I was relieved that I decided to wear my cutest bra this morning. His hand skimmed at the lacy material, and a whimper from me made sure he knew how much pleasure it caused me. I unhooked my bra and tossed it to the side, not caring where it landed.
A slow and sexy grin tugged his lips up. His massive hands moved to cup my breasts, massaging them with reverent gentleness.
"They're perfect, you're perfect," he whispered in my ear.
Atkins's hardness pressed against my stomach. I lifted my hips up so that my crotch would rub against his. He let out a sharp intake of breath.
“Hmm, I like that," he said just before his mouth closed on one of my nipples. His tongue lapped at it, sending waves of pleasure down my toes. I grabbed fistfuls of his hair. I whimpered and whispered his name, his hands and mouth setting me on fire as he touched and kissed me in all the perfect places.
I realized he was still fully dressed so I impatiently unbuttoned his shirt.
"Easy there, kitten," he chuckled. But I was too raring to listen to him. Finally all the damn buttons unfastened. I quickly tore the shirt off his body. He should just stop wearing shirts altogether because his body was too perfect for clothes.
The ridges of his abs felt so good to the touch. I inched my hands below to his fly, unbuttoning it and slipping my hands inside his jeans. He growled in pleasure as my hands found his hard and throbbing length.
Atkins guided my hand out of his jeans and pinned it to the bed. I threw him a questioning look and he only shook his head in response. He dipped his head and planted a short, chaste kiss on my lips then on my forehead.
"As much as I don't want to stop, I have to."
"What? Why?"
Frustration surged through me again. Just what the hell kind of games was he playing?
"Believe me when I say I want you, Georgie. So badly it hurts."
"So why are you stopping?"
"Because I want to do this right. I want us to do this when you're not confused."
I let out a harsh and mirthless laugh. "Well, you sure are damn confusing right now."
He only shook his head in response like he was explaining to a stubborn child.
"You are too confused right now, what with Matt showing up tonight. And I don't want to take advantage of that."
"So why the hell are you half naked in my bed right now?"
"I was making a point."
"Making a point?" I parroted, unbelievingly.
"Don't think for one second that I don't want you because I do." He brought up my hand to his lips, kissing the palm and then the back of my hand. "I like you and I genuinely care for you. I've never felt this way towards someone before and it scares me how much I like you. We're both treading new territory. I think we owe it to ourselves to figure this out first before we go any further."
Atkins got off me and sat on the bed. I sat up and grabbed the comforter to cover myself. He was so unbelievable. First he was all over me and then he blew me off. This was so damn frustrating.
"I'm tired of your games, Atkins, and I don't want to play anymore." I sighed. "I had a long night. So if you don't mind, can you leave now?"
One moment we were getting it on and now I was kicking him out. Don't ask me how it happened that way because I had no idea either.
Atkins threw me a long look and nodded once. He stood up and put his shirt back on. I was almost sorry to see his ripped six-pack be obscured by unnecessary clothing but I was too mad at him at the moment.
He walked towards me and tilted my chin up for a kiss. Against my will, I responded to him and even sighed with bliss. He planted a kiss on my temple before saying, "Good night, babe. Dream of me tonight."
He walked to the door, turned it and walked away without turning back.
That night I laid on my bed, my mind filled with thoughts of him.
We didn't always have visitors in the firm so when the chime at the door signaled a visitor entering the office, all heads turned to it. The blood on my face drained when I saw who it was.
Lukas got up from his seat to greet the guest, he had no idea who she was. Everyone around here didn't know who she was.
"Um, hi," she smiled at Lukas. "Is Georgina Harrington here?"
Lukas's smile wavered, he must be wondering why Carmella Coen was looking for me.
Just like the last time I saw Carmella, I was rooted to my spot, unable to do or say something, anything. My heart was thundering so loudly, I was surprised it didn't escape my chest. Fear and adrenaline coursed through me. I was thankful for the computer's monitor covering my face, otherwise she would see me right away.
Fight or flight. I had to make a decision, and quickly.
"Yes, she's here," I heard Lukas say. "May I get your name?"
"Carmella Coen. Can I speak with her?"
No! I wanted to scream and run away but it was too late. Because Lukas was making his way to my table. He tapped me on the shoulder.
"Georgie, someone is here to see you." He frowned when he saw my face. "You look a bit pale, are you okay?"
A nod was the only response I could manage at the moment. I was silent for a long time.
"Someone named Carmella would like to see you," Lukas repeated.
"Alright," my voice was barely a whisper. I stood up from my seat and walked towards her.
As much as I hated to admit this, Carmella Coen was pretty, no, not just pretty but beautiful. She had the grace and confidence of someone who knew every guy's eyes was on her. Her long blond hair was streaked with highlights. Her red business suit made her all the more regal. I forced myself to meet her gaze, to not back down even if she intimidated the hell out of me.
I had no idea why she was here. There was just no reason for her to come here, unless something happened to Matt. Was he dead?
"What do you want?" I tried my best to add bitterness to my voice even if I was intimidated.
"G-georgie. Hi," she stuttered. My brow quirked up. I didn't expect she would be flustered. Why should she be? She was the one who one upped me by stealing my boyfriend behind my back. If she had the guts to pull that off, she shouldn't be the one fidgeting now.
"What do you want?" I repeated. If small talk was what she was after, I didn't have time for her, now or ever.
"Um, I know you're probably busy but can we talk?"
I didn't expect Carmella Coen would want to talk to me. And I didn't want to talk to her. But I was also curious about what she had to say. So despite my wariness towards her, I agreed.
Our afternoon break was coming up anyway so I told Lukas that I'd be talking to Carmella on the deli shop across the street.
Here we were, sitting face to face in a table in one corner. I never imagined this was possible in this life.
I've only met and talked to Carmella twice before that unfortunate incident in Matt's apartment. And in both occasion we only talked about the weather and the outfit we were wearing at that time. And in those encounters she was nothing but pleasant to me, friendly even. I thought she was genuinely nice. Until I found out she wasn't Miss Goody-two-shoes after all.
"So, what did you want to talk about? I haven't got all day," I said.
"How are you, Georgie?"
"You mean aside from you wreaking my relationship with Matt? I'm feeling fabulous. How about you?" I laced my voice with all the sarcasm I could muster. "I have a feeling you didn't visit me here to ask that question. You would really do the both of us a favor if you get on the topic you wanted to talk about."
"Alright." She nodded once, straightened her back and took a deep breath, like she was bracing herself. "You should really talk to Matt."
"I'm sorry?" I was so surprised about what she said that it didn't sink in my mind right away. "What?"
"He really feels bad about what he did to you, what we did to you. He doesn't want to end your relationship on a bad term."
Anger flared inside me. I couldn't believe what was coming out of her mouth. Who did she think she was? She defi
nitely had no right to say these things to me.
"He's feeling bad? Damn right he should. And he doesn't have a say if our relationship ends in good or bad terms because he didn't just break my heart, he cheated on me. With you. And I have all the right to be angry at both of you. I don't know what you were thinking coming here but I assure you, it doesn't change the fact that I hate you, I fucking hate both of you for making me look like a fool. Nothing you'll ever say will change that."
My hands were shaking so badly from the fury and incredulity of it all. I gulped the coffee the waitress put on the table to calm my nerves. The hot liquid burned its way down my throat but I hardly noticed it.
"We never meant it to be that way," she whispered, blinking back tears in her eyes.
She didn't have the right to tear up today. She wasn't the victim here.
"Carmella, it's not about whether you meant to or not. What matters is that you did it and no excuse will ever change that. And as much as I want to claw your eyes out and rip your hair off, I won't," I added, "because I don't want to stoop down to your level. You can have him. I'm not interested in throwaway toys."
With that I stood up and stalked out of the deli shop without stopping to look at her reaction.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Atkins
I watched as Georgie entered the firm and placed her things on her side of the huge table. Snowflakes rested on her shoulders and her cheeks. The tip of her nose was flushed with the cold. She looked so adorable I wanted to walk over and kiss her right then and there.
But I knew I couldn't, not after she threw me out of her apartment.
When I found out that Matt was the one who cheated on her, I wished I punched him harder. Georgie didn't deserve what he did. She was such an intelligent woman, a carefree spirit. Any man who would play with her feelings was an idiot for not seeing what a gem she was.
I knew she needed time to move on from her relationship with her ex. I needed to make sure she didn't love him anymore. She needed to adjust to her surroundings. They'd been together for five years, which was a lot of time. She was still healing and I didn't want to rush her.
No wonder her guard was always up when we were alone together. She was afraid to love again and be hurt again.
But I wasn't like Matt. I won't ever intentionally hurt her. I would always love her.
My heart skipped a beat at that realization. I loved her. At first I dismissed my feelings as mere attraction. But it wasn't, not anymore. Deep down I knew this was more than lust.
I'd never thought of a woman this way. I'd had girlfriends before and I thought I'd loved them. This was different. Because whenever I looked at her I was overcame by this urge to hug her and kiss her senseless. My heart raced just at the thought of her. I get excited in the morning when I know I am going to see her in the office. She made every waking moment blissful and she was always in my dreams at night.
I sounded like a freaking poem. But I now understood why poets had written thousands of poems about love. It was as magical as it was described in every form of literature.
But I couldn't tell her yet. Georgie just got out of a five-year relationship. Moving on would take time. If I told her now, her most likely reaction would be to run for the hills.
She needed time.
That didn't mean I was going down without a fight though. She was the one for me, the only girl that would make me happy for the rest of my life. I had always been searching for the things that would make me happy because I knew there was this missing piece that I had to find. And I found it in her.
I promised myself I would keep my distance, but that didn't make it any easier.
"'Morning, Georgie," I greeted her, flashing her with a wide grin. "I'm gonna go make some coffee, do you want some?"
She looked up from her planner. "No, thanks," she said curtly. She turned to her planner, effectively dismissing me. I was about to say something else but decided against it.
She was still upset about what happened the other night. I just wish she wouldn't hate me. I was only doing this for her. I hoped she realized that eventually.
CHAPTER NINE
Georgina
It was one in the morning and the average person would be tucked comfortably in bed at this time. But not us. The six of us were seated in the pantry, eating midnight snack and drinking coffee. We were doing everything to stay awake although it was hard because our body was really craving sleep. This was the fourth consecutive day that we were staying late to finish the ticketing app, and another software we were developing. Juggling between two projects wasn't unheard off in the firm, still it was a difficult job to manage. The solution was to divide the team into two. One would work with the app, the other team with the software. In my group were Zang and Atkins. And since we were a team, we were seated on one end of the table.
The table was merry with conversation, each of us trying to keep the sleepiness at bay. Everyone had something to contribute to the conversation except for me. I was sitting between Zang and Atkins, awfully quiet and nursing a cup of coffee. I was acutely aware of how close I was to Atkins, how our elbows rubbed together when we moved our arms, how my knees pressed against his so easily. I was distracted. He was so distracting.
The truth was that I didn't want to see or talk to him. Every time I saw him I remembered that night in my apartment and how he brushed me off. My ego was hurt; I wanted him. He said he was holding back for my sake. What the hell did that mean? So he was being chivalrous now? I didn't get him. One moment I thought I had him all figured out and then he does something so baffling and I was back at square one.
"What do you think, Georgie?" Lukas asked.
"What?" I asked back, having no idea what he was asking about.
Lukas frowned and eyed Mariz, a knowing look passing between them. He shook his head at me. "Nothing."
A few minutes more and we were done with snacks. Everyone got up to go back to their stations, including me.
"Georgie," Mariz called just as I was leaving the pantry.
"Yeah?"
Lukas was trailing behind her. They gestured for me to sit on the bench again. Lukas cleared his throat.
"What's the real score between you and Atkins?" he asked so suddenly that for a moment I didn't understand what he was talking about. Leave it to Lukas to be straight to the point.
"W-what?"
"Look, we've all been noticing this awkward air between the two of you. And as your friends, we're concerned with what is going on between you and him," Mariz stated, her voice soft with concern.
"She's right," Lukas said, nodded his head. "We are concerned about you two. We just want you to know that whatever problems you have, we're always here to help you. You know that, right?"
I nodded and said, "Yes, of course. Honestly, I'm surprised that you guys noticed."
"Of course we did," Mariz said, matter-of-factly. "You guys are like two birds during mating season, too shy to approach each other yet not wanting to walk away."
I let on a grin at what Mariz said. Leave it to her to come up with creative metaphors. "I'm so confused right now," I confided. "I don't know what he wants. He said he likes me but he's also holding back because he thinks I needed time to move on from Matt."
It felt good to let the frustration out, to finally tell someone about the things that had been circling my mind day and night.
"It only makes sense," Lukas said, nodding to himself.
"What do you mean?"
"I guess he just wants to make sure that you're ready to start another relationship. You haven't sorted out things with Matt."
"I don't really want to talk about Matt right now."
"See, that's the problem," Mariz commented. "That's precisely the problem. You don't want to talk about Matt, or talk to him."
"What's wrong with that?" I could hear the irritation and annoyance in my own voice.
"You can't run away from your problem forever, Georgie," she said, eying me with concer
n and understanding. "Maybe it's time to talk to him and explain your side, once and for all. Tell him you're happy where you are in life now. You both need closure."
I shook my head adamantly. I was petrified at the notion of talking to Matt. I wasn't ready to face him, I didn't think I'd ever be ready. But they were right, I can't run away from my problem forever. Deep inside I knew that one day this would come, that I would have to face him sooner or later.
I didn't know what to say to him or what he would say to me. I was afraid that he would be able to persuade me to get back together.
No. I couldn't do that anymore. We were done.
As much as I had loved him before, I couldn't trust him again. If I got back with him I would be consumed by my distrust with him every day. And nothing would be the same between us. Every time he was not on my sight I would always be worried he was in some other woman's arm. I couldn't live like that.
We had a lot of great memories but the love slowly faded even before he cheated on me. I knew the fallout was coming but I was too scared to rock the boat. I just didn't expect that it would come in the form of another woman.
Maybe he felt it too, and maybe he was just as afraid to rock the boat as I was.
I wanted nothing but to move forward. And to do that, I had to face him one last time.
"You have to do this," Lukas took my hand in his. "It's for your own good."
I nodded and said, "You guys are right."
My hand shook as I dialed Matt's number. I wasn't even sure if he would answer. I mentally ran through the things I wanted to say to him. It would be short and to the point. I didn't want to have small talks.
He picked up the phone and said, "Hello?"
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