by C. R. Jane
Dewi frowns. "I don't think so. He was such a lovely man, we never even fought once. He was always so polite, so quiet…"
Her voice drifts off and I have to suppress a smile. Dewi is a very erratic, emotional and loud woman, so it makes sense that her ideal man would have been quiet.
I stretch out a hand. "Shall we take a trip to the Western Gate? Let's see if we can find your Kragon."
She gets up and puts a delicately manicured hand on my arm. My guys also touch me, although most of them not on my arm but in other, less appropriate places. Dewi doesn't even raise an eyebrow. From what I remember of my last visit to the Dragon Realm, her people are even more hedonistic than the Gods and Guardians in my Palace.
I transport us to the Western Gate; one of four giving access to the Realm. Most Gods can teleport between Realms without the need for Gates, but it's seen as polite to use the official routes when visiting someone else's kingdom.
The soldiers guarding the Gate bow deeply when they recognise us, but I ignore them and wait for their commanding officer to approach me.
"Your Highness," he says with a salute. I've seen him before but I can't remember his name. I need to work on that. My mother always said that it was important to know the names of the people serving the Realm.
"This may sound strange," I begin, "but have you seen a ghost recently?"
He looks at me as if I've lost my marbles. "A ghost, Your Majesty?"
"A ghost," Dewi repeats in my stead. "Black spiky hair, dark skin, beautiful dark eyes, except that he's now translucent and silver." She frowns. "So basically ignore the colours. He's all white and silver now."
The officer seems close to fainting. "My Lady, I'm afraid I've not seen any ghosts, but I'll be sure to report to you should I see any."
"Thank you, Klaus," I say, finally remembering his name. His eyes widen slightly and he salutes.
We turn away, leaving him to gossip with his fellow soldiers. They'll have something to tell their families tonight. Their Queen, looking for a ghost. Maybe they'll think I had a bit too much to drink at the Samhain ball.
"I saw him about two miles North from here," Dewi says, undressing.
I lift an eyebrow.
"I don't like ripping my clothes when I shift," she explains with a shrug. "Flying will be quicker than walking."
"I could have just teleported us," I reply, but she's already naked.
"Thanks, but I prefer flying."
The Goddess rolls her shoulders, then shifts into a dragon in one quick, fluid motion, far too fast to see how her human body changes form. As always, I'm in awe of her fierce beauty. She's a predator, a wild beast that could rip me apart in a heartbeat, but she's also majestic and simply stunning.
Feeling a little inadequate, I extend my wings and launch myself into the air, following Dewi's lead. It takes several strong beats of my wings to catch up with her. My men surround me in their usual formation: two at my side, one below me and one at my back. Storm said once that it was a pity there wasn't five of them so one could fly above me. No, four guys are enough, thank you very much. It's hard enough already to give them all an equal amount of my time. It would be so much easier if I wasn't a Queen with a Realm to run.
The first light of the morning is breaking over the horizon, drenching the winter landscape in pale, cold light. I should be tired, having celebrated and fucked all night, but I'm not. Another bonus of being a Goddess: more energy than I ever had before. I can stay up for days if I want to, but I know my Guardians need more sleep than I do, so I usually try and stick to their circadian rhythm.
I love how the cold wind ruffles my feathers, how it caresses my skin. I need to go out flying more often. I've been marooned in the Palace for too long, tending to boring Realm business. I make a mental note to add some flying time to my schedule.
Far too quickly, Dewi descends and we follow her towards the ground. There is nothing special about this particular piece of icy land. Snow, a few scattered trees, nothing else. I have no idea how the Autumn Goddess recognised this place. Or maybe she didn't. Maybe she's just guessing.
When we touch down, she shifts and quickly puts on the clothes she's been carrying in her massive talons. Apparently, she doesn't have the same clothing magic I have. Pity, it would make things easier for her.
"He was standing by that tree," she says and points at a gnarly, frozen oak in front of us. "He looked lost."
We walk towards the tree, the guys surrounding me as if expecting a threat.
If this ghost is like the one we met earlier, there won't be anything for us to fear. From what Dewi said, Kragon is a nice guy, not a threat. He died in battle, not because of her. Hopefully, he'll just be wanting to say goodbye to her.
"Hello?" Dewi calls into the morning air. "Kragon?"
"Don't."
A male voice comes from the tree. I strain my eyes to see something, but I can't see anyone, ghost or otherwise.
"Kragon? Is that you?" Dewi asks, her voice shrill.
"Leave."
He sounds sad, resigned. It makes me want to go to him, not leave, and Dewi seems to feel just the same. She runs towards the tree, leaving us behind.
She disappears behind the massive trunk - and shrieks. I don't run, I teleport to her side, my arms outstretched, magic at the ready. Dewi is kneeling on the ground, hugging a ghost. Yes, she's actually hugging him, rocking him in her arms. She can touch him. What the hell. I thought we wouldn't be able to touch ghosts; that's how it usually works. They're translucent and can't be touched, basic ghost rules. If there is such a thing. Then how in the name of all major and minor Gods is she caressing his hair?
My men arrive by my side, Storm growling. He's not happy that I teleported away from them, leaving them behind. Suck it up, I'm a grown woman who can look after herself.
Dewi is sobbing while the ghost stares up at her, his eyelids fluttering. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he's dying. He looks about to expire - but how is a ghost supposed to die?
So many questions, and no answers at all.
"What's going on?" I ask as gently as possible. "What's wrong with him?"
Dewi looks up at me, tears running down her face. "He's reliving his death, again and again. He says he can't stop the circle. Whenever he dies, he's returned back to the point of his death so he can die again."
Kragon moans in pain and his eyes close. I kneel by their side, my magic examining the ghost. Strangely enough, I can feel him, not as well as I can Dewi, but still, he does have some kind of existence. Maybe I can heal him somehow.
"What can we do?" I ask, beckoning Crispin to join me. If anyone can help, it's him. He's the best healer in the Realm.
Crispin extends his arms and runs his hands over Kragon's chest.
"I can actually touch him," he mutters in bewilderment. "I can feel his injuries, but they're blurred and far away. I'm not sure I can heal him."
"Try it," Dewi sobs, more tears ruining her makeup. "He's suffering."
"Wyn, I will need some of your power," Crispin says, his professional healer side taking over. His voice is clear and precise, all emotion gone.
"It's yours."
I put a hand on his shoulder and close my eyes, sending my magic into him. I have to be careful not to overdo it; he won't be able to handle as much magic as I can. I slowly pour it into him and he uses it to weave a net of healing magic above Kragon, ready to sink into the dragon's skin and mend his wounds. It's how Crispin likes to work: first prepare, then heal as much at once as possible.
Just when the net is ready, Kragon disappears. He puffs out of existence like he was never here.
"What the fuck," C
rispin mutters, his net dispersing into nothingness. "What happened?"
"He died," Dewi says darkly, meeting my eyes. Tiny tears are trapped in her eyelashes and I feel like reaching out and wiping them away. There is so much pain in her expression. "He died and once again, I wasn't able to do anything about it."
Arc comes to my side and kneels down, gently putting an arm around Dewi's shoulders. I give him a frown and he shrugs slightly as if to apologise. Not that he should. I'm not the jealous type, really, I'm not, and still... I want him to stop touching her.
"Dewi?" he says gently. "When he died, for real, where were ye? Were ye close by?"
She nods. "I was part of a different battalion, but we were trying to get to Kragon's group to help them. When we're fighting, we can hear each other's thoughts, it's how us dragons communicate during battle. I could hear his screams when he died... I was just a mile or so away. I was almost there to help him, almost, but I was too slow..."
Her voice breaks off and she hides her face in her hands.
"Maybe it isnae him who has ta let go," Arc says. "Maybe it's yerself, Dewi. Maybe ye have ta forgive yerself."
She wipes a hand across her eyes, then stares at him.
"If that were true, it's my fault that he has to die again and again?" she asks slowly. "No, that can't be true. Can it?"
There is so much desperation in her voice that I lean over and hug her, ignoring that Arc still has an arm around the dragoness's shoulder. Together, we hold her as she cries even more. I've never seen her this vulnerable. If we were anybody else, she'd probably kill us for seeing her in such a weak moment. Luckily, I'm pretty sure I'm stronger than her.
"Maybe it's a combination of things," Crispin says. "He was injured gravely, but I could feel how he was clinging to life even when his body gave up. Maybe if he decides to move on and you let him go at the same time, maybe then he can pass over into the afterlife."
"How can I let him go?" Dewi sobs. "I only just found him again."
"Ye found an echo," Arc corrects her gently. "He's not the man ye used ta ken. Forgive yerself and let him go. It wasnae yer fault that he died. It was war and people die in wars."
Something in her changes. Steel glints in her eyes and she slips from my hug.
"I will need to find him again. I need to talk to him."
I nod. "Shall we assume that he will return to this tree? He's been here twice now, it would make sense for him to return here again."
"Yes, let's wait. Maybe-"
She cries out and jumps up, pointing towards the horizon. Kragon has appeared again, this time the ghost is walking, no, staggering towards us. He's unsteady on his feet and he's pressing his hands against his stomach as if he's trying to stem the flow of blood from one of his injuries.
Dewi runs towards him, faster than I thought possible, and reaches him at the same time as me, even though I'm teleporting.
"Kragon!" she exclaims and takes him into her arms. This time though, his body glides through hers. She can't touch him. Can't hug him. Maybe it's only in his last moments that he becomes slightly more corporeal.
Her expression falls at the realisation that she's not able to hold him.
"Kragon," she repeats, but he's moving on towards the tree as if he's unaware of her presence. She walks by his side, waving a hand in front of his face. He doesn't even blink.
"Kragon! Can you hear me?"
She's shouting so loud that I'm sure he'd acknowledge her in some way if he could.
She stops and looks at me, despair clouding her face. "He can't hear me. I can't touch him. How am I supposed to talk to him? How can I tell him to move on?"
I take her hand and squeeze it. Her skin is like fire, just like mine is like the snow we're walking on. Ever since becoming Queen, my body temperature has sunk dramatically, but luckily I have my Guardians to help me stay warm. Not that I'm actually cold, but I like to use it as an excuse.
"I'm sure it'll work out," I tell her, even though I have my doubts. "Let's go back to the tree. You were able to hold him, maybe you can do it again? Crispin and I will try and ease his pain so you two can talk."
She nods and runs after Kragon who's become even slower, barely staying upright. I wish I could help him, but it's obvious that he is no longer part of this world. We just have to make sure he becomes part of the next.
The guys are waiting by the tree, respectfully stepping back a bit when Kragon approaches. He doesn't seem to see them. When he's reached the tree, he falls to the ground, his back against the rough bark. That's how Dewi must have found him earlier.
She's by his side in an instant, cautiously reaching out as if to test whether she can now touch him. No, her hand plunges through his ghostly skin as if he wasn't there. She sucks in a sharp breath but she manages to keep her tears from flowing again.
She sits down next to him, watching him as the last remaining silvery colour drains from his face. He's bleeding out.
"Kragon," she whispers and he lifts his head. He doesn't seem to see her, but there is a tiny trace of recognition on his face. "I'm here, sweetheart," she says soothingly. "Don't worry, everything will be fine."
She continues to mutter reassurances while I stand in between Storm and Crispin, watching the strange couple. Both men wrap their arms around my waist, giving me strength. It's heartbreaking to see Dewi and her former boyfriend like this. She said she'd split up with him before the battle, but it seems like they still had feelings for each other. Have, still.
"I'm dying," Kragon rasps, suddenly looking straight at Dewi. "I'm dying."
She swallows hard and takes his hand. Finally, she's able to touch him. "Yes, you are, my darling. You're dying, but know that it was not in vain. You are loved, Kragon, by me and so many others. You died to give us our freedom."
He coughs and silvery blood runs down his chin. Dewi reaches out and wipes it off. Red blood appears on her fingers where she touched him.
I'm having trouble holding back my tears as she takes him in his arms.
"I'm going to try and get his pain under control," Crispin whispers and I see his magic unfold around Kragon. I send my Guardian some of my power and he accepts it gratefully.
A tiny bit of colour reappears in Kragon's cheeks as Crispin's magic begins to take effect, but I know that it's only temporary. He's dead and we can't undo that. All we can try is make it easier for him, and for Dewi.
"Remember, you have to let him go," I say quietly and the Autumn Goddess nods.
"Kragon," she whispers. "I will never forget you. I'm sorry I wasn't fast enough to save you. I'm sorry I let you die alone. I'm so sorry for everything. If I could die in your stead, I would."
"Don't be," he replies just as softly. "I will always remember the time we had together. But you, you have to let me die. It's not your fault. Nobody could have prevented my death. You have to start to forget, or you will drag me across the Veil again and again."
She looks up in shock.
"I did this to you?"
He shakes his head and winces in pain. "No, not you. It's nobody's fault. But now, I can feel it happening. Death is coming for me. Will you hold me?"
She hugs him even closer. "I'm here, Kragon. I'll be here."
Crispin squeezes my hand and I know that he can't do anything else for Kragon. Hopefully, the dragon is without pain.
Out of respect for him and Dewi, I turn around, letting them have their final moments together without witnesses.
When we're out of earshot, Frost takes me in his arms, and the others follow until we're all entwined in one big hug.
"Are you alright?" he whispers, but I don't reply. I don't know if I am. I'm n
ot sure what I'm feeling. On one hand, I'm glad Kragon got his peace, but it seems so cruel that he had to go through all of this even after he died. Did it happen because Dewi thought of him now, during Samhain, when the Veil was thin? Or was he always destined to be trapped between eternal deaths and the afterlife? I guess we'll never know.
"Just hold me," I finally reply and my men comply, sending me their warmth as we mourn the dragon on Dewi's behalf.
Epilogue
"There's someone who wants to talk to you," Tamara welcomes me as soon as we've teleported into my office. "She's with your father."
"She?"
The older woman simply winks at me. "Better be quick. The sun has started to rise already. Who knows how much longer it will last."
"What?" I'm so confused.
"The Night of the Ghosts. That's what they're calling it. Now off you go, hurry. Your father's quarters."
I continue to frown, but the urgency in her voice makes me turn and stretch out a hand to my Guardians. Teleporting will be quicker than taking the stairs.
As soon as we blink into existence in my father's living room, I know what Tamara meant. I clasp a hand over my mouth to stop myself from shrieking. Or gasping. Or crying. Or maybe even laughing.
My father is talking to my mother. My dead mother. Her ghostly form is sitting in the armchair opposite him, her legs crossed in the same way she always did. She's wearing a simple dress made from a fabric I remember buying with her. I never knew she'd actually used it to make a dress. How strange that I only now see it, now that she's dead.
She looks up from her cup - she's drinking tea, for goodness sake - and smiles at me.
"Wyn!"
I run to her and throw myself at her - except that there is nothing to touch.
"I tried that already," my father says sadly as I step back, rubbing my arms where I hit the armchair. "We can talk but we can't touch."