by Janet Gover
Jenny felt her heart clench at those words. ‘Married …?’
‘Yes,’ Vera continued. ‘She was so beautiful. I saw her dance once. She was like an angel. It was a fairy tale. The artist and the dancer. Until it ended in tragedy.’
Jenny dragged her eyes away from the painting and looked at Vera. The older woman was visibly moved by the story she was telling. And by the great passion in the paintings that surrounded them.
‘What happened?’
Vera took a slow deep breath. ‘No one knows for sure. There was a lot of speculation in the media. Some people said it was suicide. Some said he killed her.’
‘No!’ The exclamation was out before Jenny could stop it. ‘He wouldn’t. He couldn’t …’
An image sprang unbidden to her mind. Kit on the top deck in the darkness. His face inches from her own. His words echoed softly in her mind … You would, wouldn’t you, Jenny. You would fight. You’d never give up. You’d never leave … someone you loved.
‘He vanished from public view then,’ Vera continued. ‘They said he’d stopped painting. The work he’d already done became even more valuable. Some of the tabloids suggested he had killed himself in grief at losing her.’
Jenny’s mind flashed back to those first nights on the cruise. Kit standing on the upper deck staring out to sea. Was that why he had come to this wild place? Had he been planning to kill himself? To step off the safety of the deck into the cold dark water? No! She would never believe that.
‘But now, it seems he is working again.’ Vera said her voice tinged with awe. ‘He’s found a new muse.’
Jenny dragged her eyes away from the painting and found Vera looking at her with a strange intensity.
‘A new muse …’
‘You, Jenny. You’re his muse now.’
‘No.’ Jenny almost staggered across the room to perch on the edge of the bed. She gazed around the cabin in confusion. Without thinking she bent to pick up a piece of paper from the floor. It was an old envelope, torn open. She looked at the funeral home logo on the corner and slowly realised that every word Vera had spoken was true. There was no denying any of it. In her heart she knew it was her in those paintings. Or rather, not in them. The thought was almost too much to bear. To be the centre of such passion. Such talent. Such amazing art. It was a responsibility she didn’t want.
The envelope slipped through her fingers back onto the floor.
‘Let’s go.’ Rising to her feet, she took a step and suddenly the desire to get out of this room was overwhelming. She raced to the door and pulled it open. Heedless of whether Vera was following, Jenny raced along the corridor, her feet making a dull thud on the carpet. She turned at the stairway and raced up to the top deck.
It was empty. Jenny moved to the familiar spot where she had stood so often before – sometimes with Kit by her side. She looked out over the water towards the land. She could see a small boat moving back towards the ship.
Was Kit on board that boat, she wondered? Would he be looking for her? Would she be on his mind when he returned to his cabin to take up his brushes again?
Jenny struggled to cope with conflicting emotions. To inspire such work was an honour. To bring some sort of inspiration to a man like Kit was … beyond her wildest dreams. To be the subject of such exceptional work was … overwhelming.
How was she going to face him again … knowing what she now knew?
What was she going to say to him next time they stood together up here, sharing the silence of the night?
Chapter Eighteen
‘Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to McMurdo Station. This is the largest settlement in Antarctica. The one and only Ice-burg!’
A smattering of laughter greeted the expedition leader’s comment. Karl’s laugh was the loudest of all.
Standing on the lounge, Lian was almost quivering with impatience and nervousness. The Cape Adare was gliding gracefully across the ice-filled water, approaching a grey rocky stretch of land that boasted a cluster of buildings and a few roads. Ice and snow covered large parts of the exposed ground. The buildings looked serviceable and solid, but gave no concession to beauty. The overall appearance was bleak and forbidding.
Colin was out there. Waiting for her. He’d responded to her e-mail yesterday, sounding surprised and thrilled at the prospect … but also curious. Why, he’d asked, had she taken the trip when they needed to save all their money?
She hadn’t replied to that e-mail. She would tell him face to face when they met.
She tugged at the front of the huge jacket she was wearing. Colin hadn’t seen her for weeks. How she wished she could be wearing something feminine and sexy when she saw him. But if she tried to go ashore wearing something else, the expedition team would stop her and demand she rugged up for her own good. Still, the jacket negated any possibility Colin might notice a change in her figure. She didn’t have a baby bump yet, but she felt different. That was a sure sign that she probably looked different too.
‘The ice pier sounds interesting. I wonder if it has ever cracked or broken.’ Vera was listening intently to the instructions they were being given for their day ashore. As always, she was taking notes.
There were, apparently, tourist attractions in Antarctica. Shops even. But Lian wasn’t interested in any of that. The ship had slowed and was now manoeuvring slowly towards the pier. She strained her eyes forward to see small figures moving around on the ice. Colin was out there. Would he be happy to hear her news? Or would he …
‘Lian … it’s going to be all right,’ Vera said, patting her arm.
‘I know,’ Lian replied with a surety she really didn’t feel.
A few minutes later, they both joined the crowd of passengers surging towards the gangway.
‘Ladies, please use your room keys to check out,’ a crew member instructed them. ‘Just place the key against the reader here. That enters your departure in the log. Make sure you do the same thing when you get back on board. We don’t want to leave anyone behind.’
‘I should hope not,’ Vera said.
Lian saw him as soon as she set foot on the gangway. He was standing on the pier, his eyes glued to the hatch. His face was almost hidden by the upturned collar of his jacket, but as his eyes found hers Lian saw a huge smile spread across his face.
She walked carefully down the gangway and fell into his arms. Colin enveloped her in a bear hug. It felt like coming home. She lifted her face to his and kissed him with all the pent up longing of their weeks apart.
It took a few moments before the wolf whistles from those around them seeped into her consciousness.
She pulled back and looked around at the sea of wide grins – many on the faces of people she had never seen before.
‘You look so good – even when you are blushing,’ Colin said. ‘I’ve missed you so much.’
He ran his fingers down her cheek, prompting another outbreak of whistles.
‘Who cares about them,’ Colin declared and kissed her again.
Lian wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. She told herself that it was just hormones when tears began to stream down her cheeks.
‘Lian. Honey?’ Colin’s face creased with concern. ‘Is something wrong? Is it your parents? Has something happened?’
‘No. My parents think I’m on holiday with friends on the Gold Coast,’ Lian said. ‘I hated lying to them, but what else could I do?’
‘I know,’ Colin wrapped his arm around her shoulders and began to lead her away from the crowds. ‘I wish you’d let us just tell them. They’ll understand. I’m sure they will. They are good people and they love you. And I’m totally lovable too …’
He grinned at her, trying to lift her mood. She had to agree with him. He was totally lovable … and she loved him with every fibre of her being.
‘Is there somewhere we can go – just to talk? Somewhere private?’
‘Sure.’
Colin led her away from the crowded pier. The sun was shining. It wasn�
��t hot, but it wasn’t as cold as Lian might have expected. They followed a path away from the town, up a long sloping ridge. At the top they sat on a large rock, with a glorious view over McMurdo. There was open water and ice. The Cape Adare sat serenely at rest. Lian could make out the tiny shapes of her fellow passengers as they explored the highlights of possibly the most remote town on the planet. To Lian, it seemed like she was in some sort of a dream. She could only hope it didn’t become a nightmare.
‘Honey. What is it?’ Colin asked gently, taking her hands.
‘I’m pregnant.’ She didn’t dare look at him as she spoke the words. She heard his sharp intake of breath. When he said nothing, she slowly turned to look at him.
His lips were spread in a smile that almost split his face in half. His brown eyes were shining. There was even the smallest suggestion of a tear in their depths.
‘A baby?’ Colin said his voice soft with emotion. ‘Really? A baby?’
‘Yes.’
‘Wow. That’s … That’s … Wow.’ He leaped to his feet and dragged her off the rock. He flung his arms around her waist and lifted her into the air.
‘A baby. We’re having a BABY!’
He spun them both around then let her slide back to earth.
‘Oh, God. Is that Ok?’ he said suddenly. He reached out tentatively to place a hand on her stomach. ‘I mean, lifting you like that. It doesn’t hurt you or … the baby?’
‘It’s fine. We’re fine.’ Lian felt the weight of the world begin to lift from her shoulders.
‘Wow. When? How? A baby!’ The last words were a shout that was carried away by the wind.
The tears streamed down Lian’s face. ‘I was so afraid,’ she said.
‘Afraid of what?’
‘That you would be angry. That you wouldn’t want …’
‘No. Don’t think of that for an instant. Of course I want the baby. Our baby. It’s wonderful.’ Colin took her face in his hands and kissed away the tears. ‘It’s earlier than maybe we would have planned. But it’s wonderful. I love you. I love our baby. I couldn’t be happier.’
He paused, suddenly sobered.
‘Lian, you’re happy about this too, aren’t you?’ he asked.
‘Of course,’ she said. ‘It’s just … well … telling my parents is going to be hard.’
‘And I’m all the way down here,’ Colin added. ‘Don’t worry. I can come home early. I’ll forget wintering on the ice and come home after the summer. I don’t want to be apart from you now. We’ll find a way to make the money work. It will take me a few weeks before I can get away from here. Can you hold off telling them until I get home?’
‘I’ll try,’ Lian said. ‘I really will. It’s going to be tough enough telling them that you’re not Chinese. But to be pregnant and not married …’
Colin raised a finger to her lips to stop her talking.
‘We will deal with whatever happens. Together,’ he said. ‘And as for the not being married bit … I think I may have an answer.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Lian – this isn’t what I planned. How I planned it. But I always knew we would be married one day. You will marry me, won’t you?’ he suddenly looked uncertain.
Like any young girl, Lian had spent hours imagining this moment. The Proposal. It always had a capital P. In her imagination it had involved a handsome man down on one knee. Champagne. Roses. A ring with a big sparkly diamond. All the things needed to make a perfect moment.
She looked at Colin standing on the muddy ground and knew she had everything she would ever need or want. ‘Of course I will … but …’
Colin took her hand. ‘No buts. I have a plan. Come on.’
Jenny was gasping for air as she opened the door to the hut and ducked inside.
‘I’ve got it,’ she panted.
Lian and Vera looked at her expectantly as she pulled the rucksack from her back and placed it on the table.
‘You’d better open it,’ Jenny said as she collapsed into a chair. It had been a long sprint to the ship and back. But they didn’t have a lot of time. The Cape Adare was only scheduled to be at McMurdo for a few hours. Half that time had already passed when Lian had come to her with the startling news that she was about to get married.
Lian pulled something pale and soft from the rucksack. She grappled with it for a few seconds, then, finding the shoulder seams, held it up.
‘Jenny, this is lovely,’ she said quietly.
‘It’s not exactly a wedding dress,’ Jenny said, finally beginning to catch her breath. ‘But I couldn’t let you get married wearing jeans, could I?’
Tears glinted in Lian’s eyes. ‘It never occurred to me to bring a wedding dress. I was so busy worrying about the baby. And how Colin was going to react. I wanted so much for us to be together, but deep down inside I was afraid it wouldn’t happen.’
‘It’s what you want, dear, isn’t it?’ Vera asked.
‘Oh, yes. More than anything in the world,’ Lian said.
‘Right then. Let’s get you into this dress.’
The three of them were in some sort of a gym that had been turned over for their use. It had a bathroom and a mirror, but it wasn’t exactly the sort of place a girl would choose to dress for her wedding. Despite that, Lian was glowing with happiness. Jenny felt a lump form in her throat as she watched her friend slip into the cocktail dress. Vera fiddled with Lian’s hair for a moment.
‘What do you think?’ Lian said twirling for their inspection.
‘You look lovely,’ Vera said
‘No you don’t,’ said Jenny.
Lian’s face froze.
‘You need these.’ From the depths of her rucksack Jenny dug out her Jimmy Choos. The ones with the totally impractical five inch heels. ‘I hope they fit.’
Lian’s feet were a fraction smaller than Jenny’s, but it didn’t matter. The shoes were the final touch to the ensemble.
‘Jenny, they’re fabulous,’ Lian said. ‘But I’ll never be able to walk to the chapel. That’s just a muddy track out there.’
‘So you’ll wear your boots as far as the porch. Then change,’ Jenny insisted. ‘You are not leaving a trail of muddy boot prints as you stomp down the aisle. What sort of a friend would I be to let you do that?’
When the three of them finally emerged from the gym, they found a tall straight figure in a dress uniform waiting for them outside.
‘Lian,’ said Captain Haugen, ‘it would be my very great honour to walk you down the aisle, if you would allow me?’
‘How did you know?’ Lian asked.
‘Word is spreading pretty fast,’ the captain said with a slow smile. ‘We don’t get things like this happening on every cruise. I think you’ll find there’s quite a crowd gathered at the chapel.
He was right.
The Chapel of the Snows was a small white building topped by a short spire and a bell. As they approached, Jenny wondered if Lian would be the first bride to walk down the aisle in what must be the most remote chapel in the world. She saw other people hurrying to join them. Many of them were strangers to her – but their rough clothes and untended beards identified them as Colin’s colleagues come to witness this hastily arranged wedding. Every one of them was smiling. A lot of the ship’s passengers and crew had also abandoned their sightseeing to join in the celebration. She saw Eric Dempsey herding his boys into the chapel. Her boss Karl and his wife Anna had just walked inside, holding hands as they went. She looked quickly around, but there was no sign of Kit.
Jenny helped Lian change her shoes on the porch. She felt a twinge of sympathy for her friend. This was hardly the wedding of every girl’s dreams. She hugged Lian, then went to take her place in the chapel. As she entered, Jenny saw Colin standing, waiting for his bride. He had procured a jacket and tie from somewhere. His face glowed with love and happiness and nervous anticipation.
Jenny felt her eyes go misty. She was wrong to pity Lian. This wedding really was incredibly r
omantic.
A movement to one side of the aisle caught her eye. The tiny chapel had few chairs; most appeared to have been removed to allow more people to crowd in at the back of the room. Vera had already taken a seat in the front row, saved for her by her handsome ship’s doctor. Glen had found himself a seat in the second row, and was protectively guarding a spare seat next to him. He again waved to Jenny to join him. She slipped down the aisle into the seat.
‘Don’t you just love the stained glass window?’ Glen asked.
Jenny looked up. The low summer sun was streaming through the window, lighting up the map of Antarctica worked into the stained glass. There were several colourful symbols in the window, but Jenny’s eye was taken by a solitary figure on the left side.
She stifled a giggle.
‘Great, isn’t it?’ Glen asked.
‘I bet Lian never thought she’d have a penguin at her wedding,’ Jenny whispered to Glen.
Under the watchful gaze of the stained glass penguin, the chaplain stepped forward.
‘Could everyone please stand.’
At that moment someone hit the play button on some hidden audio system, and the sounds of the wedding march swelled through the chapel. Jenny spent a moment wondering if that had been on hand, or if someone had made a frantic dash for the internet to download it. Then other thoughts were put aside as the bride stepped through the door.
She looked amazing in the dove-grey dress, her feet encased in Jenny’s reduced-price Jimmy Choos. Her face shone with utter certainty and happiness, feelings that were reflected in the face of the man who waited for her by the altar. Captain Haugen solemnly escorted Lian to her future husband’s side, and kissed her cheek before placing her tiny hand in Colin’s.
The short ceremony was beautiful. Jenny cried like a baby as the chaplain pronounced them man and wife.
Colin escorted a glowing Lian back down the aisle. Lian stopped to envelop Jenny in a hug.
‘Thank you,’ Lian whispered. Then they were moving on, as Colin’s research station friends slapped him on the back and cheered raucously.