by Trina M. Lee
Exhausted, I clung to his hand and prayed he would forgive me.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
After the commotion had died down and everyone had been checked out and confirmed as ok, Shaz and I took Willow back to his place. If Willow had a place of his own I didn’t know where. Regardless, I didn’t want him alone right now.
Arys promised to meet me at my house before sunrise. It had been near impossible to look at him without that voice screaming killer in my head.
Both Shaz and I were exhausted. He more so than me. “I don’t feel it anymore, Lex,” he said once we’d managed to get Willow settled in his bed. “That piece of you the FPA put in me. It’s gone.”
I’d stripped it away when pulling on everyone’s power. Though I knew better than to assume anything too quickly, this seemed to be encouraging news. “Good. I’m glad. It’s probably for the best that the keystone link is gone too.” Yet for some reason I felt sad every time I thought about it.
We sat in Shaz’s bedroom in his small apartment. I gently dabbed Willow’s forehead with a warm cloth. A glass of water sat on the nightstand for him.
“I’m still part of this, Lex.” Shaz stroked a hand over my hair. “I’m still part of you both. You know that, right?”
I caught his hand and kissed it. “I do. But already I feel it. The strain between Arys and me. I’m afraid of how bad it will get.”
“It’s too soon to worry about that. Whatever happens, you won’t be alone. I’m still here.” He kissed my temple. “Will you be ok with him if I jump in the shower?”
I nodded. Alone with Willow, I marveled at the humanness of him. His musky human scent. The sound of his heart now beating with a mortal rhythm. With a gentle touch I caressed his face.
He groaned, a pained sound that tugged on my emotions and brought fresh blood tears. His eyelids fluttered, and he began to thrash about. Suddenly he sprang upright, breathing hard. Gold-flecked green orbs landed on me. Joy took flight in my chest at the sight of those eyes.
It took several tries for him to croak out my name. I passed him the water and waited while he composed himself.
“Is this a nightmare?” he asked, voice hoarse. “Please, tell me it’s all a bad dream.”
I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. His desperate plea crushed me. “Willow, I’m so sorry. I had to do it. I couldn’t let you suffer anymore.”
Slowly he took in the bedroom. Then he stared at his hands, his face a mask of horror. “I’m suffering now. You don’t understand. I can’t be like this. Weak and vulnerable.”
“It will be ok,” I promised. “It’s just new. There is no darkness now. You can start over. Live a normal life.”
Willow’s shoulders shook. His entire body broke out into trembles. “Normal? Nothing about me will ever be normal. I’m not safe like this. I can’t… I just can’t do this. Why, Alexa?”
Had I made a mistake? How could being human possibly be worse than being a demon?
“You were out of control. Consumed by darkness. You tried to cause a mass purge. In my city.” I swiped a hand over my cheeks, smearing blood across my face. “What other choice did I have? Was I supposed to trap you for all eternity like Shya?”
With an anguished wail Willow pressed both hands to his eyes. It hurt so bad to see him like this. I threw my arms around him, hugging him close.
“I feel weak. Pathetic. Do you have any idea how many demons will be gunning for me?” Willow sobbed into my shoulder, great heaving sobs that made his body quake. “I don’t want to die, Alexa.”
Like a cold splash of water in the face, his broken confession hit me. I’d tried so hard to focus on the positive aspects of making Willow human that I’d never let myself fully embrace all that it meant.
Death. Human death.
A chill stole through me. What had I done?
“I’ll do everything I can to keep you safe. Please know that I only did this because I adore you, and you don’t deserve to be what you’d become.” I had nothing to offer him but empty promises.
Not that I wouldn’t do all I could to protect Willow as he’d protected me. But I felt helpless. And guilty. So fucking guilty.
Willow groaned, a tormented sound that hurt me to hear. “Everything fucking hurts. My back feels like it’s on fire.” His back, where his wings had once been.
Gently disentangling myself from him, I lifted the edge of his shirt, afraid of what I might see. Two large slashes marred his upper back. They seeped blood and other fluids. The surrounding skin was red and inflamed. Nausea rose at the sight of it. I’d done this to him.
“Let me try to heal you.” It was a long shot after exhausting myself as I had.
He said nothing. Hunched over on the bed, holding tight to his knees, Willow muttered something under his breath. It sounded like a prayer.
Pulling on what meager power I had left to access, I laid both hands on his back, careful not to touch the wounds. His new human essence responded as his aura grew warm from the arousing swell of my touch.
Though my succubus vibe tended to be erotic, the effect of a healing tended to be more sensual. This wasn’t about sex or power. Only healing.
I pushed my energy into him, envisioning him as healed and pain free. He sucked in a sharp breath. I didn’t have much to work with. Until I drained some poor sucker dry or had a rejuvenating encounter with my twin and my wolf, I was running on empty.
When I’d done the best I could, the marks remained, but they’d closed up and started to fade. Those scars would haunt him.
Already they haunted me.
“When I’ve had a chance to bounce back, I’ll try again. I’ll help in any way I can, Willow.” My desperation and guilt showed, but I couldn’t help it. Seeing him like this was killing me.
He grabbed my arm and, with more strength than I expected, pulled me back down beside him. “Turn me.” His plea was frantic. “Make me a vampire. At least then I’ll have some semblance of power. I won’t be totally helpless.”
In shock I gaped at him. “You don’t know what you’re asking. Blood. Death. Preying on people. You don’t want this.”
“I do,” he insisted. “I can’t be powerless. You have more power than any vampire. If you turn me I have a chance of being powerful again. At the very least, I’ll be harder to kill.” His fingers tightened on my arm. Painfully so.
Had Willow lost his mind? He couldn’t know what he asked. “I can’t do that. Vampires who taste my blood are addicted to me. It’s a constant torture. I won’t do that to you. Please, don’t ask me to.” Another blood tear escaped to streak down my face.
Still, he wouldn’t be dissuaded. “Arys then. He’s the next best option. He turned Gabriel, and the kid is a powerhouse. Please. Don’t leave me like this.” His voice rose in despair, and his heartbeat thundered in my ears. Too fast.
Though I didn’t want to leave him, instinct told me that I had to. I pulled away from his bruising grasp and rose. “Let me think about this.” It was as close to a yes as I could offer right then. “Stay here with Shaz. Rest. Eat. I’ll be back soon.”
With a long-winded sigh that said everything and nothing, Willow flopped back against the pillows. Gaze fixed on the ceiling, he didn’t say another word, as I made my way out.
Of all the rocks and hard places I’d been caught between, none of them had hurt quite like this.
* * * *
Back at home I found Arys on the couch, staring absentmindedly at the television. He glanced up at my arrival. Wariness lurked in his eyes. “How bad is it?” he asked, reading my face like a book.
I dropped my shoulder bag and dagger on the kitchen table before joining him in the living room. Perching on the armchair across from him, I let out a stream of fucks. “The good news is that I seem to have stripped Shaz of the power rampaging in his blood. The bad news is that Willow is miserable. He begged me to turn him.”
“So the good news is that the pup will be up for some bite and tickle soon.”
Arys chewed on the silver ring in his bottom lip, smirking. “I kind of saw that one coming with Willow though. Can you blame the guy? Imagine becoming completely powerless on the whim of someone else.”
His tone held no accusation, and yet I felt offended just the same. “Do you think I made a mistake?”
“I think you did what you felt best. It seemed to be the only option.” Arys tossed the TV remote aside. “So just turn him then, if that’s what he wants.”
“Just turn him?” I repeated, irritated with his flippancy. The thoughts of a killer. “Just like that? I didn’t make him human so he could throw it away by jumping back into the dark side.”
Arys shook his head and rolled his eyes. “It wouldn’t be the same as being a demon, and you know that. Can’t blame the guy for not wanting to be prey for anything that comes along.”
For a moment I couldn’t speak. That voice was back, screaming killer over and over in my head. Something wasn’t right. An unfamiliar tension had settled in.
“Did you just roll your fucking eyes at me?” I snapped. To be fair, it had been a hell of a night.
He scoffed. “Simmer down, Alexa. No need to be so touchy simply because I think you should turn him. Why take it personally?”
“I can’t turn him. He’ll be an addict.”
“Then I’ll turn him.”
“Like hell you will.”
With every exchange the heat in the room grew. Drained and needing to recharge, there was still no quelling the power of our bond nor the conflict that tainted it.
Looking into his eyes I saw it there. His hunger for me. My death. Had it always been so apparent?
“Don’t let your guilt cause him more pain and suffering,” Arys said coolly. “It really isn’t about you.”
If the sun hadn’t been so close to rising, I might have tossed him out on his ass. Although being trapped in the house all day with someone who wanted to kill me might not be the better alternative.
Feeling like a rabbit caught in the stare of a wolf, I shot back with defenses raised. “At least I’m able to feel guilt. I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”
Arys leaned forward, watching me with predatory delight. “Is that so? You think I feel no guilt? No shame? There are two sides to what we are. Make no mistake. Belonging to the dark does not come without a price.”
A little glimmer of loathing taunted me, insisting Arys needed to be put in his place. He needed to know I should never be underestimated. Somewhere inside me I knew it was because we’d lost our keystone. We were vulnerable now to the attack on our bond. More so than we’d ever been.
“Yeah, fine, whatever,” I muttered and headed for the stairs.
Arys caught me around the waist and dragged me onto his lap. “Leaving?” His gaze went to my neck. “Don’t be so uptight. You know this isn’t us.”
So he felt it too. The rip in the fabric of our bond.
“It is though. Without Shaz to balance us, this is what we are. I saw it, Arys. In Salem’s memories. And it only gets worse.” I recalled how Gabriel had seen a vision of Arys and me at extreme odds.
I didn’t know what the voice of conflict said to him, but I had a pretty good idea. He watched the pulse in my neck. Like it hypnotized him, drawing him deeper.
“How much worse can it be?” Voice husky, Arys moved my hair aside. “I can’t stop thinking about the way you felt in my arms. The sound of your heart as it slowed.”
“Stop it.” I shoved away from him, trying to get up, but he held tight. “I’m not here for your entertainment, Arys. Let me go before you get a gut full of claws.”
Laughter, sexy against my ear as he leaned in to smell me. “Come on then, little wolf. Let’s have it.”
My rage bubbled up to spill over. I slashed him with a clawed hand, just grazing his cheek. He caught both of my wrists, though not without a struggle. I wouldn’t make it easy for him. Blood stained his face. The mask of grim amusement he wore remained unchanged. As I fought to get away, he merely held me in place, enjoying my struggle. He made no attempt to hurt me.
That wasn’t what he wanted. Yet.
Like every power struggle we’d ever fought, this was about control. It had been at the center of every conflict, every angry word or violent expression. Only now it was so much worse. Because we no longer had that line we couldn’t cross.
We’d just lost our keystone and already we burned hotter. Angered quicker.
How would we ever survive one another?
“You’re impossible,” I hissed, having no other retort. “I’m going to dig your eyes out and feed them to the coyotes out back.”
Like the jackass he was, Arys laughed in my face. While I seethed he laughed. The ultimate fuck you.
“I love it when you’re angry. Makes me so fucking hard.” To emphasize his point he wrestled my wriggling body closer so he could press his erection against my ass.
“Son of a bitch,” I cursed before I kissed him.
Double-edged motherfucking sword.
This was nowhere near the first time anger had flared hard and fast between us, followed by incredibly hot sex. However, it was the first time it had burned quite so scorching hot so fast that my mind spun as it caught me up in the storm of our union.
I kissed him like I’d devour him. Instead of squirming to get away, I writhed to entice him. Feeling him hard and ready beneath me drenched my flame in gasoline.
He released my wrists, and I promptly pulled back and slapped him across the face. It snapped his head to the side. Baring fangs, Arys stood up and flung me on the couch before towering over me.
Possessed by a frenzied fury of love and hate, I rubbed a hand down over my stomach and between my legs. Taunting him.
In one smooth motion Arys stripped me of my leggings. His pants were quick to join mine on the floor. Kneeling over me he grabbed my hips and jerked my ass up a few inches. He filled me with one thrust.
A wicked laugh fell from my lips. Control. We both wanted it. So easily I’d made this my game.
A never-ending battle.
With fast and frenzied thrusts, every stroke of him inside me unleashed a spark. And then another. At some point we changed position so I sat atop him. Even during crazy hot sex, we battled for dominance. Holding a fistful of his hair, I ran my tongue over his jugular. With him deep inside me, I bit him. Because he wanted my blood so damn bad, I took his.
After screwing ourselves senseless, we vacated the living room and its big picture window in favor of the safely darkened confines of the bedroom. Sunrise was imminent.
With the taste of Arys’s blood in my mouth and a pleasant ache between my legs, I found myself melancholy. Hot and cold. Light and dark. Love and hate. This is what we were, one flame divided, and I felt it now with more poignancy than ever before.
“Never believe that the odds are against us,” Arys whispered in the dark. “We’re not like the others, Alexa. We’ll prove it.”
Having no words, I reached out to touch him. I’d seen the war of love and hate between an angel and a demon. The two powerful beings had been driven so mad by their bond that Salem imprisoned Lilah.
And if immortals couldn’t endure it, how could we?
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Tapping my fingernails on the table top, I checked the time on my phone. Again. Juliet was late. Maybe she got stuck in traffic. As much as she ticked me off, I hoped she hadn’t run into serious trouble.
We’d agreed to meet at a coffee shop. Neutral ground. Naturally she didn’t want me stepping foot on her turf any more than I wanted her on mine. So here I was.
The moment I decided to call, she walked in. Nope, not in trouble. Just taking her sweet time. Long dark curls spilling over the shoulders of a blue Victoria’s Secret PINK hoodie, Juliet had a casual, yoga-studio vibe going on. It was a welcome change. I rarely saw her out of her federal agent garb.
She held up a finger and hurried to the counter to order. Must be nice. I missed coffee. I missed a
lot of things. Like whiskey. And fried chicken. Not to mention pizza from the small-town place near Kylarai’s house. Damn.
“Sorry I’m late.” Juliet plopped down across from me. “I just came from the gym.”
“No worries. It’s good to have a night off.”
Conflicted, I gave my sister a quick perusal. Smelling of jasmine and wolf, she wore little makeup. Not that she needed any. Dark eyes framed by long lashes housed the spirit of a wolf. I could see it there when I searched for it.
I’d come here to blackmail her. And I hated myself for it. But the FPA had forced my hand too many times. I needed to gain ground with them, and this might be the only way.
She sipped a pumpkin spice latte, momentarily becoming a stereotypical chick. “So how’s it going with you? Sorry about how it all went down with Dayne and Hanna. I know how sticky pack politics can get.”
I wasn’t sure how she could, having never been a member of one. “You know, if you ever want to join the pack, Doghead would be happy to have you.”
Juliet shrugged, suddenly awkward. “I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks.”
“How are things in Fed town?” I steered the conversation in the needed direction. “Must be busy after the night of the alignment.”
She peered into her cup, studying the foam. “Not so much actually. I think The Circle has taken care of the worst of it. Not that I mind. As you know, we’re a little low on manpower.”
The Circle of the Veil had been quick to step in, so Smudge had informed me. The angels and demons of The Circle moved fast on these events, cleaning up evidence and removing human memories of the supernatural.
“And Briggs?” I dared to ask.
Her vibe changed from calm to stiff in seconds. “Still in lockup. He thinks I’ll cave and let him out. Honestly, I don’t know what the hell to do about him.”
I could relate to that. Briggs remained a thorn in my side as well. But at least he was someone else’s immediate problem.
“Juliet, I’m sorry about him. Turning him, I mean. I’d take it back if I could. But you know, his obsession with mad science, that’s all him.”