Suddenly we were tearing at each other with our nails and teeth as he fought to get deeper in me, and I tried taking more of him into my body that was shaking with intense passion overload. I started to go up and over only at the last second, remembering that we weren’t using protection but not knowing how to ask him to stop.
Then I felt his hand in my hair, pulling my head back roughly so he could look down into my eyes, and the words he spoke sent thrills of fear and lust coursing through me. “You owe me a child from beginning to end. I’m not letting you go until I get what I want.”
I tried to stop moving as his words registered in my mind, but once again, my body took over, and I found myself caught up in the maelstrom once again.
* * *
CALEN
What the fuck is wrong with you, Addison? I hadn’t meant to say those words to her, had no intention of sharing that much of myself, or opening myself up like that with the woman who’d betrayed me. Though her reaction stroked my ego and left me wondering even more why she’d left me if the thought of carrying another one of my children made her pussy leak and snap around my cock like a vise, the shit is confusing.
I stopped moving inside her but kept flexing my cock in her as I watched her in the throes of orgasm. I’d forgotten how beautiful that sight is, forgotten what it does to me seeing her like that, knowing that I was giving her so much pleasure. “Why did you leave me?” What the fuck?
Too late to take the words back now; they were already out there. I’d barely given her time to come down before asking, and now she was looking up at me with something approaching fear in her eyes. I knew before she opened her mouth that she wasn’t going to answer me, not with anything approaching the truth anyway, and that pissed me the fuck off. “Answer me, damn you.”
I hate the way her eyes filled up with tears, the way she seemed to want to get away from me. But there was nowhere for her to run since I had her pinned to the floor with my cock. Her reaction annoyed me, no end. The fact that even now, even after all that she’d done, she still refused to tell me anything.
I forgot where I was in my anger and ended up pulling out only to force her onto her hands and knees in front of me before driving my cock back in with enough force to shake her whole body. She screeched and reached around to cover her mouth. “Don’t wake the baby. Since you refuse to obey me, this is what you’ll get until you come to your senses. Each time you defy me, it’ll only get worst.”
I used my cock to punish her while smothering her screams with my hand and when I was done, I buried my cock to the hilt inside her, spilling my seed and not giving a damn if she came again or not. I pulled out and pushed her away, thoroughly disgusted with the both of us as I got to my feet. How the fuck had we come to this?
In two years, I’ve never allowed myself to dwell on what she and I had together before she betrayed me. I always looked at it as she left and was no longer a part of my life. I had to cut off all thoughts of her, or I would’ve gone mad in those first few days after she left. Then once the dust settled, I was too angry to think about her in any capacity other than to hate her existence.
Had she not borne my son, I can honestly say I would’ve gone the rest of my life without ever crossing paths with her again. But here we are, and she still refuses to tell me what the fuck is going on? How can I not think the worst? How can my mind not visit the darkest of places?
My eyes fell on my son asleep in his crib, and I felt a moment of guilt for what I’d just done to his mother, who was still lying on the floor, sobbing her heart out. I didn’t want to feel, didn’t want to care, but I needed to do something for him, for his future. But I don’t have it in me to open up myself to her again, especially not when she’s acting this way.
So I tamped down on any empathy I felt and gave her one last warning. “You have until tomorrow noon to tell me why you left and kept my son away from me. If you do not comply, I will kick you out of my home and file for custody of my son. Your choice.” I left the room before she could respond, no closer to any of the answers I’d come looking for.
* * *
I’d barely left the shower a half an hour later when my phone rang on the bedside table where I’d thrown it. From the readout, I saw that it was Silas calling and guessed correctly that he had some news for me. “What have you found?”
“The IP address comes back to someone on the Winthrop estate.”
“The Winthrop estate? Who’s that?”
“I thought you might know. As far as I can tell, it’s the estate of the late Sterling Winthrop, the big shot architect; guy’s been gone for a while, but his widow still lives there. I haven’t got anything more than that so far. Right now, we’re trying to get a list of all the people who either live or work on the estate to see if we can narrow it down that way.”
I tried to remember if Giselle had ever mentioned anything about the name before but drew a blank. “Okay, keep me posted.” I hung up the phone deep in thought. Sterling Winthrop, I knew the name, of course, the man’s name is on half of the important buildings in and around the city, not to mention his accolades are still talked about in some circles even though he’d died when I was a child.
But what could his estate or anyone working there have to do with my wife? Ex-wife! Nothing about this was making any sense, and her resistance to tell me shit about what the hell was going on only compounded my frustration. I keep thinking about the fact that it appears that she hadn’t left me for another man, something that had torn into me when she was gone, but even knowing that wasn’t enough to satisfy me. I refuse to let it be enough. I want answers.
I didn’t look too closely at why that should be. Why I should still care after all this time. The truth is that I could use my money and connections to take my son away from her and kick her out of our lives, but even as mad as I am at her, and without my mother’s threats, I still can’t bring myself to do it.
I hate like hell to admit this to myself after all this time, but I think I might still be in love with her, that I never really got over her. That I’ve been lying to myself this whole time, and I know exactly when I realized it, sap that I am. It was earlier today when Dana was here, the look on Giselle’s face when Dana implied that she and I had grown close after the divorce.
I didn’t like that haunted look on Giselle’s face, didn’t like seeing anyone else hurt her but me; that’s my job. I’m the one she’d betrayed no one else. And just thinking that shit pissed me off again. I seem to be on a constant rollercoaster ride of up and down emotions, always circling back to my anger and what I once thought was hate for my ex.
“What the hell am I going to find out now?” I need to have something to focus on—some viable reason to hate her for the mess she’d made of my life. But now, since meeting the PI, my mind can’t help but to wander to what-ifs. What if she had a legit reason for running away? Though I’m hard-pressed to see what that could be. Nothing is adding up to what I once believed.
And I can’t believe that in just a matter of a day or two, she has me second-guessing myself. No way am I going to let her back in. I’ll fuck her, get another son or daughter off of her, but that’s as far as it goes. As far as I’m concerned, she owes me the kid since I don’t plan on ever getting married again thanks to her.
I felt better with the thought and went about getting dressed to go start another round of torturing my ex. Maybe I’ll invite Dana to dinner just to get under her fucking skin for defying me again. I ignored the little voice in my head that told me that it was a dick move. She’s getting off easy as far as I’m concerned. I could bring home another woman and take her to my bed while she’s here.
Calen
“Mom, what are you doing here?” It’s not like my mother to show up unannounced, but I got my answer when I saw my dad coming through the door behind her. I’d forgotten that he was due back today. “Where’s my daughter in law? Where’s my grandson?”
“It’s nice to see you too, dad.” I cou
ldn’t help the proud smile that crossed my face at the man who looked so much like me, or me like him at the mention of my son.
Just then, Giselle entered the room with our son, and his grandparents descended. There was a lot of cooing and fawning, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen my dad this relaxed before in my life. Gone was the stoic disciplinarian who’d guided me with love and a strong hand, being heavy on the hand, and in his place was… a grandfather.
We spent the next half an hour talking about the baby and dad’s trip until the doorbell rang. I’d forgotten all about Dana and my last-minute decision to go ahead and invite her to dinner just to keep Giselle in her place. She came into the room all smiles, looking smashing as she always does, but her smile died a quick death upon sight of my mother.
I have no idea why those two never got along; no, let me rephrase that, why mom has never liked one of my best friends since college. She never even got to know the girl, never gave her a chance. But to hear her tell it, she knows all she needs to know, and apparently, none of it’s good because she never has anything nice to say.
“Dana, what brings you here? Have you met our grandson? You remember our daughter in law, Giselle.” I’m not sure I trust that gleam in mom’s eye, and I knew she was up to no good when I intercepted the little hip nudge dad gave her. Of course, she ignored him and just steamrolled her way over everyone and everything like she always does when she gets into one of her moods.
“Hi, Mrs. Addison, nice to see you again. Mr. Addison.” Dana looked at me questioningly, and I realized at that moment just what an ass I’d been to invite her the way I did. Though she’s never shown any real romantic interest in me, I can see now that leading her on was not such a great idea. But how was I to know that mom would show up here? Last I heard, dad’s flight had taken off later than originally planned, so I wasn’t expecting to see them until maybe tomorrow sometime.
I mouthed the word sorry to Dana and hoped that that would be the end of it, but mom wasn’t done by a long shot. It’s been a while since I’ve seen my mother in action except for the way she tore into me the day before. When I was a kid, my friends used to call her the terminator because of the way she’d go after anyone who got out of line, parents, and teachers alike. I thought she’d mellowed some over the years with everyone except her son and husband, but I was about to learn different.
“You’re not here about some business thing, are you? Oh Calen, tell me you didn’t bring this poor girl all the way out here for nothing. Sorry Dana dear, but my husband and I are here to spend some time with our grandson and get reacquainted with our daughter in law; you don’t mind, do you? Whatever business you have can wait until tomorrow. Delores?”
She called out to my head housekeeper, who materialized in the doorway as if she’d been waiting in the wings. “Ma’am?”
“Can you please see the guest out? And tell Rosie that we’ll be in for dinner whenever she’s ready; I’d like to eat with my grandson.” I wasn’t asked for my opinion, but I felt the least I could do to save Dana some embarrassment was to walk her to the door, at least. Mom had other ideas.
“Come on, Dana, I’ll walk you out, sorry about that.” I could strangle my mother, but what good would that do. “Oh son, she knows the way to the door; let me show you what dad picked up for the baby. He went out shopping as soon as I called him with the news of our grandson.” She made sure to grab my arm so that I couldn’t leave. I didn’t want to call her out in front of dad and my ex, so I kept my voice low when I began to scold her.
“Mom, why did you do that? That wasn’t very nice. I invited Dana to dinner.”
“I know, that’s why I rushed your poor father here straight from the airfield.”
“What do you mean, you know?” As if I had to ask.
“Delores called me as soon as you told her that Dana would be joining you for dinner.” She gave me a disapproving look at that.
“And? Why is my housekeeper keeping you up to date with what’s going on in my house?” She didn’t bother answering, not that I expected her to; it’s not like it’s the first time, and I’m sure it won’t be the last. “Never mind all that, what game are you playing? Have you done anything that I’ve told you? I’m not about to lose my grandson and only see him on the weekends because you’re being a dumb male. I told you…”
“I know, mom, I’ve already got Silas on it.” That perked her right up, and her smile was wide enough to split her face. “Good, that’s very good. Soon we can put this all behind us, and things can go back to the way they’re supposed to be.” She patted my cheek like I was three and went back to hog the baby, leaving me standing there, wondering just what the hell was going on in my life.
It didn’t help matters when my eyes landed on Giselle, and I saw what I deemed to be a smug look on her face. What the fuck was she so happy about? The fact that mom had kicked Dana out of the house? Whatever that changes nothing, and neither does the fact that I’m starting to feel way too comfortable having her here.
All through dinner, which was about two hours earlier than usual, something else I find suspicious since this would’ve been the cocktail hour if Dana had stayed, but I can’t be mad at mom for changing my orders, something I’m sure she’d done since it meant me getting the chance to see my dad in grandpa mode. I guess it’s true what they say about grandparents.
Mom seemed to be on a campaign to alienate everyone, including Giselle, or so I thought when she made some very not polite comments to her, like her comment about her clothes. “Whatever are you wearing, love? You always used to look so lovely. It was one of the things I admired most about you. I guess it’s being a single mother that has caused you to stop taking care of yourself.”
I just glared at mom for her comments once again thrown for a loop since it now seemed like she was attacking the woman she’d threatened me for only the day before. When she kept picking at Giselle, for some reason, it got under my skin. “That’s enough, mom; Giselle doesn’t have a battalion of nannies at her service, and as far as I can tell, she’s done a great job raising my son.” What the fuck?
I knew I’d been had when I saw the shit-eating grin on my mother’s face and the blush on Giselle’s. This old woman stays getting in my business and making me look like an ass in front of this disloyal twit who’d betrayed all of us. I bit my tongue and kept my head down for the rest of the meal, only paying attention to dad and my son since the women in the room seemed to have some kind of conspiracy going.
By the time my parents were ready to leave, I found myself standing in the doorway with Giselle and my son waving them off like a happy family. That pissed me off no end, and I couldn’t tell you why. All through dinner, my parents had acted like they’d seen her just the day before, like she hadn’t up and disappeared from my life and theirs without a single care in the world.
I lost count of how many times my dad thanked her for his grandson; no doubt, he’d been put up to it by a mom who lorded it over the dinner table like the tyrant she is. I didn’t get to be my usual sniping self with my ex, not with mom glaring across the table at me even when I couched my insults in sugary sweet prose.
As soon as they were out of sight, I dropped the façade and walked away with my son. She mumbled something that I didn’t quite catch, but I could’ve sworn she said something along the lines of ‘well that didn’t last.’ I looked back at her as my son drooped in my arms, his poor little head nodding against my chest, worn out by his grandparents. It’s a wonder my kid has any skin left on his cheeks as often as the two of them pinched them.
“You can leave anytime you want; the door is right there.” I didn’t wait around to see how she took that. How dare she complain? She’s lucky I’ve let her stay here this long. “Give him to me. He needs a bath and then bed.” She tried to take the baby away from me but I resisted, holding him out of her reach.
“I can do it; it’s about time I learned.” I gave her a good glare to let her know that it was never fa
r from my thoughts, whose fault it was that I never had the privilege. Her shoulders drooped at the reminder but not before I saw a little spark of something in her eyes. I wish she would say something to me, give me the excuse I so badly need to go off on her.
This mix of confusing emotions was getting to me, and I felt like I was about to crawl out of my skin. One minute I wanted to strangle her, and the next, my mind kept trying to make sense of everything I’d learned today. That reminded me of the ultimatum I’d given her earlier. Yes, tomorrow, I will know for sure one way or the other. If she doesn’t give me what I want, I won’t go back on my word. I will most definitely kick her ass out of my house without my son, of course.
I got distracted with Calen Jr. and his bath, my heart full to bursting each time I looked at his precious little grin as he played with the bubbles. No matter what she is or what else she’s done, I can’t ever forget that she is his mother, that she’d essentially given me the greatest gift in the world. Was that enough to assuage my hate and anger? I don’t know.
A day ago, I would’ve said no, but now I’m straddling some imaginary fence in my head. I’ve never played the fool for anyone before and wasn’t too jazzed about starting now, but between mom’s staunch belief in her and what little I’d learned from the PI, I think I’m beginning to falter, hard.
She entered the nursery after giving me time alone with my son, to bathe and get him dressed for bed. We sat in the rocker by the window as he drifted off to the sound of my voice reading him a bedtime story.
I’m not sure she knew that I was still there when she came to tell him goodnight, but when I looked up from his crib after putting him down, she was standing there in the doorway looking unsure of herself; for some reason, that look did something dangerous to me. It’s that same look that used to bring out the protector in me. And maybe that’s why I turned away from our sleeping son and walked over to her.
Dare To Love Again Page 9