by Janet Gover
‘Of course.’
He didn’t meet her eye, and Jenny felt a coldness descend on her that had nothing to do with the weather or the latitude. He was lying.
‘His life was on the line,’ Jenny said forcefully. ‘And he fought for it. You would. I would. Anyone would.’
He turned to face her then. He was very close, looking down at her with an intensity that made his blue eyes seem deeper than the ocean. He gripped her by the shoulders as if he were drowning, and she was his life preserver.
‘You would, wouldn’t you, Jenny. You would fight. You’d never give up. You’d never leave … someone you loved.’
‘Never!’ The fierceness of her answer surprised her. Yet she meant it. Even more importantly, she wanted Kit to know she meant it, because right now she was afraid for him. More afraid than she had been for Glen even in those moments when he disappeared under the waves. ‘I would always keep fighting. Life is too precious to let go of it easily. I would fight for myself. For the people I love … and the people who love me.’
His face was just inches from her own – and she quivered with the need to kiss him. It wasn’t about love or lust – it was about life. And never giving up.
His eyes searched her face. He lifted one hand to tenderly touch her cheek with the back of one finger. His ran his finger along the fading mark where she had scratched her cheek. The wound had healed, but his touch was so light, so gentle, she could barely feel it. His eyes glistened with tears not brought about by the biting cold and the wind, but rather by some terrible pain she could sense deep inside him.
‘You would never give up,’ he whispered.
She closed her eyes unable to stand the power of his gaze, and felt his hand drop from her shoulder. When she opened her eyes again, he was leaving, striding quickly away across the freezing, windswept deck. Jenny stood rooted in place as he vanished down the stairs.
‘What just happened?’ she asked herself in a whisper.
Whatever it was, she couldn’t leave it there. She almost broke into a run as she crossed the deck. It took just a moment to descend to deck six, but when she looked along the corridor towards the stern, Kit was not to be seen.
She hesitated. She should not go to his cabin. She should not knock on his door and demand to know why he had looked at her like that. Why he had placed such emphasis on that word. You would never give up. You. What did that mean? She had to find out.
‘Jenny, there you are,’ before she could move, a female voice stopped her in her tracks. It was Anna. She sighed and gave her attention to the nurse, who also happened to be her boss’s wife.
‘I’m just putting some things together to put in the spare cabin for Glen. You know he’s going to be in the staff quarters? He’ll be right next to you, so can we rely on you to help him out?’
Anna didn’t seem to notice her lack of response.
‘I knew we could count on you,’ she continued. ‘So why don’t you come with me now and we can get some stuff squared away for him.’
Without giving her time to answer, Anna started down the stairs and Jenny had no choice but to follow.
Chapter Fifteen
Kit stood on his private balcony and looked out on an alien world.
It was cold. Far colder than anything he had ever experienced. A strong wind added an extra cutting edge to the chill in the air. The grey sea moved restlessly, tossed and twisted by the wind, but compared to the storm, it was nothing to the cruise ship. The deck was solid and stable beneath Kit’s feet, but that gave no feeling of safety.
The ocean was full of ice. Blue ice. White ice.
Huge icebergs drifted in the grey deep. Some were like vast plateaus – flat topped with sheer sides that fell straight to the water. Others were jagged, and sharp. Carved by wind and water into fantastic shapes. Here was a berg with the centre completely eroded away. A medium sized boat could sail through that icy arch, if its commander was foolish enough.
Smaller chunks of ice bobbed in the waters, tossed by the waves and the ship’s wake. The sound of the Cape Adare’s steel hull scraping though the ice was almost a cry of pain. Movement in the distance drew Kit’s eye. The side of an iceberg was collapsing. Huge chunks of ice slid into the sea, causing a surge of ice-filled water. The sudden shift in the berg’s balance caused it to begin a slow roll, its underside rising out of the water as it toppled onto a new plane.
Icebergs such as this had claimed the mighty Titanic. What chance did the tiny Cape Adare stand in the face of the powerful and treacherous forces that ruled these frozen wastes?
The ship was changing course, turning slowly and as it swung, something began to emerge through the haze. Something that was not ice.
Dark grey cliffs rose out of the ocean, towering above their vessel. This would be Cape Adare, the ship’s namesake and their first stop on the vast white wilderness of Antarctica. Kit stood for a while, watching the grey cliffs draw ever closer. They seemed more solid than the ice – but equally as threatening.
The cruise itinerary had listed Cape Adare as a place to go ashore, but all landings were dependant on the weather. The only way to land would be in rubber boats. Surely not today, Kit thought. Surely they wouldn’t take a small boat out in that treacherous sea, where the ice seemed to be waiting to crush anything that invaded its territory. The waves were growing less violent as they moved closer to the shelter of the cape, but Kit still didn’t believe they would attempt a landing.
Until he realised the ship was slowing down.
Until he heard the sound of the anchor chain dropping and realised that soon the crew would be loading passengers onto those small boats and setting them down in the perilous seas.
Signing on for this cruise hadn’t been about playing tourist. Kit had other reasons for being on board. But as he stood looking out over the shifting ocean of ice, he knew he was about to do something very foolish.
Because Jenny was going to be on board one of those small boats.
The tender lobby, from where the small boats were loaded, was semi-controlled chaos.
Encased in two thick jumpers, her heavy jacket and a life jacket as well as fur-lined gum boots and a thick woolly hat, Jenny felt like she could barely move. Her hands were the only part of her body to retain any usefulness – and that was only because she was wearing just one set of gloves. When the heavy oilskin gloves went over the top of her light woollen ones, her hands would be pretty useless too.
As she moved across the deck, in her mind she imagined the ungainly waddle of a penguin. Jenny the Penguin. That was her. But that was a far better option than frostbite.
‘Hi, Jenny,’ a male voice at her side caused her to turn.
‘Hello, Glen,’ she said, quite genuinely pleased to see him. ‘What are you doing down here? You’re not planning to go on this excursion?’
‘I sure am. You know what they say – get back on the horse as soon as you fall off it.’
Jenny looked at him closely. The bruises and cuts on his body hadn’t fully healed yet, but his eyes had lost that haunted tiredness she had seen at the party.
‘Have you moved into the new quarters yet?’ Jenny asked. ‘I’m sorry, I was going to help but I’ve been busy getting everything ready for this excursion …’
‘I got the key this morning. There was nothing to move … as I have nothing,’ he shrugged, but there was sadness in it. ‘There were some things in my cabin. Clothes. A razor. That sort of thing. I’m told I have you to thank for that.’
‘Not really,’ she said. ‘Anna got everything together for you. I just helped.’
‘Well, thank you anyway.’
Jenny decided he would have a really nice smile when the last of the bruises faded. She couldn’t help but smile back at him. As she did, her eyes flashed to the stairway. A pair legs appeared, followed by the same heavy-duty jacket that everyone else was wearing. But there was nothing commonplace about the face that followed it.
Kit was here!
&nb
sp; Her first thought was why? He had seemed so determined to avoid the company of the other passengers and the crew. The only time he had so far appeared in public was those few minutes at the back of the party – when all eyes were on Greg and Kit could pass unnoticed. Why was he now walking towards her through the tumult of boarding the passengers onto the boats? She hadn’t pegged him as the sort of person who was up for sightseeing.
‘Jenny!’ A strong masculine voice that belonged to neither of the men she was thinking about caused Jenny to turn.
‘This is your boat,’ Karl Anders said as he waved her forward.
‘Yes, boss,’ she said.
The Zodiac was bobbing gently in the lee of the ship, just below the open hatch. The big outboard engine was idling, under the control of a seaman wearing as much protective clothing as Jenny. A small part of his face was visible through the layers of fur and Jenny recognised the same seaman who had first brought her to the Adare back in Sydney … when freezing to death had seemed such an unlikely event.
Slipping her last layer of protection onto her hands, Jenny walked to the hatch and lightly stepped down into the Zodiac. Seaman Brown waved her to her position at the front. Jenny lowered herself onto the rubber side of the boat, gripping rope lines with both hands. She hadn’t liked her last ride with Seaman Brown, and she was beginning to think this one was going to be equally scary. To distract herself, she began to think about the lecture she was going to have to give when they reached land. Penguins, she told herself. Lots and lots about penguins.
The boat leaped suddenly as the first passenger added his weight to the load.
‘Here we go,’ Glen said as he took a place right next to Jenny. His head twisted swiftly as he looked around, and Jenny caught what she thought might have been a flash of fear in his eyes. That wasn’t surprising, given his recent brush with a watery grave.
Jenny shuddered as another passenger sat down on her other side. She didn’t have to look to know who this was and she wondered if that feeling of someone waltzing on her grave was brought about by Glen’s presence … or Kit’s.
The two men exchanged nods, but didn’t speak.
‘Well, isn’t this just so exciting?’
Of course, Vera would be on her boat. It was fate really. It was also the first time Jenny had seen the older woman without her giant purple handbag. Where, Jenny wondered, was the ever-present notebook? Vera would still have it on her, Jenny was sure.
‘Is Lian with you?’ Jenny asked as Vera settled herself close to Glen.
‘No, dear. She’s not feeling up to an excursion. But this is going to be an adventure, isn’t it?’
Vera directed the question at all those around her, including the other passengers who were taking their seats. Several of the English students Jenny had met earlier were on board the boat. Without their chaperone. Jenny guessed that made her the responsible adult. Jenny was inclined to agree with Vera. This was going to be exciting, although, she thought as she cast quick sideways glances at both Kit and Glen, just what kind of excitement, she really wasn’t sure.
‘Hello,’ Vera said holding out one hand toward Kit. ‘I’m Vera. And you are …?’
‘Christopher. Kit.’ The second was said hesitantly, as if he was afraid of letting Vera get too close.
‘Hello, Kit.’ Vera continued totally unabashed. ‘I am so excited about this excursion. You know Scott’s team wintered here. They all died later, of course. They must have suffered terribly during that final march across the ice …’
A shout from the hatchway above signalled their departure. The slow but powerful surge of the big outboard engine pushed the Zodiac away from the ship’s hull towards the stark headland. Here at sea level, the sound of ice scraping on ice was loud. Between that and the roar of the outboard engine, Jenny didn’t bother trying to talk to her passengers. The boat was being tossed about by the sea, and she noticed Vera slide closer to Glen. Jenny too was holding on with both hands with all her strength. Her sprained wrist was no longer bandaged, and the doctor had declared her fit to take this outing. But occasionally as the boat jarred, she felt just a slight twinge of pain. She was very conscious of Kit’s silent form beside her. She turned and looked up at him. His face was expressionless as he stared out over the icy water. What was he thinking, she wondered?
A powerful thump as the boat crashed down off a wave caused her heart to skip a beat. She was beginning to not like this at all. She turned towards Seaman Brown. He caught her eye and slowly shook his head. Relief surged through her. The boat began to turn back towards the ship. The penguins would pass this day undisturbed.
‘I’m sorry,’ Jenny yelled to the passengers. ‘It’s too rough. We won’t be able to land. We’ll head back to the ship now.’
She saw a mixture of relief and disappointment on the faces in front of her. Slowly she looked sideways at Kit. But his face was still without expression. She had the feeling that his mind was a long way from their little boat and its struggles in the icy sea. She would love to know where.
Karl and some crew members were waiting at the boat hatch to help the passengers from the boat. As part of the expedition team, Jenny was the second last to leave. Seaman Brown remained on board to shepherd the Zodiac up the side of the ship and back to its place on the deck. Jenny remembered the time she had ridden the boat up the ship’s side. She was very glad to step onto – if not dry land – then at least the firm deck. When she looked around, Vera and Glen were waiting for her. As was her boss. But Kit was gone.
‘I’ve directed the passengers into the lecture theatre,’ Karl said. ‘As soon as they have removed a few layers of clothing. You should meet them there and we’ll do the Adare lecture.’
Jenny nodded. For each location on their cruise, there was a lecture and slide show as standby for days like these – when weather prevented a landing. ‘Sure,’ she said.
‘Let’s keep each other company on the way,’ Glen said. ‘After all, we’re neighbours now.’
There was nothing wrong with the way he said it. And there was no reason they shouldn’t walk together. It wasn’t as if … anyone … would see them together and get the wrong idea.
‘Perhaps I should go with Vera,’ she said turning to the older woman. ‘In case you need some help.’
‘No. No,’ Vera waved off the suggestion with a meaningful look. ‘You two young people go along. I might just stop by the sick bay and see if William is there.’
There was no way out without seeming rude, and Jenny didn’t want to do that. She also didn’t want to give Glen, or Vera for that matter, any encouragement. She cast about hopelessly for an answer, and then gave in.
‘Let’s go,’ she said to Glen. ‘But we should hurry. I need to prep the lecture.’
The locked door to the crew quarters was on the other side of the tender lobby, behind the lifts. Jenny quickly punched in the security code. The hallway leading towards the front of the ship was empty. Jenny moved swiftly towards her door. Glen stopped next to her.
As she slipped her key card into the lock, Jenny was acutely aware of Glen waiting. Not moving to open his own door. She realised that maybe Glen was already getting ideas of his own.
‘I’ll be a few minutes,’ she said cheerfully. ‘I have to get my lecture notes and things. So you should go on ahead of me. Make sure you get a good seat.’
‘All right. I’ll see you there.’
If he was disappointed, he didn’t show it. Maybe she was the one getting the wrong idea … or maybe he was just a patient man.
Chapter Sixteen
Even at three a.m. there was enough light for Kit to see the image he had created on the paper napkin. To see her eyes looking back at him. He had drawn her long auburn hair loose around her face. And her lips were smiling.
But something was wrong.
Those were not his wife’s eyes.
Kit lifted his face to stare out over the ocean. The sun was low on the horizon and the light had a soft pink tinge
to it. During the night they had passed into the Ross Sea – and the water was calm and glassy, although still dotted with ice. He closed his eyes and tried to picture her face – the face he had loved for a decade or more. But he just couldn’t do it.
He opened his eyes and reached for another bar napkin. Somewhere deep inside him, in the place that was the core of his being, he found what he was searching for. The pen in his hand moved quickly and with assurance across the soft white paper.
This time – the face that looked back at him was the right one.
He laid the two napkins side by side … and wondered …
The lounge door opened with a loud crash.
Startled, Kit turned his head to see what looked like a tree falling through the doorway. Quickly he slipped the sketch – the right one – into the safety of his pocket.
‘Oh. Sir. I’m sorry. I didn’t expect there to be anyone in the lounge this late … umm … early.’ The crewman looked flustered. ‘I’ve got to put this up, you see, sir. Now we’re here.’
Kit could now see that ‘this’ was indeed a tree. A Christmas tree. How could he have forgotten the date?
‘It was too rough before, sir,’ the crewman continued. ‘But now … well I have the captain’s orders.’
‘Of course,’ Kit said. ‘Go right ahead. I was just leaving.’
‘There’s no need to leave, sir,’ the seaman added. ‘I’ll just be here in the corner with the tree. There are some decorations to go up as well.’
Even more of a reason for him to leave. There were too many memories that would come rushing back if he allowed them to. Christmas with Dana. Christmas without her. Kit stood up and moved rapidly towards the door. He turned towards the stairs that would lead to the top of the ship and the place he had spent so many hours staring out to sea. The place he had waited. The place where Jenny would join him.
He changed direction in mid-stride and almost ran down the long corridor towards his stateroom. Once the door closed behind him, he pulled the napkin from his pocket. Gently he spread it on the table. He stood looking down at his drawing for a few moments. The boxes he had so far failed to open were all stacked in the corner behind the table. He turned to them now and began tearing them open in a kind of frenzy.