by Dale Mayer
No one was that cynical naturally. Something bad had happened to him. It was the only reason for the aggressive front. And maybe he was afraid of it happening again. No, she studied the casual indifference as he flipped a long leg over the back of the chair to sit in the seat. No, it – whatever it was – would never happen to him again. That look on his face said he meant business. That curl of his lip – an almost dare you to try it again. That set of his shoulders almost waiting…he’d been hurt once, and he’d be damned if he’d allow that to happen again.
There’d be no repeats in Sean’s life. No second chances. She doubted he knew what the word forgiveness meant. Yet he was here. At this workshop.
“Robin?”
Robin jerked, realizing that both Sean and Jenna were staring at her as she’d stared blatantly at Sean. Color washed up her neck. Jenna’s look was curious. Sean however, his look was purely aggressive. Shit. She straightened, plastered an apologetic smile on her face, and rushed to say, “I’m sorry. My mind was just caught on other things.”
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Sean’s lips slide in a downward smirk. He didn’t believe her. Knowing she’d be in for a very long week if they didn’t get off on the right foot, she gave him a real smile and apologized sincerely.
His gaze narrowed in surprise.
She turned her gaze back onto Jenna’s approving look and almost smiled again. Damn, she was going to turn into a real Girl Guide if she wasn’t careful. Still, she hadn’t meant to pry or be too inquisitive – not here. Everyone had secrets. And they were entitled to them.
Especially these people.
“It’s fine. I don’t mind if you look,” he said mockingly.
The insinuation in his face had her back stiffening and her shoulders going straight. She turned to face him head on. “Good, then I’ll look.”
She returned his look with a mocking one of her own, her gaze sweeping him from head to foot. Then she gave him a tight smile, watching as one of his eyebrows shot straight up. So he wasn’t used to people standing up for themselves. Especially women. Interesting. She filed that tidbit away.
“What do you see?” This time he seemed genuinely curious, not mocking.
She hesitated. She shouldn’t tell him. He was an unknown quality to her. Violence lurked under the surface.
“Go ahead,” he scoffed. “It’s not like you know anything about me.”
Still, Robin held back. She glanced over at Jenna to see her watching the exchange, a tiny smile playing at the corner of Jenna’s mouth. Damn. She wasn’t going to step in and help.
Screw it. He’d asked, so he might as well know. “I see a man who’s been so badly hurt he doesn’t give a shit about anyone or anything – and especially not the world in general.”
Silence.
He leaned forward and studied her face, what he could see of it. She glared at him defiantly.
“I thought the head doctor sat in the other chair.” He snorted. “What are you, some kind of amateur hobbyist? You like to dig into people and see what makes them tick?”
“I like to watch people,” she said, holding the defensive note tight inside. “And there are a lot of people out there to watch.”
“Then watch them. Not me.” After delivering that short terse message, he sat back and stared at Jenna.
At least the attitude was gone. She turned to face Jenna. “So what is the assignment?”
Jenna rifled through her papers but as far as Robin could see, it was more a ruse to give the two of them time to calm down. As if. Robin waited impatiently for Jenna to reorganize the papers then pick up the top one.
“A friend of mine coordinates special programs,” Jenna said, peering over her paper at Robin as she added, “at a local hospital.”
Robin stiffened. Nothing like bringing up hospitals to push her buttons. Then Jenna would know that. Forcing herself to relax, she tried to stem the panic that was churning in her gut. If just the word hospital could do that to her…
“BC Children’s Hospital,” Jenna said.
Robin gasped. No, not a children’s hospital. Robin stared at Jenna in shock. She didn’t understand why her feet hadn’t already taken her the hell away from this room and from this woman. She didn’t dare plead with Jenna for a new project but damn it, she wanted to.
She couldn’t do children.
Not today. Not tomorrow. Never.
“Andrea has agreed to have you and Sean spend some time there so you can complete this report.”
Robin went numb inside. Everything shut down. She couldn’t hear Jenna’s words. She wouldn’t hear them. But the response tumbled from her lips. “You do understand that you are subjecting these children to a horrific sight – right?”
Jenna smiled. “Am I?
She didn’t dare look at Sean to gauge his reaction. Then again, he’d likely have no problem with this part.
It didn’t matter. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t do hospitals. She couldn’t do children.
Shuddering, she stood up and stumbled against her chair. She half-registered that Sean had leapt to his feet to help her but she managed to avoid him. Leave. Get away. That was all she could think about. She had to escape.
She reeled backwards, then seeing a space between the chair and the wall, she took it, bolting for her freedom. For a world that didn’t involve projects, hospitals…or children.
*
Sean turned back to look at Jenna. “Well, aren’t you going to go after her?”
Jenna smiled in that calm, serene way of hers. “No, I’ll wait for her to come back.”
“Come back?” He twisted around to look at the way Robin had raced out then turned back to glare at Jenna. “Why the hell would she?”
“Because it’s what she wants.” She lowered her head to read the documents in front of her.
Frustrated, Sean didn’t know what to do. He glanced around at the others but outside of the casual glance his way, no one appeared to have noticed Robin’s outburst.
“Why don’t I do the project on my own? You can come up with a different one for her.” Hell, he could do that easily. He didn’t necessarily like children, but he didn’t hate them. Not wanting to do something was not the same as being incapable.
All of a sudden he realized he was standing awkwardly in front of Jenna, trying to figure out what just happened. While he could empathize with Robin for Jenna pushing her buttons, she knew there’d be lots of that happening this week. She should have been prepared for it.
If anyone could prepare for sudden silent sabotage of one’s deepest fears…
Then again, he had to trust in Jenna. She’d had incredible results with her program. If she could help Robin – good. He didn’t trust anyone – particularly when it came to his head or heart.
And as long as Jenna stayed out of his head, she could do what she needed to do to help Robin. Because Robin obviously needed her. Although he’d suggest using something a lot less violent than the two-by-four Jenna had already hit her with.
The noise level in the room continued and somehow…the other participants managed to ignore what was happening in this corner…or were doing a good imitation of it. Likely it was a case of self-preservation as they’d be here themselves soon. He glanced around and caught a couple of people looking up, only to drop their gaze when he caught them staring at him, but he got that reaction a lot from people.
He stared down at his feet and considered his own actions. It seemed he’d acted out of character himself. He’d jumped to his feet to help Robin when he’d seen her distress, his hand out to her. He’d instinctively tried to go after her. Even now, he could barely stifle the urge.
And how did that work? Normally he wouldn’t have given a shit. He didn’t get involved in people’s lives. He hated drama. Except in the case of his sister.
For her, he’d do anything.
But Robin wasn’t his sister. She didn’t look or sound or act like her. So why the hell had he reacted? Or was it
because Robin hurt like Paris hurt?
“Sean? Why don’t you sit down?”
He turned back to stare at his empty chair and then at Jenna. He really was standing there like a dolt in the middle of the room. He relaxed his hand, realizing for the first time that he’d been standing with clenched fists.
Shit.
Catching her concerned glance, he said, “I’m fine.” And threw himself into the chair to wait. If Jenna could sit there calmly, then so could he. He slumped lower in his chair, leaned his head back and closed his eyes.
This place was making him crazy already.
“I’m sorry.”
Robin’s soft voice hit him hard, the hurt in her tone making his stomach cramp. Her simple apology hit him harder. She said it easily, the words flowing off her lips. He had so little practice he doubted he could have done so well in these awkward circumstances.
He opened his eyes and rolled his head sideways to see Robin standing in front of him and Jenna – much as he had a moment ago with her hands clenched into fists. He stared at the long fingers, seeing the white-knuckled grip, and saw his sister in her yet again. That was so Paris. Take a hit, run away long enough to collect herself, then come back and face the music – or more often than not – take another hit. It both pissed him off and made him admire her. Something he didn’t want. He didn’t want to feel anything for anyone. Especially not others as screwed up as these people were.
Damn, he needed a shrink. And groaned. Look where the hell he was. He turned to watch Jenna,
Jenna smiled up at her gently. “That’s fine. I’m glad you’re feeling better. I only need another moment to finish the instructions.”
Robin sat down on the edge of her chair and listened quietly.
He gave Robin full points for demeanor. She appeared locked down but was holding on. He couldn’t have been so calm. A few moments later, he wasn’t calm at all.
Shocked, he listened to the rest of Jenna’s final instructions. “What are you talking about? I’m not going to sketch these kids.”
Hearing a strangled sound from beside him, he glanced over at Robin, remembering her earlier words to Jenna. Why would the kids be scared? What the hell was going on here? He hated knowing there were undercurrents he didn’t understand. He was only here for his sister’s sake. Hell, she was the one that should be here. Paris loved kids. She’d do fine with this project.
Him not so much. Good thing he didn’t give a damn. As his glance slid across Robin’s face, he thought he caught a glimpse of something, but he’d just missed it. His eyes drifted past then hit reverse.
And locked on Robin’s face. Was that a tear? Not that he could see much of her with hair covering most of her face. What the hell was going on here? His gaze switched from Jenna’s, which was full of compassion, to Robin’s, whose head was down as she stared at her feet. Her lower lip trembled, too.
Ah shit.
There were a lot of things in life he could handle and there were a lot he couldn’t. A lady’s tears topped that last list.
“Sean, you don’t have to,” Jenna paused before adding smoothly, “In fact, I want you to sketch Robin with the kids.”
Robin groaned softly as if in pain.
Hating this, Sean glared at the woman who had the ability to get under his skin like no other. She saw things… private, personal things… “How did you even know that I draw?”
Jenna’s lips slowly tilted into a full-blown smile that made his stomach roll. What was she up to? “You were doodling in the evening lectures – something to keep you occupied while your sister attended,” she added the last bit with wry humor. “And those doodles were good. Not only that, but you are a seriously gifted artist.”
“Really?” He threw up his hands. “So what if I doodle? That’s it. I don’t do portraits.” After a moment, he added, “And I certainly don’t do pretty.”
Now her smile deepened with understanding and empathy. He couldn’t look. He shifted his gaze in Robin’s direction. Her eyes were downcast, her hands clasped on her knees as if not even hearing the conversation.
Sean waited in uncomfortable silence. Damn it. “Look,” he said, exasperated and starting to feel cornered, a situation guaranteed to get his back up. He hated being forced into doing anything. “Just give us the assignment and we’ll take it from there.”
This time, Jenna laughed. “You already have it.”
He stared at her, his mind trying to grasp what it was obviously missing. “What? Just draw pictures of Robin and the kids? That’s it.”
“No, that’s not it. You need to find a theme that fits Robin. I want you to study her and see the theme that runs through everything she does. Everything she is. And that’s what you draw. Not Robin and the kids. The theme of Robin.”
She stood up, and Sean realized he wasn’t going to be able to ask much more. “Wait,” he said, “Why did you pair me up with Robin?”
And Jenna’s smile brightened. “Thank you for asking that,” she said. “As part of your assignment, at the very end, you will answer that question for me.”
“Ah hell,” he muttered. Served him right for opening his mouth. He should have known better. After all, his mouth had gotten him into a lot of trouble as a child.
But like any other stubborn, knot-headed male, he’d grown more defiant, angrier, and the cycle had just repeated.
Robin didn’t seem to be too affected by the conversation. She still seemed completely frozen in place.
“I’ll leave you to think about this for a few moments while I go and discuss another group’s projects with them.” And she stood up and walked back to the rest of the participants, calling out two other people’s names. When Sean turned back to Robin, it was to find her walking out the door to the main lobby. Alone.
Chapter 4
Robin walked into the dining room and took a seat in the corner at the far end, her back to the wall. The one place where she felt safe. From here, she could watch everyone else. Damn, there was Sean. She didn’t want to have lunch with him. In fact, she wanted as little to do with him as possible. He disturbed her on so many levels.
Not only because he’d seen her little emotional breakdown, but because of his sudden jump to help and his standing between her and Jenna. He might not realize how that looked, but Robin knew. Jenna would also know exactly what it meant. She doubted Sean had any idea there was a white knight lurking inside that cold, derisive exterior.
He might have his mile-high defenses between him and the real world, but it appeared to be a little thin when he came in contact with girls in trouble.
Sean walked over and sat down across from her.
Because he was okay to leave his back exposed to the others and had just enough self-confidence to not give a damn, irritation flared.
“There are other places to sit,” she muttered, not capable of being abrasive and cold.
“There are. But as we need to discuss some of the issues about this project,” he motioned for the waitress to come over before turning back to her. “I figured this would be a good time to get a few things settled.”
She stared at him. “Like what?
“Bus or car?”
“Bus.”
Instant and honest. She hated travelling in cars. Not since her accident. She took the bus everywhere.
“Okay, maybe I should have said truck or bus.”
She stopped and frowned at him. “Truck?”
“I have a heavy duty Dodge Ram.”
She watched the water droplet on the side of her water glass slide down the side. She touched it with her fingertip and ran the wetness across the glass. She sighed. “Still a bus.”
“Fine. But you might want to consider that it will mean being in each other’s company for longer, and it’ll be harder to get to the hospital on a daily basis.”
She stiffened and turned her gaze to look outside the window. “Why the hospital?” she murmured.
“I wasn’t exactly thrilled to be going
there myself, but as it’s Jenna’s project and we came here trusting in her…”
Robin shot him a scornful look. “Like you give a shit. Why are you here anyway? It’s not like you want to be helped. And if you’re not doing this for yourself, why are you here?” Her mind spun on the possibilities. She couldn’t help testing a couple of them. “Unless you’re being forced to attend? Or attending to help someone else?”
He stared at her. “Why the hell would I sit through this garbage and do this stupid report for someone else?”
There wasn’t much redeeming about that tone of voice, but there was something…something in his eyes that said she was on the right track. “Because you want to help someone. You’re a fraud, you know?”
He leaned forward, his fists clenched. “If you were a man, I’d…”
She leaned forward, glaring at him nose to nose and said, “What? Punch me out? Is that how you solve everything? Physical violence?”
An odd look came over his face. He took a shaky breath and sat back. He stared out the window at the people walking by. Just then, the waitress came and asked for their order. Robin ordered a cheeseburger and a salad. Sean, without even looking at the menu, ordered a burger and fries.
“That’s what I mean. You want to wreak violence, but only a small part of you does. I have no doubt,” she rushed to say at the glint coming into his eyes, “that given an opportunity to beat down on someone, you’d dive right in. But they’d have to deserve it.”
And damn if he didn’t stare back at her like she’d just lost her head. “What the hell are you talking about?” He shook his head. “You know nothing about me.”
She smiled. “I know more than you think.”
*
She better not. Brooding, he sat across from one of the biggest mixed-up females he’d met in a long time. Of course he’d also seen more of her than he had anyone else in a long time. She’d had a breakdown at the thought of the children’s hospital, ran away, came back, then chose a seat at the furthest corner in the restaurant to watch everyone like a hawk. She might be studying him, and damn, she seemed to be doing a good job of understanding him too, but she didn’t know him.