‘Not too bad, how about you?’
‘Oh, OK.’ I was remembering Di’s cool response when I’d asked her to test me. She’d treated the request as though I were some tiresome kid rehearsing for the school play. No one would ever have thought she’d once longed to become an actress herself. It was more the kind of reaction I’d have expected from Karen.
‘See you on Wednesday, then,’ Mark was saying.
‘What? Oh yes, fine.’
Since Di had returned from her Christmas break, she’d been a bit distant. Apparently the engagement party had gone well and she’d had a great time with her family, but I could tell there was something brewing.
To tell the truth I was a bit jealous of Di’s happy family life. I’d had a card from Karen and Simon and one from Susan, but no presents and certainly no invitations to visit or enquiries about the new show. I know it was partly my own fault. The trick I played on Karen last time I was staying with her was pretty much over the top, but there is something about Karen that stirs up the devil in me. One look at that sanctimonious, smug little face and I can’t help myself. I realize now that what I did could have had disastrous consequences. I just hadn’t thought it through and she was right to be angry with me. Nevertheless it hurt to be so completely excluded, especially at Christmas. Now that Dad has gone, I feel I have no one who really gives a damn about me.
Inevitably my thoughts turned again to my mother. I wondered if she regretted what she’d done just as I did. Was she lonely? Maybe she had married again. I could have half-siblings I didn’t know about; a whole new family! The thought excited me and I promised myself that I would look into ways of finding her again just as soon as the rehearsals had got underway.
I was right about Di having a bee in her bonnet. When she got in from work that evening, I showed her the schedule that Paul had sent but as she set about unpacking her briefcase, I could see that there was something else on her mind. Eventually she stopped me in mid-sentence.
‘Lou – look, can we just sit down a minute? There’s something I need to tell you.’
My heart sank. I could tell from her face that whatever it was, it wasn’t going to be to my advantage. ‘OK, Di, what’s on your mind?’ I asked. ‘I’ve been trying really hard to keep the place tidy and I’m not behind with my share of the rent, am I?’
‘No, nothing like that.’ She took a deep breath. ‘It’s just that – well, while I was at home this time I met up with an old flame of mine again. Mike and I used to go out together when we were teenagers but we drifted apart when I came up to London to drama school and he went off to study law. He married someone else during that time but they divorced last year.’ She glanced at me. ‘We found we still liked each other – quite a lot actually, the old spark was still there. Over the holiday we met a few times. Mike has just landed himself a fabulous job up here with a law firm. He said he was going to look me up when he started – ask me to help him find a place to live, so it was lucky our meeting again.’ She glanced at me again. ‘So – I thought – I said …’
‘You told him not to bother looking because he could move in with you,’ I completed the sentence for her. I laughed at her expression. ‘Christ, Di, I thought you were never going to spit it out. You could have said it all in a few words: ‘I’ve met an old boyfriend and we still turn each other on so we’re going to move in together – oh, and by the way, I want you to move out.’
She had the grace to wince. ‘You make me sound like a …’
‘I make you sound like what you are,’ I told her. ‘A good friend who’s put up with me for far too long. I know I’ve outstayed my welcome by a mile. It’s high time I was out of your hair. Good luck with the renewed relationship, Di. When do you want me to leave?’
She looked so relieved that I thought she might faint. ‘It’s very good of you to take it so well,’ she said. ‘There’s really no hurry about leaving. Where will you go?’
‘Oh, don’t worry about me,’ I said lightly. ‘I’ve got some contacts. I’ll be fine.’ Secretly, I have to admit that I’d never have been so generous if it hadn’t been for Mark. I felt confident that he’d be more than delighted to have me move into the apartment with him. As for me, I was thrilled. The sex was fantastic and I wouldn’t have to pay any rent.
The first rehearsal was a bit of a shambles. Paul brought this guy along who he said was an experienced director. He introduced him as Marvin Nash. Neither Mark nor I had ever heard of him. Not that either of us was that clued up about West End directors but he was certainly no Cameron Mackintosh, anyone could see that. When we were finally dismissed, Mark and I went along to the Prince of Wales, the same pub we’d lunched at before, and sat down with stiff drinks to pool our opinions.
‘I daresay it’ll all come together once we get the music and choreography sorted,’ Mark said optimistically.
I shrugged. ‘I hope you’re right. They’re like a bunch of amateurs, and that Carla is the worst. God only knows what her singing voice is like.’
Mark grinned. ‘Well, old Ma Bennet isn’t exactly supposed to be a diva, is she?’
‘She is as played by Carla bloody Dean.’ I took a quick swig at my gin and tonic. ‘And I can’t wait to see her dance!’ I put my glass down on the table and took a look at Mark’s face. This seemed like a good moment to spring my proposition.
‘Talking of movement, I’ve got something I want to run past you,’ I said, looking at him from under my lashes in the way I knew turned him on.
‘Oh?’ He raised his eyebrows. ‘Am I going to like it?’
‘I hope so.’ I toyed with the stem on my glass. ‘Since Christmas I’ve been thinking a lot – about us. We had a great time, didn’t we?’
He nodded enthusiastically. ‘The best.’
‘I was a fool to be so rotten to you all those years ago,’ I said. ‘We have so much in common and I just couldn’t see it. We make each other laugh. We’re really compatible in every way, aren’t we?’
‘I’ve always thought so, yes.’ He leaned towards me, his eyes twinkling. ‘You’re not trying to propose, are you? Because if you are I’m going to have to insist that you get down on one knee.’
‘In your dreams!’ I gave his shoulder a push. ‘No, I’m not proposing – not marriage anyhow. What I am suggesting is that it might benefit both of us if I moved in with you. The lease on my flat is about to run out and my flatmate would like to take it over from me. Of course it would only be until we go on tour with the show and …’
‘Lou!’ He had grasped my hand so hard that the pressure made my eyes water and stopped the words in my throat. His grin spread from ear to ear. ‘Bloody hell, that would be marvellous. Just fancy – home-cooked food every day!’
I kicked him under the table. ‘On your bike! That was a Christmas one-off. We share the cooking and the chores or the deal is off.’
He gave me a mock salute. ‘Yes, ma’am! Anything you say. When can you move in?’
‘Well, I’ll have to break the news to my friend that I’m leaving sooner than expected. I daresay she’ll be a bit upset but she’ll get over it.’
‘Are you sure? I’d hate you to lose a friend because of me.’
I smiled at him. ‘I’m sure. I’ll find a way to make it up to her somehow.’
‘OK – so when?’
‘Give me a few days. I’ll let you know at the next rehearsal.’
I started packing that night. I’d told Di that I’d found somewhere else to live and she seemed pleased. A bit too pleased to be flattering, actually. I overheard her talking to Mike on her mobile later and arranging for him to move in the week after next. She certainly didn’t intend to waste any time. But it didn’t matter, I told myself. Two weeks from now I’ll be living in the lap of luxury in Mark’s lush apartment.
The day of the next rehearsal was grey and wet; a typical January day. The walk from the bus stop seemed endless. My heels skidded on the greasy pavement and my umbrella blew inside out so many ti
mes that I eventually gave up and put it down. After that, the icy rain dripped relentlessly down the back of my collar all the way to St Mary’s Hall. Pulling the heavy door closed behind me with relief, I took off my wet mac and shook as much of the water off it as I could. Mark was already there. He was standing with his back to one of the lukewarm radiators and I joined him.
‘Brrr! Budge up and let the dog see the rabbit,’ I said, giving him a playful shove. ‘I’ve got good news. I can move in at the weekend if it’s OK with you.’
He turned to me with an expression like a whipped puppy and my heart sank. I knew right then that it wasn’t going to be my day.
He began haltingly, ‘Lou, darling – I don’t know how to tell you this but I’m very much afraid that our plans are going to have to be put on hold – for the time being at least.’
I stared at him. ‘You what? Why? What’s up?’
He took a deep breath and looked at the floor. ‘Last night I got an email from Cathy, my sister in Australia. She and her husband have split up and she’s flying home today.’
I frowned. ‘Home?’
‘To England – and to me as there’s no one else.’
‘She’s landing herself on you? What a cheek.’
‘Not just her but her two kids as well. I couldn’t say no, could I, Lou? She’s the only family I’ve got and she’s going through a crisis.’ He looked at my bemused face. ‘I’ve only got the two bedrooms so it’s going to be a bit of a squeeze.’
‘Yes, but I’ll be sharing yours.’
‘I know, but …’ He looked uncomfortable. ‘She’ll want to talk. She’s bound to need some advice and moral support.’
‘So? I won’t get in the way.’
He shook his head. ‘I’m sorry, Lou. It just won’t work; not with five of us in the apartment. It won’t be forever,’ he added hurriedly. ‘I’m sure she’ll want to find a place of her own quite soon. Obviously she’ll need to find schools for the kids and settle them down into some kind of normality as soon as possible, poor little devils.’
‘Oh, yes – tough!’
He reached for my hand but I pulled it away. ‘I’ve already told Di that I’m moving out.’
‘But she won’t mind if you change your plans temporarily, will she? After all, it’s your flat and it’ll give her all the more time to find someone new to share with. And you said she’d be devastated that you were leaving.’
There, I’d done it again, I told myself. What’s the phrase – hoist with my own petard? (What is a petard anyway?) Mark was looking at me, his face creased with concern.
‘I’m so sorry, Lou. I was really looking forward to the two of us being together.’
‘So disappointed that you let your sister call all the shots,’ I said, shaking off his hand. ‘She and her kids have to come first, I suppose. After all, who am I?’
‘Please – don’t be like that. I told you, it’s only temporary.’
‘Does she know you’ll be going on tour with the show in a few weeks’ time?’
‘I did mention it, yes.’
‘Then she’s not going to be in any hurry looking for a place of her own, is she?’ I gave a dry little laugh. ‘You’ll have the perfect flat-sitter. Just let’s hope that you don’t come back to find the kids have wrecked the place!’
‘They’re good kids actually,’ he said.
I stared at him. ‘How would you know? They live in Australia. How many times have you seen them?’
‘Well, not many admittedly.’
‘I just hope you know what you’re letting yourself in for.’
Paul chose that moment to arrive with Marvin in tow and there was no more time to discuss our ruined plans. I poured my heart and soul into the rehearsal, putting special effort into my scenes with Darcy, who seemed delighted by my enthusiasm. Whilst close to him, I endorsed Mark’s opinion that he wore a toupee. I also discovered that he had terminal halitosis which didn’t auger well for our love scenes. After the rehearsal, Marvin came up to me and congratulated me on my talent and the hard work I’d put in learning the lines. I felt it was no more than I deserved.
‘Paul’s done a good job of the casting,’ he said. ‘Especially in your case. Just wait till we get to the West End.’ He grinned at me. ‘Fancy your name in lights, do you?’
‘I certainly do.’
‘We’ll have to get you a really good press agent,’ he said. ‘And a photographer. Some great pics for the magazines.’ He looked at me, his head on one side and his eyes half closed. ‘That wicked mixture of sexiness and innocence. I can see it now. You’ll knock ’em dead, Louise.’
His comments made up a little for the day’s disastrous start. I was slipping my arms into the sleeves of my still-damp mac when Mark sidled up. ‘Shall we go to the Prince of Wales for lunch?’
I glanced round casually at him. ‘Not today,’ I told him. ‘I’m not hungry – or in the mood.’ I turned up my collar and picked up my bag. ‘See you soon, Mark. Goodbye.’ I noticed that Phil, the actor playing Darcy, was just about to leave. I called out to him.
‘Oh, Phil! Wait for me. Do you fancy a drink?’
He looked surprised and delighted. ‘Great! Yes, I’d love to.’
I turned to Mark, seeing with satisfaction his downcast expression. ‘Have to rush. See you soon. Bye!’
‘What do you mean, your plans have fallen through?’ Di clearly wasn’t pleased with my news. ‘I’ve told Mike he can move in next week.’
‘I can’t help it,’ I told her. ‘The friend who was going to put me up has had a sudden family crisis.’
‘Oh?’ She failed to look sympathetic.
‘I promise I’ll keep out of your way,’ I said. ‘Presumably he’ll be sharing your room and I’ll keep to mine. It’s only temporary anyway.’
‘Actually we hadn’t got as far as sharing a bed,’ Di said stiffly. ‘Mike thinks he’s having my spare room.’
I couldn’t disguise the little smile that lifted the corners of my mouth. ‘Oh! I thought you said you found the old spark was still there.’
‘I didn’t mean we’d jumped straight into bed together,’ Di said icily. ‘We’re not all as promiscuous as you, you know.’
I laughed. I couldn’t help it. ‘Promiscuous! Come off it, Di. How stuffy can you get?’
She bridled, and the red patch on her neck that always appeared when she was furious flared angrily above the neck of her sweater. ‘Right, you can move all your stuff out of the spare room right now,’ she said. ‘And from next week on you’ll be sleeping on the sofa.’
I picked up my bag, inwardly regretting the fact that I’d laughed at her.
‘OK,’ I said over my shoulder. ‘As long as you realize that means I’ll have nowhere to go to keep out of your way!’
I only slept on the sofa for three nights. I think it was partly the fact that I was always around playing gooseberry and partly the rekindling of that old spark they shared that had Mike moving in with Di so that I had my old room back again.
Mike and I disliked each other on sight. I thought he was a charmless weed and he made no bones about making me feel like a shameless scrounger. Personally, I couldn’t see what she saw in him with his specs and his pedantic way of talking, but that was up to her. She always did have strange taste in blokes. I kept to my side of the bargain, spending my evenings shut away in my eight-by-ten bedroom while they canoodled on the sofa, recently vacated by me. But their audible lovemaking penetrated the thin walls into the small hours, making sleeping all but impossible for me, specially when I thought of what Mark and I could have been enjoying.
Rehearsals continued and we had one or two sessions with the choreographer and two more with Paul and the musical score. It wasn’t going too badly. Mark and I were barely speaking. He told me that Cathy, his sister, and her two adorable angels had settled in happily. I don’t know if that was supposed to make me feel better but I couldn’t see why he expected me to work up any enthusiasm, seeing that this
woman and her two brats had completely scuppered my plans. It seemed that I was doomed to be the outsider – the unwanted – surplus to everyone’s requirements. Di had her beloved Mike; Mark had his sister and her kids and as for my so-called family, they had each other and for all they cared, I could go to hell.
Lying awake as dawn was breaking one morning, I made my decision. I’d find somewhere else to live. After all, it would only be for a few weeks. I made up my mind about something else too: I’d start looking for my mother. Maybe she’d been waiting for me to find her all these years. We might strike up a good relationship together. Getting together again might be just what we had both been waiting for. Who knew? But if I didn’t try I’d never find out, would I?
A couple of days later, after scouring the local paper I found myself a bedsit in Stoke Newington. It was pretty grim, shared bathroom and kitchen, and the occupants of the other rooms looked a weird lot. But it was cheap and close to the rehearsal venue. It was only temporary, I told myself, so I could stick it out for a few weeks. I told Mark that I’d found a really nice flat; Di too, and I think she believed me. I say believed but she didn’t try very hard to conceal the fact that she didn’t really care one way or another. I was about to leave her and Dream Lover Mike to share their little love nest in peace. I moved into the bedsit and later made that all-important call to the Sally Army. If I was going to find Mum it was better to do it before the tour started.
Chapter Thirteen
At the first signs of spring, Ted began to work on his allotment. Susan had applied to the local council before Christmas and to her delight, she heard soon after that she had been allotted the vacant plot next to his. She lost no time in donning the wellingtons she had thought she would never need again, and began to accompany Ted to the huge plot of allotments on the outskirts of town, the car boot loaded with their assorted gardening equipment.
As the weeks passed, Susan could feel herself growing fitter. Her skin took on a healthy glow and seeing the weeds vanish from the ground to be replaced by rows of tiny seedlings gave her immense satisfaction.
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