Simon stood up and put his arms round Karen, who was weeping with relief. He looked at the consultant. ‘Thank you so much.’
‘Not at all.’ On his way out the consultant said, ‘By the way, the driver of the car is in the waiting room. I think he’d appreciate some reassurance.’
‘I’ll go in a minute.’ Simon kissed the top of Karen’s head. ‘Don’t cry, darling. Everything’s going to be all right.’
‘It’s my fault,’ she sobbed. ‘If we hadn’t been arguing about my wanting to work, it would never have happened.’
‘Never mind that now.’
Susan gestured to Louise that they should give them some time alone and they quietly left the room.
As they made their way back to Susan’s flat Louise said, ‘Maybe I should go back to London. You’ll be wanting to help Karrie and Simon and I’ll just be in the way.’
Susan smiled. ‘It’s considerate of you to suggest that but don’t go tonight. Leave it at least till the morning.’ She looked at her watch. ‘I must ring Ted and let him know what’s happened.’
‘Ted?’ Louise looked at her. ‘You’re back together, then?’
Susan smiled. ‘We met and he explained everything. I’ll tell you about it over supper.’
Chapter Twenty-Five
I let myself into the empty flat and stood for a moment in the silence. In spite of Susan’s revelations and what had happened over the last few days, I felt more estranged from my family now than ever before. They didn’t need me. I was Karen’s mother and Susan’s stepdaughter. Another thought hit me: I was Peter’s grandmother, for heaven’s sake! And yet none of them needed or wanted me; in fact quite the opposite. Susan was kind and good. She always had been and no doubt she always would be. But could I ever begin to mend all the fences I’d ridden roughshod over in the past? They had all put up with so much from me. Perhaps now it was time to give them all a much deserved rest; to stand on my own feet and try to turn over a new leaf. It was a really strange feeling. It could be an end and yet if I really made up my mind to it, it could be a beginning – a fresh start. This could be make-or-break time and I realized that the outcome was up to me.
I put my case in my room and went into the kitchen to put the kettle on. As I waited for it to boil, my thoughts turned to Mark! Dear, patient Mark. I’d been so horrible to him, yet he’d given me nothing but love and consideration. But now it was over. He’d given up trying to contact me and he was about to marry someone else. I’d lost him. Anyhow, I’d never be able to face him now. He’d be sure to see me differently when he knew the truth. I knew I owed him that but I shied away from telling him about my past – seeing the look of disgust and disillusionment on his face.
I found cold meat and salad in the fridge and as I set about putting a snack lunch together, it occurred to me that in the past I’d have taken Di’s food without a thought. Now I promised myself that I’d go out later and replace what I’d taken. When I’d eaten, I went out to the supermarket and it was as I was letting myself back into the flat that my phone began to ring. I put down the bags of shopping and fished my phone out of my bag.
‘Hello.’
‘Louise. It’s Patrick Jason. I’ve got some good news,’ he said.
‘Oh yes?’
‘The audition you did – for the soap, King’s Reach – I’m delighted to tell you that you’ve got the part. Congratulations!’
I stared speechlessly at the phone. Had he just said what I thought he’d said?
‘Louise – are you there?’
‘Yes – yes. Are you sure?’ I asked, my knees trembling.
He laughed. ‘Of course I’m sure. You start rehearsing next week, so if you’d like to come into the office tomorrow and sign the contract …’
‘Oh, yes of course,’ I said quickly. ‘I’m still trying to take it in. I can’t thank you enough, Patrick. What time would you like me there?’
‘Ten would be fine,’ he said. ‘I’m glad you’re pleased.’
‘Pleased! I’m over the moon,’ I told him. ‘It couldn’t have come at a better time. See you in the morning, then.’
As I unpacked the shopping, my hands shook so much that I kept dropping things. As soon as I’d put the last item away I went straight back out again – to the off-licence on the corner to buy a bottle of champagne.
Di was late getting home and I kept looking at the clock. I couldn’t wait to tell her my news. She looked tired when she got in. I’d already cooked and dinner was waiting in the oven – the champagne chilling in the fridge.
She seemed pleased to see me. ‘Hi. How was your home visit?’
‘Traumatic,’ I told her. ‘Peter, my little nephew, was involved in an accident and rushed to hospital.’
‘Oh no! Is he OK?’
‘He’s got a hairline skull fracture but apart from that he’s all right. The doctor said that skull fractures in young children are fairly quick to heal.’
Di hung up her coat. ‘How did it happen?’
‘Seems that Karrie and Simon were having a row about Karrie working. No one was watching Peter. He was playing in the front garden and he got out onto the road and ran in front of a car.’
‘They must feel so guilty.’
‘I think they do. Maybe they’ll realize now that they have to come to some kind of compromise over Karrie’s work.’
‘So what else happened?’
‘Quite a bit. Susan and I had a long talk. But something happened after I got back and I can’t wait to tell you that first.’
She smiled. ‘I knew there was something. I can feel you fizzing from here!’
‘Di – I got the part,’ I told her. ‘The part I auditioned for, in King’s Reach.’
Her face lit up and she reached out to hug me. ‘Wow! That’s fantastic! I’m so happy for you.’
‘I’ve got champagne and I’ve cooked us a special meal,’ I said excitedly. ‘Shall I open the bottle now?’
‘What do you think?’
The cork popped and we toasted each other. I served the meal I’d cooked and we chatted excitedly. Di wanted to hear all the details. We were having coffee when she asked, ‘So what about Susan? Was she able to throw any light on what your mother told you?’
‘She knew about it of course – said that my dad never accepted that I wasn’t his. It was something they didn’t talk about.’ I put my cup down, suddenly serious as I came down to earth. ‘She told me a lot about my childhood, Di. I must have been a nightmare for them. Apparently I went off the rails big-time in my early teens – drugs. I ended up in rehab and later I had a bad breakdown.’
‘Oh, Lou.’
I didn’t tell her I’d given birth to a daughter and that Susan and Frank had adopted her. I’d already decided to keep it to myself in case somehow it got back to Karrie. Di was looking at me aghast.
‘I’ve just had a thought – those nightmares!’
‘I know. It all makes sense now. It says a lot about the kind of person I became too,’ I added. ‘Somewhere at the back of my mind I felt I needed to pay someone or something back. God knows why. Susan and Dad were wonderful to me. I’ve been so lucky and I’ve got a hell of a lot of making-up to do. One thing I do know, and that is that I wish I’d never tried to get in touch with my mother. If I’d known all this sooner there’s no way I would have wanted to know her.’
‘My advice is to put it all behind you,’ Di said. ‘It’s in the past and there’s nothing you can do about it. Just concentrate on this new challenge and look forward to a fresh start.’
I smiled. ‘Yes, I will. I can’t wait to begin.’
‘And what about Mark – surely you want to ring him with your news?’
‘I don’t think he’ll be interested. I’m afraid I’ve blown it with him.’
‘Why do you say that?’
‘I think he’s finally written me off. Anyway he’s getting married.’
‘Married! Who to?’
‘A girl he used to know.’
‘How do you know this?’
‘It was when I was working at the bridal shop. His sister came in with her to choose the dress.’
Di looked crestfallen. ‘It didn’t take him long, did it? Maybe it was on the rebound. But even so, he’ll want to hear about the new job, surely?’
I shrugged. ‘I doubt it.’
‘Well, you should at least try.’ Di shook my arm exasperatedly. ‘Go on, ring him now. I’ll give you some space while I’m doing the washing-up.’
She disappeared into the kitchen and I took out my phone and sat looking at it. Suddenly, I had cold feet. Maybe he’d be out with his fiancée. He wouldn’t be interested in what I was doing any more. It would be nice to tell him my news, yet I dreaded hearing the indifference in his voice as he tried to sound interested. I knew Di wouldn’t let me get away with feeble excuses so I quickly clicked on his number, hoping that he’d be out or that the number would be engaged.
‘Hello, Mark Naylor.’
My heart missed a beat. ‘Oh – Mark. It’s Louise.’
‘Lou! I’ve been trying to come to terms with the fact that you’d had enough of me. I’d even deleted your name from my phone. How are you?’
‘I’m fine – you?’
‘Yes, fine. Cathy and the kids moved out a couple of days ago and I’m getting used to having the place to myself again.’
‘Oh. You must miss them.’
‘I do, but in a good way. You can have too much of being woken up by two little monsters jumping all over you at seven in the morning.’ There was a pause and then he said, ‘Is everything all right, Lou? You sound a bit – odd.’
‘Do I?’
‘A bit. Do you have a special reason for ringing me?’
‘Do I need one?’
‘Well – you tell me.’
‘Actually I’m ringing because I’ve got some news,’ I told him. ‘Quite a lot of news in fact. I’ve—’
‘No!’ he broke in. ‘Don’t tell me now. Let’s meet. Are you doing anything tomorrow?’
‘I have to go to Patrick Jason’s office in the morning. He’s my new agent.’
‘Right – what time?’
‘Ten o’clock.’
‘OK if I pick you up from there – say ten thirty?’
‘That sounds fine.’
‘OK, see you then. And Lou …’
‘Yes?’
‘I’ve missed you.’
I swallowed hard. ‘Me too.’
Patrick had the contract all ready for me to sign the following morning. Putting my name to it felt good. The first really important contract I’d signed in my whole career and when I saw the salary Patrick had negotiated for me, my heart gave a leap. It was more money than I’d ever earned.
Patrick looked down at my signature. ‘You’ve signed, Louise Davies.’
‘Yes. That’s my real name and it’s how I want to be known from now on,’ I told him. ‘Louise Delmar is dead and buried.’
He laughed. ‘Right. I’ll make a note of it.’
It was all over and done with by a quarter past ten and I sat in reception waiting for Mark to arrive.
When he walked in, I was surprised at the receptionist’s reaction. She looked up with a smile. ‘Mark! What brings you out of the woodwork so early in the morning?’
He leant across her desk to give her ear a tweak. ‘Less of your cheek, young Sharon. I’m here to escort a lovely lady to lunch.’ He turned to me. ‘It’s terrible the disrespectful way these receptionist treat you nowadays, isn’t it?’ he quipped. ‘You can’t get the staff, you know.’
On the way downstairs I asked him how he knew Patrick Jason’s receptionist. And he grinned.
‘He’s my agent too,’ he said.
It suddenly occurred to me that he hadn’t sounded surprised when I said I had to see Patrick this morning. ‘He’s yours – but …’ I looked at him with narrowed eyes. ‘I suppose his contacting me wouldn’t have had anything to do with you, would it?’
He frowned. ‘Come to think about it, I suppose I might just have mentioned you in passing.’
‘Then it wasn’t down to the article in the Sunday Sphere!’
‘Oh, that!’ He laughed. ‘I had a good laugh at that. Good on you!’
‘I didn’t do it for a laugh,’ I told him. ‘I did it because I needed the money. You didn’t have to put in a word for me with Patrick, but thanks all the same.’
‘Well, it seems to have worked out. Has he come up with anything for you?’
‘He has as a matter of fact. That was what I was going to tell you last night. I auditioned for a part in a BBC soap last week.’
He looked at me. ‘And…?’
‘And – I got the part.’
‘Great!’ He slipped an arm through mine. ‘So we’ve got something to celebrate. What are we waiting for?’
We had lunch at a small, intimate restaurant quite close to the Savoy, overlooking the Thames. As we were having coffee, Mark looked at me.
‘You said you had a lot of news,’ he reminded me. ‘What else has happened?’
I came down to earth. After the excitement of signing the contract the memory of Susan’s revelations had been pushed to the back of my mind. ‘The rest of it is a bit more serious.’ I looked at him. ‘But before I tell you, I think you have some news for me.’
He looked bemused. ‘Me? No, nothing springs to mind.’
‘Not the little matter of your forthcoming nuptials?’
He burst out laughing. ‘That’ll be the day! Where did you get that idea from?’
‘I did a short stint working in a bridal boutique,’ I told him. ‘Your sister came in with your fiancée.’
He shook his head. ‘My what?’
Slightly irritated I went on. ‘Come off it, Mark. The name Franny ring any bells?’
His face cleared. ‘Oh! Franny! Francesca Barratt. She’s an old school friend of Cathy’s. She’s getting married next month and Cathy has been helping her with the preparations.’
‘Oh.’ I bit my lip, feeling slightly foolish. Mark laughed softly.
‘You didn’t actually think it was me, getting married, did you?’
‘Well, I …’
‘And were you at all upset by the news?’ I shook my head and he leaned towards me. ‘What, not even a little bit?’
‘It was an easy mistake to make,’ I blustered. ‘Was I upset? Not really, no. You deserve to be happy.’
‘But we don’t always get what we deserve, do we?’ he teased.
I looked up at him. ‘Will you please stop baiting me?’
‘Not until you tell me how you really felt when you thought I was marrying someone else.’
‘OK, I was …’ I searched my mind for the right word. ‘I was sad,’ I said at last. ‘Sad and – OK – a bit jealous.’
His eyes danced. ‘Why would you be jealous? You don’t love me, do you?’
‘Mark – I’ve got something quite serious to tell you. It’s about me – things I only discovered a few days ago – things that might make a difference about how you see me.’
‘It all sounds very solemn.’
‘It is.’ I looked around. ‘Could we go somewhere quiet where I could tell you?’
‘Of course.’ The smile left his face as he beckoned the waiter for the bill. ‘You go and get your coat. I’ll take you back to the flat.’
‘So that’s my background, Mark. Not very inspiring, is it?’
We were seated opposite each other in Mark’s sunlit living room. It had been painful, pouring out my past to him. It had taken all my courage and strength and he obviously saw that.
He poured a large glass of wine and put it in my hand. ‘It’s all so long ago,’ he said gently. ‘You were still a kid, Lou. It’s in the past and what’s done can’t be undone. Why should it make me see you any other way than I see you now?’
I took a sip of the wine and looked at him. ‘Not even the fact that I had a baby at barely fourteen year
s old?’
He shook his head. ‘That was then, Lou. So you made some mistakes – who hasn’t? It must all have been sheer hell for you. It’s no wonder your mind refused to retain any of it.’
Suddenly I decided to tell him the truth about Karrie. No one else must know but I felt I owed Mark not just some, but all of the truth. ‘My baby daughter was adopted by Susan and Frank,’ I said slowly. ‘Karen is – was my daughter and neither of us has ever been aware of the fact. Susan has asked that it remains a secret and I feel bound to honour that wish, so please, Mark, you are the only other person to know this and it mustn’t go beyond these walls.’
He moved to sit beside me. ‘I feel flattered that you’re prepared to trust me with a secret like that and of course it goes no further.’ He slipped an arm round my shoulders. ‘Thank you for what you’ve just confided in me, Lou. It makes no difference to the way I feel about you. You know how much I love you. It’s a love that has lasted for years so it’s not likely to stop now. I understand so much more about you now and if anything it makes me love you even more.’ He searched my eyes. ‘Please will you tell me truthfully how you feel, because if your feelings don’t match mine this must be goodbye. I couldn’t go on, knowing that what I feel will never be returned.’
I put my arms round him and held him close. ‘Of course I love you, Mark. I’ve loved you for years without recognizing the fact. I’ve been a total bitch to you in the past. I can’t understand why you kept on loving me.’
He kissed me. ‘Maybe I can make you understand.’
For a long time neither of us spoke and the next time I glanced at the time it was almost five o’clock. I sat up.
‘I must go. Di will be home.’ I looked at him. ‘That’s another thing, Mark. It was always Di’s flat – never mine. I lied about it. God knows why. I’ve lied about so many things in the past, but never again. All that ends from today onwards and that’s a promise.’
He winced. ‘If that’s not tempting providence I don’t know what is!’
‘Well, I believe it anyway.’ I looked around the room. ‘You asked me once if I would move in. Does that invitation still stand?’
He grinned. ‘What do you think?’
I stood up and gathered my coat and bag together. ‘Then will you take me to Di’s to collect my things, please?’
Give Me Tomorrow Page 21