by Brenda Novak
Amazingly, she saw tears filling Liz’s eyes, too. “I know,” she answered.
They sat in silence for several seconds and, oddly enough, Reenie found Liz’s empathy comforting.
“If it makes you feel any better,” Liz said at last, “I think he loves you, too. He’s been going out of his mind since you started refusing his calls and e-mails. He actually shouted at me today when I told him he couldn’t come.”
“Why didn’t you let him come?” Reenie asked.
“Because you’re obviously working very hard to protect yourself against what’s happening, and I didn’t want to undermine you.”
Reenie couldn’t believe they could be talking so intimately. This was her ex-husband’s “other woman.” Yet Reenie felt a strange kinship. Maybe it was because they’d both been through so much. Or maybe it was because they’d both loved Keith, and now, although in different ways, Isaac.
“He won’t stay,” Reenie said simply.
Liz continued to grip her hand. “You want the truth, right?”
Reenie nodded.
“I don’t think he will. You’re the first woman who’s been able to get under his skin,” she said with what looked like a fond smile, then sobered. “But I can’t see him giving up his work. If he ever talks of marriage and family, it’s always as if he expects it to happen in another five or ten years, and he never seems to get any closer to it.”
Reenie closed her eyes and told herself to breathe deeply. “I knew that going in,” she admitted.
“Don’t be too hard on yourself. Sometimes we see the jagged rocks in our path, but we still can’t avoid them.”
“Was it that way for you, with Keith?” Reenie asked.
“Sometimes. I was working hard to overlook certain things because I didn’t want there to be anything amiss. I was…happy, you know?”
Remorse for what had happened washed over Reenie again. “And now?”
“I’m embarrassed that I was ever so gullible. But I’m doing better,” Liz said with a smile. “Much better.”
Looking at the situation from Liz’s perspective opened up a whole new vista for Reenie. Now that she was connecting with Liz on a deeper level—now that she was willing to care about her—she realized just how difficult it must have been for her to come to Dundee.
“Why’d you move here?” Reenie asked softly. “You had to have known it wouldn’t be easy.”
Liz nodded down the table at her children, who were laughing as Jennifer stuck a spoon to the end of her nose. “For them,” she said. “But also for me. I needed to come to terms with goodbye. That Keith could really let me go so easily seemed too horrific to believe.”
It was Reenie’s turn to squeeze Liz’s hand. “Those first few weeks, even months, were a nightmare.”
“Yes. But, fortunately, that’s all behind us, right?”
“For the most part, I hope.”
“You’ll get over Isaac,” Liz said confidently. “With time.”
Reenie nodded, hoping to heaven she was right.
* * *
ISAAC PACED in the parking lot of the Running Y. He’d driven out to the resort, planning to join his sister and Reenie for breakfast whether they liked it or not. Since Reenie would barely speak to him at school, and wouldn’t respond to his calls or his messages, he’d really been looking forward to having the chance to be with her again. But Liz had uninvited him this morning, and now he didn’t know how to force the issue without making more of a jerk of himself than he’d already been with his sister earlier.
Why couldn’t Reenie smile and laugh and enjoy the days they had left? he wondered. Why did it have to get like this? He knew she wanted to let the gossip die down. But school was ending this week, and Reg wanted him to fly back to Chicago to meet with the people from CTFS as soon as possible. That meant Saturday. Saturday, for Pete’s sake!
Reenie had known all along that he had to leave. What had she expected?
“Hello, Isaac.”
Isaac turned to see that Deborah Wheeler and her father, Melvin Blaine, had come out of the lodge. “Hello,” he said, but he knew he didn’t sound very friendly.
“Is something wrong?” she asked with false sweetness.
“No.”
“Food’s good in the restaurant, if you’re thinking of having brunch.”
“Maybe I’ll go in, in a minute.”
He wished she’d continue walking to her car and leave him alone, but she didn’t. “Word has it you’ll be moving away any day now,” she said.
He nodded.
“Poor Reenie. She bet on the wrong man again.”
If Mr. Blaine realized that his daughter sounded rather gleeful about this, he gave no indication. He studied Isaac curiously while waiting at her elbow.
“She’s inside, you know,” Deborah went on. “With your sister. That’s interesting, isn’t it? They’re eating together like old friends. I couldn’t believe it when I saw them.”
“Is there anything wrong with that?” he asked, pinning her with a level glare.
“No, of course not. It’s just…interesting, that’s all.” With a laugh, she finally slipped her hand inside the crook of her father’s arm, and they walked away.
Isaac raked his fingers through his hair as he watched them go. Reenie hadn’t “bet” on him. They’d…gotten involved, had a relationship. A relationship wasn’t anything catastrophic.
At least it wasn’t until she’d quit seeing him.
The door swung open again and Isabella dashed out.
“Isaac!” she cried and ran toward him.
Lifting her into his arms, he gave her a hug but, preoccupied though he was, he knew the very instant Reenie appeared. He could feel her gaze, could remember every intimate thing they’d ever said or done together.
“Hello,” he said hopefully, over Isabella’s head. Just smile at me. Give me one smile, please.
But the smile she offered wasn’t anything he’d been hoping to receive. It was polite, empty. “Hello,” she said and, with a quick hug for Liz, she called her children to her and walked right past him.
“That’s it?” he murmured.
She didn’t answer, but Liz must’ve heard him because he felt a comforting hand on his arm. “If you’re ever going to give in and get married, do it now,” she said softly.
He turned to watch Reenie climb into her van. “You’re kidding me,” he said. “You didn’t even want me to get involved with her.”
“I was wrong,” Liz admitted. “She’s probably the only woman I know who’s worthy of you.”
Isaac couldn’t marry Reenie. She belonged here in Dundee, and he belonged halfway around the globe, doing what he loved best. “I only want to say goodbye,” he said. It was actually much more complicated than that. He wanted to thank Reenie for all the fun they’d had, tell her how much he’d miss her, maybe make love one more time. “Why does it have to be all or nothing?” he asked.
Reenie’s van pulled out of the lot. “Because she’s got three kids, and she’s in love with you, Isaac,” Liz said. “If you don’t want to marry her, just leave her alone.”
* * *
AFTER HIS TALK with Liz in the parking lot at the Running Y, Isaac had told himself he wouldn’t try to contact Reenie again. For the past week, he’d stopped e-mailing her and quit angling to catch her alone at school, which wasn’t too hard because they’d been so busy those last days. On some level—actually on all levels—he’d hoped she’d soften and call him. Surely she must’ve heard that he was leaving today. How could she act as if they’d never shared what they’d shared? His hands literally ached to touch her.
He checked the clock as he finished packing. He had to leave in an hour. But he couldn’t do it without calling her one more time.
With a sigh, he picked up the phone and dialed.
“Hello?”
His heart skipped a beat at the sound of her voice. “Reenie?”
There was a slight hesitation. “Yes?”<
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“How are you?”
“Fine,” she said, but she didn’t elaborate, and he was willing to bet she wasn’t doing any better than he was. Their month together had been like one big drunken binge, and they’d spent the past three weeks paying for it.
“What about you?” she asked.
“I’m tired of this hangover,” he said.
“What?”
“Nothing. I miss you. I really do.”
He wanted to hear her say it back, but she didn’t. “Why are you calling, Isaac?”
He closed his eyes. “I was hoping you and the girls would drive me to the airport.”
“What about Liz? Can’t she take you?”
He was getting desperate. “She has to work,” he lied. “I’ll say goodbye to her and the kids here.”
This time there was a long pause.
“Isaac…”
“Are you really going to let me go without saying goodbye?” he asked.
Nothing, but finally she said, “When do you want me to pick you up?”
His hand tightened eagerly on the phone. “In an hour. And I hope you don’t mind taking the van,” he said. “I sold my truck to Earl.”
“I saw him driving through town in it yesterday.”
“He needed an extra pickup to help move things around at the store.”
“See you in an hour,” she said, and disconnected.
* * *
REENIE LET Isaac drive. The girls chattered the whole way in the back seat, talking about everything from what they had planned this summer to what they wanted to eat once they reached Boise. But Reenie had little to say. Isaac didn’t seem particularly talkative, either. Almost as soon as they got started, he reached over and took her hand, though. And she couldn’t help curling her fingers through his.
When they were only fifteen minutes or so from the airport, he looked over at her as though he wanted to break the strange silence between them.
“What?” she murmured.
“I’ll be back at some point. You know that, right?”
“When?”
He hesitated. “I’m not sure, exactly. That hasn’t been tied down yet. But I’ll come as soon as I can.”
“For a visit.”
He turned down the music. “It’s better than nothing.”
Reenie was tempted to accept what she could get. She’d thought along those lines once—that something was better than nothing. But she’d spent almost her entire marriage frustrated with Keith’s absences. She couldn’t take on the same old problem. She wanted a closer relationship. She wanted a man who’d be happy staying with her in Dundee.
“I’m sorry, Isaac. An occasional visit isn’t enough.”
His eyebrows drew together in an obvious sign of displeasure. “Can you honestly tell me that you don’t want me anymore?”
She looked at him squarely. “No.”
“Then, why not hang on?”
“Because I don’t want to miss you, to constantly wonder if and when you’ll visit, to worry about how long you might or might not stay. I’m looking for something deeper.”
“But I’ve never…”
“What?” she prompted.
“Met anyone like you.”
“You’ll find someone else,” she said softly. “Maybe in a few years, when you’re ready.”
The airport exit came up on the right and he took it. A few moments later, he angled up to the unloading dock, came around to her side of the truck and pulled her into his arms.
She clung to him, praying he’d change his mind.
“I love you,” he murmured. But he didn’t get back into the van. After saying goodbye to the girls, he kissed her quickly on the mouth and gathered his bags before striding purposefully through the sliding doors.
* * *
THE AIRPORT WASN’T very crowded. Isaac sat near the gate, feeling empty and strange. He considered setting up his laptop so he could return some e-mail. He needed to let certain people know he was coming home, to schedule a physical, to do a final read-through on the research he’d managed to organize in Dundee. If he could get into his old groove, he’d probably feel more like himself, right?
He rubbed his hands together eagerly, but couldn’t manage enough enthusiasm to act on the thought. He kept picturing Reenie at a restaurant not far away, eating lunch with her daughters.
After several seconds, he let his eyes drift over to the window. Outside, the day was sunny and bright.
He put his computer at his feet and stood for several minutes watching the planes take off. He was doing the right thing by going back to his former life, wasn’t he?
His melancholy suggested otherwise. But he’d wanted to return to Africa for a long time. His work wasn’t finished there. Now that the grant money had been awarded, he could continue to fight for conservation of the rain forest, which meant a great deal to him.
He imagined the long flight to the southern hemisphere, the trek from Ouesso, the people with their interesting customs and languages. He loved the uniqueness of Africa. Every moment there, the whole ambience, stirred his blood.
So why did the trip suddenly sound less appealing than it had before?
Probably because he’d been out of circulation too long, he told himself. He’d gotten used to living at a slower pace, to paying less attention to his research, to thinking about Reenie.
Reenie again. Shoving the nagging thoughts and memories of the woman he loved from his mind, he called Reggie on the nearest pay phone. He planned to leave a message saying he was on his way, to suggest a meeting first thing Monday morning.
But his boss surprised him by answering. “Hello?”
“Reg?” Isaac said.
“Yes?”
“What are you doing at the office on a Saturday morning?”
“I’m behind, trying to catch up,” he replied.
Isaac couldn’t remember if he’d ever heard his boss speak of a family. He and Reg had worked together on and off for several years, but theirs had been a strictly business relationship. Unless Reg had made a comment Isaac hadn’t catalogued, they’d always confined their dialogue to other topics.
“You work too hard,” Isaac said.
“Goes with the territory, I’m afraid.”
That “territory” was obviously very important to him. Reg’s voice was brisk, as though he felt pressed even now. But was his work truly fulfilling enough to devote his whole life to it and nothing more?
“How old are you?” Isaac asked. He knew the question came out of nowhere. But he didn’t care. The answer was significant to him.
“You want to know how old I am?” Reg repeated.
“Yeah.”
“Fifty-seven. Why?”
Fifty-seven. And the most he had to look forward to on the weekend was more of what he did during the week? Crazy thing was, Reg was so busy, he didn’t even seem to notice that he was missing anything.
A baby squealed. Isaac glanced over to see that a young couple with an infant had taken the seats not far from him. The mother dug through a diaper bag while the father gently jiggled the baby on his shoulder.
“Isaac?” Reg said. “Have you gone a little daft on me out there in cowboy country?”
Suddenly Isaac saw himself in thirty years. He could be Reggie, a bonafide workaholic; he was following the same course, wasn’t he?
He watched the father settle the baby in the crook of his arm and give it the bottle the woman had finally located. The baby’s cries immediately turned to a few whimpers, then fell to complete silence, while the father gazed dreamily at the bundle he held in his arms.
“Isaac?” Reg prompted again.
“No, I’m…I’m just wondering, that’s all.”
“About what?”
If I can live without Reenie’s laugh and the girls and Spike and the farm…
A flight attendant walked to the podium near his gate and began to call for boarding. “I’ve got to go,” he said.
“Is s
omeone picking you up at the airport?”
“I was planning to take a taxi.”
“Give me a call when you get in. I’ll swing by if I can get away. We need to go over a few things for the trip.”
“Right,” Isaac said. “The trip.” But watching the little family he’d noticed earlier suddenly held more allure for him than the trip.
When the flight attendant made the final call for boarding, he told himself to stride up and hand her his boarding pass. He was a field researcher and a biologist, not a high school science teacher.
But five minutes later, he was still standing at the window, watching his plane take off.
* * *
REENIE, ANGELA, JENNIFER AND Isabella were sitting down to watch a movie when she heard someone at the front door. She stood up to see who it was, tensing when a key clicked in the lock.
“Who is it?” she called. She hadn’t been able to make herself remove Isaac’s key from beneath the geraniums. It was too much of an admission that he wouldn’t be coming back. But she regretted that now. Maybe there wasn’t any crime to speak of in Dundee, but if by some remote chance she’d left her children vulnerable to harm, she’d never forgive herself.
“Reenie?”
Isaac’s voice reached her ears before she could round the opening to the living room. But she recognized it instantly. The kids recognized it, too.
“Isaac!” Isabella cried, and brushed past Reenie in her hurry to reach him.
“Hi, squirt,” he said, swinging her up into his arms.
“What are you doing here?” Isabella asked.
He shot Reenie a devilish grin. “I live here now.”
Reenie felt her heart stop. “What?” she breathed.
Setting Isabella down, he mussed Angela’s hair, grinned at Jennifer and swept Reenie into his arms. “Hi, honey,” he said. “I’m home.”
Laughing, Reenie let him twirl her around. He felt so solid, so warm and wonderful in her grasp. She even liked the scratch of his whiskers as he kissed her neck. But was he serious? Would she get to wake up with him for the rest of her life? She wanted that more than anything, but she hated the thought that he might regret his decision and feel deprived later on.
“Isaac,” she said, breathless from the spinning and the sudden excitement.