Corpus de Crossword

by Nero Blanc

  “Chick, honey … Please …! ‘You, Belle … Me, Chick,’ But, what’s to call back? You and me can make a deal right now … Verbal, that’s what we call it in L.A. terms, you know, like a spoken agreement … Verbal’s binding in this biz; save’s on ink, know what I mean …? But, hey, I can type up a deal-memo and fax it to you in twenty minutes if you want a little something on paper.” His voice speeded up, blipping though the phone line in an unnatural and unnerving rush. “… And if you’re worried about how many hours this gig is gonna chew up, ’Cause let’s face it, who isn’t under pressure all the time, I got great news for you. One week! That’s it! ‘Course, Dean needs four to shoot this baby, but all I’m asking from you is one! A mere seven days away from home and hubby … and dog, too, right? You got a dog …? Sure, everyone in the East has a dog.”

  “I—”

  “Wait, wait, I got another news flash: weather.”

  “Weather?”

  “As in: What’s the temperature in Newcastle, Massachusetts right now? ’Cause here in So-Cal, it’s a sunny seventy-eight degrees. You could be poolside as we speak, palm trees swaying, private cabana, the whole nine yards … You got snow back there?”

  “Yes.”

  “How long’s it last? I mean, when’s it all kaput? March? April …? Actually, that’s gonna work in our favor, ’cause we may have to do some second-unit pick-ups. Snowy hillsides, quaint country inn, snow plows, that sort of thing.”

  “Second unit?”

  “Forget it, Annabella. No need for you to worry your pretty little head … I’ll bring you up to speed later. But my point is this; you could be outta there and livin’ the high life. Sunny Malibu, T-shirts, sandals … in-line skates down at Venice Beach … You like to skate? And without ice? ’Cause you could be on a plane tomorrow, if you want. You talk to Rennegor, he’ll get Groslir to throw in a pair of Rollerblades.”

  “I don’t know … I think you are going to have to write this information down and fax it to me. I want to talk it over with my husband. I need to consider what you’re asking me to do.”

  There was a long, anxious pause on the line’s other end. “Sure, sure … gab with your hubby … Sara, too, and all your buds back East. Whatever … Dynamite characters, each and every one … believable, but quirky, you know … New England, Katherine Hepburn, Wilford Brimley, all that, cute but no pushovers … The ‘suits’ just ate up your folks … But while you’re deliberating, maybe you could do me just the smallest favor?”

  “Yes?”

  “That crossword that proved who done it? You know, the one you found at that country inn, with the recipe?”

  “Yes, I remember.”

  “Well, I’m gonna need you to make a new one for the show. One without the real folks’ names in it.”

  “I—”

  “Don’t say a word. We’ll talk tomorrow. Brainy gals like you gotta think, I know. I’ll shoot off that fax to you pronto. Oh, and one other little item … If you call back with a big, fat ‘Yes’—and I’m sincerely praying you will—I’ll need to dispense our design team to Newcastle ASAP. Get some snaps of the police station … Your happy home … Sara Briephs’s digs … That coffee shop where you all—”

  “Lawson’s?”

  “Righteroonie! Lawson’s! Love, love, love it! My team should take an hour per locale—max.”

  “I’ll need to—”

  “Don’t say another word! Just think, think, think while I fax, fax, fax!”

  After supplying her fax number, Belle replaced the receiver and leaned back in her chair. Staring across the room, she began to wonder whether to believe anything she’d heard during the past several minutes. While Chick, three thousand miles away, also sat brooding, although his body, unlike his would-be “technical consultant’s,” remained rigid and fearful.

  And here was the crux of the problem: Chick was stuck in another stupendous lie. What he hadn’t bothered to tell Belle, what he hadn’t told anyone, producer, director, cast, or more important, the studio legal department—was that he’d barreled full steam ahead on the project, insisting he had everything under control, all the pieces in place, everything sewn up. In fact, he’d been using Belle’s name as well as large chunks of her personal history—somewhat modified, of course—without ever speaking to her or obtaining permission. He hadn’t considered the effort important. A dame from some burg in Massachusetts—what’s to worry? he’d told himself. Hollywood calls? Who says no? But his innate laziness or his conscious scheming had finally caught up with him. And to make matters worse, the pivotal crossword that he’d “hired” a neighbor/friend to create for the show was a total bust. The “friend” had stiffed him, opting to spend the last few weeks in a marijuana-induced stupor that showed no signs of abating.

  Now here it was a little over a week before principal shooting was scheduled to start, and Chick Darlessen’s career was on the line—maybe even over before it had begun. To say that he was sweating bullets would have been a major understatement.

  CHAPTER 3

  “Nan DeDero’s playing who?” Martha Leonetti, head waitress, all-around queen bee, and presiding martinet of Lawson’s Coffee Shop in downtown Newcastle, couldn’t conceal her disbelief. Her shellacked, bottle-blonde hairdo quivered, which was a highly unusual occurrence; even during a serious nor’easter, it was almost impossible to make those processed locks stir.

  “Sara,” Belle mumbled as she looked across the pink formica tabletop at Sara Crane Briephs, doughty dowager empress of the city’s social set. “Nan DeDero’s playing Sara.”

  Martha almost spilled her carafe of coffee. “That is the most inane piece of casting I have ever heard! Nan DeDero’s got a mouth like a sailor—and probably as many guys in as many ports. The Globe had three pages on her just last month. She wouldn’t know a lady from a leprechaun. Even if you told her one of them was real short.” In a lifetime full of surprises, Martha never ceased to amaze her regular customers when it came to her various fields of expertise. In this case, she displayed an almost encyclopedic knowledge of the complex and often steamy existences of film and television personalities.

  “Are you going to stand there pontificating, Martha, or are you going to give me some java?” This was Al Lever speaking; Lieutenant Al Lever, chief homicide detective of the Newcastle Police Department. Along with Sara and Belle and her husband Rosco, Al was part of Lawson’s informal Saturday Morning Breakfast Bunch. The numbers swelled on occasion, but this was the core group, including Martha, of course, who was always on hand for service, gossip, and endearing comments, although not necessarily in that order.

  Naturally, the relationships of these five people stretched beyond the confines of the antiquated eatery with the scarred but well-loved pink countertop, the time-worn linoleum tiles, and the plate glass windows into which LAWSON’S had long ago been etched in a bold and florid script. Sara, regal and with a private heart of platinum, served as Belle’s adoptive grandmother, mentor, and dearest friend. Rosco had been Al’s partner before he’d quit the NPD to become a private eye. “Albert,” so styled by Sara, had served as best man at Rosco’s wedding to one Belle Graham; who’d met her husband because he’d once been hired, sight unseen, by a certain domineering grande dame named—Sara Briephs. And the wisecracking and proudly blue-collar Martha? Well, in true small-town-in-the-middle-of-a-big-city fashion, she and Sara were fond and loyal members of their church’s sewing circle.

  “Keep your shirt on, Big Al.” Martha sloshed coffee into a thick restaurant cup that sat atop a cherry-colored paper placemat, while Al, accustomed to running his own show, merely opened and closed his beefy fingers in a gesture of hopeless submission. “And don’t even think about lighting up here, Al. New rules … No smokes.”

  “But I wasn’t—”

  “I saw you. Sara saw you. My man, Rosco, saw you.”

  Al affixed his former partner with a grim stare.

  “Oh, surely you can make a small concession for Albert, Martha, dea
r. If we don’t mind his cigarettes …”

  Martha looked at Sara. That single “dear” melted her every time, probably because Martha realized the term was truly and affectionately meant. “I can’t, Sar … It’s not my decision. I don’t own the joint.”

  “I’ve given up the habit anyway,” Al interjected.

  Four heads spun toward him in surprise.

  “New Year’s resolution … for the wife.”

  “But I was with you yesterday, Al,” Rosco chuckled. “Down at the station? You were smoking like a—”

  “You haven’t heard of breaking resolutions on occasion, Poly-crates?” Nettled, or simply because he enjoyed ribbing his ex-partner, Al Lever took pains at mispronouncing the Greek name, turning the four syllables, po-lick-ra-tees, into a heavy-handed three that sounded like an order to a parrot.

  “Have you kept this resolution even once since you made it, Al? Come to think of it, you quit last New Year’s, too, didn’t you?”

  “Har har, Poly-crates … You won’t be acting so smug when your sweetie’s off in La-La-Land doing the rumba with Lance diRusa!” Lever took another slug of coffee; Martha immediately refilled the cup, uttering “I assume you’ll all be ordering the usual today: cheese omelet, extra fries for Big Al, there; a single poached egg for Sara, rye toast, no butter …” The list trailed off as Martha returned her concentration to Belle. “And you’re sure this Darlessen guy’s on the up-and-up?”

  “I’ve got his fax right here. The address is a studio in Culver City. I called the number listed. It’s the real deal.”

  “Wowie …” Martha cooed. “Belle Graham in a movie.”

  “Well, not me, Martha.”

  “I know. You said. Shay Henlee’s doing you. And Greg Trafeo’s playing Rosco? He’s cute, but he’s not Rosco …”

  “Chick Darlessen said there was a bit of hitch with Greg Trafeo,” Belle cautioned. “I don’t know what that meant.”

  “Yeah, but look at you Belle, you’re gonna be the show’s technical consultant—fancy salary, first class digs, one glorious week of all-star treatment.”

  “According to Chick Darlessen.”

  “Trafeo and Henlee …” Martha repeated in quiet awe while Rosco beamed at his wife. His pride in having an obvious talent like Shay Henlee play the part of Belle Graham was written all over his face.

  “She’s not nearly as pretty as Belle, but still …”

  “She’s tons prettier, Rosco.” Belle returned his loving gaze and the two were momentarily lost to the group, to the muffled shouts of Kenny the fry cook, to the clink of the cash register, the loud and soft voices of the other patrons, the comforting morning aroma of bacon and sausage, hash browns, eggs sizzling on a griddle, local maple syrup warming, and the soothing cinnamon scent of French toast browning in butter in a pan.

  The three other members of the group allowed this intimate moment to pass before Martha spoke up again. “Let me see that fax, Belle.”

  Belle handed it over. It was the cast list of Anatomy of a Crossword.

  Martha’s shrewd eyes ran down the names. “Louis Gable … who knew that pompous old coot was still around? Plus he’s one of DeDero’s exes, too. Number four, I think, maybe … or is it five? I get so confused with that dame’s amours … Anyway, having Gable around will probably make things real dicey on the set. Nan’s not one to appreciate having her leftovers around when she’s on the warpath for her new soul mate … Dan Millray plays the victim? That’s sure a waste of his talent and looks, if you ask me … Carol Von Deney … Oh, she was to die for as the rich witch on that nighttime soap that folded last year … Andy Hofren. Now, he’s a curious choice for her husband—or anybody’s husband, if you ask me … Ginger Bradmin. What an absolute sweetheart! Too bad her marriage to Quinton Hanny didn’t work out …”

  “Actually—” Belle tried to interrupt, but Martha was on a roll.

  “… On the other hand, she’s definitely better off without Quint, especially now that he’s taken up with … No, wait, that fling’s over, too.” A sudden gasp put an end to Martha’s monologue. “Jes Nadema’s doing Big Al!”

  Four pairs of eyes regarded her without comprehension. Unlike Martha, the rest of the Breakfast Bunch had not educated themselves regarding either personal relationships or performance credits of Hollywood’s current talent pool.

  “Jes Nadema, the ex-pro wrestler …! Mr. I-take-off-my-shirt-in-all-my-close-ups! You guys must know who he is! He does all the ‘muscle man’ ads on TV … You’ve seen the jackhammer one? Where he gets a headache? Boy, did they ever goof on that particular bit of typecasting!” Martha pointedly moved her gaze to Al’s less-than-trim waistline while her laughter rose in a gleeful hoop.

  “Very funny, Martha,” Al muttered.

  Sara murmured a conciliatory, “Well, I think you should take the choice as a compliment, Albert. After all, the studio or whomever it is out there wouldn’t have—”

  But Sara’s kind effort was also interrupted as Martha gulped back her own hoots of amusement. The sound she made was similar to someone choking on a large and dangerous object. “Me! I’m in it, too! I’m Madeline Richter! Madeline ‘Gorgeous Legs’ Richter! Hey, everyone, listen up!” Martha turned to the company at large, brandishing the fax as she did so. “Listen up, you all! Guess who’s playing yours truly in a TV movie? Madeline Richter, herself!”

  At that moment, Belle who had taken Rosco’s hand, realized there was no stopping this particular train. Hollywood—or, in this case, Culver City—had apparently appropriated not only her life but everyone with whom she shared it. How could she possibly bring herself to disappoint her friends?

  Buy Anatomy of a Crossword Now!

  The Answers

  To download a PDF of the answers, please visit openroadmedia.com/nero-blanc-crosswords/answers

  A BURNING QUESTION

  SWAP MEET

  TWENTY-FOUR SKIDDOO

  “CHANGE” OF HEART

  READ BETWEEN THE LINES

  POST SCRIPT

  About the Author

  Nero Blanc is the pseudonym of Steve Zettler and Cordelia Frances Biddle, who are husband and wife and serious crossword buffs. Biddle is also the author of the Martha Beale historical mystery series, which is set in Philadelphia, Zettler and Biddle’s hometown. Their website is www.crosswordmysteries.com.

  All rights reserved, including without limitation the right to reproduce this ebook or any portion thereof in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of the publisher.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, events, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Copyright © 2003 by Cordelia F. Biddle and Steve Zettler

  Cover design by Tammy Seidick

  ISBN: 978-1-4976-7173-7

  This edition published in 2014 by Open Road Integrated Media, Inc.

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  New York, NY 10014

  www.openroadmedia.com

  CROSSWORD MYSTERIES

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  Nero Blanc, Corpus de Crossword