by Liz Byrski
an, you’ve sure done good with this place,’ Jackson says, appearing in the cottage doorway. ‘I don’t know how I managed to make such a mess of it. Just trying to keep up with things, I suppose. It doesn’t stop just because we’re away from home.’
Todd grins – he hasn’t grown up with praise. Catherine was good at it, though, as is everyone around here, with the exception of Paula, of course, but praise from Jackson Crow is something else, even if it’s just for cleaning his cottage. ‘Thanks, Mr Crow,’ he says, rinsing out his cloth in the cottage sink. ‘It wasn’t too bad. You should see the way people leave these places sometimes.’
‘Can you cut the Mr Crow, please, Todd. I’m Jackson to my friends, and you’re one of them. You know, you’ve been looking after us so well I reckon you’ve got the makings of a first rate roadie. Ever fancy a job like that?’
‘You bet!’ Todd says. ‘That’d be totally awesome …’ he hesitates, ‘but I don’t think I’m old enough. I mean, I’d have to do a whole lot of stuff, like managing things, driving, telling people what to do.’
‘Sure you’re too young right now, but in a coupla years’ time you’ll be ready to work with a band as assistant to the roadie and you go on from there.’
‘Really?’ Todd asks. Being on the road with a band is high on his list of desirable futures. ‘What would I need to do to get a job like that?’
Jackson drops down heavily onto the bed that Todd has just made and leans back against the pillows, hands clasped behind his head. ‘Get your licence as soon as you can and … how old are you anyway?’
‘I’m sixteen today,’ Todd says, a huge grin splitting his face. ‘And Ruby’s making me a birthday dinner tonight.’
Jackson nods, narrowing his eyes and looking him up and down. ‘Well, happy birthday, man. I’d thought you were older – you’re pretty mature for your age. Anyway, get your licence and as soon as you can after that get a licence for a bigger vehicle. You know the sort of thing, bands travel in buses mostly, and everyone has to take a turn at the driving. How are you with figures?’
Todd shrugs. ‘Pretty good. I did all right in maths at school. Didn’t like it much, though.’
Jackson laughs. ‘Who does? You gotta be a special sort of person to really like math, I guess. But you’d need to learn the music production business, know the equipment. Y’know if you could get to some college and learn sound engineering it’d give you more options. And work out what’s your music – you can’t be working in heavy metal if what you love is jazz or country. And another thing –’ he leans forward now, looking straight at Todd, ‘when you’re ready you let me know. You email and tell me, I’ll talk to some guys and we’ll fix you up. You remember that now, Todd, I mean it. Music is like any other business, you gotta have friends, so now you got me and I’ve got friends in all sorts’a places.’
‘Awesome!’ Todd says. ‘That’s so cool, thanks, Mr … er … Jackson, that’s brilliant. Sound engineer … awesome.’ He can see himself now, working the panel, sliding the mixers up and down until he has the sound just right.
‘Okay, and don’t you forget it.’
‘I won’t,’ Todd says, thinking it’s the thing he’s least likely to forget in his whole life.
‘And do I get an invite to your birthday dinner?’
Todd wonders if he’s dreaming. ‘You want to come?’
‘Sure do. And why is it you’re cleaning the cottage? I thought Princess Kylie did the cleaning around here.’
Todd begins to gather up his cleaning gear. ‘Yeah, Paula, she’s the cleaner, but she hasn’t turned up this morning so everyone’s helping out and I said I’d do your cottage.’
Jackson nods slowly. ‘Didn’t turn up, eh? Well, she didn’t show last night either. She’d threatened me with a rendition of a Kylie Minogue number. Can she sing?’
Todd looks away. ‘Not really,’ he says. ‘She just thinks she can.’
Later, as he heads back down the hill towards the house, the cleaning stuff in a bucket and the mop over his shoulder, Todd wonders if he could really do what Jackson had said. Where would he have to go to learn that stuff? Maybe Declan will know, but he might just check it out on the internet first. And as he looks up he sees Declan waving to him from the kitchen doorway, beckoning him down to the house.
‘Well done, mate,’ Declan says as Todd puts down the bucket and leans the mop against the wall. ‘Thanks for mucking in. Jackson okay up there?’
Todd nods. ‘He’s fine,’ he says. He thinks he might ask about a course right now but Declan looks a bit worried. ‘I invited him to my birthday dinner. D’you think Ruby’ll be okay about that?’
‘She’ll be fine,’ Declan says, ‘just make sure you let her know. Look, come on inside a minute, will you, Todd?’ And he leads the way through into the kitchen. ‘Want a Coke? There’s something I need to talk to you about.’ He opens the fridge, takes out two bottles of Coke, hands one to Todd, unscrews his own and takes a swig. ‘It’s like this …’ he begins.
Todd hates it when people say ‘it’s like this’ or ‘the thing is’, because they only say it when it’s something bad; either it’s a bit bad or seriously bad, but it’s always bad. He knows he’s been doing okay with the bands, it’s not only Jackson but all the other guys seem pleased with him, so whatever this is he hasn’t a clue.
‘The thing is,’ Declan continues, clearing his throat in that nervous way he does, ‘well, Todd, the thing is … I have to ask you a couple of questions and I need you to be honest with me. I trust you, so you have to trust me when I tell you that whatever you say it’s not going to get you into trouble – not with me or Ruby, or anyone else – so I don’t want you to worry about that.’
So now Todd is really worried because a build-up like this means it’s seriously bad. He nods slowly as he unscrews his Coke, and wishes Declan would get on with it, stop huffing and puffing and just get it out. All he can think is that five minutes ago he was on top of the world and right now his own safe little world here is about to fall apart and, worse still, on his birthday.
‘I want you to think back to when Catherine was living in that one room and you used to go and read to her in there …’ Declan looks up, obviously making sure he has Todd’s attention. ‘Did you ever see her smoking anything?’
Todd feels his face colouring and looks down at his drink. ‘Catherine didn’t smoke,’ he says quickly. ‘She hated it, she made this place smoke free, you know she did.’
‘Yes,’ Declan says, ‘she did. But I didn’t actually mean tobacco, what I meant was do you think Catherine could’ve been smoking a bit of dope?’
Todd sits absolutely still but inside his head all hell has been let loose. He’d been expecting this weeks ago – after all, the room reeked of weed, still does. He thought Ruby would’ve noticed when they were cleaning it but although she kept saying the room smelled musty it was like she never cottoned on. It was so strong he’d kept thinking they’d find some stashed away but they never did. But why hasn’t Declan done something about it before now? He takes a deep breath.
‘She never smoked when I was there,’ he says, looking Declan straight in the eye.
‘But you knew, or thought, she was smoking it? It’s okay if she was, Todd,’ he says quickly. ‘Catherine’s dead, it can’t hurt her and it won’t damage her memory if you tell me what you know.’
Todd looks away and nods. ‘I knew she was smoking.’
‘So she smoked a bit for medicinal purposes?’
Todd takes a deep breath. ‘Yep. She was smoking, more than a bit, quite a lot, I’d say.’
‘Did she say anything to you about it?’
‘Yeah, she said, “Don’t do as I do, do as I tell you, Todd. Stay off it, it’s no good and if I ever catch you using it or carrying it you’re out of here.”’
He sees the corners of Declan’s mouth twitch into a half-smile.
‘That sounds just like Catherine,’ he says, and he pauses for a moment, lo
oking quite sad, and then he sort of gathers himself together again. ‘Okay, Todd, next question – do you know where she got it? I mean, did she go to meet someone in town, or did someone bring it here for her?’
And now Todd freezes. Whatever he says, whether he tells a lie or tells the truth, he’s in trouble.
‘I realise this is really hard for you, Todd, so let me help you,’ Declan says. ‘Catherine was really sick for the last few months and she wouldn’t have been able to get out to pick it up. So I think someone brought it here for her. They either grew it or picked it up for her. What do you think about that?’
‘It wasn’t me,’ Todd says quickly. ‘She never would have asked me to do that and she never smoked when I was with her.’
‘Okay, mate, I know it wasn’t you, I never thought it was. But here’s the thing, Todd, and I’ll be straight with you, we’ve found a bag of dope in Catherine’s room, and we need to know how she got it. We need to find out if that person is bringing it to Benson’s on a regular basis, selling it to the staff or the visitors, because if they are that’s very serious for us, for Benson’s, very serious because—’
‘It wasn’t like that,’ Todd cuts in. ‘Not selling it, no, never.’
‘I see, but you do know who was bringing it in for Catherine, so would you be willing to tell me who that was?’
Todd sits silently, twisting the Coke bottle round and round between his hands, saying nothing, not knowing what to say.
‘Okay, you don’t want to dob anyone in,’ Declan says. ‘Fair enough, I can understand that, so how about if I tell you who I think it was and you can tell me if I’m right?’
Todd knows there is no way out of this, he’s stuck. After everything Declan’s done for him he can’t lie to him, he can’t refuse to cooperate. He nods.
‘Well, I think Paula was probably growing the stuff and bringing it in and either selling it to Catherine or giving it to her to help her out.’
Todd’s head shoots up and he looks at Declan in disbelief. In fact he’s so amazed that he can’t stop this weird snort of laughter that bursts out of him at the mere idea of it.
‘Paula!’ he says, laughing properly now, shaking his head. ‘Paula! Are you kidding? No way. D’you really think Catherine would’ve let Paula in on a secret like that? Paula’s a nutter about drugs.’ And he holds his two forefingers up in front of him like a cross and in a voice that bears a remarkable resemblance to an angry Paula he shakes them at Declan. ‘Zero tolerance, Todd, zero tolerance.’
Declan’s mouth twitches into a smile.
Todd drops his hands. ‘Catherine looked after Paula, like the times when she went off her rocker, but she’d never have let on to Paula about what she was doing. That’s why she kept her room locked all the time and never let Paula in to clean it.’ He looks up at Declan. ‘You didn’t really know Catherine. I mean, you knew her for a long time but I don’t think you sort of got to know her.’ Declan’s face is changing now, it’s really weird, and Todd studies his Coke bottle so he doesn’t have to look at him.
‘You hadn’t been here for yonks. You hardly came to see her. She told me about you, about when you used to come with your friends and you’d all stay here. She said it was one of the best times of her life, and then you stopped or just came only once or twice a year. If you’d come more often you’d know that she …’
Todd looks up and sees to his dismay that Declan is crying. His elbows are resting on the table and his head is in his hands and although he’s not making any noise he’s crying so much that his shoulders are shaking. Todd stares at Declan, not knowing what to do, and then he gets up and does what Catherine used to do when he’d cried. He walks around the table, sits down beside Declan and puts an arm around his shoulders.
‘It’s all right, mate,’ he says softly, stroking Declan’s arm with his other hand. ‘Catherine loved you, she loved you better than anyone.’ But the awful thing is that instead of making Declan feel better it just seems to make him more upset.
‘I got it,’ Fleur says, putting a small carrier bag on the table and looking over her shoulder to make sure Todd isn’t around. ‘He’s been going on about an iPod for ages, I think he’s going to love it.’ And she reaches into the bag and takes out a rectangular box with the design of a silver apple on the top. ‘Isn’t the packaging great? Everything Apple is so well designed.’
Alice smiles, picks up the box and runs a hand over it. ‘I always think about those rows and rows of women with their hair in white caps and masks on their faces sitting for hours in factories doing all the minute detailed work on these.’
‘Oh don’t,’ Fleur says. ‘I’m sure it’s perfectly awful but I don’t want to even think about it right now. I’m just thinking about Todd’s birthday. Thanks for coming in on it with me. It’ll be nice to give it to him together at dinner tonight.’
‘Thanks for asking me,’ Alice says. ‘I’d no idea what to get him until you suggested this. Here’s my share,’ and she pushes the money across the table. ‘I told Ruby what we were getting him and she drove into town yesterday and got him an iTunes voucher, so he can start loading music.’
‘We won’t be able to get a word out of the little bugger once he’s set this up,’ Fleur says.
‘That’ll be a change,’ Alice laughs. ‘Hang on, Leonie’s done our coffee, I’ll go and get it.’
The café is quiet this morning, the breakfast rush is over and the day’s program kicked off at ten-thirty and is well underway, leaving only a trickle of people coming in and out for drinks and snacks. Alice carries their coffee back to the table, looking around with satisfaction, enjoying this lull in the hectic push of the last few days. It’s mid-morning on Sunday, just the rest of today to go and another big session with Jackson and The Crowbars late this afternoon, then tomorrow back to normal.
‘I think our Todd has fallen in love with Jackson Crow,’ Fleur says, scooping the froth off her cappuccino and licking it from the spoon. ‘He was goggle-eyed earlier, telling me about becoming a roadie with a band, or maybe a sound engineer. Apparently Jackson said he’d help him when the time comes.’
‘Well Todd may have to fight Ruby for him,’ Alice says with a grin. ‘I think she may have fallen for Jackson too.’
‘Ruby? Never!’ Fleur says. ‘You’re kidding. What makes you think that?’
Alice laughs. ‘She’s all flustered when he’s around. I think it’s rather sweet. I just never thought of her actually being interested in a man.’
‘You think she’s gay? I doubt it, I’d have picked it up on my gaydar by now – takes one to know one.’
‘No, no I didn’t think that,’ Alice says. ‘It’s just that I assumed she was past being interested, just sort of left it all behind.’
‘What? Moved to a higher plane, you mean?’ Fleur says with a noisy laugh. ‘I doubt it. I don’t think people give up on finding love just because they’re knocking on. None of us is beyond falling in love or lust, even though we might like to think we are. And you’ve got to admit that Jackson’s awfully cute for seventy plus.’
‘He sure is. I think Paula had the hots for him too.’
‘Which reminds me,’ Fleur says, leaning forward across the table, ‘what actually happened with Paula yesterday? I heard you only just escaped being hit in the face with a paperweight.’
Alice stirs her coffee and grimaces. ‘It was awful. And it all happened so quickly. One minute she was in here, pretty hyper, in one of those awful Kylie tshirts, looking for Kim. And the next thing I knew she was in the gift shop shouting and screaming, so I went in to see what was happening and she slung that great big paperweight at me. Fortunately she missed me and hit the cabinet with the jewellery in it and everything went flying. None of us was hurt but it took Lesley and me and Ruby ages to get rid of all the glass.’
Fleur grimaces. ‘What set her off?’
‘Apparently she didn’t know Lesley was helping out in there and when she found out she wasn’t too ple
ased about it. It was like we were talking about before – she’d decided that Ruby and Declan were going to give her your job and the one in the shop, and she just snapped and threw a wobbly. She hasn’t turned up for work today, no phone call, nothing, which is very unlike her.’
‘Mmm. Well … yes and no,’ Fleur says. ‘I mean, things like this have happened before. Paula gets really hyper and then if something upsets her she gets in a strop and blows a fuse. Then she sort of drops off the planet for a couple of days. Catherine was very good at dealing with her. Mind you, I don’t think she’s actually chucked stuff around before – in the past it was more like stamping around, waving her arms and yelling abuse. This sounds really dangerous. Poor old Paula, she’s hard work but she’s a bit of a sad case in some ways. Was Lesley okay?’
‘Fine, very calm. She actually grabbed Paula and physically stopped her because Paula was screaming her head off and she’d picked up another paperweight. Yes, Lesley was great, really. She was pretty shaken though, we both were. Thank goodness there were no customers in there at the time. Paula was totally out of control and then she took off and none of us have heard from her since. I’ve seen people lose it like that – in prison, you know, you get …’ She stops suddenly, horrified by what she’s just said. Heat floods through her body, prickling her skin, and she covers her face with her hands.
‘It’s okay, Alice,’ Fleur says. ‘Really, I knew you were in prison, and I know why, please don’t get upset.’ She reaches across the table and grips Alice’s wrist. ‘Please don’t feel bad.’
Alice rubs her hands over her face and tries to muster a more normal expression.
‘Sorry,’ she says, ‘sorry. Paula told you, I suppose.’
‘Well yes, she did,’ Fleur says, ‘but not really in a nasty way. She was just … she was just being Paula. She likes to be the one who knows things. This might sound silly but it wasn’t about you, it was about her knowing something and being able to pass it on. Anyway, she didn’t get much satisfaction from me because I knew already.’