She could walk into another explosion next week, and he’d never get the chance to say what he wanted to say.
“Jamie? About London?” He reconsidered. It was much more than that. “Not just London. The last four years. I wanted you to know, it’s been good, solid work. You’ve turned into a damned fine agent.”
She stared up at him, her eyes wide, her expression one of stunned disbelief that gave way to a hesitant smile. How long had it been since her face lit up with a genuine smile for him?
“I didn’t think I’d ever hear you say that,” she said.
Which left Dan feeling like a fool. But he deserved it. “It’s true. You should be proud of yourself. I am.”
“Dan...” She took a tentative step toward him, then stopped and slid back to her post against the opposite wall. “I had no idea you felt that way.”
He turned back to the street, having a hard time keeping his attention on his duties. “I should have said it a long time ago.”
She shook her head, looking genuinely pleased. “This from a man who didn’t think women could hack it in the agency?”
He laughed a little. “You made me eat those words.”
“From the man who did everything he could to make me wash out in Intermediaries?”
“No,” he objected, thinking he should have realized what she’d read into his actions, should have corrected that impression long ago.
“You wanted me to fail,” she insisted. “You were on me day and night for the whole twelve weeks, pushing me harder than you pushed any of the men. Because you didn’t think I could take it.”
“I didn’t want you to fail.” Hell, maybe he did, but not for the reason she imagined. And it wasn’t a distinction he thought he could make her understand. But he could make one thing clear. “I wanted to keep you alive out here. Think about it, Jamie. Washing out as a trainee is one thing. Washing out in the field doesn’t always mean quitting and walking away.” He closed his eyes, thinking of the friends he’d lost along the way in this business. “Sometimes it means dying.”
And he hadn’t wanted her to die, hadn’t wanted the responsibility for any agent making it through the program who wasn’t prepared for what he or she would face in the field. She’d call him a chauvinist—or worse—if he admitted it, but he would have found it especially hard to accept responsibility for the death of a woman.
He’d been raised to believe a man protected a woman at all costs, particularly those he cared about. So it hadn’t been easy for him to accept the idea of having a woman beside him in the field, with bullets flying. He’d seen with his own eyes that women were capable of handling themselves in all manner of hair-raising situations; he just didn’t think they should have to when there were men around to do the job for them.
Of course, no one forced a man or a woman into the service of their country these days, and if a woman chose this life, that was her decision. Begrudgingly, he’d accepted that. But no woman made it into the field for the agency when Dan was taking a rotation as an instructor unless he was satisfied she could handle the job.
That was part of the reason he’d been so hard on Jamie. The other part was much more complicated than that. Glancing at her through the darkness, he could see he still had a lot of explaining to do.
“It’s not what you think,” he began.
She folded her arms across her chest and glared at him. “You want me to believe you were doing me a favor by making it so hard for me?”
“Could I?” he said lightly.
“No way,” she protested. “It was because I’m a woman. Because you didn’t think women could hack it in this program.”
“Size and strength and speed still matter in this kind of work,” he said, “and like it or not, men are bigger, stronger and faster.”
“Some men,” she corrected.
He smiled again and supposed he’d have to eat those words as well. “Okay. Some men.”
She’d run circles around a number of men to make it here.
Looking as if she was thoroughly enjoying herself, she leaned back against the side of the building. “I know I shouldn’t gloat, but...”
Dan laughed out loud, the sound coming from somewhere deep inside him. It was too easy to argue with her. “Go ahead,” he offered. “Enjoy it. You deserve it.”
“All these years,” she said, almost wistfully. “I thought you hated me.”
Dan froze, genuine regret washing over him.
Hate her? It was anything but that.
He’d never explained to her that she reminded him of a woman he desperately wanted to forget. A woman who’d once shared his bed and his name, one he’d made miserable in the short time they’d been married. He thought he’d gotten past that in the days the agency was in its infancy. He’d been a part of it from the beginning, helping select and train its first operatives. He particularly enjoyed the challenge of building something from the ground up when the rest of his life was falling apart around him.
Then he’d walked onto a field full of prospective agents and seen Jamie. And wanted her, wanted to protect her from himself and his life, as well. Put all that together, and he hadn’t been in the best of moods from the first moment they met. But he’d never hated her.
He’d wanted her, but he knew she’d be much better off without him.
“Jamie,” he said softly. “I never hated you.”
Jamie stood there, staring at him, wishing she could see more clearly, relying on her memory to fill in the gaps left by the darkness. He was twelve years older than she was. His hair didn’t have a hint of gray, but there were tiny lines at the corners of his eyes, more at the corners of his mouth when he smiled that sarcastically amused smile of his, which he often did around her.
She found him even more attractive and compelling with each year that passed. There’d been a time when she would have cut off her right arm in exchange for a kind word from him, a time when she alternatively wanted to wring his neck or have the satisfaction in throwing him flat on his back, just one time, when he stepped onto the mat in self-defense class.
She’d longed for his respect almost as much as she longed for him to show the slightest bit of interest in her as a person. As a woman. Which was silly, because he couldn’t stand her.
She wanted to believe he was one of those men who didn’t think women had any place in an agency such as Division One. But she’d lost even that bit of comfort when Dan, himself, had been paired with a woman, a petite dynamo named Geri Sinclair. They’d been working together for about a year now, and he seemed perfectly at ease entrusting his life to her, which was what a partnership meant in their line of work.
So, if it wasn’t that Jamie was a woman, or that he didn’t think she could handle the job, that left only one reason for the way he treated her. He must not like her, period.
And now he claimed he was proud of her and the work she’d done?
“I...” She had to stop and think before she really put her foot in it. He’d complimented her work and nothing else. “I appreciate you telling me that.”
“As I said, I should have told you a long time ago,” he said, looking unusually serious. “For a while after I heard about what happened in London, I thought that I wouldn’t get the chance to tell you.”
“Oh?” she said carefully.
“Not because I thought you couldn’t handle the job,” he said carefully. “Because I know how dangerous the job is.”
“All the jobs are dangerous,” she reminded him.
Looking like he was ready to spit nails, he said, “I was worried about you, Jamie, all right?”
This was getting more and more interesting all the time. Jamie just stood there, immensely satisfied by the turn of the conversation, immensely hopeful.
Worried about you.
God, if only he knew how many nights she had spent awake, worrying about whatever mess he’d gotten himself into, wondering if he would make it back alive and how long it would be before she sa
w him again.
They both traveled a great deal, coming and going on what at some times seemed directly opposite schedules. It wasn’t unusual for weeks, even months, to go by before she caught a glimpse of him. Which was probably one of the reasons she hadn’t already made a fool of herself over him.
“I’m supposed to be in town for a while after this job’s done,” he said.
“Me, too,” she offered tentatively, thinking that either she’d gone mad or he was about to suggest they get together sometime.
“Jamie, it’s probably none of my business, but what’s going on between you and the Golden Boy?”
“Josh?”
All serious and stern-looking, he nodded.
Jamie fought not to give anything away in her expression, to keep it carefully neutral, while inside she was screaming for joy. Could he really be jealous of Josh?
“Josh is my partner,” she said, thinking she should let him wonder another moment or two. “And a good friend.”
“Okay,” he said, accepting it, although she sensed he wanted a more definitive statement on the relationship.
It gave her hope. A dizzy, giddy kind of hope. Jamie thought just about anything could happen next, that all things were possible.
And then, through the earpiece of her radio, she heard Dan’s partner announce that she was approaching them from the southwest. Dan heard it, too. They were all tuned to the same frequency. Looking frustrated and uncharacteristically uncertain, he stared at her for a moment, and she wanted to believe that he regretted—as much as she did—that their conversation had been cut short. Then he turned to greet his partner.
Jamie wondered if that would be the end of it, if she’d ever know what he would have said next. Through sheer force of will, she made it through the next few minutes as she and Josh turned over responsibility for the men inside the building to Dan and Geri.
The last item on their checklist of duties was a walk-through of the interior security setup. She took Dan through the building while Geri and Josh stayed outside. He didn’t say a word to her, just listened, surveyed the area himself and followed her.
There was only one problem. He was much too close. Pausing at the far end of a deserted hallway, Jamie wondered if her mind was playing tricks on her, if she was simply too in tune with every move he made, every breath he took. Surely she was putting too much stock in a few simple words of praise for her work, one intriguing question about her relationship with Josh, and her own attraction to a man who for so long had been oblivious to her.
“Well,” she said, her composure wearing thin. “I guess that’s it.”
She went to brush past him, but Dan snagged her with an arm like steel and pulled her to him.
“Not quite,” he said, backing her against the wall in the darkened corner of the building and lowering his mouth to hers.
She gasped, her mouth opening beneath his. Her palms were pressed against his shoulders, her fingers splayed wide around the muscles bunched tightly at the top of his steely arms. Never in her life had she been so aware of the fact that she was pressed tightly against a man so much bigger and so much stronger than she was. But then she’d always gotten a little thrill out of the fact that he moved so fast and possessed such strength.
This close, she felt the broad muscles of his chest, the tightness of his stomach, the rock-solid muscles of his thighs. One of his hands settled into the indentation at the base of her spine, arching her against him, bringing their bodies intimately together. Against her belly, she felt the first stirrings of arousal in his, a growing pressure that had her gasping for breath once again. Dizzy with surprise and hope, she clung to him.
He held her up with his arms and with the pressure of his body, an object as immovable as the solid brick wall against her back. Yet, for a man who had moved so quickly, and used such strength to hold her there, he kissed with devastating gentleness. His lips were firm and sure against hers, his tongue like velvet as it slowly invaded her mouth, coaxing, stroking, enticing.
She shuddered against him. He held her more tightly, breaking away long enough to whisper urgently, “Jamie, I would never hurt you.”
“I know,” she answered, absolutely certain he wouldn’t ever use his size and strength that way.
He gentled the kiss even more. Worried that he was going to pull away, that the moment would be lost, she pressed one of her hands to the side of his face and into his hair, still wet from the rain, and urged him closer.
So many times, she’d imagined how his body would feel wrapped tightly around hers, how he would move against her, how he would taste and the way his big, calloused hands would feel against her bare skin. But nothing she ever imagined equaled the devastating reality of him.
His tongue stroked its way through her mouth, against her lips, across her teeth. She whimpered a little, unable to help herself, when he started to back away, his touch growing lighter as he pressed a series of soft, sweet kisses against her lips, before he finally withdrew.
Dazed, she stood there pressed against the wall and gazed up at him. His massive shoulders were heaving in the effort it cost him to breathe, his dark eyes positively smoldering, his lips stretched into a sexy smile that spoke of satisfaction, then slowly gave way to concern.
He took her chin in his hand, his eyes dazzling, “Did I scare you?”
“No.”
He didn’t look convinced.
“Dan, I’m not afraid of you,” she added.
Nothing could be further from the truth. She felt safer with him than she ever had with anyone else. It was his brash self-confidence, the sureness with which he moved, the ease he had with his body. There was strength and immense power inside of him, tempered with impeccable judgment and a scrupulous sense of responsibility.
She could easily entrust her life to him, could so easily give him her heart as well.
“I want to see you,” he said. See her? The husky tone, the words that sounded more like a command than a request.
“In the morning?” she suggested, not willing to give him too long to think about it, possibly to change his mind. His eyes narrowed, and she thought she might have surprised him with her eagerness and impatience.
“You’re done at seven?” she rushed on.
“Yes,” he said.
Dinner was out of the question. She and Josh were pulling the evening watch until their mystery scientists were moved. And Dan had the nights. That only left the days.
“We could have breakfast,” she suggested.
Breakfast sounded reasonable, like something two rational adults might do. It could be nothing more than sharing a meal together. Or it could turn into just about anything. She swallowed hard, fighting against the tightness in her throat. Fighting her nervousness and all her insecurities, she waited, wanting so desperately for them to have this chance.
Dan stood in front of her, using that uncanny ability he had to be so quiet, so absolutely still, people wondered if he was still breathing. He was silent long enough to make her panic just a little. And then he nodded, his lips curving into that satisfied smile again.
“I’ll pick you up in the morning, as soon as I’m done here.”
“I’ll be waiting,” she whispered.
His lips came down to hers once more, the kiss quick and hard and leaving her head spinning once again.
“If we don’t get outside now, someone’s going to come looking for us,” he said.
“I know.”
Amazed and so very hopeful, she turned and followed him down the hallway. Her legs were still weak, her hands trembling badly, her lips tingling, joy and wonder surging through her.
It felt as if she’d been waiting forever for him.
Chapter 2
Jamie. was still in a daze five minutes later as she and Josh walked through the darkened streets to their cars. Half a block away from the warehouse, Josh said, “Well?”
“He wants to see me,” she said, echoing Dan’s own words.
&nb
sp; “See you?” Josh repeated. “As in...call you into his office and chew you out over something he thinks you’ve done wrong?”
“No. See me. As in...get together. Talk. Share a meal. You know...like a date.”
Josh laughed. “You can’t stand him. Remember?”
“I know.” He was the most frustrating man she’d ever known.
“He makes you crazy.”
“I know.”
“He’ll break your heart,” Josh said, sounding suspiciously protective, like one of her brothers.
“I won’t let him,” she promised herself. They walked quietly through the rain for a few moments. Finally, she said, “I just can’t forget him, Josh. No matter how hard I’ve tried, I can’t get him out of my mind. I still remember the first time I ever saw him.”
It had been one of her first days with the agency. Dan Reese, dressed all in black, his blondish-brown hair cropped close to his head in military precision, his eyes a dark, rich green, was an imposing study in grace and power and confidence as he marched onto the field and explained in the most softly intimidating voice she’d ever heard how few trainees ever made it through Intermediaries with him.
“That first day, he took me aside after class and told me in no uncertain terms there was no place in this organization for me, then he swore he wouldn’t kick me out because I was a woman, but because I wouldn’t be able to cut it.”
Josh shook his head. “The man has a way with women.”
Jamie laughed. “I hated him. As my father says, ‘I wouldn’t have bothered to spit on him if he was on fire.’ But I worked harder than I’ve ever worked in my life because of him, and he taught me so much. I guess...I admire him for that. For a lot of things.”
He showed her a wealth of determination and strength inside of her, and she knew if she succeeded within the agency, a great deal of the credit would belong to him.
On graduation day she tried to tell him, then watched in dismay as an old, familiar look came across his face. One that said he thought she was very young and inexperienced, that she had a lot to learn about the world in general and about what would be expected of her within the agency in particular. He managed to look cocky, condescending and amused all at once as he cut her to shreds with his wicked tongue, dashing her hopes that he’d changed his mind about her and her abilities. The hard part, he told her, hadn’t even begun, and if she was smart she’d know she had to work ten times as hard in the field as she’d ever worked for him, if she simply wanted to survive.
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