by Lis Lucassen
“Oh, man.” Timo took him in from across the room. His best friend didn’t dare to come closer. He’d put his stool near the door. Ready to beat his retreat. The silence stretching between them seemed to flood the entire room with even brighter fluorescent light.
“Shit, Dan. I…” Timo gestured wildly, as though he’d be able to pluck the right words from the air as they circled him like vultures. “I’m so sorry for you.”
And Dan turned his head away. Away from the door, away from Timo. Away from the pity in his best friend’s voice that cut him like a knife and made it painfully evident that for the first time in both their lives, they were no longer equals.
4
Lynn
“Look at the blue water!” Cherry, the little girl from England, tugged at Lynn’s hand. “Can we go in? Please, Lynn, can we?” Cherry lived up to her name with her red hair and matching freckles.
Lynn shook her head. “No, you can’t swim there, honey. It’s too deep.”
Disappointed, Cherry pulled her along to the deck chairs instead. The other children had built tents there using towels and chairs. Cherry ran up to Ernesto, a little boy from Germany. Jip and Pia, the two Dutch kids who were going home tomorrow, also said hi to her. Cherry crawled into the makeshift tent where more kids were hiding while eating the ice lollies they’d just bought.
Lynn cast a look around. Steve was in the pool playing a game of water polo with a bunch of teenagers. Their shouts rose up far beyond the fence separating the hotel from the road. Steve hit the ball out of the water in an explosion of water drops and the thing rolled past her, coming to a stop a few steps away.
“Dude! Can you throw it back?”
Lynn followed Steve’s gaze. The ball had landed in front of two male feet wearing slippers. She looked up, her eyes traveling past the knee-length pants hanging off his hips and the long-sleeved shirt to land on his surly face, half-hidden in the shadow cast by his cap. The guy stepped right over the ball without as much as a glance in their direction and made a beeline for the nearest deck chair in the shade.
“Dickhead.” Steve’s stage whisper was meant to be heard.
Lynn looked back at the guy and saw his shoulders tense up. For a second, he seemed to slow down, then thought better of it and plunked down on the chair. His hand slipped into his pants pocket to grab a phone and a set of earphones. She knew she was staring, but it still threw her off when he looked up to meet her gaze, his brown eyes boring into hers. When he mockingly raised his eyebrow, Lynn felt her cheeks grow hot. Quickly, she looked away, ashamed for having gaped at him like that.
In the meantime, Steve had gotten out of the pool to grab the ball. He came to stand next to her. “What a nice guy. Not.” He tossed the ball into the air and caught it again before flinging it back into the pool amid the group of loudly-cheering teenagers. Lynn frowned, her eyes darting to the unsociable guy again. He’d plugged in his ear buds and his head rested on his crossed arms as he lay there on his stomach, eyes closed. Despite the heat, he hadn’t bothered to take off his shirt. If she had the choice, she’d take off her own polo at once to hang around the pool in her bikini top for the rest of the day. The fabric of her shirt itched annoyingly as it stuck to her sweaty back.
“Hey, you have to join me and Marina tonight when we go to Club Loco, okay? They’re showing a soccer game on the big screen. The Dutch team is playing.” Steve shook his head to get rid of the water in his hair and the droplets landed on Lynn’s polo shirt. Before she could respond, he was back in the water. Steve’s strong arms pushed the water away as he swam back to his team. Lynn recognized one of the girls as Cherry’s older sister. The girl had the same red hair as Cherry, but that was where the resemblance ended. The tight bikini top covering Ellis’s upper body made it all too obvious that she was very ripe for a sixteen-year-old. Steve didn’t seem to notice how the girl constantly sought his nearness.
Lynn shook her head and spun around. Again, her gaze collided with the guy’s. And again, she looked away.
5
Dan
“So what’s it going to be?” His dad looked at him and Jason expectantly. “You guys want to take a ride up to the mountains? Or go up north?”
Jason shrugged and held up his tablet like a shield. Dan was about to pop his ear buds back in too when his dad stopped him and held out his hand, palm facing upward. Reluctantly, he dumped his phone into his father’s waiting hand. Jason was the next victim. Dad snatched the tablet from Jason’s fingers, meeting with all kinds of grumbled protests.
Dan kept quiet. In situations like these, it was his experience that silence bothered his family far more than remonstration.
“Julia? What do you reckon?”
Dan observed his mother, who was just coming out of the bathroom. Her hair was down and she was wearing a brightly colored wrap dress that hurt his eyes.
“Maybe we should go north? I bet the temperatures will be more agreeable there, too.” She glanced at him before quickly looking away, but the message was more than clear.
“Hey, or you know what? Let’s go on a trek to the North Pole. Most agreeable for Dan, right?” He got up and walked over to the door. “Honestly, I don’t give a shit. I didn’t give a shit about his whole fucking vacation in the first place.”
“Dan, please…” The sigh in his father’s voice made his fingers curl around the door handle in a death grip.
“I told you I didn’t want to go. So you forced me to get on the damn plane anyway, but that doesn’t mean I have to listen to you guys pleading and nagging all day long.” He sounded like a whiny toddler and he knew it. He just couldn’t bring himself to care. The knot in his stomach just seemed to get bigger and bigger until the all-consuming flames burned him from the inside out. When he got this angry, everything burned along with him. Before he blurted out more things he’d regret later and which he’d have to face up to eventually, he pulled the door open and stepped into the corridor.
Thank God his dad didn’t follow him out.
He aimlessly sauntered down the hallway. After taking the six flights of stairs down, he ended up in the lobby. There were people everywhere, most of them clustered around the swimming pool. The soft babble of voices rushed over him like a vortex, all the voices mingling and buzzing around his head like a thousand enraged bees. In the dinner hall, the remaining members of staff were clearing the tables. Eventually he ended up in the passageway leading to the TV room, which turned out to be empty, much to his relief. He sagged down on one of the sofas and switched on the TV. After flipping through some channels he settled for a practice match between the Dutch soccer team and another country.
Two years ago, he’d watched the World Cup with his own team. Timo had been next to him, proclaiming loudly he’d have done a much better job than the forward just scoring the winning goal. Ella had been draped across his lap, one hand playing with his hair, the other tracing patterns on the skin of his bare shoulders. His entire body had thrummed under her touch while he was watching the game.
“Hey.”
Dan looked up. It was the girl from the animation team – Lynn. He frowned. She looked as though she wasn’t sure whether she should stay or run from the room. Doubt clouded her eyes, which were even bluer than the first time he’d looked into them.
Bluer than Ella’s eyes.
After some inner debate, she decided to stay. Decidedly, she stalked over to sit in a lazy chair about as far away from him as possible. From the corner of his eye he could see her shifting to find a comfortable position, her legs stretched out to rest on the coffee table in front of her.
The memory of Ella and Timo made him restless. It reminded him of all he’d lost. The fact that Lynn chose to sit so far away from him, when she didn’t even know about…
He shook his head, trying to concentrate on the soccer game. Inside, his anxiety roared. His ears were ringing.
Again, he glanced over at Lynn. She’d closed her eyes and her face looked relaxed. A s
mile crept up on his face. Somewhere deep inside, something was stirring – an old, familiar feeling. Desire. What would it be like if he…
“Dan! Daaaaan! Where you at?” Jason burst into the room. “Mom’s looking for you. You want to tag along to the boulevard after the game or what?”
He groaned inwardly. They couldn’t even leave him in peace for a half hour. When was their suicide watch going to end? It was driving him nuts, the way they constantly checked up on him. Always the focus of attention in his family, when all he wanted was to blend into the background and disappear.
“For real, Jase? Buzz off. You’re blocking my view, man. Get your ugly face out of here.” He grabbed the remote control and turned up the volume to ear-shattering.
“Jeez. Suit yourself, you sourpuss.” Jason had to shout to rise above the din of the sports commentary. The sound boomed against Dan’s chest and the vibrations made his tense, oversensitive body feel even more on edge. He quickly pressed down on the button to lower the volume.
“You always talk to your little brother like that?”
Her voice made the storm inside him rage more wildly. The words spelled indignation – condemnation. Slowly, he turned towards her. Couldn’t she mind her own business?
“Sorry,” was all he could come up with when he looked her in the eye. The resolute tone of her voice clashed with the almost anxious expression on her face as she met his gaze. She held it – which surprised him, since her lower lip was trembling as she bit down on it and sucked it a little.
And yet her gaze was steady, her eyes seeming to burn straight through his safe layer of clothes. Her eyes were unrelenting. He broke out in a sweat.
“Oh, and who are you – valley girl trying out a career in animation for the summer? Shouldn’t you be playing stupid pool games with those kids or something, with your fake little laughs and your artificial glee? Yay. Because life is so awesome. Just get the fuck out of here, okay?”
He’d gotten to her. Hit her right where it hurt. She got up and walked over to him. Trembling, she stood there, avoiding him as she fixed the wall behind him with her eyes. “You don’t know the first thing about me, so shut up.”
He almost felt tempted to jump up and run after her, to grab her arm and stop her so he could make his apologies. Her final words lanced though him like nails through skin. He didn’t know the first thing about her, just as she didn’t know anything about him.
She didn’t know what he’d been like. Before.
6
Lynn
Esmee had taken center stage in her dreams that night. Not just Esmee, though – Dan was there with her. They were both watching her from the shoreline while she was in the water, drifting off further and further. They let it happen, calling out to her that there was no point fighting the inevitable.
Lynn took a shower to rinse off the sweat sticking to her skin after her nightmare and the hot and humid night. It wasn’t until she started to look around for her polo shirt, which wasn’t on its usual spot on the ottoman in front of the double bed, that she realized she didn’t need to work today. But staying in bed any longer was a no-go because it was way too hot for that. She quickly put on her bikini and a strapless sun dress and made her way to the breakfast room.
She joined Steve at the table ten minutes later, setting down a glass of orange juice and a large bowl of yoghurt sprinkled with fruits and granola. He listlessly moved the scrambled eggs and strips of bacon around on his plate, a pained expression on his face.
“Good morning.” Lynn hit the edge of her bowl with her spoon to wake Steve up. “Another sleepless night?”
“Uh – yeah.” Steve’s eyes traveled up and down her body. One corner of his mouth curled up in a cheeky smile. “But now that I see you looking so good, I feel a whole lot better.”
Lynn shifted in her chair and ignored his comment. The blush creeping up on her face was hard to cover up, though.
“I’m so envious of you. I’m stuck entertaining screaming kids in the sweltering sun all day. With a major headache, I should add. Did I mention my splitting headache yet? No?” Steve shook his head and rested it on her shoulder, sounding full of self-pity. “I’m never going to drink again, I swear.” His arm looped around her shoulders, and before Lynn realized what was happening, Steve’s index finger slipped under the strap of her bikini top.
“Steve…” Her voice trailed off. She felt uncomfortable. But was it awkwardness that the old Lynn would have felt, or was the new, improved Lynn feeling uncomfortable in this situation?
“What? You show up here looking so tempting. No wonder I can’t control myself. Despite my killer headache.” He pushed the strap aside, causing it to slide down her arm.
“Yeah, sure.” She started to feel increasingly embarrassed. But she felt something else, too – an unfamiliar tingle singing through her skin. Lynn twisted her upper body away, which forced Steve to lift his head from her shoulder. Her eyes swerved to the door, which was just swinging open because Dan stepped into the room. He took off his cap and met her gaze. His brown eyes danced across her face, her neck, and her bare shoulders. The unfamiliar feeling grew stronger, nestling itself into her stomach and causing the blush on her cheeks to flood her skin all the way down to her neck.
“I – I should go.” Lynn quickly got up and walked over to the door. She only realized her mistake when she ended up face to face with Dan. Instead of running away from him she’d walked straight up to him. Because he didn’t budge. His body was blocking the doorway.
“Hey! Loser. Keep walking.” She could hear Jason’s voice coming from behind Dan. The boy looked past his brother and smiled at Lynn – “Hiya!” – before pushing past Dan to enter the breakfast room. Lynn followed him with her eyes for a few seconds before looking back up at Dan. Again, he was wearing a long-sleeved shirt and knee-long shorts. Already the temperature was running into the seventies, and it wasn’t even half past nine yet. By noontime, he’d be sweating himself to death – if he wasn’t doing that already. She glanced at his face, but didn’t see any traces of perspiration.
“Uhh…” It was the most intelligent thing Lynn could come up with. As soon as the elongated sound had left her mouth, she wished the earth would swallow her up. Where was her witty comeback? Her snide remark telling him to step aside and let her through?
Dan reached out and his long fingers pushed her bikini strap back up. His touch sent a shiver down her spine, which she tried to blame in vain on the hot weather and the stress of having to see him again after their less-than-successful conversation yesterday. Dan leaned forward, his face inches from hers. Before he could speak, she felt a hand on her other shoulder pulling her backward. Steve was standing behind her.
“Dude. Maybe you should get out of the way.” Steve’s voice was low, sounding more threatening than she’d ever heard him speak before. It made her skin turn cold despite the tropical temperatures.
Dan let go of her and raised his hands in the air. “Whatever.” He stalked past her without looking back. Steve pulled her along and they stepped outside to stand near the edge of the pool.
“What was that all about?” Steve’s eyes narrowed when he looked at her in the bright sunlight.
“It was nothing.”
“Didn’t look like nothing. Hey, if that guy’s bothering you…” He didn’t finish his sentence. Lynn looked up at her colleague who suddenly acted so differently. Gone was the cheeky smile that usually lit up his face, and gone was the playful twinkle in his eyes, which now seemed darker somehow.
“No, it was just a misunderstanding. I don’t even know him.”
“So why was he touching you?”
It was a valid question, but Lynn didn’t know what to tell Steve.
7
Dan
The wind carried the scent of brine from the sea as it washed over Dan.
After his confrontation with Lynn in the breakfast room, followed by a third degree interrogation from his parents, he’d felt the wall
s closing in. So he’d left the hotel and had ended up on the beach. The sightseeing boat connecting all the islands had a half-hour delay, so that had been a stroke of luck. When it turned out there were some tickets left for today’s tour, Dan had felt even luckier. Perhaps his friendly chat with the girl selling the tickets had helped – he’d smiled at her and told her he was from The Netherlands, the tiny country famous for its dams, dykes, and storm surge barriers.
On deck, the boat was bustling with people. Actually, he found the outdoors area a bit too crowded – all those people wedged together crammed into small plastic chairs. But the indoor seating area was so humid and hot that it felt like a sauna. He’d given it a try, but after five minutes his shirt was soaked. That’s why he’d decided to sit up on deck. Besides, the view was much better from here anyway.
The German boy next to him spilled some ice cream from his cone. The child shifted in his small seat but was too little to take up much space. Dan wasn’t worried about the child accidentally touching him.
Every mile they sailed further out to sea helped to push his stress levels down, the wind blowing his worries away. The trip took them past all the small islets surrounding the main island. He recognized a few villages when they moored there to drop some tourists off and welcome new day trippers aboard.
Around noontime, the boat dropped anchor in open sea, a few miles away from one of the bays. In the distance, the beach was visible, gray-black cliffs towering on either side. The sunlight hitting the rocks turned them to walls of black glass emitting mysterious messages in what seemed like a Morse code of light signals. He bought a sandwich, pulled the peak of his cap further down to protect his eyes from the glare of the sun¸ and picked a spot on the front deck, dangling his legs over the side. The crew lowered ladders into the water from the stern. He could hear the whoops of people jumping into the water. Dan suspected it was lukewarm – not too cold, but nice and refreshing on a hot day like this one.