‘How long were you married?’
‘Almost eleven years.’
‘The same as Dan and me.’
Isabelle spoke softly, but not before Matt saw the glint of a tear form in her eyes and she glanced away. As much as he was desperate for more information, he wasn’t going to push her. When she was ready, she’d tell him about her husband. However, an alarm went off inside Matt’s brain causing his throat to constrict. Her husband might have passed away, but Isabelle still referred to him in the present tense. And that could only mean one thing. She was a long way from being ready for another relationship.
*
Isabelle stood and shoved her chair back. ‘Thanks for dinner.’ She angled her shoulders so Matt wouldn’t see the tears that formed as soon as she said Dan’s name. ‘I enjoyed it.’
She was foolish to think the worst of her grief was over because she was enjoying the company of another man. Some days the pain of his death flooded through her at the most inopportune of times. Like now. Now, when they were taking a step forward in their friendship.
‘I thought you must have liked it,’ Matt said, standing and taking the empty plate from her hands. ‘You practically scraped your plate clean. It’s good to see you eating.’
She frowned. ‘Are you trying to fatten me up too?’
He shook his head. ‘No, I promise I’m not.’
‘Good. Because I do eat, just not when I’m stressed.’
‘Who else is giving you a hard time?’
‘Rachel, for one. She’s relentless. Every time she sees me she nags me about how skinny I am.’
‘Ah yes. That sounds like Rach. She can be a bulldog.’
‘More like a bulldozer,’ Isabelle said under her breath. ‘No wonder she’s always at loggerheads with Fletcher.’
‘Did Fletcher talk to you about the detention?’ Matt asked.
‘Not really. He told me he’d been rude to Rachel. There’s probably more to the story but he’ll tell me when he’s ready.’ She crossed her fingers. ‘I hope.’
‘Would you like me to try to talk to him?’
‘I don’t think it would do any good.’ She sighed wearily. ‘Honestly, I don’t know what to do with him.’ Her lower lip trembled. ‘Dan would have—’
Her phone rang and she excused herself before swiping her thumb across the screen and answering. ‘Isabelle Cassidy.’
‘Oh, Isabelle, hi. This is Rachel King. I hope I haven’t interrupted anything important.’
‘Not at all. We were just finishing dinner.’
‘I heard Matt was cooking roast lamb for you.’
Isabelle pinched her lips together. Why had Matt told Rachel they were having dinner together? She tried to keep her voice neutral, but irritation flared. Who else had he told?
‘Yes, Matt did cook dinner for us. My children miss having roast lamb and I don’t cook it.’
Matt was frowning. Perhaps he hadn’t been the one to spread the news of their dinner date.
‘Anyway, Isabelle,’ Rachel continued, ‘can we catch up tomorrow? I think it would be a good idea to have a chat about how your kids are settling in.’
Isabelle grimaced. ‘Mietta is doing fine. It’s only Fletcher who’s having a difficult time adjusting.’
‘I know. That’s why we need to talk.’
‘As you know, it’s been an exceptionally difficult year. For all of us, but especially for Fletcher.’
‘I’m not blaming you.’ Rachel’s voice had softened. ‘I want to try to help, okay?’
‘Okay,’ Isabelle conceded. ‘What time tomorrow?’
They made the arrangements before Isabelle finished the call and turned to Matt, her hands on her hips.
‘Did you tell Rachel you were having dinner here tonight?’
‘No, I didn’t.’ Matt frowned. ‘But Stony Creek is a small place. Moving into a town this size is a double-edged sword. As people get to know you, they also feel they have a right to know everything about you. Joe probably worked out where I was going when I ordered the meat from him. I’m sorry if it’s made things awkward.’
‘It’s fine,’ she said, through gritted teeth.
It wasn’t fine, but she had no idea how to tell him that. She did not want, or need, the town gossip linking them together. She liked Matt – in all honesty she found him very sexy – but she was not interested in anything other than friendship. She still loved Dan, and if her kids heard anything in the schoolyard to the contrary they’d be devastated.
‘I’d better be going then,’ Matt said, gathering up his things. ‘Can I say goodnight to the kids first?’
Isabelle tucked her hair behind her ears and nodded, not trusting herself to speak. The phone call was a disruption. After Matt had spoken so openly of his broken relationship with Simone, Isabelle had decided she would trust Matt with her story. She needed to tell him about Dan so he didn’t get any wrong ideas. But the moment passed and Isabelle missed her opportunity.
Standing at the open front door, she shifted impatiently from leg to leg, waiting for Matt to say his goodbyes to Fletcher and Mietta. Finally, he appeared and came towards her. His aftershave mixed with the homely smells of the roast lamb that still filled the house. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. The sounds of jazz music swelled and drifted through the house to where they were standing, facing one another.
‘Let’s do this again, Issie.’
She opened her eyes and nodded, not trusting herself to speak in case she said something she would later regret.
Matt hesitated before leaning over and drawing her into a light embrace. She turned her head sideways against his chest and sensed the strength of his body under the fabric of his cotton shirt. The man was made of pure muscle. His chin rested gently on her head and she stood rock-still, not wanting to breathe and break the mood between them.
Hug him back.
Isabelle had no idea where the words came from, but she responded by slowly wrapping her arms around Matt’s waist. They clung together until something stirred within her – something she hadn’t experienced in a long time. She recognised it immediately. Hope. She couldn’t quite grasp it with her hands, but she saw it up ahead. It was only a glimpse, but it was enough. Her heart pounded and butterflies took flight. She was safe.
The music swelled and Frank Sinatra’s voice filled the silence between them. As Isabelle stood in Matt’s embrace, she wondered if maybe, just maybe, there could be something more than friendship between them one day.
*
When Isabelle climbed under the covers later that night, she gazed longingly at the picture of Dan, the only one she had kept out when unpacking in Stony Creek. It sat in a silver frame beside her bed. It was taken when he’d stepped out of the surf. The sun was rising and the early morning mist still hadn’t been blown out to sea. Dan had hooked his board under one arm and was striding up the beach towards where she had sat, watching him catch waves. Saltwater beaded across his bare chest and his muscles rippled beneath tanned skin. He was grinning happily, eyes hungrily looking deep into the camera lens, at her. He had a dusting of sand across his face and it had blended with the freckles that stood out across the bridge of his nose. The photo captured him perfectly. It was the last one of him she had.
She touched one finger to the glass and traced Dan’s face with her fingertips. Although she tried valiantly to keep the memories of him alive, time was cruel. Each day the memories faded a little bit more, until she feared one day they would all be erased. There were days Isabelle only remembered what he looked like when she caught sight of the photo. She picked up the frame, and as she did, the memories of their time together rushed back like a movie on high speed.
Isabelle did not agree time healed all wounds. The wounds remained, but over time, as a form of protection, her mind simply covered the wounds with scar tissue and slowly the pain diminished. Daniel had loved her wholly, as she had loved him. Part of her would never stop loving him, but as she clutched the photo to
her chest and lay back on the bed, tears streaming down her cheeks, she heard his words clearly, as if he was speaking softly in her ear.
‘Life goes on, Belle, life goes on.’
Chapter 20
The next morning Isabelle walked up the street towards the school. The sun was shining and birds were singing. She was in a good mood and nothing Rachel could say was going to intimidate her. As far as her eye could see, azure blue skies rolled overhead. A hazy heat hung over the paddocks. Once again she was struck by the difference in the landscape compared to Torquay.
She swung the squeaky wire school gate open, was heading towards the main office when her name was called. Her heart soared when she spotted Matt striding up the street. He looked as gorgeous as ever in a pale blue-collared shirt and faded denim jeans. Isabelle felt out of place beside him in her standard beachwear. Right then she promised herself to put aside money to save for a pair of boots. She was sure she was the only person in town who didn’t own any.
‘Hey.’
Matt stopped metres away, but close enough that she could smell the fresh and now familiar scent of his cologne. His shirt bulged across his chest and biceps.
‘Hi,’ she replied, feeling her cheeks redden at the crazy thoughts whizzing around her brain. She had expected him to hug her again and found herself wishing he had. She shook her head to stop the thoughts and focus her attention on why he was there.
‘I thought you might like me to come in while you chat to Rachel.’
She hesitated. ‘Maybe.’ She didn’t want him to waste his time on her kids.
‘Does maybe mean yes or no?’
Isabelle laughed. ‘My kids will tell you it usually means no.’
‘And this time?’
The answer that came out of her mouth surprised them both. ‘I’d love you to come in with me, Matt.’
‘For moral support, that’s all,’ he said. ‘I promise not to take over.’
‘Thank you. That means a lot.’
Matt held open the door for her and followed her into the cool office. The air conditioner was running on high and Isabelle shivered, wishing she’d thought to bring a cardigan. Rachel came out of her office and her eyes widened when she saw them both. She made no comment, but Isabelle was sure the moment they left she’d be on the phone to whoever was next on the grapevine to tell everyone Matt and Issie were together – again. Maybe having dinner with him the night before had been a mistake. Rachel showed them into her office and they sat opposite her. As she spoke, Isabelle tuned out. Rachel was being careful with her words, but she wasn’t holding back – describing incident upon incident of Fletcher’s disrespect and dishonesty in class. Isabelle was horrified. Maybe she’d made the wrong decision to let him start school so close to the end of the year. If she’d waited it would have given him a couple more months to work through his grief. More than ever she wished Dan were there. He’d know what to do. He’d have just the right words to say to appease Rachel, and then he’d know what to say to Fletch. She sighed. This was the first time Fletcher had misbehaved anywhere other than at home. And if he was stealing things – as Rachel thought he was – she needed to work out how to address it before it led to bigger issues.
She forced herself to focus on what Rachel was saying.
‘It’ll be good for Fletcher and the other boys. It’s the perfect way for Fletcher to make new friends.’
‘And if you keep them busy, they won’t have time to get into trouble,’ Matt added.
Rachel checked her watch and stood. ‘I’m sorry, Isabelle, but I have to finish it here. I have to get back to class. Have a think about Matt’s offer, and get back to me to let me know what you decide. I personally think it’s a great idea.’
Isabelle nodded, but her head was spinning. Matt had come up with the idea of starting a mountain biking club for any interested grade seven boys. They’d meet after school two afternoons a week, and every Saturday morning. Matt would teach them how to ride safely and care for their bikes. When he deemed it safe, they could venture up Mount Remarkable to tackle the basic trails. Matt even touted the notion of an overnight camp during the summer holidays.
But Isabelle didn’t know how a mountain biking club was going to fix Fletcher’s behaviour. For one, he didn’t own a bike of any description, let alone a mountain bike. Two, the last time she remembered him riding any kind of bike was when Dan removed the training wheels and Fletcher crashed into the neighbour’s parked car. He had vowed never to ride again and he hadn’t, going straight from a scooter to a skateboard. However, since arriving in Stony Creek his skateboard had remained leaning upright against his bedroom wall. When Isabelle had asked him why, he said it was because no one else in Stony Creek skated. She’d asked Leah if there was anywhere to skate locally, but Leah told her there wasn’t. Perhaps instead of a mountain bike club Isabelle should have talked Matt and Rachel into building a skate park. How was she going to tell Matt she just didn’t think Fletcher would be interested?
‘You’re miles away, Issie. What’s the problem?’ he asked gently, interrupting her train of thought.
‘Fletcher doesn’t own a bike,’ she said softly, looking down at the ground and kicking at dry leaves.
‘That’s no big deal. I’ve got a spare bike in my garage he can borrow.’
‘I can’t accept that.’
‘Why not?’
‘Bikes are expensive. What if he breaks it?’
‘There’s nothing Fletch will be able to do to the bike I haven’t already done myself.’
‘I don’t want you to see us as a charity case.’
‘I don’t. I want to help okay? I have a spare bike. So let me do this for you. No big deal. End of story.’
Isabelle nodded her thanks, tears welling in her eyes. ‘He hasn’t ridden in years though. What if he doesn’t remember how?’ She was making excuses now.
‘You’ve heard the phrase. Trust me, it is easy to get back on. Fletcher will be fine. If he can surf and skate, I promise you he’ll still be able to ride a bike. And to be honest, I reckon he’ll love the challenge of mountain biking.’
Isabelle sighed softly. ‘Okay.’
Matt squeezed her shoulder. ‘Will you trust me please, Issie?’
‘Okay,’ she agreed again. She couldn’t see any other option. ‘Thanks for coming with me today, Matt. I really appreciate it.’
‘My pleasure. I’m glad I can help.’
He touched her cheek and a jolt of electricity travelled through her. She remembered the first time he’d kissed her on the cheek after the announcement at the pub. She felt the same way now, as if her legs were going to give away. Matt didn’t seem to notice.
He smiled. ‘Listen, I’ve gotta go. I’m on duty soon, but I’ll catch you later.’ With a cheerful wave, he turned and walked off down the street.
She stood watching him until he disappeared inside the station. What kind of man was prepared to invest so much in a bunch of young boys? Her heart almost stopped when the answer came. Dan would have done it. In a heartbeat.
Chapter 21
‘How are you settling in?’ Alison asked when Isabelle took a seat opposite her in the small treatment room in the back of the GP clinic.
A doctor only visited Stony Creek three days a week. The other days he worked in Rosebank. In between his visits, Alison looked after everyone. If there were any major problems, people could drive twenty minutes to Booleroo where there was a larger medical clinic, a small hospital and an ambulance.
Isabelle had gone in to get another prescription for her sleeping tablets. The nightmares had miraculously stopped the day she arrived in Stony Creek, but she still wasn’t sleeping well. There was something about the night. Her body longed for sleep, but her mind couldn’t switch off. Perhaps it was because of the creatures in her ceiling. She lay awake most nights for hours, wondering if they were going to crawl across her skin while she slept. She tried to convince herself that was the reason, but in truth, her wrestle for sl
eep had more to do with her grief. And working out her new and unexpected feelings for Matt.
‘You look tired,’ Alison observed. ‘And like you’ve lost a fair bit of weight. You didn’t have much to lose in the first place.’
When Rachel, Leah then Matt had made similar comments, Isabelle had been offended, but she appreciated Alison’s frank manner.
‘I. Am. Exhausted,’ Isabelle replied, sighing heavily. ‘This move has taken a lot out of me. More than I expected.’
‘You look rundown. Maybe it’s more than the move. How are your iron levels?’
‘No idea,’ Isabelle replied.
‘How about I draw some blood? You might be anaemic. Do you eat much meat?’
Isabelle laughed.
‘What’s so funny?’ Alison asked.
‘Matt’s already had a go at me for not eating red meat.’
‘Well,’ Alison drawled, ‘I did hear something on the grapevine about you being a converted vegetarian.’
Isabelle groaned. ‘The Stony Creek bush telegraph works quickly. Very quickly.’
Alison laughed. ‘Yes, I’m afraid that can be a good thing and a bad thing.
‘For the record, I’m not a vegetarian, I just don’t like red meat.’
‘Unless Matt’s cooking it.’
Isabelle laughed.
‘So,’ Alison continued, ‘are you sleeping? Dreams keeping you awake at night?’
Isabelle was surprised at Alison’s perception.
‘Actually, no. I haven’t had the dream since I arrived.’ She didn’t need to tell Alison which dream.
‘You know grief is a process,’ Alison said softly. ‘A slow process.’
Isabelle nodded. ‘I know. It takes time. I’ve been to counsellors, I’ve read the books. They all say the same thing.’ Isabelle stuck out her left thumb. ‘Number one: you’ll feel like the world has ended but it hasn’t. Life does go on – just differently.’ She held up her pointer finger. ‘Number two: no matter how bad today feels, it’s only one day. Tomorrow is a new day. Number three,’ she unfolded her middle finger, ‘grief will come in waves. Learn to go with the flow. And number four: it’s okay to cry.’
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