by Xenia Melzer
Casto fell silent, exhausted by his confession and strangely void of emotion after the past tiring days, during which he’d gone through so many different emotions, that he thought the strain would turn him insane. He waited for a reaction from Renaldo, and when none came, Casto finally looked up.
Renaldo was watching him was an impenetrable gaze. “Why did you never tell me?” His voice was oddly gentle. “I understand you couldn’t trust me in the beginning, but at least after your escape, I’d have expected you to confide in me.”
There was disappointment in Renaldo’s voice, a disappointment that tore at Casto’s heart and annoyed him at the same time. He didn’t try to keep the sharp undertone out of his voice. “Are you serious? I had just found out that I couldn’t leave you. I was panicking that you would cast me out. You had shown me clearly what you think about lies and even though I knew I was bound to you, I had no reason to trust you with such important information. I simply couldn’t risk it.”
Renaldo exhaled slowly. And then he surprised Casto. “Oh, Casto. I’m so very sorry. I should have taken better care of you. But I couldn’t admit to myself how much I love you, and because of my neglect, I wasn’t there for you. It’s all my fault. Can you forgive me?”
With those words, Renaldo approached Casto, his hands stretched out, almost pleadingly.
Casto still hesitated. So much had happened between them, not only during the past days, that he wasn’t sure what he really wanted. A part of him longed to be back in Renaldo’s arms, to ignore the pain the Barbarian had caused him and return home to the Valley. Another part wanted to make Renaldo pay, determined to never forgive him. And a tiny little voice at the back of his head told him he could have both and even gain some kind of leverage if he played this right.
Eager to end this situation, Casto took Renaldo’s hands. “If you can forgive me?” Insecure, he looked into Renaldo’s gray eyes that were now so close.
Renaldo smiled brightly. “Of course I forgive you. I’m just glad we finally talked. I’ve been waiting for this. Or is there something else you didn’t tell me—apart from the fact that Lys isn’t a creature of this world?”
Renaldo was teasing him, but Casto reacted in a unaccustomedly shy manner. This was a thorny question for many reasons. He didn’t avert his gaze but couldn’t stop a flaming red from invading his cheeks. “No, I don’t have any more secrets. Now you know everything about me. Concerning Lys—he’s my brother, and I was trying to protect him. I couldn’t imagine you would stick to your word if you knew his true power.”
Gently, Renaldo stroked his prince’s cheek. “I admire how you managed to protect him for so long, and I respect that you’re so loyal to your brother. But in the future, I expect you to trust my word, like I will trust yours.”
“Whatever my lord wishes,” Casto murmured with half-closed eyes.
Renaldo perked up. “Really everything? Then I’d like to kiss you now.”
Casto didn’t bother with an answer but raised his face so that his lover could kiss him more easily. When Renaldo’s lips touched his, when his tongue entered Casto’s mouth carefully, then more dominantly, claiming him again, Casto felt the hardships of the past days fall off him like dry mud. Groaning, he snuggled closer to the man who had stolen his heart.
He searched for and found the belt around Renaldo’s hips.
Renaldo retreated. “No, Casto. We can’t.”
Confused, Casto looked up. His voice trembled. “You don’t want me?”
“Don’t want you? Damn, Casto, you have eyes, don’t you? Of course I want you. But you’ve been through a lot. You’re wounded. I’m pretty sure the injuries I inflicted aren’t healed well enough to take you without causing you pain. Your ribs must be killing you. No, we’re going to wait till we get back to the Valley. There Noemi can heal you fully, and I can deal with you without a guilty conscience.” Casto opened his mouth, but Renaldo put a finger over his lips. “Shh. If I remember correctly, you were the one who accused me of treating you as a sex object. I’m determined not to repeat the blunder.”
Casto raised an eyebrow. “So, you do admit I was right?”
“Not entirely, but in part. We do tend to solve our problems with sex, but I don’t think that’s because we don’t have other options. It’s just that we’ve gotten used to it.” A teasing smile crossed his lips. “And to be frank, it’s much better than talking.”
Casto’s eyes became hungry again. “Then what are you waiting for?”
The teasing tone didn’t fail to challenge Renaldo, but he kept his urges in check. His fingers trailed gently over Casto’s cheeks; he spoke softly. “Because I want to show you how serious I am about you, how much I love you. You’re not just a sex object for me, you’re my lover, and I won’t subject you to my unrestrained urges when you’re not up to it.” He grinned broadly. “But I do wish to hold you as tight as possible. I’ve been without your warmth and scent for too long.”
Casto sighed. “Then hold me. I’ve been missing you as well.”
Renaldo snaked his arms around him, lifted him up, and carried him to the bed.
With a content purr, Casto closed his eyes and let himself be engulfed by the warmth of the Angel of Death.
Finally, he was home again.
THE NEXT morning, Casto woke with the wonderful feeling of being utterly safe. The Barbarian had his arms still slung around him and pulled him close to his broad chest. Casto closed his eyes and inhaled deeply the familiar scent of Renaldo. When Casto moved, the grip of the strong arms tightened, keeping him in the embrace and making escape impossible.
Casto winced when his wounds, both old and fresh, reminded him of what he’d had to endure the past few days, but given how things had turned out, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was the knowledge that he still had a home, that he was still loved, even though the love might be fleeting.
Now that he had finally admitted to himself how dependent on Renaldo he was, everything seemed easier. He would enjoy his life at Renaldo’s side as long as possible, and when he grew too old to please his lover, or when Renaldo found his heart, then he would die, because without him Casto was nothing but an empty shell without reason or aim. This didn’t mean he wouldn’t seek any advantage he could get over the Barbarian. Being submissive was not a part of Casto’s character, and he knew for a fact this was one of the reasons Renaldo was so drawn to him. They both craved the fight as much as the passion. Often, it was indistinguishable.
Of course it would take some time until he finally got used to nominally being Renaldo’s possession. It went against everything he was, but he was determined to accept this fact as soon as possible.
Renaldo was moving behind him, snuggling even closer. He opened his eyes and blew warm breath onto Casto’s nape.
“Good morning, my own. Why are you already awake? You must be tired.”
Casto smiled lazily when he heard those loving words. Being pampered by Renaldo made him feel treasured.
“A good morning to you as well, Barbarian. I’m awake because a lot has happened to me and I’m still busy processing it. Don’t worry, I’m well rested.”
“And what have you processed so far?”
Casto snickered. “A lot. But nothing you should be worried about. I still haven’t come to any conclusions.”
“Tell me when you’re done thinking. I’d like to know the outcome.” He buried his nose in Casto’s neck and inhaled deeply. “Until then, I’m fine with how things are right at the moment.”
2. Homecoming
“FINALLY, YOU’RE here. I was afraid you’d kill each other.” Kalad was in as good a mood as always when he greeted them the next morning. “I ordered breakfast for you. But you better hurry because I want to go home quickly.”
Without reacting to the teasing, Renaldo grinned contentedly and pulled Casto next to him on the bench. “As you wish, Kalad.” He bowed mockingly to the desert warrior. “And no, we didn’t try to kill each other. We made up.�
��
Casto felt crimson creep into his face when Kalad watched him closely, and he berated himself for being so stupid. As if Renaldo had really taken him yesterday! But yesterday had been the first time he and Renaldo had interacted without the secrets Casto had hidden for so long between them. In that regard, it was different from their previous, sexually loaded encounters.
Kalad winked at him. “I understand that kind of making up. And here I thought you were too badly hurt.”
“Leave him alone, Kalad. Everything’s fine. We didn’t do anything intimate!”
“Ha! As if I’d believe such an obvious lie. Just looking at you two is enough to get my own blood boiling.”
Renaldo rolled his eyes heavenward. “No, we really just made up. Get your mind out of the gutter. My guess is you’re missing your thief, and that’s why you’re projecting lewd ideas on us.”
“And why do I miss my thief? You can babble all you want. I’ve known you for far too long to be fooled by you, O mighty Angel of Death.”
Renaldo considered answering again but settled for just shrugging instead. Once Kalad had made up his mind about something, it was difficult to convince him otherwise, and Renaldo had no problem when the man’s misconception was flattering to his sexual prowess. Casto was still too exhausted from his ordeals to pay much attention to Kalad anyway.
While Kalad kept raining amused banter on them, they enjoyed a simple but sating meal consisting of thick oatmeal enriched with dried fruit. It was food for the poor, but after everything he’d gone through, Casto thought it the most delicious he’d ever tasted.
The journey back to the Valley cost them two more days, because although Casto tried to hide his weakness from the two warriors, Renaldo—who’d acted like a mother hen ever since they made up—saw through him immediately.
After the first unhurried gallop, Renaldo challenged Casto. “You look as if you’re about to fall off Lys, Casto. Why didn’t you tell me this is too strenuous for you?”
“I can do this. I don’t want to delay you.”
“You stubborn idiot. How much do you think we’ll be delayed when you fall off Lys because you’ve lost consciousness and we have to carry you all the way back? We’ll slow down. It doesn’t matter if we arrive back home tomorrow or the day after.”
And so they slowed their pace despite the good-humored nagging from Kalad, thankful that the time of the heavy winter storms was coming to an end and they could ride in normal weather.
“CASTO, I’M so glad you’re back home.” Noemi sounded shy, not sure how Casto would react to her after their last encounter. Casto did stiffen when he looked at her, and she knew it would take time before their relationship would be back to normal. “I’m really sorry, Casto. The things I said—my only excuse is that I couldn’t bear Renaldo’s hurt. Please forgive me. I promise I won’t disappoint you again.”
Casto stared at the witch for a long time. It still hurt him how easily she had taken the Barbarian’s side without giving him so much as a chance to explain himself. He also knew she was genuinely sorry and that if he played his cards right, he could use that to his advantage one day, just like with Renaldo. So he plastered a smile on his face and opened his arms. “It’s fine, Noemi. I do forgive you.”
With an expression of pure relief, Noemi slung her arms around Casto’s neck, pressed a sisterly kiss onto his lips, and took his face in both hands.
Casto had to bow down in order for the small witch to do so, but he didn’t complain because a by-now-familiar tingling down his spine told him that she was busy erasing the traces of the last few days from his body.
She furrowed her brows for a moment when she realized that Casto had new wounds added to the ones she’d already treated, but before she could voice her distress, Casto shook his head gently.
“It’s fine, Noemi, believe me. It was hard, but it’s fine now. I’m back home, and that’s all I needed.”
Tears streamed down her face as she listened. “You poor thing! I’m so sorry. I, too, believed you were guilty. I thought it strange, but I didn’t doubt the evidence. I’m so sorry about the way I treated you. You do deserve better friends.”
Casto took her petite hands in his own and smiled reassuringly. He was so relieved everything had turned out well that he found it easy to be generous. He would never forget. It was his nature to stay wary of others, and after everything that had happened, he would be even more careful in the future. But at that moment, Casto wanted peace to recover and gather new strength.
“In all honesty, my behavior did leave some openings for doubt.”
Before she could answer, Canubis appeared next to her. His amber eyes were as hard to read as always, but Casto thought he could see a hint of relief in them.
“I, too, am glad my brother found you in time. I apologize formally that this hardship happened to you in my Valley. I’m in your debt, Casto.”
Only with the iron discipline born from years of living in court could Casto stop his jaw from falling. The powerful Wolf of War was apologizing to him! He had trouble believing it, but he knew how to react adequately to this concession of fallibility and, at the same time, how to deepen the debt Canubis felt toward him.
He bowed low and then looked at the demigod openly while talking in measured tones and picking his words very carefully. “Your apology honors you, Lord Canubis, but I’m merely a servant of my master, and every obligation you have toward me is really toward him.”
At that, Canubis’s jaw was slack. Could this demurely speaking young man, who had just offered him a politically elegant get-out from an unpleasant situation, be the same man who had, not two weeks ago, driven his brother to madness with his obstinacy? He watched Casto closely but wasn’t able to find any deceitfulness in his face.
While Canubis was still musing about Casto’s sudden change in attitude, Renaldo stepped toward his lover, smiled at him happily, and slung an arm around his hips. “Well said, my own. I guess it’ll take my brother some time to recover from his shock. As long as he’s busy, we’ll get you to bed. No back talk! I know you’re exhausted.”
And wonder of wonders, the stubborn, arrogant young man acquiesced to his will without a fight. As Canubis watched the two of them retreat, he heard Kalad whispering to Aegid.
“They’ve been doing this the whole time. It’s truly mortifying. I wonder how long it’s going to take till Casto reverts back to his old form. In any case, that would be more interesting.” Then he noticed Canubis’s reprimanding gaze and shrugged. “What? Don’t tell me you don’t think it’s weird.”
Against his will, Canubis had to smile. “I do. Nobody is as surprised as I am, believe me. But I wouldn’t begrudge my brother some domestic peace.”
“We all wouldn’t. Still, it’s more fun when Casto is his true self.”
AN HOUR later, Canubis entered Renaldo’s chambers. He found Renaldo in the doorway to the sleeping chamber, lost in contemplation of his sleeping lover. Canubis stepped next to him and watched Casto as well.
Sleep had relaxed Casto’s features, and he looked even younger than he was.
Young and vulnerable and beautiful. If Canubis hadn’t loved his wife with all his heart, he would have surely fought his brother for the exceptional young man. Even with that difficult character, Casto was still the most desirable male human Canubis had met during his long life. His wheat-blond hair was like a crown around his head, and his lightly tanned skin glowed in the light of the single candle as if the sun shone from within him. His elegant long muscles were relaxed but still hinted at strength and grace.
Canubis had grown up with the most beautiful man in the world, so he was used to perfection, but he’d never expected to meet a human equivalent of Renaldo’s eternal beauty. It wasn’t just Casto’s youth or his noble face, but an inner strength that drew the attention to his obvious blessings. In that regard Casto wasn’t unlike Renaldo, although the inner power of his brother was destructive, a flame that seared so hot it burned every
body who got too close.
Everybody except Casto. He, too, had been almost consumed by the flame, but it had hardened him, steeled him for living with a man who always seemed close to exploding from within.
Now the young man sighed in his sleep, turned aside, and pulled the blanket over his head in an unconscious gesture, as if he wanted to banish the two men who were staring at him so blatantly, from within his dreams.
Renaldo closed the door carefully and led his brother to the main room.
In silence Canubis watched him fill two cups with wine, offer him one, and sit down on one of the lounges, closing his eyes.
“When I think that I almost lost him, I feel panic to ever leave him out of my sight again.”
“I understand you better than you might think. The idea alone that something could happen to Noemi makes my heart stop.”
“No harm can come to her. She’s your heart, your wife. Our mothers themselves are protecting her.”
“I know. Still, the thought is disturbing. Do you think Casto is really your heart?”
Renaldo swished the wine around in his cup. It was a question he had been pondering ever since the shrouding spell had dissipated. “If not, I don’t want to know how I’ll love when I find my heart. For me, there’s only him. The thought of replacing him is—well, unthinkable.”
“Why do you think the Holy Mothers haven’t confirmed him yet?”
Renaldo shrugged. It was bothering him deeply, and reassurance was slim.
“You know there could be dozens of reasons. Perhaps it’s the spell’s fault because it prevented me from realizing who he really is. Noemi, too, was only confirmed after she became your wife. And Casto had been keeping a secret from me. Perhaps they wanted it to be out first.”
“A secret?”
Canubis’s voice had an undertone of alarm. At that moment he was solely the worried leader who feared a possible threat to his people.