by Sadie Moss
I don’t know much about Nick’s family other than the fact that everyone knows who they are because they’re rich and own a technology company.
“That sounds like it was awful,” I admit. “My parents died when I was really young. My siblings are quite a bit older than I am, so they were able to raise me. They’ve never been hard on me, honestly. They’ve always been super supportive.”
“And yet,” Nick points out, “you’re so hard on yourself.”
“I…” Huh. I’m not sure what to say to that. I’ve never really had to think before about why I’m hard on myself. Why I’m so determined to be the best, to get on top, to challenge myself. It’s just how I’ve always been. It’s who I am.
“Maybe I’m making up for how they weren’t hard on me,” I murmur. Now I’m the one shrugging. “I don’t know. They never expected anything of me. But they’re both very good at what they do. Penelope, I’m sure you’ve heard of her, she’s great with potions. Very well known in her field. And I guess I just decided that if they weren’t going to put pressure on me, then I would do it myself, I guess.”
“It’s amazing,” Nick observes, “how even when others don’t pressure or punish us, we find a way to do it to ourselves. We find a way to be hard on ourselves, as if there’s some part of us that craves it.”
I’m not sure what to say to that, so I just nod. It’s another headache on top of the one I already have, and I’m not sure I’ve got time to go into it right now.
“Whether it was your family or yourself though,” he adds, “you need to learn to be gentler with yourself, Rae. The world’s going to be tough on you. You’re seeing that already. Nobody’s going to cut you some slack. And you’ll need some slack. So I suggest giving it to yourself.”
“Is that what you did?”
“Oh, hell yes. I think I’m a little too easy on myself sometimes.”
“Only sometimes?”
He chuckles. “All the time, okay. But honestly, most of it’s just an act. I know I can be easy on myself, I let myself be lazy sometimes, but I’m also in the lab all the time. I’m working my ass off. Always inventing.”
“I know.”
Nick seems surprised. “You do?”
“You couldn’t have done everything that you do if you didn’t work hard.”
“Most people just assume it’s natural talent.”
“That’s not how natural talent works. I’ve seen people with natural talent at something. If they don’t work hard at it, they never get beyond a certain level of skill. The people who do best are the ones who really care. Who really try.”
Nick smiles at me, his eyes sparkling. “You know, I think you see right through me.”
“Is that a good thing?”
Before he even answers with words, I swear I can feel what he’s thinking. It’s obvious in the way his lips curl up at the corners and fondness gleams in his hazel eyes. My heart starts to beat a little faster. I become aware, in a whole new way, of how his arms are wrapped around me, of how his face is only inches from mine.
Nick’s voice is soft and his smile even softer as he reaches up and gently tucks some of my dark hair back out of my face. I didn’t even realize it had fallen there.
“Yes. It’s very good.”
He kisses me much more gently than he did the first time, but still with that playfulness on the edges—nipping at my bottom lip, darting his tongue in and out of my mouth in a tease—and I press up against him. This is something I don’t have to think too hard about, something I don’t have to drive myself crazy over as I work out how to respond properly. I can just relax and stop thinking.
I can just give in.
Nick’s very good at this. I’m sure he’s kissed a lot of people. If I’m remembering correctly, he had a bit of a reputation as a player a few years ago, although I think that stopped as the Unpredictable situation got more serious and he really threw himself into the activism. But I don’t feel like I’m just being shown all the fancy tricks. I feel like I’m being kissed by someone who genuinely wants me. Someone who wants me to feel good.
I can just relax and let someone else take control for once.
Nick finally pulls back, then moves in again, pressing a quick kiss to my lips, once, twice, three times, and then at last draws back for good. It’s probably best that he’s still got his arms around me, because I can’t feel my legs.
“There we go.” He grins at me. “You look a lot more relaxed now.”
I can feel myself blushing, and I want to hide my face in his chest. I don’t do this—make out with people in corners when I’m stressed. But maybe I need to do a little more of that. Nick makes me feel like I have permission to do that, like it’s okay for me to relax and let my hair down. Be just a teensy bit irresponsible, for just a moment.
“Since we are… ah… sort of on the subject…” His face grows serious again as he gazes down at me. “I hate to throw more shit at you to deal with, but I would like to officially throw my hat in the ring.”
“What ring?”
“The ring where Saint and Logan are already standing.”
My breath catches. “Oh.”
Nick shrugs. “Saint’s staying at your apartment, and I’ve seen you with Logan. I think a blind person would see you with Logan. It could be seen from space without a satellite.”
That has me blushing even harder.
“You’re one of the sharpest people I’ve ever met,” he goes on. “And you’re selfless. I don’t think you realize how much. This whole time, you’ve been tying yourself up in knots about these people who could be hurt, and how to help them. You’re not concerned about yourself at all. And I think that’s more rare than you realize. Maybe I’m just hanging out with the wrong people, I don’t know. Rich people tend to be pretty fucking selfish. I don’t care what movies say about it only being a few bad apples, most of them are all rotten, and it’s this stupid system that enables them and makes them be that way.”
His fingers graze a light path up and down my back as he continues.
“Being with you is like a breath of fresh air. You’re determined, Rae. And you could’ve done anything you wanted. Brain like yours, top scores like yours from Griffin, connections like the ones your siblings have? You could go anywhere. But you chose to put yourself in one of the most dangerous fields out there. You’re taking on a job where you help deal with rogue magic users and newbie Unpredictables who can’t control their powers for shit.”
He chuckles wryly, shaking his head. “And yeah, you didn’t ask to deal with this particular problem or the people dying. I think that’s fair enough.” Nick smiles at me, pride filling his expression. “But you’re soldiering through it.”
“I’m being too hard on myself, apparently.”
“Because you care and want to help people. How is that a bad thing?” His smile doesn’t waver. “I want to be a part of your life. And I want to make sure that you understand exactly how I want to be a part of your life, before I lose out on my chance.”
“Ah.” I take a deep breath. “Well. Um. It’s complicated. You’re right that I have feelings for Logan, and for Saint too. And for you. I… would you think that I was an idiot if I said I don’t want to have to choose?”
Nick’s eyebrows rise and his eyes gleam with heat and something like amusement. “Oh, it’s like that, is it?”
I shrug and duck my head down, a little embarrassed. “I like all three of you. A lot. I don’t want to have to pick just one of you.”
“Hmm.” Nick’s fingers hook under my chin and he tilts my head up to look up into his eyes, then kisses me softly. “Maybe you won’t have to.”
Chapter 21
One of my favorite things about Nick is the way he gets me out of my own head. He surprises me and keeps me on my toes, and the way he manages to be relaxed and still care about shit is a reminder that I don’t need to constantly rake myself over the coals to do a good job.
Just being around him usually
But kissing him?
Kissing him feels like letting go of gravity, like floating and falling all at once. It makes every other thought fly out of my head, and for a blissful, desperately needed moment, nothing else exists except Nick and me.
His lips move expertly on mine, making shivers run down my spine as I clutch at his back, pressing myself more tightly against him. When his tongue slides into my mouth, it’s confident and exploratory, and I explore him right back, my breath coming faster as he delves one hand into my hair.
I think this was meant to be a brief kiss, his way of cementing his interest in me and reassuring me that he’s open to this unique arrangement between all of us—that he still wants his hat to be in the ring even if Logan’s and Saint’s stay in there too. That’s what it started out as, anyway, but with every second that our lips stay connected, it morphs into something hotter and more intense.
It took Nick and me the longest to reach this point, probably partly because I wasn’t so sure I liked him when I first met him and partly because, despite his carefree demeanor, I think he’s cautious with his heart just like I am.
But I don’t want to be cautious anymore. Not about this.
My love life has basically gone from a desert to a flood, as if once I opened the door to the possibility of connection, my heart expanded to encompass all three of these men.
Logan. Saint.
And Nick.
I can feel the bulge of his cock pressing against my stomach, and even though I know we can’t take this too far since we’re on the roof of the IUM building, still at work, I can’t help but grind against him a little. He groans into my mouth, splaying a hand across my lower back and tugging me even closer to his body.
When our lips finally break apart, he rests his forehead against mine, both of us gulping in breaths as we try to recover.
“Fuck, I really wish there wasn’t a homicidal magic out there trying to take over people’s bodies,” he murmurs, running his hands through my hair. “If there wasn’t, I would definitely be trying to talk you into calling in sick for the rest of the day so I could take you back to my place and finish what we started.”
My clit throbs a little at his words as a million dirty images flash through my mind. Feeling more bold than I ever would’ve imagined I’d be, I reach down between us and drag my fingers over the hard line of his cock through his pants, making his hips jerk a little.
“If there wasn’t a homicidal magic out there that we need to stop, it wouldn’t take very much convincing,” I say, my voice a little husky. “And I think you know what a type-A workaholic I am, so you know what that means.”
It means I’m very, very tempted. If this were a regular work day and we didn’t have something terrifyingly dangerous breathing down our necks, I would probably blow off my responsibilities for the first time in my damn life, just to be able to continue making out with Nick. Just for the chance to get him alone, someplace with a bed where there’s no chance someone could walk out onto the roof and find us.
Someplace I can show him exactly how much I like him—how much I want him in my life.
“Damn, Rae.” He chuckles, cupping my face in his hands as he drops his head to claim one more kiss. “You make it hard to be good. We’ll just have to figure out a way to deal with this rogue magic quickly.” He winks. “Then we can get to the celebrating sooner, yeah?”
I laugh too, tightening my arms around him and inhaling the crisp, clean scent of his cologne. “I’m gonna hold you to that.”
“It’s a date,” he whispers before kissing me again.
It would be so easy to lose myself in it, to spend hours up here with Nick, just basking in his lips and caresses and easy-going presence. But after another long moment, we reluctantly separate. I hide a grin as I notice him surreptitiously adjust himself a little, pleased that I have that effect on him. As we turn toward the rooftop access door, I slide my hand into his, gripping his larger one.
Maybe people will notice. Maybe they’ll talk. Hell, maybe it’ll just confirm what they’ve already suspected.
But I don’t think I care anymore.
“Thanks for cheering me up,” I say as we slip back inside and start down the stairs. “It helped. All of it.”
Nick grins at me, his hazel eyes warm. “Anytime.”
We find Logan and Saint down in the cafeteria, loaded up with several trays of food, which Logan insists we eat in an empty room instead of in the main area.
“I just don’t want people to be bothering us right now,” he says.
I can read between the words, just like I’ve always been able to with Logan. We’re crazy similar, after all, and he’s just as hard on himself as I am. He’s kicking himself too.
Saint eats quietly and moodily, but he hugs me tightly when we first sit down. Like he wants to reassure me that he doesn’t feel like any of this is my fault.
“I shouldn’t have stayed outside at the laundromat for so long,” Logan says as he picks at his meal. “I should’ve realized there was something going on with the officers. That the magic was moving into them—”
“We didn’t know it could do that,” I point out. “We thought it was a virus of some kind, remember? We can’t be so hard on ourselves about this.”
Everyone falls silent, and we finish quietly. “At least nobody killed themselves this time,” Nick adds when we’re almost finished. “That’s something, guys. I know it’s not a lot. I know Ichtaka—”
“—we are not calling it that—”
“—got away. It sucks. But people are okay, they all survived. And that’s a good thing.”
“By keeping it jumping from person to person like that, we might’ve saved lives,” Saint points out. I look over at him, surprised to hear him talking. He catches my gaze as he continues. “It couldn’t fixate on just one person. That showed it was desperate. It couldn’t get a good hold on anyone. That kept people alive. Sort of…” He pauses, like he’s getting his bearings. “Like with my fear magic. The longer I project it onto a person, the more it sinks into them. The more they believe it. It starts out as just a vague fear. They’re scared, and they don’t know why. Then they start to fixate on something. Visualize it. By the end, they’re in a whole world of their own. Maybe this works like that.”
“Good point,” Logan murmurs, his brows drawing together as he cocks his head. “I think you’re right, actually. I think that we kept it on its toes this time. We’re getting better at fighting it and working as a team.”
That fills me with a small burst of warmth. He’s right, and I like it a lot. It really is the one bright spot in all of this.
“Now that we know more about it, we should check in with Ben,” I offer. “Maybe he has some results from Chelsea.”
The girl donated some DNA samples for him to look at in the lab based on Nick’s previous discoveries.
“Great idea.”
Logan nods in approval, and all four of us troop down to the lab, passing a few other IUM employees as we go. When we get down there, Ben’s working furiously. He looks up, appearing more frazzled than I’ve ever seen him.
“Hey, guys.” He waves us over. “Nick, I think I know what it’s doing to the DNA.”
I brace myself to be entirely lost in this conversation as Ben shows Nick the DNA sample. While they talk, Logan picks up the report from Chelsea’s interview.
“Says here that the magic was definitely self-aware and intelligent,” he notes in a quiet voice. “It spoke to her while it was in control of her. Chelsea says she could talk to it in her head, but she couldn’t get it to really listen to her. It didn’t seem to care about her as anything more than a host.”
Hmm. A host.
That suggests that the magic needs Chelsea in some way, doesn’t it?
I try to remember what the magic said when it was speaking to us using the second Circuit officer.
I will do it again if I must, the magic said. Killing its host if it must. That means it didn’t want to kill its host—not out of altruism, clearly. Maybe because that would put the magic itself in danger?
How else am I to get all this deliciousness?
“I think it needs its host,” I say out loud, testing out the phrase.
“Which makes sense,” Nick says, smoothly picking up what I’m saying and adding it into what he was already telling Ben. “This DNA, we’ve been reading it wrong. It’s not new magic that’s growing onto the DNA and modifying it, it’s grafting itself onto the DNA.”
“If you’re looking at it, you can’t really tell the difference,” Ben adds. “But when I tried to separate the two different parts of the DNA, it just… separated. Easily.”
“Which it wouldn’t do if it was actually a part of the human’s DNA, you can’t separate it that easily. Which means it’s foreign. It’s just attached itself to the DNA.”
“Feeding off of it?” Saint asks.
Nick points at him with a huge grin. “Gold star! I knew you weren’t just a pretty face and insanely intimidating glares.”
The gruff man raises one eyebrow just slightly, and I almost laugh at the nonplussed look on his face, but I’m too distracted by trying to keep up with what Nick is saying.
“This is feeding off magic,” the man in question goes on, “and it’s using the hosts to keep itself alive. It’s like it needs energy to keep itself going.”
“What, like a person?” Logan asks. “We need food to survive. We convert it into energy.”
“Sort of. More like a computer that needs to be plugged into a wall or its battery will drain.”
“So this magic isn’t just hopping from body to body for a joy ride,” I say, putting the pieces together. “It’s doing it because it needs a host to survive. But it probably can’t survive in that host for long, because the host can’t handle all of that magic inside of them. They start to… deteriorate.”
“And we keep coming in and interrupting, which can’t help,” Logan adds.
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