“I will?” She was liking the sound of this more and more.
“Yes.” He turned all serious again. “Jamie, I know I’m no bargain...”
“Mmm,” she teased. “I remember. Frustrating, maddening, arrogant—”
He pressed two fingers against her lips. “I’m not talking about my sweet disposition. I’m talking about the way I’m hobbling around on this damned cane. It’s not going to be as bad as it was yesterday, but I’m not sure how much better it’s going to get, either. I can walk, maybe without the cane in time. But there’s always going to be a limp. I won’t be running any marathons.”
“It doesn’t matter to me.”
“Babe, I don’t know how you can be sure about that right now, and that worries me.”
“Dan, I swear to you, when I think of the kind of man I want to be with, I’ve never considered the fact that he could or couldn’t run a marathon as a deciding factor. I don’t know any woman who does.”
He swore, looking thoroughly exasperated. “You know what I mean.”
“You’re telling me if I’m looking for a jogging partner, it won’t be you. I can live with that. If you’re telling me you won’t be out in the field for the agency again because of certain physical limitations, don’t expect me to be upset by that. The idea of you running around getting shot at doesn’t exactly thrill me.”
“Jamie, there’s more to it than that, and you know it.”
“Okay, let’s think about this. I could probably find another man who isn’t nearly as arrogant as you or as much of a chauvinist as you,” she teased. “One who isn’t as brave or as strong or as determined. I can’t imagine he’d make me feel the way you do, can’t imagine wanting another man as much as I want you.” Jamie sighed. It was no good. She couldn’t keep it light. She wanted him too much. “I’ve never admired another man as much as you. Never waited this long for one. I really don’t go around throwing myself at men who aren’t interested in me.”
“Believe me, lack of interest was never the issue. I guess I decided I didn’t deserve you, that you deserved someone who had a lot more to offer than I did.”
“Oh, I can’t wait to hear this. What do you think I deserve?” she asked.
“Jamie—”
“No,” she reconsidered. Why would she give him a chance to try to talk her out of this? Lay it on the line, she told herself. It was time. Time to tell him exactly what she wanted. “Let’s skip that part altogether. It isn’t an issue. Let me tell you what I want.”
“Okay.”
Gathering her courage, she told him, “I want a man who respects me, one who’s honest, one I can trust. One who can make me laugh and smile. One who can take my breath away. One who can make me melt with just a look and make magic with a kiss. I want a man who’ll never leave me, one who wants to have children with me. One who has the patience and gentleness to be a good father to those children.”
His hand, which had been making lazy circles along the side of her hip, slid beneath the shirt she wore once again, resting flat against her skin, fingers splayed wide across her abdomen. “Children.”
She never hesitated. “Yes.”
He looked worried then. “Jamie, we didn’t use anything yesterday. I’m sorry. But I never meant to take things that far.”
She hadn’t even thought of that, hadn’t thought of anything but having him inside of her, finally. Jamie tensed, knowing it was an irresponsible risk to take but knowing she’d never regret having his child. But how would he feel about it?
His hand still lingered against her skin, low on her belly, his touch exquisitely gentle, his expression wary. “I didn’t even think about it until sometime last night, but it could have happened already.”
Jamie’s heart lurched crazily at the image he painted. Would it make him happy if she had his baby? Or would he push her away again?
“What else do you want?” he whispered, giving nothing else away.
You, she thought. I just want you.
But she wasn’t sure he would accept that. So she searched through her own jumbled thoughts, sifting through what she’d already told him and beyond that, to the stuff of her dreams.
“I want a big, old house,” she explained, seeing it in her head. “Three stories, with a porch that goes on forever, all sorts of odd-shaped rooms, and hardwood floors and a fireplace. I want a big yard with lots of trees, somewhere out in the country, and once I find it, I don’t ever want to move. When I was growing up, we never stayed in one place. And I always dreamed of a place where I’d stay. I’ve been seeing this house in my head forever.”
“What else?”
There wasn’t much else. “A rosebush. No, lots of rosebushes. Climbers that get all tangled up in the side of the house, like they’re never going to let it go. Fern baskets hanging from the porch. A porch swing. A puppy.”
“It can’t be that hard to find a man willing to give you a puppy or a big, old house in the country.”
“I want a man who loves me.” She took a deep breath. Her ribs protested, but she didn’t care. She needed the air now that she’d gotten to the hardest part. “A man who’ll be a father to my children. And I want it to last.”
“That’s it?”
She nodded. “I should tell you—all those other things? They’re all negotiable. Except for the last three.”
He smiled beautifully, sadly, but said nothing.
Jamie bit down on her bottom lip, thinking this could go either way, wondering why he’d asked all these questions if he hadn’t wanted to know the answers.
She was going to cry in earnest, she decided as the silence stretched out between them.
Finally, he said, “Jamie, all of this has happened so fast. We’ve known each other for years, but... until a few weeks ago...”
“I know.”
“The last few days...you could have died on that street that morning. I thought...” He sighed. “Everything’s been so intense. I don’t...I want us to be sure, Jamie. We need to take some time, to be sure.”
Her emotions were rubbed raw, her tears were falling faster. He bent to wipe them away.
“I’m not trying to back away from this. I swear,” he insisted, and she couldn’t tell if she’d scared him with her talk about loving him and babies and old houses in the country, or if he was giving her one last chance to change her mind because he still thought that would be best for her.
Jamie tried to smile, but it was hard. Tears clouded her vision, and she couldn’t breathe and her ribs hurt. And she wanted to hold him so tight, like she’d never let him go. She didn’t want to let go of this moment, of the dreams drifting through her head.
He wrapped his arms around her, stared down at her. “Stay here with me,” he whispered urgently. “I just need another week or so here with my therapists, until I’m getting around a little better with the cane. You need the rest, and I need to have you here. I’m going to keep you safe, Jamie. Stay with me.”
“I will,” she said.
“Like this?” he said, kissing her again. “In my bed?”
“Yes.”
“We’ll find out who hurt you, who shot me. And then we’ll take some time just for the two of us. We’ll figure everything out. Do you trust me?”
“Yes.”
With her life. She hoped she could with her heart as well.
Chapter 15
They had eight glorious days together. Jamie felt truly pampered. She stayed in bed, sleeping much of the time away, soaking in the hot tub, resting, daydreaming. Dan was getting stronger every day, moving more freely and easily, though still using the cane.
She teased him, telling him he looked rather sexy with it, that he wore the wounded warrior look well. But she still worried that the damage to his leg was weighing on him more than he let on. And she was still afraid he didn’t quite believe that it didn’t matter to her if he never walked without the cane. But he wasn’t trying to push her away anymore, either.
Still, t
hey had to deal with the mess they’d left behind in D.C. eventually. She wasn’t surprised one morning when Dan said Josh was on his way to the cabin so the three of them could plan their next move. She wanted it over with, but she was scared, too. Dan wasn’t scared, but something was bothering him. She knew him too well not to recognize the signs.
She walked over to where he stood, with his back to her as he looked out one of the cabin’s windows. She slipped her arms around his waist from behind, rested her head on his shoulder and said, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he insisted.
“You frown like this over nothing?” she said.
“Well...” He hedged. “Sometimes.”
She remembered her mother’s warning, that emotional intimacy was simply beyond some men, and tightened her arms around him. He’d been trying. She thought he honestly wanted to let her inside that thick skull of his. She’d hoped that would be enough.
“Tell me what’s wrong.”
He said nothing for the longest time, then admitted, “I’m being petty, all right.”
“Oh.” Intrigued, she pressed on. “Then we’ve got a problem here. I don’t recall that being on the list of annoying habits I’m willing to overlook. I’m afraid you’ll have to stop.”
He turned around, leaned back against the windowsill and pulled her into his arms. “You want to talk about annoying habits?”
“We could.” She smiled as sweetly as she dared. “But you’d just be doing it to distract me, and it wouldn’t work. At least, not for long.”
He kissed her lightly. “You are a truly annoying woman.”
“Mmm. Want to renegotiate our deal? You can be petty, and I’ll be annoying.”
“No,” he insisted. “I’m not renegotiating anything.”
“Then you have to talk to me. What’s wrong?”
He looked truly uncomfortable, and she started to really worry, wondering what else he might be keeping from her. Finally, he said, “When you were in the emergency room, the nurse who was with you offered to call someone to come and be with you. Do you remember that?”
“Maybe. It’s all hazy. Why?”
“You asked her to call Josh.”
“Oh.” Was he still jealous of Josh? After the last eight days? “Dan, I told you—there’s nothing between me and Josh.”
“I know. And I believe you. But when you were hurt, he was the one you wanted with you.”
“No,” she insisted, knowing this must have been bugging him for days and thinking he deserved to suffer if he simply refused to ask her about it. “Josh was just closer. His apartment is about fifteen minutes from the hospital.”
“That’s it?”
“Yes. I was drifting in and out of consciousness, and I had to tell someone what happened. I knew I shouldn’t stay in the hospital, that someone needed to wipe out any record of my being there. And I suspected someone at the agency was involved in everything. I also knew I’d be putting my life into the hands of the person I called.”
“You were,” he agreed.
“Believe me, you’re the one I wanted with me,” she reassured him. “But I thought you were an hour and a half away, and I was scared. Josh was just closer.”
He looked annoyed. Whether at her or himself, she couldn’t tell. He frowned again and said, “You’re sure? That’s it?”
“What other reason could there be?”
“You tell me,” he invited.
“That’s it.”
He looked unconvinced, but all he said was, “This mess isn’t over yet.”
“I know.”
“If you want to go somewhere else... If there’s some other place where you’d feel safer. Someone you want to be with now—”
“No,” she insisted. “Don’t you dare even think that. I trust you. I feel safe with you.”
And then she just held on to him, refusing to let go, refusing to let him have any doubts. They climbed back into the bed and made love, like they had all week, but hastily, greedily. Yet he was still careful of her injuries. He left her there with a kiss and a promise to be back in an hour and a half, when he finished his workout in the pool. Josh should be here by then, and they would make their plan. One way or another, they were going to end this.
Thirty minutes later, Jamie had just gotten out of the shower. She was slipping a T-shirt over her head when the alarm sounded.
Jamie jumped at the high-pitched, whirring sound, her nerves shot. She didn’t want to come face-to-face with the men who’d taken such pleasure in tying her up and beating her, and she didn’t want to have to raise her gun to someone she’d considered a friend from the agency.
But she wasn’t going to be caught unarmed, either. Dan would know about the alarm, she told herself. He’d be here in seconds. There was a guard outside, too, and she wasn’t helpless. She reached for the nine-millimeter pistol Dan kept beside the bed. She’d barely gotten it into her hand when someone kicked in the back door and came charging through.
Jamie screamed and took aim with the gun, her index finger squeezing back on the trigger.
The man burst through the opening, his weapon drawn. Tense seconds followed when they stared at each other, struggled for long, deep, soothing breaths and waited for the adrenaline to stop surging, then finally lowered their weapons.
Jamie’s hands were shaking as she put the gun down on the table and walked into the man’s arms.
“Where the hell have you been?” he growled.
“Right here,” she said, still trying to catch her breath and wishing she’d taken the time to silence the alarm.
She was just starting to relax when she heard a crash behind her. The front door was kicked in, and Dan came charging inside, gun drawn. Jamie’s visitor still had his weapon in his hand, and the next thing she knew, she was the only thing keeping them from shooting each other.
His arm tightened painfully around her rib cage and he pulled her to the right—no doubt to shove her out of the way—but she refused to go, planting herself between him and Dan in an effort to get both of them to stop.
“Wait!” she yelled. “Both of you. Just wait a minute.”
She reached for the control unit on the alarm, shut it off, then turned to make the necessary explanations before there was any bloodshed.
She turned to Dan, who still looked ready to commit murder. “Dan, this is my brother, Sean.”
He stared as if he didn’t quite believe her. She remembered that it took a minute after Sean burst through the door for her to believe what her own eyes were telling her. She turned to her brother, who still hadn’t lowered his gun. “Sean, Dan and I work together. He’s not going to hurt me, and you’re not going to shoot him.”
She stayed between the two of them until they finally lowered their guns. Dan swore. Sean started yelling.
“What the hell happened to you?” he said.
“It’s a long story.”
He reached for the side of her face, which still held traces of bruises. “Why didn’t you call me?”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “What are you doing here?”
“Looking for you.”
“You found me.” She managed a weak smile and turned to Dan. She held out her hand to him, his closed tightly over hers, and she knew he’d been as scared as she was when the alarm went off. She whispered, “Sorry.”
Her hand was trembling, so she couldn’t be sure, but she thought his was as well, and she could just imagine how he felt when the alarm sounded.
“I’m all right,” she reassured him, then remembered the guard and turned back to her brother. “Sean? The guard? Outside the cabin? You didn’t...”
“He’ll be fine,” her brother shrugged. “In a couple of hours.”
Dan went to check on the guard. In the middle of that, Josh arrived. She introduced him to her brother, filled him in on what happened. Josh fussed over her bruises and gave her hell for causing so much trouble. Dan came back and reported that the guard was going to be
fine, and through it all, Sean stood there seething. She could just imagine what was in store for her, once he finally had his say.
A few moments later, Sean, looking her over from head to toe, asked, “What does the bad guy look like?”
“There were five of them, Sean. Do you think you would have gotten away if five guys jumped you?”
“I don’t know, but I damned sure wouldn’t have been wandering around down there by myself where somebody could grab me and do God knows what to me and then throw me out of a moving car,” he yelled. “Damn it, Jamie, did you or did you not get thrown out of a car on Burns Avenue twelve days ago?”
“She did.” Dan came to stand beside her, slipping an arm around her waist.
Jamie saw the speculative gleam in her brother’s eye as he looked over the two of them and decided to see if she could salvage something of this, their first meeting. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t take the time to introduce the two of you, properly. Dan, this is my brother, Sean Patrick Douglass.” She turned to her brother. “Sean, this is Dan Reese.”
Reluctantly, they shook hands, sizing each other up as if they might still duke it out at any moment. Then Sean’s eyes narrowed and gave a hint of a smile. “Dan Reese?” he said. “Weren’t you...?”
“Yes, Sean,” she groaned.
“One of her instructors,” Sean nodded. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“Shut up, Sean,” she said, reverting to threats.
“I’ve got to warn you,” he continued. “She looks like a sweet little thing, but she knows how to hold a grudge. And she has a nasty temper.”
“So does Dan,” she countered.
“Now that I think about it, so do I.” Sean turned back to her. “I can’t believe I had to hunt you down to find out what happened to you.”
“I’m all right,” she said.
“This happened twelve days ago,” he fumed.
“I’m sorry,” she said again. “I knew you’d worry, and I really didn’t want to explain this to the family until the worst of the bruises faded.”
Exasperated, Jamie looked at Josh. He just shrugged his shoulders. Then she turned to Dan, who was smiling.
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