Nate was looking at her in the moonlight. She was telling this story as though it had happened to someone else, but her insides were quaking as though it was taking place all over again.
“What happened?” he asked.
“We packed up and moved again. My father came, too. He lived in the tent we’d always shared and I lived in my—in Harm’s.”
“That was his name?”
She nodded. She hadn’t said it in all these years. “Harm Augusta.”
“You never called yourself by that name, though.”
She shook her head.
“He mistreated you?”
“Whenever it struck his mean-hearted fancy. I only knew sex as a debasing, hurtful thing men did to women. A way to wield their power and strength. Some of the girls told me it could be good with a man, but I didn’t believe them. I couldn’t imagine giving that to a man. Ever.”
“What are you saying?”
“When you and I—that night right here—that was the first time I ever let a man kiss me. The first time I let a man touch me and touched him back. That was—the first time for me. Like that. Without getting hit or slapped or bitten.”
Nate made a sound like he was strangling and laid his hand on her arm. The warmth of his touch burned through the fabric of her sleeve. “Lily, God, Lily, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I thought you were sellin’ yourself to every man who paid your price. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you when you told me the truth.”
“How could you believe me? I showed you what I wanted you to see. Just like I showed everyone. If I didn’t care about what people thought—if respecting myself wasn’t an issue—none of what happened in the past would matter. None of the future insult would hurt.”
“I’m honored that you shared yourself with me,” he said in a hoarse whisper. “I understand how submitting your will and offering your body in any way is a difficult thing for you to do.”
“That’s not all.”
There was more? Nate didn’t know if he could bear to hear it. But she’d lived it. Borne it inside her all these years, and he’d asked her to tell him the whole truth. Now he had to listen.
“My father’s tent was close by. He had to have heard the—beatings. But he never did anything to stop them. He had his share of the mine.
“After almost a year, I learned I was going to have a baby.”
A child? She had a child? His mind rolled over which of the girls at the Shady Lady could be young enough to be her daughter and couldn’t think of a one.
“I tried to keep him away from me after that. I pretended sickness and I even stole some laudanum and put it in his food to make him go to sleep at night. One night I was feeling poorly. He came to the tent in one of his tempers and started after me. I fought him—like I’d never done before. I don’t know why it was different that time. Some protective instinct just came over me and I was more afraid for my baby than for myself.”
Nate listened with his breath caught in his throat.
“He beat me pretty bad. He was insane with anger and he came at me with this look in his eyes. I grabbed a knife that was lying by the cook fire. Next thing I knew, he was lying on it. I was covered with his blood because he was on top of me. I pushed him off and I ran.
“I stole a horse from another miner and rode as far and fast as I could. When I got to this town, the only place with a light on was the bordello. I didn’t know what it was, I didn’t care. I was bleeding and weak. I went to the door and rang the bell.
“Antoinette Powell answered the door. She was wearing a fancy red dress and a dozen strands of pearls around her neck. She took one look at me and pulled me inside.”
“What happened to your baby?”
Lily paused before continuing. “She did her very best. She called a midwife and they sat with me for two days and nights straight. But I lost my baby.”
He pulled her into his arms then and she didn’t resist. “You knew how it felt,” he said. “When I told you about losin’ my son.”
“I never got to hold my baby,” she said. “Or hear him cry or laugh. I only got to see a little grave.”
“If that man wasn’t dead, I’d kill him myself,” he said, his voice low and filled with passion.
“But I killed him, Nate. Antoinette hid me until we knew no one was going to come looking. He was a no-account miner, and my father was glad to get his hands on the mine. He used to come into town.”
“Your father? He came to Thunder Canyon?”
She nodded against the comfortingly hard plane of his chest. “For years. A couple of times he asked me to grubstake him for another season.”
“Did you?”
“Yes. I used to give him food and buy him socks and shirts. He died one winter, all alone at that godforsaken mine. His belongings were turned over to Sheriff Parson, and I got the deed to the Queen of Hearts. I hated that worthless mine and everything it stood for.”
“So you own a played-out mine?”
“Actually, Catherine is holding the deed while I pay back the bank notes. She wanted to give me the hotel, but I insisted.”
Nate lowered her back on the blankets and kissed her tenderly. “There’s no way to change the past. I’ve learned that the hard way. No amount of revenge will bring back what you had.”
“And runnin’ and pretending to be tough as nails doesn’t make it go away,” she added.
“You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever known, Lily.”
“Something to be said about being delicate and well mannered, too. Smooth hair and pretty talk must appeal to a man.”
“Don’t ever compare yourself to another woman.”
“Pretty hopeless?”
“I’ve never met a woman as beautiful or one who got my blood pumpin’ the way you do.”
“You do want me, don’t you, Sheriff?”
“I’ve wanted you since the first day I clapped eyes on you. You’re the one who spouted all that ‘I’m Lily Divine’ stuff and made me think you didn’t need me.”
“It was easier to believe I didn’t need you and to point out how wrong I was for you before someone else did it,” she said softly.
“Nobody’s gonna tell me you’re wrong for me,” he said. “Even if they did, I’d know better. We’re alike, you know.”
She skimmed his jaw and framed his face in one palm. “How?”
“Both livin’ in our own safe little worlds where we weren’t going to let anyone in. Both of us afraid to feel.”
“I couldn’t admit that I’d ever want a man in my life. I couldn’t let myself love,” she told him.
“This isn’t a risk,” he promised her. “I don’t want any of your property. I don’t ever want you to feel like you’re not in charge of your life. If you’ll just give me your love, I’ll treasure it. And you. For all my days. I can’t make up for what happened in your past. But I can promise you love in your future. I love you, Lily. Marry me and let me show you every day.”
Lily’s heart swelled with joy. “You sure you don’t want a delicate little wife who sews and cooks and waits on you hand and foot?”
“Positive.”
“’Cause you still have a chance at finding one. Once I say yes, you’re stuck with me. And I won’t be giving up the Shady Lady or my friends there.” She stroked his jaw. “I might be persuaded to give up the red dress.”
“How about if you wear it just for me?”
Lily kissed him with every bit of love she’d been holding back. She held him close and felt the beat of his heart against hers.
“You’ll marry me, then?” he asked.
“I’ll marry you. I love you, Sheriff.”
They made love on the bank of the stream with the frogs chirping a love song and the stars winking approval. Nate told her all the ways he was going to make her his and proceeded to make good on his promises.
Lily gave herself body and soul to a man for the first time in her life, speaking his name in the stillness of the night, whispering
words of love and trembling with the tide of emotion that crested over her.
Much later, Nate helped her dress and ran his fingers through her wild mane of hair. “I love your hair, Lily. It’s wild and untamed, like your spirit.”
She laughed and wrapped her arms around him. “And here I just thought it was difficult and unmanageable.”
He helped her up and swung into the saddle behind her. “I wouldn’t change anything about you.”
They rode back to town and dismounted in front of her door. “Can we go into the Shady Lady?” he asked.
She dug into her skirt pocket for the key and opened the front door.
Nate lit two lanterns and set them both on the bar. “There is one change I’d like to make.”
She gave him a skeptical glance. “What’s that?”
He pointed. “That portrait. From now on, I think I should be the only man who appreciates the delights of your lovely form.”
She relaxed her guard. “Edward Mulvaney would probably appreciate knowing how fond you are of that painting.”
“Who is Edward Mulvaney?”
“He’s a painter studying in the east. Someday when my portrait is long forgotten, people will still remember him.”
“I know I want to hear all about him.”
Lily laughed. “He’s a man with a vivid imagination.”
“And a fairly accurate one, too,” he replied, studying the alluring curves of the body in the painting.
Lily pulled a stool behind the bar and took down the painting. “Here you go, Sheriff. Lock it up. From here on out, Lily Divine is yours alone.”
Special thanks and acknowledgment are given to Cheryl St. John for her contribution to the MONTANA MAVERICKS series.
ISBN: 978-1-4268-8751-2
THE BOUNTY HUNTER
Copyright © 2005 by Cheryl Ludwigs.
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The Bounty Hunter Page 23