“Gail does so much for me and she’s been busy with the holidays, so I snuck in to do some of the little housekeeping things that fall by the wayside.”
He shoved his hands in his pockets as he watched her dust the small porcelain couple who’d stood on his parents’ wedding cake decades before. It was one of the many things he admired about her. It would be easy for her to take advantage of his mom’s kindness, but instead Christina went out of her way to make sure their relationship was balanced. Their friendship was genuine.
And it was just one more reason on the long list of reasons he should leave the room and keep on walking until he’d locked himself in his apartment.
“We should talk,” he heard himself say.
She didn’t stop dusting to look back at him, but he saw her shoulders tense up. “About what?”
“About the other day.” He forced himself to say it out loud. “About me kissing you.”
“It was just a kiss, Will.”
If either of them believed that, there wouldn’t be so much tension between them. “Can you stop dusting for a minute and talk to me?”
When she turned and threw the dust rag down in a rare show of temper, he almost wished he’d kept his mouth shut. “Why talk about it? You’re pretty good at pretending nothing happened. Why stop now?”
“I pretend nothing happened because I don’t know what to say. And you’re pretty good at pretending nothing happened, too.”
“Why did you kiss me?”
Because at that moment, kissing her had seemed like the only way to ease the aching. “You’re an attractive woman and I like you and...it just felt right at the time. Why did you let me?”
“Because you’re an attractive man and I like you.” She put her hands on her hips. “This feels more like some kind of a game of turning things around on me and I’m not playing it. I’m also not going to be your yo-yo while you work through your issues.”
He should leave it alone, he told himself. Her anger would keep a wedge between them and he wouldn’t be tempted to get too close to her again. Problem solved.
But he sensed the underlying hurt or confusion under the anger and he didn’t like being the cause of that. “I want you. It’s as simple as that. But it’s not simple because there are so many reasons why I should leave you alone.”
“Yes, there are,” she said quietly. “And yet I want you, too.”
“So what the hell are we supposed to do about that?” It was a question he sincerely hoped she had a good answer to, because he sure didn’t.
He watched her take a couple of steps toward him and inhaled through his nose, a deep breath to steady his nerves.
“We can keep playing this game,” she said. “We touch or kiss and try to pretend it didn’t happen, and then live with all of the tension. Or we can just...you know.”
Her words lit a fire in him, but he tried not to let it show. “And what comes after the you know part? That’s an awfully hard thing to pretend didn’t happen.”
“We won’t have to pretend it didn’t happen. But we don’t have to make a big deal out of it, either. We’re attracted to each other. We’ve both been lonely. We’re adults.”
“And that’s it?”
“The awkwardness and the tension comes from not knowing what’s going on between us, and trying to fight it. If we accept it, there’s no more tension.”
It sounded good in theory—hell, it sounded great in theory—but Christina didn’t strike him as the kind of woman who’d have a casual fling and then just go on as friends.
“I’m still not sure it’s a good idea,” he said, though he had to dig deep for the willpower to say the words.
When she got close enough to tuck her finger under the neck of his T-shirt, his willpower drained out of him. “Do you think it’s a better idea to keep fighting it and frustrating ourselves and each other?”
That wasn’t going to work. “I’m not the man you need, Christina.”
“I don’t need any man at all, but right now you’re the man that I want.”
It was enough for him. “Come upstairs with me. We have to go out in the cold and around to the outside stairs, though, and I can’t tell you why.”
* * *
Christina didn’t allow herself to entertain second thoughts as she followed Will out into the cold and up the stairs to his apartment. She focused on his wide, strong shoulders in front of her and the hand he’d reached back so he could interlace his fingers with hers.
Her body was practically vibrating from nerves and desire, and she paused at the threshold. Because he was holding her hand, Will felt her hesitation and turned to face her.
Looking into his dark eyes, she tried to calm herself. She’d meant what she’d said to him downstairs. They couldn’t continue on as they were, trying to keep the lid on a pot bubbling over with sexual frustration, but staying out of each other’s lives wasn’t really an option.
And she wanted him—wanted to feel his mouth on hers again and his hands on her body. She’d denied herself a lot of small pleasures since her divorce, and she didn’t have the strength or the desire to deny herself the pleasure of Will’s touch.
He waited until she stepped through the doorway, and then he kicked the door closed before pulling at her hand until she was close enough to kiss. The second his mouth closed over hers, her doubts faded. She gave herself up to the kiss, savoring the growing need instead of trying to shove it down.
As he deepened the kiss, she let go of his hand so she could wrap her arms around him. She loved the way she fit against his body and all she wanted now was to feel that connection without clothes between them.
When his hands slid under the hem of her sweater and found bare flesh, she sucked in a breath. He had strong hands, rough and callused, and she loved the feel of them on her skin.
“You’re right,” he murmured against her mouth. “This is better than fighting it. That was a losing battle.”
The flannel shirt he had on was unbuttoned and rolled at the cuffs, so it took seconds for Christina to slide it off his shoulders and onto the floor. The T-shirt she had to tug at to free from the waist of his jeans, but she managed to pull it up and over his arms. Gliding her fingertips over his bare skin, she felt him shiver at her touch and smiled.
“Two can play at that game.” He pulled her sweater over her head and tossed it aside.
The air washing over her made her shiver just as he had, and he chuckled. Then he ran his hands over her back to unsnap her bra and slipped it down over her arms.
Pulling her close, he kissed her again. His hands were on her back, holding her bared breasts against his chest. It had always been her nature to wait, to let the man lead as she would in a ballroom dance, but she couldn’t wait.
Reaching between them, she undid the button of his jeans. Her hand brushed over his erection as she worked the zipper down, and he groaned.
“I want you too much to last long if you touch me like that,” he warned.
“I like touching you.”
“I try not to touch you, you know.” His breath was hot against her skin as he blazed a trail of kisses down her neck. “Brushing by you in the hallway. Arms bumping at the table. That kiss in your kitchen. Every touch makes me want you more, so I’ve tried not to.”
“You can touch me now.”
As if making up for lost time, Will led her to the bed and touched her every place she’d dreamed of him touching her. His mouth closed over her nipple, sucking gently as his hands roamed over her body. He’d pause every few minutes to remove more of her clothing and then he threw his on the pile, too.
She got her fill of him, as well. Fascinated by his sculpted biceps and taut back, she explored him with her fingertips. He had a scar on his chest, just above his left nipple and she touched it lightly
.
“How did you get this?”
“I climbed a tree to get away from Erin and, when I slid down, I found the jagged nub of a broken branch.”
“Ouch.” She pressed a kiss to the spot and his chest expanded as he inhaled.
Then his hand slid between her legs and she gripped his shoulders as the delicious sensations inside of her intensified. His mouth claimed hers, his tongue dipping between her lips, and she moaned.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. “All of you. Especially on the inside.”
His words touched her and she slid her hand up his neck and into his hair so she could kiss him again. The length of his erection twitched against her thigh and he rose up on his elbows to look down at her.
“Don’t go anywhere.”
He got off the bed and she heard what sounded like a nightstand drawer, followed by the crinkle of a condom wrapper. Seconds later, he was back and she trailed her fingernails lightly over his back to watch him shudder.
When his knee nudged her thighs apart, she tried not to tense up. It had been a long time.
His hand dipped between her thighs again, stroking her. “Don’t think. Just feel.”
It felt so good, and when his fingers were replaced by the hard length of him, she lifted her hips. He moved slowly, going a little deeper each time his hips moved. The whole time, he kissed her, hard and deep and biting gently at her lip.
“Damn, Christina.” His voice was low and rough as he pushed fully into her. “You feel even better than I imagined.”
She ran her hands over his ass, urging him to move. “Have you imagined this a lot?”
“Every time I close my eyes. Or take a shower.” He took one of her wrists in each hand and held them over her head, letting his hands slide upward until their fingers were laced. “Pretty much anytime I’m alone.”
The words heightened her need and she rocked her hips to meet his next thrust. Groaning, he moved faster and harder, until she cried out. Her back arched as the orgasm swept over her, and her fingers tightened around his.
“I can’t...” Will’s words became a groan as he found his own release and she felt his ragged breath on her neck.
When the tremors passed, he kissed her jaw and let go of her hands so he could slide free. She didn’t want to let him go, but he was heavy and she was still catching her breath.
After kissing her shoulder, Will dropped his head to the pillow and exhaled slowly. “Perfect.”
She wasn’t going to argue with that. Languid warmth seeped through her and she closed her eyes. She’d needed that, even more than she’d thought.
After a few minutes, he rolled away from her and the mattress dipped as he stood. A minute later, she heard the toilet flush, and then the mattress dipped again. But when he didn’t roll over and pull her body to his, she sighed.
“My mom can’t know about this,” he said after a long moment.
Christina closed her eyes against the wave of annoyance that washed over her. She hadn’t planned to say anything to Gail if she could help it, but it would have been nice if Will’s first thought hadn’t been somewhat of a denial of what had just happened between them.
“I know. And speaking of your mom, I should get home. I don’t want to be here when they get home.”
She got dressed, feeling self-conscious about being naked in front of him in the middle of the day, but then her gaze fell on the framed photograph on the dresser.
His wife had been really pretty, she thought, though she already knew that from the picture Gail had downstairs. And happy. Christina had been a little distracted on her way from the door to the bed, so she hadn’t noticed the photographs.
Or the hope chest with the folded quilt on top, she realized as she fished for a sock. That was painful to look at because it had hurt when they took hers away, so she focused on pulling her sock on so she could get home.
Not because of his wife’s belongings. He wasn’t the kind of guy who’d put away memories of somebody he loved and she liked that about him. But because she wanted a little time before Nathaniel got home to get her emotions in order. Her son could be strangely perceptive at times and she didn’t want him zeroing in on the shift in her relationship with Will.
“I’ll see you later, right?” Will said before she got to his bedroom door.
She paused, looking over her shoulder. He was sitting up, the covers pooled around his waist and his hair rumpled, and she found herself wanting him again already. “Yeah.”
They’d definitely see each other later, and probably quite often. The only question was just how much of each other they’d see. But for now, she wanted to stretch out on her couch and savor the warm afterglow of Will’s lovemaking. The rest would work itself out. Or not.
* * *
Will’s first waking thought the next day was that everything had changed. The lingering scent that was probably only his imagination and the dent in the pillow next to his had come from a woman who wasn’t Emily, and it wasn’t as painful as he’d anticipated it would be.
Remembering the way Christina had reacted to his stupid remark about not wanting his mom to know they’d slept together was painful, though. He probably should have explained what he meant, but he hadn’t realized until much later that she might have thought he was ashamed of what they’d done.
He needed to tell her why it was so important his mom not find out, just as soon as he had the chance.
After he finally dragged himself out of bed and into the shower, he went down to the kitchen. It was quiet, which meant Nathaniel wasn’t over. Even on the weekends, he had a tendency to pop over, and Will didn’t mind. He liked hearing the little guy’s voice, especially when he was excited about something or laughing.
“Hey, Mom.” He kissed his mother’s cheek and made a beeline for the coffee pot. “It’s quiet this morning.”
“Enjoy it while it lasts. Christina just called and they asked her if she could cover for a girl who’s sick and of course I said I’d watch Nathaniel. He’ll be here soon.”
“Good. We’re still working on our secret project.”
“How’s it turning out?”
He shrugged and pulled a few eggs out of the fridge. “It’s not going to be as fancy as the one she used to have, but I think she’ll like it.”
“Honey, she’s going to think it’s the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen. Trust me on that.”
“I hope so. You want a sandwich?”
She grimaced. “No, thank you. I had a muffin with my coffee earlier.”
He fried the eggs, running a fork through the yolks so they set hard, and then slid them onto bread he slathered in mayo. A slice of cheese and a little salt and pepper, and it was ready. Taking it and the coffee mug to the table, he pulled out a chair with his foot.
“Are you all ready for Christmas?” his mom asked.
“I think so.” He’d already bought her gifts, as well as presents for his nieces. “How about you?”
“I’m almost done. I have a puzzle coming in the mail for Nathaniel. Each piece is a state, with the capital and a random fact written on it, and they all go together to make the country. I hope it gets here in time.”
Will had bought him a set of metal Tonka trucks because he didn’t have any and a boy should have Tonka trucks. But he’d been so wrapped up in helping Nathaniel make the hope chest for Christina, he hadn’t thought about a gift for her himself.
“I need an idea for Christina,” he said, knowing nobody would know better than his mom what she’d like.
“I think the hope chest is more than enough.”
“That’s from Nathaniel, Mom. And only Nathaniel. I’m just helping him out.”
“If you say so. What kind of gift were you thinking of?”
“Something...”
He had no idea. “Something pretty or silly. Something she wouldn’t buy for herself.”
His mom laughed. “Something she wouldn’t buy for herself leaves a whole lot of options.”
“I guess it’s dumb, anyway. She had stuff most of the women I know would never dream of having, so she probably wouldn’t think anything of it.”
“Had being the key word there, son. Trust me, she’ll appreciate whatever you get her. Just keep it simple and don’t spend too much because she’ll be doing the same.”
He nodded and was taking the last bite of his sandwich when he heard the front door open. Nathaniel ran into the kitchen, brimming with energy in a way that made Will feel old.
Then Christina walked in, wearing her QuickStop shirt. “I’m going to apologize in advance. He woke up this way.”
“I’ll put him to work,” Will said, giving the boy a wink.
“Feel free to wear him out.”
Christina’s smile looked normal, but she didn’t quite make eye contact with him. He rinsed his plate while she talked to his mom, so he was ready when she kissed Nathaniel goodbye.
“I’ll walk out with you. I wanted to talk to you about something.” When everybody looked at him, he held his hands up. “You don’t ask questions right before Christmas.”
Christina didn’t buy it, though, because once they’d gotten to her car, she just crossed her arms and waited for him to speak.
“This is a little awkward,” he began.
“What else is new when it comes to us?” she asked, but she smiled when she said it.
“It’s about something I said yesterday. And I’m not sure if you took it the way I meant it.” He paused and cleared his throat, not sure where to start.
“I really have to go, so spit it out.”
“When I said I didn’t want my mom to know we slept together, I...I don’t want you to think it’s some kind of regret or shame or whatever.” When color darkened her cheeks and her lips tightened, he knew that was exactly what she’d thought. “I just don’t want her getting too excited, you know? She loves you and Nathaniel, so if she thinks there’s a chance of you and I being a couple, she’ll be relentless. And disappointed in the end.”
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