He really needed to see the homeless guy now.
* * * * *
Chapter 18
Luke wandered around downtown Vancouver, loitering around the office building where he used to work. He had not seen a single soul since he had been there.
Where is that damn bum? He thought.
Just then, he heard something shuffling in the alley to his left. He peered into it, but could not see anything. The orange streetlights did not reach that far in.
Then he heard the rattling of a trashcan, so he took his chances and went in.
“Hello?” he said, his voice echoing in the alley. He saw someone by the trashcan so he approached, getting excited.
“Who are you? Get out of here!” a voice said. It was a female voice.
Disappointed, Luke backed out of the alley, apologizing the whole way.
He was about to give up hope when he noticed someone leaning against the wall of the building on the other side of the street. He peered into the darkness. Yes, there was someone over there.
He crossed, not expecting anything.
“You’ve come back,” a voice said.
The streetlight shone on the man by the wall. The man had brown hair, and bad teeth. It was the homeless guy Luke had been looking for.
Luke sat down beside the guy. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”
“Is this about a girl? The girl that I mentioned?”
Luke nodded. “Look at me. I’m breaking out in hives. I don’t want to suffer anymore.” He shook his head, and felt like crying.
“Do you remember what I asked you that day?” The homeless man shifted in his position. “I asked, ‘How would you feel if the love of your life gave you the greatest gift, then broke your heart? Would you still want to know her?’”
Luke nodded.
The homeless scratched his hair vigorously, as if there were fleas in it. “And you said no, you would not.”
“I change my mind. Let me know her.”
“It’s not up to me. It’s up to you.”
Luke raised one eyebrow. “What do you mean?”
The bum sighed, as though explaining the basics of addition to a slow student. “If the girl is worth it, you would gladly suffer for her so that you could love her still. I think that’s a worthy trade, don’t you?”
Luke considered what the guy was saying.
The homeless young man stared at Luke. “Are you willing to suffer for your love?
You loved her. She died. Shit happens. That’s life. You can’t control that. Now, what you can control is how you deal with it. You can either mope around in your fancy apartment, or you can do something about it.”
“What do I do?” Luke asked, scratching the blotches on his face. The unhygienic bum may have smelled, but Luke knew that he was the one that was disgusting.
“You have to let nature take its course. Don’t fight it,” the homeless guy replied, staring at Luke’s boils. “Feel the pain to prove that she meant something to you. Allow yourself to feel the pain. Let yourself grieve. It’ll all be worth it. And you’ll be OK. And you’ll learn from it and feel better.” He pointed to Luke’s boils. “And all that will go away.”
That was more or less what Mike had said, thought Luke.
“But I did grieve,” Luke protested. “I cried once, that day in the cafeteria. The server saw me. I never cry.”
The homeless guy was unfazed. “You cried just that once and you expect to be all better, just like that?” He snapped his fingers. “It’s a process. You can’t fix it just by doing one thing once. It takes time. I’m not telling you something you don’t already know.”
Luke considered the response in silence.
“But it hurts,” said Luke. “It hurts a lot.” He pointed to his face and chest. The blotches on his body were beginning to itch and burn again.
“Of course it does,” the homeless said rather impatiently. “But it’s all worth it, isn’t it?”
Luke considered what the homeless guy had said.
He finally understood. It was being hit in the head by a football. He had finally woken up.
I have to allow myself to grieve, he thought. Since she died, I have seen a psychiatrist, distracted myself with other girls, attempted suicide, enrolled in painting classes, and almost overdosed on sleeping pills, all to avoid feeling the pain of losing her.
I didn’t really allow myself to grieve, he thought. I just wanted to feel better.
Luke turned to his new friend. He was glad he had given him ten dollars that day. “How do you know all this? Are you psychic?”
The homeless guy smirked. “All you need to know is that I’m a spiritual guy. Your reaction is the typical reaction of anyone grieving. They only want to feel better, but they don’t realize that unless they genuinely allow themselves to feel the pain, they won’t move past it.”
The guy wagged a finger at him. “You can’t take shortcuts.”
Luke then started chuckling, then laughing uncontrollably. He laughed like a hyena inhaling laughing gas.
“What’s so funny?” the unkempt man asked.
Luke clutched his sides when his laughter started hurting his body. He laughed until tears streamed down his face.
The man looked at him funny, but said nothing.
Finally, Luke stopped laughing. “All my life, I was afraid of the pain in relationships, only to find that feeling pain was the answer.”
The man nodded. “That’s irony for you.”
Luke got up. “Thank you,” he said to the young man. He took out a hundred-dollar bill from his wallet and gave it to him.
The homeless man smiled. “Thanks, I’m starving.”
Luke turned around and was about to head home, then paused. “Why did you ask me that question that day? Did you know this was going to happen?”
The guy shrugged, smiling. “No idea. I just people interesting questions just for fun. You happened to be the guy I asked that particular question to that day.”
Luke furrowed his brows, trying to understand what was said. He gave up after a while.
Spirituality, he thought. I’ll never understand it.
* * * * *
When Luke got home, he lay down on his bed with a renewed feeling of resolve. He knew what he had to do now. He took out the cherry blossom from his pocket and sniffed it again. It smelled fresh.
He was cradling it in his hands lovingly when it started to disappear. He set it on his bed, and went into his bathroom. Now was not the time to worry about that.
He found a bottle of sleeping pills. He unscrewed the lid, and took out a pill.
He was about to put it in his mouth when he frowned, then put the pill back in the bottle, and threw the bottle of SleepAid into the trashcan.
He then stripped and hopped on his treadmill. He was going to fall asleep the natural way.
Luke ran on the treadmill for a good forty-five minutes. When he was exhausted, his head hit the pillow but he found that he could not fall asleep, so he tossed and turned.
The pain on his body was now cranked up to the maximum level, but this time, he did not fight it. He allowed himself to feel the pain of the boils and blotches on his body. It stung like a thousand bees burying their stingers into his body, but he did not resist. He simply accepted them. He felt the itching sensation, which gradually turned into deep pain.
As he tossed and turned, he winced as his arm hit the bed sheets, disturbing the boils.
“Ow!” he said.
He then remembered to permit himself to feel the pain.
“Bring it!” he yelled into the darkness.
The pain started up again, and he screamed. He screamed so loud that the whole apartment must have heard.
As he tossed around, he thought about Alyssa, and how much she loved him and how much he loved her. He thought about how she had cheered him up when he was passed over for a promotion, how she had brought him dinner at the office when he was working late, and how she had car
ed for him when he was sick.
Most importantly though, he thought about their time at Qualicum Beach, when he was on top of the world. He had had the most beautiful girl in the world with him. She was telling him that the waves were not noise, but nature’s music. He remembered falling asleep to the sound of the waves and to her soft fingers caressing his cheek.
Then, he thought about how excited she was when she discovered she was pregnant, how she had already begun choosing the names, and talking to their unborn children.
Luke thought about the miscarriage, then the disintegration of their relationship.
Finally, in his mind, he saw the image of her dead cold corpse in the morgue.
Luke wrapped his arms around himself and began to weep. He wept hot tears, wincing as the liquid trickled down to his face and stung the blotches there.
He could still feel the boils and blotches on his body. He was burning up. He was on fire.
And he allowed himself to feel it. The pain feels good, he thought. Really good.
Gradually, he stopped screaming as his body adapted to the pain.
After a while had gone by, he stopped focusing on it. The Wind had told him to return to dreamland and take the third spoonful, or else It would scatter Alyssa’s spirit and she wouldn’t be able to get to Paradise.
He needed to fall asleep so that he could make sure that Alyssa was OK.
* * * * *
Chapter 19
He dreamed that he was back in the cornfield. The wind was blowing especially hard, knocking the cornstalks over.
He looked up and that the moon was gone, swallowed up by dark clouds.
Luke took a step forward.
“Alyssa?” he called out.
No answer.
He took another step forward, then another, venturing deeper into the cornfield.
He heard rustling around him. He looked around carefully but could not see anything.
He took a step forward, and froze when the rustling started again.
He turned to his right, and saw Alyssa’s face peeping out at him from among the cornstalks.
Excited, he ran toward her, only to find her disappearing as he approached. Instead of clasping her tightly in his arms, he clasped empty space.
The empty space began to fill with wind. Before he could process what was happening, he was lifted in the air. He realized he was in the eye of a mini hurricane.
“Why did you come back?” a voice asked. It was the voice of the Rain Drop, but Luke could not see it.
“Let Alyssa go!” Luke demanded. He was now high above the cornfield. The cold Wind bit him on the face and neck.
“Not unless you finish the bottle. Take the last spoonful,” the voice insisted.
The bottle emerged into the periphery of Luke’s vision and flew straight into his hand. The bottle was freezing cold.
“Drink it first!” the voice demanded.
“Help!”
Luke looked to his right. It was Alyssa. She was struggling in another mini hurricane next to him. She cried out in pain, and Luke cringed.
“Drink it or I’ll scatter her spirit and she’ll never get to Paradise.”
Luke looked at the bottle in his hand. He remembered how this had all started in the first place. Alyssa had selflessly made him drink it, making him unlove her so that he would not hurt anymore. He felt like a selfish jerk.
Now, it’s my turn to be selfless, he thought. I’ll drink it so that they’ll let her go.
He raised the bottle high in the air.
Then, he put it to his lips. The liquid washed around in his mouth, and then he swallowed it. He was surprised that it did not taste bitter, but sweet, like nectar.
He let the empty bottle fall, clanking onto the ground.
“I’ve done it,” he yelled. “Let my girl go!”
Both he and Alyssa dropped onto the ground. He rushed over to her, embracing her. He had almost forgotten how good she felt in his arms, how soft her body was. He inhaled the vanilla and peach that was her signature scents.
“Luke,” exclaimed Alyssa. “Be careful. They’re still around.”
In the near distance, Luke could see something flying. It was diving down from the dark skies, and was zooming straight for them.
“What’s that?” he asked Alyssa.
“The Rain Drop. The head reaper.”
“What does he want? I’ve drunk the whole damn bottle already.”
“I think it wants to kill you and then scatter my spirit.”
“But it captured you before. Why didn’t it just scatter your spirit?”
Alyssa held onto Luke’s body. “I think it was greedy. It was using me as bait to lure you out.”
Without hesitation, he stepped in front of Alyssa and shielded her with his arms wide open.
“What are you doing?” Alyssa cried, trying to step in front of him.
“Protecting you,” replied Luke, batting her back behind him. “Do you know what happens if I die here in my dreams?”
“No,” she said.
“I guess we’ll find out then,” he said.
As the shape dove toward him, Luke felt a change in him. He felt a great peace, as though nothing could faze him. The only time he had felt it was when he was in Qualicum Beach with Alyssa.
As the rain drop got closer and closer, the Wind harassed the two of both, nearly blowing Luke over.
Resolutely, Luke squeezed his eyes shut, and stood his ground, preparing for impact.
The shape rammed into him full force, stunning him and knocking him over. He felt like he had been hit in the stomach by a baseball at full speed.
He screamed, as the pain stung his body all over.
He looked behind him, and saw Alyssa on the ground with him, trying to shield him with her tiny hands.
Then, everything went black.
* * * * *
Chapter 20
When Luke woke up, his room was a beacon of sunlight. The late summer sun had pushed through the clouds, dispersing them in a single stroke. The light landed softly on his face.
Luke sat up in bed. He touched his face, chest, arms and legs.
The blotches were completely gone. He felt normal and as healthy as ever. Amazed, he hurried out of bed and rushed into the bathroom. He stripped off his shirt and pants.
It was confirmed. The blotches were completely gone. He touched his forehead. The fever was gone too.
He was all better.
He remembered his dream. The Wind was after him, but at least he got to see Alyssa. But he had taken the last spoonful of the unlove potion. Did that mean that he did not love Alyssa anymore?
Realizing it, he felt weak, as though his muscles were atrophied.
He took a look around his room, and was surprised to see the picture of him and Alyssa at Qualicum Beach on the nightstand. It was back and repaired.
He picked it up, savoring the feel of the glass and the frame in his hands.
Somehow, he must have broken the spell. That meant he still loved Alyssa, after all.
He gripped onto the picture, peering into it. He looked at Alyssa’s smiling face, her windblown hair. The love he felt for her was still there. He felt it in his heart as soon as he looked at Alyssa’s beautiful face.
Relieved, he put down the picture and looked around for the unlove potion. It was nowhere to be seen.
Instead, he saw the cherry blossom, their cherry blossom, sitting on the nightstand. He picked it up and sniffed it. It smelled and looked as healthy as ever.
Luke then stepped into the living room. Alyssa’s three paintings of cherry blossoms had returned, all lining one wall. It was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen.
He returned to his room, and slid open the balcony door. He felt the light of the sun on his face, all warm and fuzzy.
He looked at the horizon. There were the usual tall buildings. The traffic running below. The park in the distance. And the sun.
The sun had finally come out, Lu
ke noted with relief.
That night, he had a dream. He was in the sky, his feet dangling over a cloud. The sun was setting, casting a soft cherry blossom pink over him.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?”
He turned his head and saw Alyssa there beside him. She was in a white dress, and looked totally serene.
“Yeah,” he agreed, nodding.
He leaned over and kissed her. When he pulled back, he uttered a simple, “Hi.”
“Hi,” she said, smiling.
“So what happened?” he asked, pulling his arm around her.
“They’re leaving us alone.”
“How?” Luke scratched his head.
“Because of you,” replied his wife.
“Of me,” he repeated, not quite understanding.
She nodded. “You undid the effects of the unlove potion. I think it was because you fully felt your pain. And shielded me from them.”
“Good. Does that mean you get to stay?” He looked at her wistfully.
She shook her head, her shiny hair bouncing back and forth. “No, silly. It means I can leave in peace, knowing you’re OK.”
“I’ll be OK.”
Then he put his head on her shoulder, and almost whimpered. “I don’t want you to leave.”
“Hey,” she whispered, her breath on his neck. “At least you’ll still love me.”
“At least I will,” he agreed.
For a while, they just held each other, staring at the shiny stars all around them.
Luke stirred after a while. “I just want one ordinary day with you. Just one more ordinary day where we lie in bed lazily, and go for walks whenever we feel like it.”
“We have that right now. Just one last little while together.”
Luke looked at Alyssa, and understood. This was their time together.
“I want to go on that walk now,” he said. “That walk you wanted to go on that night we had that stupid fight.”
“Let’s do it.”
She snapped a finger and a cloud transport appeared under their feet. He helped her into it, and together, they descended. Luke marveled at the wisps of cloud floating alongside them. One wrapped itself around Luke’s hand, then disappeared. The clouds looked like adorable little puppies. But most of all, Luke marveled at how beautiful his wife looked in the fading glow of the sun.
Hiding In His Dreams Page 16