by C. R. Jane
"Are you willing to let me die without ever knowing how it feels to be loved by you?" I ask. Even I can hear the utter desolation in my voice. The loss of his inevitable death is already breaking me. He knows it, as well as I.
Nostra pulls in a ragged breath.
"Cast the spell. One more try!" he grinds out.
"It. Doesn't. Work," I retort angrily.
"Cast the damn spell, Lissa!" he shouts, pushing past me and striding over to the middle of the room.
This isn't him. He isn't this man with a quick temper and no regard for my feelings. He is the most compassionate, thoughtful, kindest man I know. I hate that this situation is changing him into someone filled with anger and regret.
I let out a tiny growl of frustration and annoyance, pick up the salt from the side table and follow him anyway. Trying not to look at his perfectly defined abs, firm pecs and the way his trousers hang low on his hips, I spread the salt in a circle around him, stepping outside of it once I'm done.
"No. Get inside with me," he orders.
Nostra's gaze is as sharp as the wolf shifters and as intense as the Dark Knights. I feel it on me and there's nothing I can do to stop the intensity of it from slicing right through my heart.
"Now, Lissa."
My head snatches up at the tone of his voice. There's fight in it. No, more than that; need. It makes me shiver, ache for his touch. I sway on my feet.
"Lissa, inside the circle," he demands, locking eyes with me.
On automatic pilot, I step inside the ring of salt and stand before him. If he is trembling with want, then I'm a goddamn mess of desire, and frustration, and anger. My whole body is shaking with all the emotions I can't seem to suppress. He can see how much he affects me, and I want to launch myself at him, to hell with the consequences.
"Nostra…" Words fail me as I try to comprehend my love for this man who makes me feel more alive than I've ever felt my whole life.
"Take my hand," he says, more gently this time as he reaches for me. I do as he asks, feeling the firmness of his grip wrap around my quaking fingers.
"Now press your palm against my chest," he murmurs.
The air is charged, full of the stormy emotions we both feel in abundance. I'm quaking, my fingers are trembling.
The moment my palm rests against his chest and feels his racing heart, my body reacts automatically. Between my legs, the aching desire blooms further, I press my thighs together trying to dampen the feeling, but it only seems to heighten it.
"What now?" I ask softly.
"Now I touch you, Lissa," he says, mirroring me.
I draw in a sharp breath as he places his warm palm between the dip of my breasts. His own breath catches, the thump of his heart as ragged as my own. It takes us both a minute to adjust to the feel of our hands on one another. I've touched Nostra hundreds of times before, but this time it's different. The energy coursing between us makes me feel both simultaneously lightheaded and acutely aroused. Nostra looks at me with concern. He knows the effect he's having on me and still he refuses to satiate it.
"Lissa, don't…"
"What do you expect, Nostra? That I wouldn't react to your touch? I can't control how I feel. I don't want to…" Without thinking about what I'm doing, I twist my body slightly so that Nostra's little finger grazes tantalisingly close to my nipple.
"Lissa!" he repeats, sterner this time. He pretends to be angry, but when my gaze slides down his bare chest to his waist and the loose trousers that hang from his hips, I can see just how much I'm affecting him. Inside I smile, glad that he isn't as controlled as he's trying to make out, the firmness of his cock is proof enough of that.
Moving his hand back to a safer position, Nostra narrows his eyes at me, anger flaring once more. I guess it's easier for him to maintain that emotion than it is to really acknowledge the others. He clears his throat, mentally gathering himself.
"In a moment, I want you to cast the spell again. I believe that touching each other in just the right place might just be enough to help the spell find its way, without having to…"
" Without having to Entwine," I say for him.
"Yes."
"And this is the right place?" I ask, not able to stop the catch in my throat. As much as I adore the warmth of his hand pressing through my clothes, I crave more, so much more. My thoughts spiral to all the places I wish his hands would touch me, and a flush of heat warms my cheeks. I realise my breaths are coming faster now as I imagine Nostra's palm sliding purposefully over my aching breasts, his fingers finding the hard points of my nipples. I glance at his mouth, at the slide of his tongue as it wets the plumpness of his parted lips and let out a moan. I don't even try to hide it.
"Lissa…"
His voice trails off as he looks at his hand pressed over my heart. A frown appears, drawing his sandy eyebrows low. Beneath the stubble of his jaw, I can see a muscle tick. I have the sudden urge to touch it, to kiss away the tension.
"What is it?" I whisper. Something about the way he's looking at me makes me feel like there's another obstacle he's not willing to overcome. He moves his hand away, pulling back. I capture it and press it back against me, his fingers curl into the material of my shirt making my breath hitch. "Nostra, what is it?"
"Skin against skin," he whispers.
I know without the need to press further what he means. He is topless, I am not. Without giving it a moment's thought, I release his hand and begin to undo the buttons of my leather waistcoat. Beneath, I'm wearing a long-sleeved shirt and nothing else. I'm aware of another hot flush rising across my skin and up my neck as I undo each button. Ignoring his hot stare, and the thrum centring on that bundle of nerves between my legs, I pull the leather waistcoat off and fling it beyond the salt circle.
"The shirt too," Nostra says, his voice low. His Adam's apple bobs as he swallows hard, and I get a satisfied pleasure from knowing that he is suffering as much as I am from his self-inflicted torture he insists on punishing us both with.
I briefly look up, smothering another moan of desire when I see the fire light behind his eyes. It's not the magic kind of fire that was there before he lost his powers, but the hungry kind, the kind I know is reflected in my eyes too.
With trembling fingers, I unbutton my shirt whilst Nostra looks on. I'm grateful for the cool air of the room as heat floods my chest, building inside with every button that I undo. Once I reach the bottom, my hands fall away as the material parts revealing a length of skin. But it's not enough. I want to be bare like him, so I slide the shirt from my shoulders and let the material flutter to the floor at my feet.
The sound that parts Nostra's lips has my nipples hardening and heat pooling between my legs. The air is thick with desire.
"Lissa," he chokes out.
He looks as though he's about to bolt, to run from the room, so I bring my shaking hand up to his bare chest, resting it just over his heart. It gallops beneath my palm, his broad chest heaving under my touch. For long moments he just stares at me, half naked before him. So many emotions pass over his features; desire, love, fear, joy,regret. All of them mark me, searing my soul and scarring my heart.
"Touch me, Nostra," I beg.
I don't care how I sound. I've lost all ability to be strong. Standing here with Nostra, bare and desperate for his touch, makes me want to doanything just to feel his palm against my naked skin. Slowly, as though fighting an internal battle, Nostra raises his hand. It hovers a moment, just an inch away from my skin as he looks directly into my eyes.
"This will work. I'm sure of it," he says.
And even though I'm desperate to believe him, I'm no more convinced than he is. Not able to speak
, I simply nod my head as he finally rests his palm between my breasts.
My mouth pops open on a strangled cry as my body flushes with electricity. It moves rapidly outwards from his touch, a ripple of sensation that has me swaying on my feet. He must feel it too, because he staggers a little, his free hand flying up to grasp mine.
"Say the incantation," he bites out.
With his palm pressed against my chest and his hand holding mine, I take a deep breath and repeat the incantation. I'm not sure whether it makes a difference or not, but I put everything I feel into the spell, every last drop of hope, of despair, of love for this man before me. It has to work this time. Please let it work.
Keeping my gaze fixed on Nostra, I feel a surge of magic as my fingers dig into the skin of his chest. I squeeze his hand, willing the magic growing within me, into him.
Magic lost, magic found,
In the air, and all around.
Salted tears, hollow husks,
Starlit night and rising dusk.
Thumping pulse, flowing blood,
Bleeding sorrows and joyful love.
With our hearts and with our souls,
I share my magic, MAKE HIM WHOLE!
A roar tears from Nostra's mouth as we are ripped apart by a powerful wave of magic and thrown backwards against the protective wall of the salt circle. My back slams against it, knocking the breath from my body as I slide to the floor. Opposite me, Nostra's mouth is slack, his body limp. His eyes are wide and staring.
I've fucking killed him.
"NOSTRA!" I scream, scrabbling forward on my hands and knees. I pull his limp body into my arms, clasping him against my chest.
"NOSTRA!" I shout repeatedly. Tears pour from my eyes, every single drop slicing my heart wide open. I press kisses against his cheeks, his mouth, his forehead. I run my hands over the skin of his chest, his arms, his face, willing him to come back to me.
The door slams open and Accacia comes running in, followed by her men. They're half-dressed and wild-eyed.
"What the fuck…?" Rhain exclaims, looking at us both. His eyes flick to Nostra's limp form and widen once he realises that Nostra's stopped breathing.
He's stopped breathing.
Accacia is the first to react as her men stare at us in dismay. She drops to the floor next to us, giving me a frightened look before biting into her wrist. Blood spurts from the wound as she hits a vein in her haste.
"Give him to me!" she demands, taking him from me before I've even had a chance to react.
She pushes her bleeding wrist against his mouth, forcing his mouth open.
"Please, no. No, no, no…" I cry, gripping hold of Nostra's arm. "He can't be dead… he can't. I won't survive it."
Ezra steps forward, dropping to his knees next to my side. I feel his arm wrap around my shoulder as he pulls me against him.
"Accacia will bring him back, Lissa," he says, trying to convince me, but I can hear the doubt in his voice.
"No magic can bring back the dead!" I sob.
His grip tightens, and I feel Ezra's sympathy, his sadness. I want to lean into him, let him comfort me, but that would mean I've given up. That I acknowledge Nostra's death. Of all Accacia's men, Ezra understands what it feels like to lose someone that you love. I remember what I said to him all those months ago when I was introduced to them that fateful night Queen Adrielle stole my best friend from me. Ezra hadn't believed in love back then, he'd shut his heart from the possibility of ever loving another living soul after losing his wife and child the day the curse was cast… Now I get it.I understand.
The loss is too much.
"Leave me be!" I shout, shrugging out of his hold.
Ezra flinches, drawing his hand away. I'm vaguely aware of him talking to Accacia as she pours her blood down Nostra's throat, but I can't seem to concentrate on anything as a sudden buzzing noise fills my head. It gets so loud that I have to smother my ears with my hands. Inside my head, the buzzing sound develops into something that chills me right to the very pit of my soul. I hear a roar so loud it makes me quake, forcing me to cower on the floor. It's not a human sound. No, this sounds like a wild animal snared in a hunter's trap.
A wild animal in pain.
So. Much. Pain.
I squeeze my eyes shut and begin to scream. The sound that parts my lips is unrecognisable. I'm vaguely aware of someone gripping my shoulders and yanking me upright. But I'm lost in my own personal nightmare. Someone is calling my name, but I refuse to open my eyes, I refuse to look at Nostra's limp body.
If I don't look, then it isn't real.
Then he isn't dead.
All the pain of everything I've ever lost, my parents, my best friend and now Nostra, comes out in a hoarse cry that rips my heart in two. I literally feel it tearing apart. The agony of it is too much to bear. I can't breathe. I can't move. I don't want to live anymore.
"LISSA!"
My name rings inside my head, but the sound is off, wrong. It's both faraway and loud all at the same time. I'm hauled up off the floor into strong arms.
"LISSA, LOOK AT ME!"
It takes several sharp shakes and a firm slap around my face to get me to open my eyes. I expect to see Ezra, Accacia, Rhain, even Devin. But I don't see any of them.
I see Nostra, and I know that I've finally lost my mind.
My body crumples into the mirage as I sob desperately against his chest.
"You're dead!" I wail, unable to control myself now.
I can feel a warm hand slide over the bare skin of my back, over my hair, and even though I feel it, I don't believe it's real.
It can't be.
"You're dead…" I sob, gripping onto the mirage as though my very life depends on it. I suppose it does in a way. I feel the magic within me curling in on itself. It builds in my chest, pushes up against my ribcage. It courses through my blood, travelling in my veins and pumps through my shattered heart. Forcing it to beat, to live. When all I want to do is die.
"Lissa, look at me, my love."
I stiffen. It sounds like him, so much like him… but it can't be. He wasn't breathing.
"Lissa. I'm not dead. Look at me."
The voice that sounds like Nostra, that can't be Nostra, urges me to open my eyes. I draw backwards, pushing wet tangles of hair out of my face. Two warm hands cup my face, two beautiful lilac eyes stare into mine.
"I'm here. I'm not dead yet, my love," he says, his voice breaking on a sound that is a mixture between a laugh and a sob.
"Nostra!" I choke out.
His fingers tighten, curling into my hair as he crashes his lips against mine. He kisses me fiercely, without restraint. It's a kiss that starts a fire deep within the pit of my stomach. It's a kiss that stirs the magic within me, that stokes it into a thing that has a purpose of its own. I can taste the metallic tang of blood, of Accacia's blood. She brought him back from death. Her magic brought him back.
He pulls back sharply and presses his forehead against mine. One hand is clasping the back of my head, the other still cupping my cheek.
"I felt my heart break… I was sure you were dead. Accacia brought you back."
"No. It wasn't Accacia. It was you," he says, pressing the softest of kisses against my lips. He leans back and looks up. I follow his gaze.
Accacia is standing, surrounded by her men. She's been crying, but there's hope in her eyes.
"We need some time. It'll be okay now," Nostra says, smiling a little.
Ezra nods his head, ushering Accacia out of the room. Devin and Rhain follow. I watch as she stops at the door, turning to face us both before addressing Nostra.
"When we left Ever Vale, y
ou said something to your sister that has remained with me ever since. You said that love is the magic she'd never be able to defeat… Don't you see, Nostra? It's so simple. Separate you're weak, but together you're whole, strong,powerful. If your love is powerful enough to bring you back from the dead, then it's powerful enough to fight your sister. It's time, Nostra. You must claim your soulmate. Entwine with Lissa. Do it now, before it's too late."
And with those parting words Accacia and her men leave us alone together.
5 - The Final Spell
"What happened? You stopped breathing, you were dead, Nostra." My voice rises with distress as I'm reminded of just how close I came to losing him. I still can't fathom how he's here.
"For just a moment."
"So it was Accacia's blood that brought you back?" I ask, tracing my fingers over a trail of blood that has fallen onto his chest. This time he doesn't flinch from my touch, instead he grasps my fingers in his and presses my hand against his chest. Beneath his rib cage, his heart beats strong.
"No, it was you. I felt your heart breaking and with it, your magic release. Somehow, it called to me. It brought me back to you. Your magic wouldn't let me go either. I heard it roar!"
"That was me?"
"More specifically, your magic. It was pissed-off," he says, smiling a little at that.
I shake my head, still not quite understanding how he could hear that, feel that.
"How? We haven't Entwined. We've not connected that way."
"We already connected, Lissa… you're my soulmate. I'm such a fool."
"I don't understand."
"I've been thinking about this all wrong. I believed that us coming together would bring forth your powers and ultimately put you in danger from Adrielle, and whilst that's still a very real possibility, me refusing to Entwine with you doesn't make a difference. We don'tneed to Entwine for your magic to grow. It's doing that already on its own."