by Cassie Hayes
“A douchebag, that’s who.”
Spike pounded the desk and resumed pacing. “Damn straight, that’s who! And only a douchebag would get the girl he loves pregnant, and then turn his back on her. Amy doesn’t deserve that. She deserves only the best. She deserves…”
He stopped, panting with frustration and anger and the most profound sorrow he’d ever experienced. Amy deserved the white picket fence, the house full of kids, the husband who loved her and would do anything for her. She deserved the moon and the stars and the sun and the entire freaking universe, if that’s what she wanted.
Spike slumped into a nearby chair which faced in the opposite direction of the window with the view of Amy and Josh. Elbows on his knees, he held his aching, whirling head in his hands and tried to figure out why he was so upset. They’d only been on one date and even that had been a family dinner. Not the most romantic setting in the world.
But that make-out session after…
“That sucks, Spike. But you know what a mama’s boy Josh has always been. I know his family is richer than God, but Beatrice Bodin is a ball-buster. The woman could turn the Pope into an atheist.”
Zach was right. Everyone had always been terrified of Josh’s mom. They still were. She sat on the board of a dozen high-profile foundations, hospitals and museums all over Colorado. Uncle Ralph had once told him she was one of the Top 10 most powerful women in the state, and easily placed on the Top 100 across the country.
Caving to Beatrice had been Josh’s MO since childhood. Why should that have changed?
Oh, I dunno, maybe because he’s a full-grown man now?
“Pathetic, if you ask me,” Spike snarled, unimpressed by the control Josh’s mom had wielded over him for his entire life..
“Agreed,” Zach said, offering more scotch. Spike shook his head. “But he did say his mom didn’t like Amy. That would have put him in a tough spot back then.”
“Are you defending him?” Spike demanded.
“No! I’m just putting things into perspective is all.”
“Whatever. It’s ridiculous. Who wouldn’t like Amy? If you got to know her, that is, which Mrs. Bodin obviously never bothered to do.”
Amy was a rock star! She’d briefly alluded to her traumatic childhood, followed by her mother’s illness, which coincided with the birth of her son. She’d given up on all selfish endeavors to nurse her mother back to health and care for a newborn at the same time. As far as Spike was concerned, Amy deserved sainthood, not shunning.
Spike took a chance and glanced behind him again. Josh was excitedly hugging Amy and patting her on the back. The sadness in her smile gave him a flicker of hope all was not lost. That maybe he still had a chance…
“Spike?”
He continued staring at her. Her perfect nose, with its little up-tilt at the end. Her long, raven hair that would make Demi Moore jealous. Her womanly figure which made him want to walk through that door and pull her into a kiss that she wouldn’t soon forget.
“Spike!”
He spun around to face Zach, who looked very concerned.
“I know it’s none of my business, but you’re my best friend, and I love you like a brother. You get that, right?”
Spike couldn’t form words. He was too worked up. A nod would have to do.
Zach took a deep breath, then launched into his speech. Before he even opened his mouth, Spike knew he didn’t want to hear it — but maybe he needed to.
“Then you need to take a step back from all this. That woman out there — the woman you hired, for the record — is a mother of a son she loves more than life itself. You and I will probably never fully comprehend the love Amy has for that kid. I’ve only known her for a couple of days, but already I know she would give her own life to save his. She’d stand up to a mountain lion. She’d kill a coyote with her bare hands. She’d tell a selfish asshole to take a walk, if that was required. She can handle Josh, trust me on that.”
The truth of Zach’s words hit Spike like a truck. Amy would never love anyone the way she loved Ethan. And that was exactly how it should be. Whatever Spike thought he could be to her, it was nothing — less than nothing — compared to what her son meant to her life.
“Spike, this is getting pretty complicated, don’t you think?”
All Spike could manage was another pathetic nod.
“The Spike Roberts I’ve known for almost twenty years has never been overly-fond of complications,” Zach said, putting the bottle of booze back in his bottom drawer.
That was all true. Whenever any of his short-term relationships, if one could call them that, had become complex, he’d bowed out. Always on the best terms, of course, but he’d never had the bandwidth for nonsense.
Something tickled his memory. It was Dick. Dick Johnson, Amy’s date at the training center. He’d said something very similar to what Spike was thinking. And Spike remembered how douchey Dick had sounded.
Spike leaned back and stared at the ceiling. He’d never thought of himself as a selfish boyfriend, but then again, he’d never felt jealous of any of his girlfriends before. Watching Amy talk with Josh, touch Josh, smile at him…it had gutted Spike. Maybe Zach was right. Maybe this was all getting too messy.
Besides, Josh was Ethan’s father. If he wanted to be back in Amy’s life, and Amy was okay with it, Spike wouldn’t stand in the way. Ethan deserved to know his real father, and as much as Spike had connected with the little guy, Josh should at least have the chance to prove himself.
Taking a deep breath, Spike locked eyes with Zach and nodded.
“You’re right. This isn’t who I am.”
Or at least, it wasn’t who he used to be.
7
The world had taken on a hazy greyness in the weeks since Josh Bodin had waltzed back into Spike’s — and more importantly Amy’s — life. At this time of year, the sky should have sparkled with an intensity that reminded him of Amy’s eyes, but now it looked like a bland imitation of what he knew it could have been. The wind fluttering through the spruce trees had once sounded like a billion tiny voices happily chattering. Today, all he heard were lonely whispers of dying hope. Coffee had no flavor, bacon smelled like death.
“Are we getting close, Spike?” Josh called.
“It’s right around that bend,” Spike shouted back to the entire group of five other cross-country skiers.
This short-notice excursion to a secluded natural hot springs had only been possible due to Amy’s hard work at organizing what they’d loosely called an office. Freed up to book more trips, Spike had wasted no time filling up his schedule with activities: hiking in the lower elevations, and skiing, ice climbing and snow camping in the higher ones. He’d even organized a “skijoring” competition, where snow skiers were towed around a course by a horse and rider. Sort of the winter version of water skiing, only with a horse instead of a boat, and snow instead of water. A Grand Junction TV station had sent a news crew to cover the event. After that, Rocky Mountain Adventures had exploded onto the guided adventure scene, in no small part thanks to Amy.
The increased revenue thrilled Zach, but Spike was just happy to stay out of the office. Seeing Amy come in every day, wanting to walk up behind her and kiss that soft spot on the back of her neck, rest his hand on her hip, breathe in her ear until shivers rippled through her body — wanting to do all those things, but not being able to, was a form of torture he’d never expected to experience.
Spike Roberts wasn’t a jealous man. If one of his lady friends had wanted to call it quits, he’d always smiled and thanked them for a lovely memory. Most of them still kept in touch, and he was oddly proud of that.
But Amy… Amy was special. She made him feel special simply by being in her presence. The fact she’d been romantically interested in him — as short-lived as that might have been — gave him a tremendous feeling of pride and gratitude. Probably what winning an Oscar was like.
Watching Josh drop her off every afternoon ate at him. Aft
er the first few times, he’d made a point to be gone before she arrived, if he wasn’t guiding a group of winter sports enthusiasts. That had helped his internal struggle, but it did nothing for the tension that had built between him and Amy.
After realizing Josh was Ethan’s bio-dad, Spike had distanced himself from Amy. He didn’t delude himself into thinking their connection was imagined — it was very, very real — but their circumstances had changed. Whether she and Josh got back together, while a painful thought, was irrelevant. They deserved some space to become a family, and he was determined not to insert himself into that effort.
Besides, drama wasn’t his thing.
“Okay, unstrap, strip down, and hop in,” Spike instructed to his five panting, sweaty clients.
The Saddle Hot Springs were hugely popular in the summer, when hiking to them was a piece of cake. During the snow-packed winter months, they were all but forgotten. Perched on a rock outcropping and surrounded by barren aspens and a smattering of spruces, they offered an iconic and idyllic Colorado respite.
“Josh, it’s good to see you back in town,” said Marc Ransome, a city councilman and coordinator of the Silver Springs Blues Festival. They’d all gone to Silver Springs High together, though Marc was a year ahead of Spike and Josh.
“Thanks, Marc, it’s good to be back,” Josh panted as he pulled off his boots and tried to catch his breath.
For a moment, Spike felt as if he should be ashamed at the sense of satisfaction that came from seeing how out of shape Josh had become, but then he just went with it. It was the happiest he’d felt in a couple weeks.
“I hear you already hooked up with someone,” Marc continued. “Boy, you don’t let the grass grow, do you? Divorced a month and boom!”
Josh’s laugh grated on Spike’s nerves. Funny how it never had before.
“Naw, it’s not like that. I’ve known Amy since high school. We’re just getting to know each other again is all.”
“Sure,” Marc teased.
Anthony Black, the new fiancé of Spike’s cousin Bri, frowned. “Amy…Sanderson? You’re dating Amy Sanderson?”
Josh grinned as he lowered himself into the hot springs. “I don’t know if I’d say that exactly.”
Anthony’s gaze darted between Josh and Spike. “But—“
“Okay! Everyone in, or you’ll freeze your hacky sacks off,” Spike interrupted, shooting Anthony a warning with his eyes.
To his credit, the man stopped talking and joined the others in the almost-natural pool. Over the years, hikers had built up the nearby rocks to make it deeper, adding concrete here and there to hold it all together. Groans echoed as the men eased into the steaming water. As soon as they found a rock to perch on, each man sank up to his neck and sighed deeply.
Except Spike.
When Josh had cornered him the other day, he couldn’t say no to his request to join the hot springs trip. Amy had been sitting right there, watching the interaction carefully. Spike had paused, trying to find some excuse to refuse, but Amy would have known they were all lies. So he’d said yes and hadn’t slept well since.
“So how’s it going with Amy?” Anthony asked in the least nonchalant tone imaginable. Thankfully, Josh was oblivious.
“Amy,” Josh sighed. “Amy was the one who got away.”
Spike’s nostrils flared reflexively. He didn’t like the reminder Josh and Amy had been lovers, much less that they’d actually been in love.
“If she was so great, why didn’t you put a ring on it?” asked Marc.
Josh either got overheated or he blushed. “It’s complicated.”
The rest of the clients jeered and made farting noises with their wet hands.
Boys will always be boys.
“Fine, fine,” he continued sheepishly. “We dated when we were younger. She came from a tough neighborhood and an even tougher father. But Amy never complained. Whenever we were together, she made me feel…special.”
Spike’s belly clenched, and he made fists under the water. He knew exactly how Josh felt because Amy made him feel exactly the same way.
“I tell you, it was true love, just like in the movies,” Josh yammered on. “She was the beautiful, yet invisible diamond in the rough. I was the hunky, rich jock”— Marc and Spike both snorted —“who wanted to rescue her. It was a Cinderella story really.”
The guys oohed sarcastically.
“Anyway,” he continued, “I went off to college and…that was pretty much it.”
Spike’s hands clenched harder at Josh’s glaring omission. He wouldn’t have been surprised if the water had turned red from his fingernails digging into the palms of his hands. But it wasn’t his place to tell the man’s story.
“And now…?” Anthony wheedled, pointedly not glancing Spike’s way.
Josh shrugged. “When Tiffani dumped me, I sank into a pretty dark hole. I was literally standing on the street outside my — Tiffani’s — apartment building, holding a suitcase, with nowhere to go. As I stood there staring up at the buildings, I remember thinking how inconsequential I was. How no one would even know I was gone if I was abducted by aliens or kidnapped by a Colombian drug cartel.”
“Um, why would a drug cartel kidnap you?” Marc asked.
“I dunno,” Josh laughed. “I’m just saying I meant nothing to no one. And then my phone rang. Mother was on the other end, insisting I come home to Silver Springs to recuperate, whatever that means. As she prattled on, I realized I wanted more. That there was a place I would matter.”
Instead of teasing him for opening up, they all listened intently, completely engrossed in Josh’s love story. Spike clenched his hands harder, doing his level best not to deck the chump.
“First thing I did when I got here was track down Amy. She blew my mind when I first saw her. She’s even more beautiful today than she was back then. And she’s raised her son all on her own.”
Only Spike noticed the catch in Josh’s throat at the end.
“So I still don’t understand why you didn’t snatch her up back in the day,” Marc wondered.
Josh sighed. “My mother didn’t like her, okay? Spike knows how Mother can be. She’s a bully, and she pushed me to marry Tiffani because of her father’s connections as a senator. I was an idiot and did her bidding. I’ve regretted it every day since.”
Spike’s hands loosened a little. He was surprised to find he felt for Josh. The man wasn’t exaggerating about his mother, Beatrice. She was a real piece of work, and she’d done a number on her son.
“It was the biggest mistake of my life,” Josh said, his voice thickening, “and I want a chance to fix it.”
“Is it working?” Anthony asked, his gaze slipping over to Spike.
“I hope so,” Josh answered. “She seems to be warming up to me a little.”
“What about the kid?” one of the other guests asked.
Alarm flashed in Josh’s eyes. “What do you mean by that!”
The guy looked confused. “I was just asking if the kid was cool.”
“Oh… Yeah, he’s cool.”
Josh caught the knowledge in Spike’s gaze, and his own eyes widened. When the other men grew tired of listening to Josh and started telling their own stories, Josh moved next to Spike.
“You figured it out, huh?” he mumbled quietly.
“Didn’t take a rocket surgeon,” Spike replied.
Josh blinked at Spike’s lame joke, either not getting it or thinking Spike was an idiot. Spike would have had to agree with the latter, but for completely different reasons.
Josh decided to ignore it entirely. He looked around to make sure no one was listening in, then muttered, “You can’t tell anyone, Spike. It’ll ruin her if it gets out.”
“Amy? Or your mom?”
“Amy!” Josh hissed. “Trust me on this. Mother’s involved. Do I need to say anything else?”
No, he didn’t. Spike’s blood chilled. Beatrice could squash Amy like a bug, without blinking twice. He didn’t nee
d to know the details to know this was no joke.
“Scout’s honor,” Spike said quietly, torn between his anger toward one of his oldest friends and his feelings for Amy.
Josh was a good guy — or at least Spike had always thought so. Regardless of the past though, he was here now, wanting to forge a relationship with his son, and possibly rekindle the flames of Amy’s love for him.
Worry niggled at Spike. Josh still seemed to be under his mother’s thumb. What would he do if she pitched a fit when she inevitably found out he was dating Amy? Spike couldn’t say with any certainty Josh would step up.
Josh slapped Spike on the shoulder and grinned. “Thanks, man. I know you’ll always have my back. That’s what bros are for, right?”
The Bro Code. Josh had just unknowingly invoked the Bro Code. Spike tried to smile, but he felt dead inside.
“Sure.”
Amy pressed her palm to her forehead to pat away the dampness that had formed there. She was having trouble controlling her breathing, but when little fingers wriggled into her other hand, the tilt of the earth was restored to normal. Ethan looked up at her with questioning eyes. Then at the tall ornate door that stood between them and the ninth circle of hell. Then back to her.
“Can I press the button?” he asked hopefully. He loved to press buttons.
“I’m afraid they don’t have a doorbell, bug. But here…” She lifted him high enough so he could work the ugly brass door knocker.
He banged it twice, then giggled and spun around to wrap his arms around her neck. That’s when the door open and a new Ice Age descended on Amy’s tiny place in the world.
“Amelia,” Beatrice Bodin said coolly.
In most small towns, it’s common to run into people from time to time, but Amy hadn’t caught much more than a glimpse of Ethan’s estranged grandmother in six years. She looked almost exactly the same since the last time they’d spoken, as if time had skipped right past her. Amy wondered how much all that age defying had cost.
“Hello Beatrice,” Amy said. “You know my name isn’t Amelia. It’s Amy. Always has been.”