by N. P. Martin
"Have you looked out the window lately? Kids are transforming into movie characters. I dread to think what else will follow."
"I'm sure you will find a way to contain it," she said. "You always seem to."
"Is that a compliment? Or a sarcastic referral to the whole Jennifer situation?"
"Let's call it both."
I shook my head. "You know, back when I was growing up in Ireland, if you'd have said to me that I would one day be in America, sitting in the back of a stretched limo across from a fifteen-year-old vampire, while outside college kids turned themselves into their favorite comic book characters, and a mad man with the universe's most powerful book holds the world to ransom, you know what I would have said?"
The Crimson Crow rolled her eyes at me. "What would you have said, Creed?"
"I would have said you were insane. But insanity has become the norm for me now, so..."
"What are you saying, Creed?" she asked shaking her head in annoyance.
A bit of a laugh left my mouth. "I'm not really sure. Maybe that I would only agree to a deal like yours in a mad, mad world, and that this is indeed a mad, mad world we find ourselves in."
"In your own meandering, infuriating way, are you agreeing to my terms?"
I nodded. "I guess I am."
Her smile was immediate. "I'm very glad to hear that."
"Don't get your hopes up," I said as I put my glass back where I found it. "I still have to get the damn book first, either before or after I find a way to take down Grayson. And that's if the world hasn't ended by then."
"I have faith in you, Creed. The full extent of my resources is also at your disposal."
"I'll bear that in mind. Now tell me how to destroy the book."
She laughed. "Not so fast, Creed. After I see the book. Not before."
I knew she would say that. It was worth a try I suppose. If she had spilled, there was no doubt I would have destroyed the book rather than give it to her. "Very well then. If I make it through this shitstorm, I'll be in touch."
She knocked the window for the driver to stop. "Don't bother," I said. "Bye, Angela."
A second later, I was standing on the sidewalk near Little Tokyo, having totally underestimated how long it would take people to power themselves up with Grayson's instructions it seemed. It was like people had been waiting since the first broadcast to get their magick on. Everywhere I looked, I saw people who had managed to transform themselves running around as ninjas, samurai warriors in full battle dress, their favorite movie and even cartoon characters. I counted at least three Deadpools scampering around fighting with other superheroes, a full-size real-life version of Bugs Bunny who was getting it on in the street with Wile E. Coyote, numerous X-Men characters and at least one Stag Demon from Hannibal, which disturbed me greatly as it trotted down the middle of the street. And that's not to mention the numerous other people who were conjuring fireballs and energy spheres, making money appear out of thin air, lifting cars above their heads with one hand and bringing magickal unicorns into existence so they could ride around on them like it was something they had dreamed of doing their whole life. It was all very bizarre, to say the least. Grayson had effectively given people the power to make their every dream and whim into a reality, and given how messed up in the head most people tended to be, this made for some really weird and disturbing shit. The city wouldn't last another day at that rate before it came tumbling down under the weight of its inhabitants unrestrained whimsy. Already there were explosions going off all over the city. People could be heard screaming as superheroes laid waste to entire buildings, blew up cars and had epic battles with each other.
"Jesus fucking Christ," I said as I stared around in dismay. "I'm trapped in a teenage fantasy world."
Just then, one of the many Deadpools running around came somersaulting towards me, a baton in each hand as he landed a few feet from me. "Let's dance, motherfucker," he said, holding some sort of ridiculous fighting stance.
I took one look at the red-suited comic book character and fired him a sarcastic look. "Let's not," I said, about to teleport the hell away from that madness when I suddenly got swept up by something that was flying hard and fast. Within seconds, I was carried up into the night sky, memories of my last nearly fatal free fall still disturbingly fresh in my mind. Only this time, it wasn't a giant owl that had me, but a person. Another fucking superhero it seemed. What the fuck was wrong with people? They had the power to do anything, but instead, they go right for the fucking comic book characters. A sign of the times, I tell you.
"Don't worry," my Savior said in a very gruff voice, who I now realized was Batman. "I've got you."
"I can see that," I said loudly over the sound of the wind as I was carried over the rooftops below, although exactly where the guy was going was anybody's guess. He seemed to be flying towards the river for some reason. "You can put me down anytime."
"The city isn't safe. I'm taking you to my lair."
"You're taking me to the Bat Cave?"
Batman had me wrapped in his arms underneath him. His black mask looked down for a second. "How do you know about that? My lair is a secret."
I didn't answer straight away. "Lucky guess. Seriously though, you can put me down on the ground. I can take care of myself."
"Not when the Joker is out there causing chaos."
Oh fuck, is he for real? I thought. Fuck it. I'll just teleport, which I should have done minutes ago. But before I did, I decided to fuck with the guy a little. "Which one are you?"
"What?" Batman growled.
"Which Batman are you? Please don't say Val Kilmer. Or George Clooney. Definitely not one of those two. Are you Michael Keaton? He was the best Batman in my opinion."
"I..."
"Christian Bale then. Of course you are."
"I don't know those names."
"Oh, I see. You're in character. I get it. Then riddle me this, Batman. What do you have now that you soon won't?"
"I don't know what--"
"Me," I said, and then teleported out of the arms of Batman and into the grounds of Sanaka's Sanctum, shaking my head as I walked up to the front door. "The shit just got very fucking weird."
24
Tea For Two
"Excuse my language," I said to Sanaka as he met me in the spacious front hall of his Sanctum. "But it's like the fucking Marvel slash DC Universe out there. Not that that would mean much to you--"
"I'm a fan of the Punisher," Sanaka said, completely flooring me as he stood in black robes, the crimson red sheath of his sword in his hand.
I shook my head. "How the hell...I've never...you don't...I mean, the Punisher, seriously? I thought maybe Doctor Strange would be more your kind of superhero."
Sanaka smiled. "The Punisher reminds me of the person I once was long ago, in a different time. I am reminded not to go back there."
"Right," I said nodding. "You know you are still a mysterious son of a bitch, Sanaka, even after all these years."
"Come," he said turning around. "We shall have tea."
Tea, I thought as I watched Sanaka disappear down a corridor, his steps silent on the hardwood floor. Always tea in a crisis. And guess who gets to make it?
Sanaka was already seated as I entered the tea room. I didn't bother to moan or ask if he would do the tea ritual for a change because I knew there was no point. Sanaka would remain kneeling at the small table until the ceremony was complete. So despite my resistance, I took off my trench coat and folded it, placing it on the floor next to the table containing everything I needed to make the tea. My resistance persisted for the first five minutes as I prepared the water for heating, but as always it melted away once I brought my full focus to the ritual and the many small, precise movements I had to perform as part of it. This was the reason Sanaka always brought me to the tea room in a crisis. He knew it would calm me before I had to explain things to him. Though I was sure he was already up to speed on most of what was happening. Sanaka had very lit
tle contact with the outside world or at least the normal parts of it. Even more so than I, he moved in a twilight world that was mostly hidden behind a veil of normality, but which underneath was anything but. Still, Sanaka always seemed to know what was going on in the city and elsewhere. The important stuff anyway. Like when mad scientists get their hands on a dangerous book and then try to bring about a new world order with it.
"So," I said after kneeling and serving the tea. "I assume you know what's going on out there, and that you've seen both broadcasts."
Sanaka nodded. "I saw."
"And that you know Grayson has the Dark Codex. Did you know that book even existed?"
"I did."
"Of course you did. I guess I don't need to tell you the shit we're in then. With Grayson I mean. What's happening outside is bad enough, but I don't think we've seen the worst yet. Grayson is a power mad fucker. He isn't going to stop."
"I agree," Sanaka said after carefully sipping his tea. "But if you are here expecting me to tell you how to stop him, you are wasting your time. Nothing can stand up to the limitless power of the Dark Codex."
"Yeah, I sort of figured that already." I paused before saying the next part. "Nothing except the Dark Codex itself."
A faint smile appeared on Sanaka's bearded face. "Indeed."
"Why are you smiling?"
"Because only you could think of using the book against itself, or at least against this man Grayson."
I shook my head. "It's not like there's any other choice, is there? I doubt a nuclear bomb could stop Grayson at this point. He'd probably just absorb its power to make himself stronger."
"Theoretically, that would be possible."
"Theoretically? There is no theoretical anything for Grayson. Everything is possible for him now. Things you and I probably don't even know about, and that's saying something."
Sanaka sat in silent contemplation for a moment, then asked, "So how do you propose to get your hands on the book?"
I sighed as the enormity of the problem came crashing down on me. "Well, Grayson keeps the book in a hidden dimension within another dimension--the Grayson Dimension--that he controls access to, and where only his magick seems to work. So it's going to be like trying to crack a couple of uncrackable safes, with no tools to speak off...and only one of the safes can be located." I threw my hands up. "Fucking impossible, in other words."
Sanaka narrowed his eyes at me and he did that face he always does when he thinks I've disappointed him in some way, a face I knew all too well by that point. "I thought I taught you better than that."
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Nothing is impossible. There's always a solution. But in this case..." I trailed off as I shook my head. "It's like I told Brentwood. We're dealing with a self-made god here who can do whatever he wants with no one to stop him."
"No one is unstoppable, not even the most powerful of beings," Sanaka said. "I would have thought your encounter with your father and Rloth would have taught you that."
I nodded and made some sort of face that signified I more or less agreed with him. "Okay, fine. Maybe I'm being a little histrionic, but I can't help it. My head is fucked, Sanaka. I'm actually starting to think that Leona had the right idea when she decided to run away and start again."
"You are talking nonsense. Stop it, please."
Sanaka stared at me as I was about to protest, then I just looked away and sighed. "Alright," I said eventually. "Fuck it. I'm sure between us we can come up with a plan to get the book. Right?"
"Curse one more time in my company and I will throw this scalding tea in your face. Right?"
"Sure." I dropped my gaze for a second like a scolded schoolboy. "The stress is getting to me."
Fucking hell, what's the big deal? It's just a fucking word. All these years and I still don't know why he has such a problem with so-called course language. Now I have to watch my every fucking word, and every other word is going to want to be-be fuck just because I can't say it. Fuck.
Sanaka finished his tea and then got to his feet. "Come," he said. "There's someone I think you should meet."
A frown crossed my face as I stood up. "Who?"
"The person who wrote the Dark Codex."
25
Athelstan
"What the fuck? Are you serious?"
It was a stupid question. Sanaka was always serious, even when he was joking. Even when he promised to reprimand me for cursing in his presence, which he did by slapping me around the face with invisible energy from his hand. It was like being slapped with a wet towel and it stung like hell. Lesson learned. “Why are you so surprised?"
I shook my head in astonishment. "Well, because you are just now mentioning this, and because the writer of the book actually exists and you actually f--you actually bloody know him. Or her. Or it. Who is it?"
Sanaka came around the table and placed a hand on my shoulder after he had picked up his sword. "You are about to find out," he said.
He teleported us to the midst of a tropical jungle, the heat and humidity making its suffocating presence felt immediately. "Where the hell are we?"
"An island." Sanaka looked around for a moment until he located a pathway through the jungle. I say pathway, it was more of a barely noticeable trail. Sanaka used the scabbard of his sword to push aside the thick jungle foliage. "This way."
"The author of the Dark Codex lives here?" I said as I grudgingly traipsed after him, doing my best to avoid the snap back of branches he was pushing aside. "How could anyone live here? It's like a fucking bug infested hothouse. Ow! Something just bit me on the arm. Motherfucker!"
"Keep up," Sanaka called as he forged on through the jungle.
I shook my head, thinking the author of the Dark Codex had to be an insane nut job to be living in a place like this. Hell, he wrote the fucking book. He had to be insane to even do that in the first place. "This is going to be a waste of time, I know it," I said to myself as I pushed my way through the jungle foliage. "Can't we just teleport to wherever we have to go?"
"Too many wards."
"I don't see any wards."
"You wouldn't."
"What does that mean?"
No reply.
Eventually, after what seemed like hours of clawing our way through unrelentingly thick jungle, we finally emerged into a large clearing. Sanaka stood, sweat dripping down his face as he stared towards the small mud hut in the center of the clearing.
"Thank fuck for that," I said, emerging from the trees like I'd repeatedly been raped by vines, with cuts and bites all over me, buckets of sweat stinging the hell out of every last one of them. I stared at the hut in near disbelief. "This person lives in there?"
Sanaka nodded. "Yes."
I puffed out my cheeks as I wiped the sweat from my face. "Well, I just know they are going to be batshit crazy then. They'd have to be to live in this circle of hell."
"I completely agree," said a voice from right behind me, and I jumped away in fright to see a naked man with a long beard standing within the trees. As he walked out to the clearing, I was relieved to see the man had on some sort of loin cloth. Things were awkward enough without having to avoid staring at the dude's junk as well.
"Athelstan," Sanaka said bowing. "I apologize for this intrusion."
"That's alright," Athelstan said, who seemed remarkably cheery, and dare I say it well adjusted, considering he lived alone in the eighth circle of hell.
Athelstan brought his gaze to me. Underneath the long scraggly beard, I saw a young guy in his late twenties at most. His hair was dark and curly, and his eyes were large and green and somehow trustworthy. There was definitely something about him, but I failed to see how he could be the author of a book that is rumored to be over a thousand years old. Unless there was magick at work, and let's face it, there was always magick at work somewhere. "And you are?" he asked.
"August Creed," I said, extending my sweaty hand, which Athelstan took and casually shook before letting go as if the whole encoun
ter was awkward for him as well. I was guessing he didn't do much socializing in this place.
"You are a sorcerer, like Tetsuo here." It was a statement, not a question.
"Yes," I said. "He was--is--my mentor."
Athelstan smiled, and his eyes reflected the hint of craziness that I was expecting from him. Not that much, but then it was just a glimpse. Something told me there was more to Athelstan than the easy going Robinson Crusoe act he was putting out. "No better teacher than Tetsuo. I had the pleasure of being his student also, many years ago."
I wanted to shake my head but didn't. It still stuck in my craw that Sanaka had known the origins of the Dark Codex all along and hadn't bothered to let me know. Everything that happened could have been prevented.
Athelstan narrowed his eyes at me. "I know what you're thinking," he said. "And events could not have been prevented."
Of course he can read my fucking thoughts.
"Why not?" I asked, still slightly incensed, made worse by the sticky heat boiling my every molecule.
"Come into my hut," Athelstan said. "And I will tell you why not. But actually, before you do. There is a pool at the far edge of the clearing. You should go cool yourself off there first. Maybe lose the clothing as well. You'll be more comfortable."
"You got a spare loin cloth, Tarzan?"
Athelstan smiled. At least he had a sense of humor. "Maybe just keep your trousers on."
I nodded. "Good idea."
He was right about the pool. It did cool me off. The crystal clear water was glorious in fact, and when I got out, I pulled my trousers and boots back on, gathered up my shirt and waistcoat and headed to the hut in the center of the clearing. The inside of the hut would have been spacious if it weren't for the fact that Athelstan and Sanaka--and now me--were filling up the space, along with towers of white paper that were stacked around the dark brown walls like wonky skyscrapers. "What the hell?" I said, casting my eyes towards the nearest paper stack. "Are these all manuscripts?" I looked at the top of the pile and saw the words FLIGHT OF THE HAWK, and then underneath, BY MAXWELL PERKINS. "Who the hell is Maxwell Perkins?"