away. Please promise me you won’t do that again. Twice was bad enough. I’m not sure my heart can take a third time.”
She shared a shaky smile, tears streaming from her eyes. “I promise.”
“Besides…” He lightly stroked her cheeks. “Some say that kids are overrated.”
“They do not,” she said with a sniff. “Especially in your family.”
“There are options, you know. Life is full of options.” He grinned warmly. “I like dogs.”
She laughed through her tears. “You’re such a great guy.”
“Hmm, yes. I’m glad you can finally see that. Only from this point out, I’m going to insist on one thing.” He pressed his forehead to hers and looked deeply in her eyes. “That you call me Santa.”
“What?” she asked with surprise.
“I thought it was kind of sexy when you said I was like him.”
“You are him,” she said, tugging him close.
He threaded his fingers in her luscious hair and drew her in for a kiss. After an intensely passionate moment, he pulled back. “Can I convince you to stay for New Year’s?”
“Why, Santa,” she said softly, “we don’t even have champagne.”
He laughed out loud, snuggling her in his arms. “We’ll improvise.”
He kissed her deeply then, again and again, only finding himself hungry for more. She molded herself to him, her legs appearing to give way. But he shored her up and held her close, determined now—more than ever—never to let her go.
Epilogue
The following December, Matt took Sarah’s hand and led her onto the big, broad deck. The ocean bellowed and tumbled before them, gulls darting in and out of the waves under a darkening sky. Matt wrapped his arms around her from behind as they studied the seascape.
“Looks like a storm’s brewing.”
She glanced over her shoulder thinking he was the most handsome man she’d seen in anything—a tuxedo or a towel. “Hmm, yes. We could be stuck here indefinitely.”
“Now, that would be a shame.” He leaned forward and nuzzled her neck, causing her to shiver slightly.
“Chilly?”
The wind kicked up ruffling the layers of her billowy white gown. “Just a bit.”
Matt removed his jacket and draped it over her shoulders before turning her toward him in an embrace. “I’m glad we bought this place.”
“I couldn’t think of a better spot to spend our honeymoon,” she said, smiling up at him.
He shot her a sexy grin. “And this time we brought champagne.”
“What will we toast to?”
Her face warmed under his perusal. “Santa?”
“Yes. To him and Christmastime.”
Matt brushed his lips to hers. “Spending Christmas with you is the best.”
“Something tells me it’s about to get even better,” she said, nearly breathless.
“Shall I carry you back to the sleigh?”
“I’ll go anywhere with you,” she said, meaning it absolutely.
“How about a trip around the world?”
“What?”
“You did say you wanted to see the Southern Cross? Travel to Tasmania?”
“You can’t mean…?”.
“Sarah, sweetheart,” he said with a loving look. “I’ve arranged some
time off, and we’ve got plenty of money.”
“But I thought this was our honeymoon?”
“Beach baby of mine, the honeymoon has just begun.”
The End
A Note from the Author
Thanks for reading Beach Blanket Santa. I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, please help other people find this book.
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