The next weekend, she went back with another basket of vegetables, her hiking boots, and a plan. She went through the motions of the previous week, greeting Terri's housemates, delivering her bounty of food, and talking about what they could make for lunch together. It was only after lunch that she turned around and said, "Hey, can you give me a tour of the garden? I didn't really get to see it last time."
"Oh, for sure!" said Terri, eagerly.
They both slipped through the back door together, and the other two made it clear they didn't expect to be invited along. Laura was so pleased she was tempted to take Terri's hand in hers. It was nice when everyone really was on the same page.
Terri's backyard wasn't nearly as lush as Laura's veggie patch at home was, but that was a hard effect to get when you didn't have magic boots. What it had over Laura's was space—a yard at least as wide as the house and more than half as deep, and much of it filled with garden beds. There was a straggling patch of lawn next to the house, but it wasn't the best cared for part of the garden and was already going brown in the summer sun.
"Sorry about the lawn."
"What? Why?" Laura looked down at the browned leaves by her feet, although she knew that some of them would already be turning green again thanks to her boot print. "It's not the exciting part."
Terri laughed. "I like your priorities. Yeah, we mostly just use it for keeping the lawn chairs and the barbecue on." Ze gestured to the weathered plastic chairs sitting around a small card table.
"I like your priorities." Laura looked around the yard, taking it all in. There were trees and garden beds ringing the whole lawn, some of them already bursting with green. She didn't know where to start. "Give me the tour?"
Terri took her hand and led her over to the beds on their left, and for a moment, Laura didn't care that much about the gardens at all.
The first bed was full of lettuce and carrots—one item Laura was very familiar with, but the other she'd never grown at all. "I've never grown lettuce, but carrots were just about the first thing my parents ever let me plant." She knelt down and stroked the fronds of one carrot-top fondly.
"Really? I would have thought they're a lot of work for your first garden. Did you sift all the soil yourself, too?"
"No, I didn't do it at all."
"But didn't they grow crooked?"
"Yeah, but that was the fun part." Laura stood up again. "I didn't like the carrots my parents grew to sell. They were all straight and perfect and boring. We always ate the weird ones that were too crooked for the market and I thought they were way better."
"Nice. We should all try to be more like little Laura. Imagine how much less food we'd waste like that. Do you have a photo gallery of all your favourite weird carrots?"
They kept working their way around the semicircle of the garden. There were herbs, summer flowers and more vegetables, too, as well as the trees. The biggest of the trees was a huge European, something Terri sighed over and said ze'd rather not have but it came with the house and the landlord wouldn't be too pleased if they cut it down, and Laura pointed out that at least it gave the cabbages some shade. There was a lemon tree, too, and a fledgling apple tree they'd planted that year, only waist-high so far.
"And these are the tomatoes," Terri said when they made their way around to the last fence. "Not the roaring success I'd like, as you can see. Any tips?"
Laura would be able to fix them just by walking up and down the bed a few times, but she crouched down to get a better look anyway. The vines were stunted even compared to her own ridiculously accelerated crop, but they were sprouting and developing well enough, they just weren't getting big.
"It could be a lot of things, but it's nothing too serious. You probably wanna plant some basil and marigolds in there as well for later, but it's hard to say what's giving it trouble now." She looked up at Terri seriously. "There's one thing I can do to help, but it's going to look a bit strange, okay? You have to trust me."
"I've seen your tomato vines. Of course I trust you."
"Yeah, but you don't know my trick. I've never shown anyone else this before."
Terri looked flattered, but hir expression faltered when Laura stepped into the garden and just planted a boot firmly against the base of the first vine.
"What are you doing?"
Laura leaned against the fence and kept both boots planted firmly around the first vine. "I know a lot about farming, but the truth is, that veggie patch of mine was a disaster until a month ago. I can't tell anyone how to do what I did, or share it around, because as far as I know there's only one pair of magical hiking boots in existence, but I can share it with you."
"What are you talking about?"
"Look at your lawn, Terri."
The bedraggled, neglected lawn that they'd walked out to twenty minutes ago was still there in the centre, but all around the edges was a clear border of bright green footprints where they'd walked around looking at the garden beds. Laura stepped back onto the grass, where Terri was still gaping at the lawn.
"Now look at your tomatoes."
Ze did, and then ze grabbed at Laura's arm in excitement. "It's taller!"
Only a plant lover could tell, but the tomato vine had grown a few centimetres in the short time that they'd been talking. It was looking healthier, too, already greener and bushier than its siblings further down the row. Laura hopped back in the garden bed, walked back and forth a few times and then came back to stand by Terri.
"It's not like I'm going to feed the world with a pair of boots," she added, while Terri was still gazing in wonder at the thriving vines. "I can only step on so many seedlings. And I haven't tried it out, but I don't think I can grow flowers out of concrete or anything. They don't make things grow when the conditions are totally inhospitable. But they help a lot."
"They sure do." Terri shook hir head. "I'm going to get us some drinks so we can sit here and... and actually watch grass grow, holy shit. Where did you find those things, some magical abandoned farm?"
"It's kinda weird, but my ex gave them to me when I moved to the city." Laura wrinkled her nose. "I thought it was weird at first because he'd always wanted me to go hiking with him, and I kinda wanted to but we never got around to it, and why would he give me his aunt's old hiking boots when I'd never even tried them on? But I guess he knew a thing or two about me after all." She realised she'd been staring off into the distance all of a sudden, and that Terri had paused, too, staring at her. "Sorry. It was all pretty recent and I miss him sometimes, but I try not to think about it too much."
"Okay," said Terri, slowly. "I guess I won't ask questions about the guy if you don't want to talk about it. Iced tea?"
"Yes, please," Laura said, and sat down on one of the lawn chairs to look over the garden again while Terri went inside. It was hardly a farm, but for a city home, it was beautiful. She would quite happily spend every Sunday afternoon here if she could. She wouldn't ordinarily impose on someone like that so early in the friendship, but she had a feeling that Terri wouldn't mind.
*~*~*
Terri didn't call her.
Laura started her week more excited than ever to have Terri in her life. When she was at work in the quiet moments—which there were far too many of—her daydreams were happy ones, for the first time since she'd moved to Melbourne. Instead of missing her home and her friends, and thinking sadly of what it was like to be held and how she wished she could have Ryan back with her—even if it wasn't really right—she thought about Terri. The bright look in hir eyes when ze talked about plants or bread or hir housemates, the way it felt when they hugged, and Terri's utter joy and trust when Laura showed hir the secret. It was all she could do to keep from texting Terri every moment of the day.
Except that she soon noticed that even when she kept her badgering to a minimum, Terri wasn't replying. Later in the week, when ze finally did reply, she always seemed to be busy, repeatedly turning down Laura's offers to meet up. By the time the weekend finally rolled ar
ound, Laura had tomato vines that were weighed down with fruit. All she wanted to do was fill up her basket again, walk over to Terri's house and share the harvest together, but no matter what she tried, Terri didn't reply.
When Sunday morning came around, Laura couldn't face it any more. She lay in bed when she woke up, sticky and hot in her singlet and shorts after a sweltering night, and realised she needed reinforcements. Or, at the very least, the expertise of someone who actually knew something about the queer social norms she might have inadvertently walked all over.
Normally when Laura stepped on something, she could at least expect a flower in return.
*~*~*
The brunch started with Tash looking drowsy and hung over, and complaining about Laura getting her up too early in the morning. Laura launched straight into her story while Tash was still staring groggily at the coffee menu, as though her favourite list of tasting notes, single origins and blends was deliberately making her head hurt, too. As Laura spoke, though, Tash stopped looking at the menu and began paying attention to Laura. Laura had her full attention before someone took their order, and by the time their breakfast arrived, Tash showed no trace of ever having been hung over.
Laura had been trying to think of a way to explain the magic boots. That was the part that didn't make sense, she thought. Things had been going so well, she'd shown Terri her secret. Terri had seemed so excited, and then ze didn't call. Laura was halfway through the story when Tash looked like she'd figured out.
"So let me get this straight," Tash said, at last. "You hung out with this person a couple of times—someone who doesn't even have a binary gender so probably has troubles with dating I can't even imagine. I've never met anyone like that, but it's gotta be tough."
"I didn't..." Laura trailed off, took a mouthful of food and thought while she chewed. "I didn't think about that."
"I'm sure ze likes you, Laura. I mean, I'm really, really sure. But ze's probably used to being disappointed by people who find hir too weird."
"Ze's not weird at all!"
"Well, you know that, because you're lovely." Tash kicked back in her chair. "But I'm guessing what happened is that you hung out with this person a few times and felt that magical thing you'd been waiting to feel and you both felt so lucky to be around each other..."
"You're mocking me."
"Yes, because I'm jealous," Tash said, with a rueful smile. "No, don't look sad at me like that, I love my life and I love hooking up, it's just never like whatever you've got with Terri from the way you talk about hir."
"I don't know if I have anything," said Laura, sourly. "Ze hasn't called me ever since and I don't know why."
Tash twirled her fork in the air. "You didn't spell it out, but I reckon I can guess. I'm guessing that you two had a really nice time hanging out for the last few weeks, you never thought to mention that you were queer, but your ex-boyfriend came up in conversation at some point and now Terri thinks you're straight and you'd never be interested in hir."
"What? No." Laura frowned, racking her brain. "But... I mean you're right, but... you can like both! Does that mean Terri thought I was gay before? And why is that any different? Terri isn't a woman either!"
"I don't know. You really have to ask Terri some of this. I imagine that Terri might get a little more acceptance from lesbians than ze does from straight girls, even though ze's not male or female, because other queer people are more likely to be open minded about that."
"Augh!" Laura threw her hands in the air. "Why does everyone I meet think that just because I've had boyfriends it means I only ever want to sleep with men for the rest of my life?"
"Because people can be ignorant about the silliest things. Even I said stupid shit about bisexuality until you pulled me up on it. Terri has a more difficult, complicated life than either of us, probably, but that doesn't mean ze can't have hir blind spots, too."
"So what do I do?"
Tash laughed. "Come on, Laura, you know what to do. If I have to spell it out there's no hope for you."
Even as she said it, Laura knew what she had to do. It was just a matter of figuring out how...
*~*~*
Laura walked over to Terri's house again that evening, before she could lose her nerve. She carried a bunch of flowers—small, wild, slightly droopy looking flowers that she'd plucked that day from the creek banks at the park, but hopefully they'd work well enough for what she was planning. It was past dinner time, but the sun hadn't quite set and in the long summer twilight, everything was still lit softly in a buttery golden light. The walk to Terri's house was a short one. From the street, she could see and hear plenty of neighbours—holding barbecues, sitting on their front porches watching the sunset, kids playing with dogs in the front yards. Families. The fragile thing Laura thought she might be starting and hopefully, desperately wanted to cement tonight.
She had to stop herself and take a deep breath when she stood on the share house's front porch, getting ready to ring the bell. She could still turn back, she told herself, but there was no point. This was scary, but she had nothing to lose by doing it, and if she didn't do it now she'd just find herself back here another day, feeling even stranger.
There was a thudding of feet on floorboards and just like the first time Laura had come over, Bea answered the door with a smile on her face. She took one look at the flowers in Laura's hands and cracked up.
"Good to see you, too," Laura said, sourly. "Can I come in?"
"What the... hey, don't laugh at our guests, Bea. Especially when they bring gifts."
Laura forgot to be angry at Bea when Terri appeared behind her, frowning at hir housemate.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I'm not laughing at you." Bea clapped Laura on the shoulder. "I'm really not mocking you. You're a good egg, Laura." She raised an eyebrow at Terri. "Good enough?"
"Oh, go away."
"Okay then, I'll give you guys some privacy. I have zombies to kill, anyway."
She waved and slammed the bedroom door behind her, leaving Laura standing in the hallway in her hiking boots, still holding a fistful of drooping wildflowers.
"So, uh, do you want to come into the living room or something?" Terri scratched the stubbly back of hir head.
The living room was empty, although the scraps of yarn littering the couch and the coffee table suggested that Todd had left rather quickly. Laura appreciated it, but it wasn't really what she had in mind.
"Let's go to your backyard instead," she suggested. "I want to see how the plants are doing."
*~*~*
Laura felt like she was going to throw up. She'd only ever come out to a total of three people—her parents and Ryan—and that was years ago. Tash just seemed to know, and everyone at the gay bars assumed she was gay, but this was only the second time she was going to have to tell someone to their face, and wait for their reaction.
It wasn't going to get any easier the longer she waited, and she wasn't good enough at talking to delay it with a lot of babbling. So she swallowed, trying to settle her stomach, and blurted, "I'm bisexual."
Terri's posture didn't change. Ze didn't uncross hir arms and ze barely changed hir expression. But ze blinked, and hir eyebrows were slowly creeping higher. "Huh. Okay."
Laura's legs felt wobbly all of a sudden. "I need to sit down."
"Oh!" Terri snapped out of hir own thoughts and went to grab for one of their weathered plastic chairs. "Sorry. I didn't realise... okay, look, it's fine, you're going to be fine. You know it's fine, right?"
Laura took a deep breath. "Yeah, I know. I totally, completely know. I just haven't had a lot of practice at telling people."
Terri pulled up another chair and sat down beside her. Ze patted Laura's knee and for once, Laura didn't immediately think about kissing hir, just enjoyed the warmth of hir hands. For a few minutes, they just sat there, drinking in the sun and the sound of birds. Laura stared at the ground between her feet. As usual, there was already some green sprouting from the edges of her
footprint. She'd dropped the flowers when she sat down and as they sat there she reached her foot out and gently crushed one of them under her boot.
"Hey," said Terri, worried. Ze took one of Laura's hands. "There's no need for that."
"It's okay. Things grow back." Laura took a deep breath. "I was worried when you didn't call me all week, and I went to see my friend Tash and she said I was a dumbass and it's not like you know I'm queer. Which, I mean, of course I should know that because it's not like anyone ever picked up on it when I lived out in the country either, but Tash is the first friend I made in Melbourne and she could tell I was queer right away so it didn't seem so stupid to think that sometimes people would just know."
"I thought you were queer when I met you," Terri admitted. "Or I thought you'd be queer enough to like me, but then you said you had a boyfriend and I thought maybe it was just wishful thinking."
"But that doesn't mean anything!"
Terri was quiet for a moment. "It kinda does? It means you dated a guy, and you hadn't told me anything about being into women or anything else, and you don't look like you're queer..."
"So you just assumed I was straight and went off to mope for a week?"
Terri flushed and looked at hir feet. "I was not moping, I was very maturely taking time to come to terms with my feelings."
"Which were based on assuming something that was super wrong."
"Well, you could have said something."
"I... I don't know, it never came up. I'm not used to telling people. I would have told you if it came up in conversation or something, but it never really did."
"I don't know how it never came up, everyone in this house is pretty queer." Ze smiled, ruefully. "Actually, maybe that's why, because we're all just so used to it we don't talk about it."
"None of you even asked why I moved to the city. That was going to be my in."
"I guess it seemed obvious. So many people move here just to not be in the country."
"That was part of it." Laura sighed. "But you can see it's not like I hate farming, I spend half my time ankle-deep in dirt and seedlings. I moved to the city because I felt like nobody at home could see who I really was. I didn't know anyone else who was queer. I wanted to meet some cute girls so I could at least... know that I liked it, I guess, instead of it mostly being an idea."
Green Toes Page 3