by Lilian, Lory
Nevertheless, his behaviour was not an excuse for hers. She was not even clever enough to understand his intentions—not that morning and not before.
‘I have been interested in reaching an agreement with you many times, but somehow it seems we are meant to argue whenever we meet. More than once I have wondered whether one or perhaps both of us purposely search for subjects upon which to disagree.’
So many words from the past, so many small gestures, so many smiles and glances should have been a sign of his interest in her, but she missed them all. Yet, she did not miss hearing Lady Sinclair speak of him…and his own family making fun of his pretended relationship with that lady…and Mr. Wickham confessing their past relationship…
The room was too warm, and she could barely breathe, so she threw open the window.
Mr. Darcy asked her to marry him, and she refused him—the worst possible refusal.
***
For almost a week, Mrs. Gardiner’s parlour was a daily host to pleasant, entertaining guests. Since his return, Mr. Bingley had called each day, and his visits were highly improper: he came too early, stayed too long and, not rarely, just left and returned again an hour later.
Yet, Mrs. Gardiner had no cause to establish new rules since Mr. Bingley seemed to be the most proper gentleman, and his mere presence brought complete and instant happiness to Jane’s eyes. Besides, his gesture of bringing his sisters with him one day, in which they behaved in a faultless manner during the entire visit, was greatly in his favour.
Miss Darcy also visited them three times, and Lady Selina and Lord Matlock, sometimes together with Colonel Fitzwilliam, were regular presences in Gracechurch Street.
That morning, just before breakfast, Mrs. Gardiner heard the main door and could barely hide a smile. Mr. Bingley was much too early; he would have to wait some time before Jane would be ready to receive him.
To her surprise, however, Lord Matlock barged in without an introduction, apologised briefly and asked for a glass of brandy before he spoke with obvious distress.
“Mrs. Gardiner, please forgive my impromptu visit but things cannot continue in this manner. We must take proper measures before more harm is done. Is Miss Elizabeth better today?”
Mrs. Gardiner raised her eyebrow in surprise. “I think so, sir; as I had the pleasure to inform you yesterday, she is somewhat recovered. She had a very bad cold, and she is still tired and somewhat indisposed, but other than that—”
“Yes, yes…but do you remember the precise day of her indisposition? It was the day after the ball; am I correct?”
“You must be, sir—”
“So—you all left the ball early because she was unwell. Then, the second day, she refused to visit Selina and stayed home, and when we came here, we found Darcy in front of the house. Do you remember?”
“I do, but—”
“Then, the very next morning, Darcy returned to Pemberley without informing anyone—except for a brief letter to Georgiana—and since then, Miss Elizabeth has barely left her room. Do you not see the extent of these coincidences, Mrs. Gardiner?”
His hostess looked at the earl in silent disbelief. She needed several moments before she could speak, and the earl sat near her, gently touching her hand.
“Mrs. Gardiner, I cannot say how sorry I am that—”
“Lord Matlock, what exactly do you suppose happened? It is difficult to imagine a situation involving Lizzy and Mr. Darcy. I was quite surprised that Lizzy danced with Mr. Darcy at the ball, and they seemed to be on amicable terms. I never suspected anything except a headache forced her to leave the ball early, and the next day… Oh dear—what do you suspect?”
“I am not sure…not sure at all…but something must have forced them both to behave so strangely. It is hard for me to imagine anything improper regarding my favourite nephew. I always have trusted him as the most honourable of men. I could trust him with my life. His behaviour has always been beyond reproach. I confess I was surprised that he asked Miss Elizabeth to dance, and a couple of days before, he joined Miss Elizabeth and Georgiana in a sleigh ride. I have seen young men lose their minds over a beautiful young woman… Did he harm her in some way, do you think?”
“No, that cannot be. It is not possible. Lizzy would have said something. But what if—? What should we do? What is to be done? I—” Mrs Gardiner started pacing the room, her anxiety increasing. The earl poured himself another brandy.
“I shall send for Darcy. I shall speak to him and force him to tell me the truth. He will do his duty to resolve this situation; you must have no doubt, Mrs. Gardiner. I—”
“Lord Matlock, perhaps we are too hasty… We are worrying about a situation that is a complete mystery to us. Did your lordship speak with anyone else about these suspicions?”
“No, I have not. I came here directly.”
“Please be so kind as to allow me to speak with Lizzy before attempting any action regarding Mr. Darcy. Would you agree to return later in the afternoon and continue this conversation?”
“As you wish, madam. I trust your judgement more than my own for the time being. If you need my assistance, I should perhaps wait here and—”
“That will not be necessary, sir. I would be grateful if we could discuss this further in a couple of hours.” A moment after the earl left, Mrs. Gardiner ran up the stairs; she stopped in front of Elizabeth’s door to regain a composed appearance and then knocked.
Elizabeth was sitting near the window, reading. She looked at her aunt with surprise and forced a smile. Mrs. Gardiner briefly pondered the best approach in such a delicate situation, but she had little time for consideration.
“How are you, Lizzy? Are you feeling better, I hope?”
“Yes, thank you. I felt like reading.”
“I see… Can we hope you will join us for dinner later? Mr. Bingley is expected… And Miss Darcy might call later in the afternoon.”
“Mr. Bingley is here so often that he is hardly a guest any longer. It is likely he intends to make up for all the dinners he missed.”
“True, but Jane is happy with his company, so I am happy too. It is fortunate that Mr. Darcy brought him back to town.”
Elizabeth tensed instantly, and Mrs. Gardiner did not miss it.
“Miss Darcy is worried by your indisposition, Lizzy. Is there any reason you are not as anxious to spend time with her as you were before?”
“No, not at all… Miss Darcy’s company is always a joy. It is just that… To be honest, I was amazed that Mr. Darcy did not take his sister with him when he left town. I am not sure he would approve of Miss Darcy’s visits to us.”
“Why would he not approve? He never seemed displeased with your friendship with Miss Darcy before. And why would you presume he would take his sister with him when he left?”
“I was just thinking that…” She appeared unable to justify her statement and suddenly turned crimson. Mrs. Gardiner took a few steps then turned and stopped in front of her niece.
“Lizzy, we must talk. You must tell me at once what happened between you and Mr. Darcy before the earl and I are forced to take extreme measures.”
Elizabeth frowned, staring at her aunt with anxious eyes.
“Aunt, of what measures are you speaking? The earl? What does he have to do with this? And what do you expect me to tell you? There is nothing to tell!”
“Dearest, surely, you cannot say it was a mere coincidence that you became unwell shortly after you danced with Mr. Darcy and then asked to leave the ball early! And can you convince me that, the next day at the same time you stayed at home alone, Mr. Darcy happened to be in the neighbourhood? Then he left town impromptu, and you did not abandon your room for almost a week. You must understand that both the earl and I are concerned for you! If Mr. Darcy did something to you, it must be revealed at once and—”
“Aunt, please, please stop this… Please…” She could no longer fight her tears and threw herself on the bed, sobbing, her face buried in the pillow. Mrs.
Gardiner, pained and breathless, could do little but caress her hair as her panic increased. Her niece had been gravely hurt while under her protection!
After some time, Elizabeth rose and wiped her eyes; Mrs. Gardiner offered her a glass of water mixed with wine, and she took it with trembling hands. “My love, I am so sorry for your pain. I would do anything to—”
“Dearest Aunt, please do not be kind to me. If you only knew how horrible my behaviour has been, you would be ashamed of me. And Miss Darcy never would speak to me again if she knew how abominably I abused her brother. Oh, and the earl… I never would be able to face him again. I beg you; you must promise me you will not tell the earl anything. I—”
“Your behaviour? You abused Mr. Darcy? Lizzy, of what are you talking, child?” Mrs. Gardiner took a few steps back as if to see her niece better. The tumult of emotion was too much for Mrs. Gardiner, and for a moment she considered that Lord Matlock’s request for early morning brandy might not be unreasonable.
Mrs. Gardiner resumed her place on the bed and took Elizabeth’s hands. “Dearest, let us start from the beginning, and I promise everything we discuss will remain in complete secrecy on my part. You did admit something happened between you and Mr. Darcy, did you not? Surely it cannot be as abominable as you say, so please tell me all the details, and we will see what is best to be done.” She attempted to smile, but Elizabeth averted her eyes and remained silent.
“I… We… Mr. Darcy and I had a horrible argument that day…quite horrible…”
“An argument with Mr. Darcy? On what possible subject, my dear?” With every word, Mrs. Gardiner felt more relieved; the situation seemed far from what she feared.
“The subject is of little importance, Aunt. We spoke, he said some things that upset me, and…I replied in the most offensive manner. It is no wonder he left; I was tempted to do the same as I will not be able to face him ever again!”
“I see…” Mrs. Gardiner gently embraced her niece, puzzled and deeply curious but wisely fighting the temptation to force a more detailed confession. Elizabeth began to sob again, her body tense and trembling.
“Lizzy, did Mr. Darcy hurt you in some way?”
“Yes he did… He did hurt me very much. He had the arrogance to admit his involvement in separating Jane from Mr. Bingley, and he pointed out the faults of our family, and he seemed so insensitive about everything he did to Mr. Wickham…”
“Well, well,” Mrs. Gardiner whispered in surprise. “Then it is no wonder you replied in the same manner, dearest—”
“Not in the same manner, Aunt, but much, much worse: I accused him of being dishonourable and of having malicious intentions, and I spoke of some horrible things—which should not even be mentioned—and he told me he expected me to distrust his character, but he was surprised by my distrust of my own worthiness, and he was correct that—”
“My love, you are surely too harsh on yourself. I understand you regret everything you said to him, but it is not so horrid; I am sure he has regrets too. He is a most honourable gentleman, after all. I am sure there will be many opportunities for you to make amends and overcome this delicate situation.”
“The manner of his address was dreadful—but I still feel deeply sorry for my words, and I would like to apologise, but I am sure he will never speak to me again.”
In the agitation of her turmoil, Elizabeth was not aware how much of her secret she revealed. Every word brought Mrs. Gardiner closer to the truth though Elizabeth refused to disclose the ‘subject of her argument with Mr. Darcy.’ The revelation shocked Mrs. Gardiner exceedingly; she never would have suspected such a circumstance, considering the history between the two. She knew she would have to think calmly and patiently about the situation, but for the moment, she needed to calm her niece’s troubled heart.
“Lizzy… What should I do with you, my love?” Mrs. Gardiner smiled and embraced her again. “I am glad we finally talked, and I confess I am relieved that things are not as bad as I feared. I am sure we will find a way to settle the entire situation better than you hope at the moment. You must trust me in this, will you?”
“I am glad we talked, too, Aunt, and yes, I do trust you. But I beg you, do not ask me for other details of my discussion with Mr. Darcy because I cannot say more. And I trust you will keep my secret in the strictest confidence.”
“Have no fear, dearest; I promise I will not ask anything more. Now, this is what I suggest: you should prepare yourself and come down for a good breakfast. Then, you will go with Jane and your cousins for a walk in the park. Miss Darcy no doubt will come with Mr. Bingley later, and they can join you.” Elizabeth tried to disagree with no success.
“Lizzy, Miss Darcy is your friend, and despite any arguments you might have with her brother, you cannot punish her. For the moment, you must continue to behave as you did before and wait to see whether the future requires any change in your relationship.”
Elizabeth could see the reason in her aunt’s words, so she listened carefully as Mrs. Gardiner told her what she should do that day. After being so wrong in her own decisions, what else could she do except listen to someone wiser!
The joy in her cousins and sister’s eyes was precisely what Elizabeth’s spirit needed to rise again; an hour later when Mr. Bingley and Miss Darcy arrived, together with Lady Selina and her children, the happy reunion made her almost forget the past week’s torment. She had little time to answer all the questions about her health before the entire group left the house and walked to the park in a din of happy voices and horse bells ringing along the frozen street.
Mrs. Gardiner poured herself a glass of wine and sat to enjoy it, closely observed by a concerned housekeeper who had never seen her mistress imbibe before dinnertime.
An hour later, the earl returned. Mrs. Gardiner smiled with her usual calmness and asked for some refreshments.
“Your lordship will be relieved to find that your favourite nephew did not betray your confidence. Except for some unfortunate words at an unsuitable moment, which upset Elizabeth exceedingly, he did nothing wrong. And before you rush to blame him, my niece confessed she did not remain in his debt with offences and harsh replies, so I would say they are quite even.” At the earl’s incredulous expression, Mrs. Gardiner continued to mingle seriousness with jests in order to convince the earl without disclosing too much.
“Indeed, sir, there was nothing more than a heated argument, generated by some disagreements. The only thing you can do is teach Mr. Darcy better manners. Lizzy had just managed to forget his refusal to dance with her at their first meeting—calling her ‘tolerable but not enough to tempt him’—and now he finds a new way to offend her. I wonder who he resembles with this unappealing attitude!”
The earl seemed unable to comprehend her words; he remained silent for some time and then hurried to pour himself a brimming glass of brandy.
“So Darcy came here, argued with Miss Elizabeth, offended her, and she offended him back—good for her!—then he left town without a word?”
“That would be a correct summary.” Mrs. Gardiner laughed.
“Damn! Darcy is smitten with her! I should have known it from the first day they met in my house! And he had no idea that she completely disliked him—poor oblivious idiot! I told him as much, but he refused to listen! God knows what he might have said to her that made her angry! Well, good to know he did not make himself completely ridiculous by asking for her hand. That would make him the laughingstock of the town!”
“Lord Matlock, please! This is not something to joke about, sir! And we cannot presume to know who is smitten with whom, nor should we speculate about it! Whatever the reason for their argument, clearly it affected both my niece and your nephew, and we should not laugh at their trouble!”
“Please forgive me, Mrs. Gardiner. I did not mean to sound disrespectful, but—”
“No need to apologise, your lordship. I am deeply grateful for your concern and for your attentive care for my niece. If you had not dis
covered the connection between all that happened, we still would be worried about Elizabeth, and I never would have considered searching for the truth. But you must promise me, sir, that you will not do anything nor will you speak to anyone about this, not even Mr. Darcy himself. Our conversation must remain between us. You must promise me, Lord Matlock!” When she finished her speech, her hand was holding his arm quite tightly, and her insistent gaze demanded obedience.
The earl smiled politely and took her hand, placing a polite kiss over it.
“I promise I will do or say nothing regarding the delicate subject of our conversation. So, do you have any news from your family in Hertfordshire?”
The conversation continued for some time until, suddenly, the earl started to laugh.
“Damn, I cannot help myself! How on earth can Darcy be brilliant in so many ways and then idiotic in others? I wonder why so many women are interested in him, and I have to say I can only think of two reasons: either his wealth or other qualities of which we are not aware. I am really praying it is the latter.” The earl laughed with all his heart while Mrs. Gardiner blushed and hid her face behind her cup of tea.
***
Another week passed with the same routine for Elizabeth. Not a night passed without remembering each moment of her past encounters with Mr. Darcy. She still did not regret refusing his proposal—his marriage proposal—but she felt flattered at touching the heart of such a man. During those nights, the reproaches against herself grew and were more difficult to bear. Eventually, she concluded that she had not been at all fair in judging Mr. Darcy’s character; she was always inclined to weigh his faults heavier than his admirable qualities. She admitted to herself that she never forgave his unpardonable fault of calling her ‘not tolerable enough.’ If not for his rude remark on that first evening, her dislike probably would have been less intense. In fairness, his behaviour towards her had always been beyond reproach—excepting that first evening, of course. Though his offensive words regarding her family were difficult to hear, they were not unjustified. The way her family—her mother, Mary, Kitty, Lydia, even her father—behaved each time Mr. Darcy was present was justification for his poor opinion of them.