“Because I have feelings for someone else.” We sat down.
“Seriously? Who’s the guy?” He looked cold and angry.
“You don’t know him,” I lied.
“That’s bull shit,” he growled.
“Don’t talk to me like that. I didn’t cheat on you,” I stopped and glared at him.
“Can I ask one thing? Does it hurt for you to break up with me even?” His face was filled with hurt.
“Of course. It hurts because a part of me still has feelings for you.” And with that, class started.
After class, things were equally awkward. I got up and walked out before he could stop me. I tried to stay a good distance from him for the rest of the day and it looked like he wanted to do the same. By the end of the day we were both at our lockers and he stopped me before I left.
“You’re crazy, you know that, right?” his voice was sharp.
“Excuse me?” my face was shocked.
“You heard me. You’re crazy. Any girl would kill to be with me and yet I was with the new girl. I didn’t have to pick you.” His words really hurt.
“Well I’m not some prize to be won. And if you can get any girl, go find one.” I slammed my locker door and walked off.
I had to ignore every call and every text for the next week. I cried and ate my weight in ice cream. If it wasn’t for Marlie and Justin getting me out of the house I might have shriveled up. It didn’t help matters that Justin and Marlie were a couple, though. I was happy for them, but being fresh out of a breakup and now being the single friend sucked. So mostly I spent time in my room dancing and reading. Like old times.
Six
About two months into Jake’s basic training the letters were still coming. We really got to know each other and it was amazing how deep he really was. His parents basically made him raise Carter. Speaking of Carter, things between us were better. We’re not friends but we can talk civilly. He’s still single and he did apologize for what he said.
I was in my room snapchatting Marlie and Justin while they were having a movie night together when my phone lit up with an unknown number.
“Hello?” my voice was wary.
“Is this Ali Cat?” I heard the voice.
“Jake?!” I squealed.
“Hey, pretty girl.” I heard him smile through the phone.
“Jake, I can’t believe it’s you!” my heart warmed up.
“It’s me. I get to make phone calls once a week from now until the end of training.” His voice was like magic.
“You shouldn’t be calling me. You should call your parents or Carter. Don’t waste your phone call on me,” I felt guilty suddenly.
“Ali Cat, my parents couldn’t care less and you’re the only one that’s written me since I left. I owe you my phone calls.” I could hear him sigh and practically see his eyes roll at me.
“Well I feel honored. I miss you.” I didn’t mean for it to slip, but it did.
“I miss you too, Ali Cat.” My heart ached for him.
“So, how’s everything?” I snuggled up in bed.
“Not easy, let me tell you that. I have gained like 15 pounds of pure muscle and I’m bald. Well kinda. I’m buzzed,” he giggled.
“I can imagine. I bet you look super tough,” I joked.
“The toughest. I think I look pretty sexy.” His tone sounded smooth.
“I’m sure you do,” my insides ignited a little.
“Do you talk dirty, Ali Cat?” His voice was low and husky.
“I don’t know. Maybe you’ll find out.” I felt that feeling in my gut again.
“Thomas, two minutes!” I heard a man yell.
“Shit, I only have two minutes, Ali Cat.” The mood changed.
“What? You’re kidding. Well this sucks. I really miss you,” I pouted.
“I wish I was with you.” I could hear the longing in his voice.
“Jake, you have no idea. I just want to be in your arms and not feel guilty about it.” My heart started hurting.
“I gotta get going. I miss you and I’ll see you soon. Keep writing.” He sounded rushed.
“Miss you too and I will. Bye, Jake.” I heard the line die shortly after and the tears started to come.
I was all alone again. Since Carter and I broke up, things with Marlie, Justin, and me have been weird, especially since they were dating and I was single. Carter still made small talkwith me but it’s not like we really talked. I’d been there for Carter on the nights he couldn’t sleep because he was so alone and I always went over if he needed me just for company. But now that the break up has worn off he’s moving on again. He’s got his friends for that. My parents don’t know what’s going on and they’re just giving me my space. My mom has tried to talk to me but it never ends well. So I’m on my own and I haven’t told anyone about mine and Jake’s relationship. Or lack of, I guess. We’re not dating. We’re just, I don’t know what we are.
I grabbed my journal and started writing while tear drops hit the page and I let out all my feelings in one of the only ways I knew how. Dancing always released my feelings but my body was just too emotionally exhausted.
We’re nothing currently. You’ve claimed feelings for me but how do I know that when you return you won’t just leave me? Do I make you happy? You can easily just throw away everything I’ve ever told you and just move on. How will I know if you really want this? Am I even making sense? I don’t make sense to myself and that scares me. All I know is that I have a month to figure out all this and until then who knows what may happen.
I closed my journal and crawled into bed. I closed my eyes and as I said my prayers I let the tears pour out all over my pillow.
I woke up that next morning and my eyes were swollen from crying myself to sleep. It happened a lot. My eyelids would swell up and then if I didn’t dry them, they’d swell. But I guess it doesn’t really matter to anyone, does it? I walked downstairs and could smell bacon and eggs. Sunday breakfast was the best. We went to church last night so I had the whole day to myself. My mom walked in and noticed my eyes right away.
“Honey, what happened? Did you have an allergic reaction or something?” She came over to me, her robe moving behind her almost like a cape.
“No. I just cried a last night. My stomach was upset,” I lied.
“Oh, honey, do you feel better?” she felt my forehead for a fever.
“Yeah, Mom, I’m fine.” I grabbed a plate and dished up my food.
“What’s with the eyes, weirdo?” Dillon rubbed his eyes and sat at the table.
“Nothing, loser,” I shoved him as I sat down.
“Breakfast is served,” my dad finished the last of the bacon.
“Thank you, honey,” my mom kissed his cheek.
We ate breakfast and did the basic chitter chatter that we do. I was happy for once in the last couple of months. I know my parents never saw what was really going on, no one did, but I didn’t want anyone to know that I was hurting. The pain was something I just wanted to keep to myself. What would happen when Jake came back? I’d be going into my senior year and he’d be gone. He’d be living the life he should be living. I guess I just didn’t want to hold him back. I’m not even a senior and I already have worries that most people my age don’t even think about.
I had dance later that afternoon for the recital I had coming up next month, so I changed and got all stretched. I always had to stretch before I actually went because the first round of stretching just doesn’t do the job. I grabbed my duffel bag and headed down the stairs.
“Oh, Ali. Wait. Marlie’s here,” my mom stopped me and I turned to see Marlie.
“Marlie, what are you doing here?” I was totally shocked.
“Taking you to dance, of course,” she smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes.
“Yeah, ok. Let’s go,” I smiled back.
“It’s Justin. We broke up.” We got into her car and tears rolled down her cheeks.
“Wait, what? When?” I hugged he
r.
“Just now. It’s my fault, though,” she held her head down.
“Wait, why? What did you do?” I pulled back.
“It was at a party. We got in a fight and Carter was there and he was just being nice.” I felt her avoid the details.
“Get to the point, Marlie,” I stiffened.
“We kissed. But it was just a kiss,” she tried to defend herself.
“Marlie, what were you thinking?” I was so pissed at her but I tried to hold in my wrath.
“I wasn’t, okay?! I don’t know why I did it.” She pulled up to the studio.
“Don’t bother picking me up.” I got out of the car and slammed it shut.
I walked into the studio and all the company girls were getting ready. I was friends with most of them.
“Ali, oh my gosh! I’ve missed you!” Jayce ran over to me from doing some stretches.
“I know! It’s been, like, what, two weeks?” I laughed.
“Two weeks too long to be away from dance,” Haiden walked over with a few more other girls.
“You’re telling me we need to have a sleepover stat. I have so much to tell,” I took my shoes out of my bag and slipped them on.
“Oh, let’s! My house. Friday night!” Jayce offered.
“Deal. I’ll tell the girls.” Haiden walked away and started spreading the news.
It felt good to be back in my surroundings. I felt at home and these girls were my family. We laughed, cried, and sometimes fought together. This was one place where I didn’t feel judged. I’ve really come to love this place and these girls were my sisters for life. Marlie was my friend, but she was like every other girl at that school most of the time. And really, she betrayed me in more ways than one.
“Alright, ladies, let’s get started. We have a lot to do!” Miss Nichole our instructor walked in.
“Ali, I want you to warm the girls up. I need to take care of some things,” she started the music and I started stretching.
After dance, I remembered that I didn’t have a ride home, so I caught a ride from Caley. She’s a good friend, too.
“Thanks for the ride. I’ll text you!” I smiled as I shut the door.
“Yeah! See you Friday!” She drove off.
I walked in and my mom was preparing supper.
“Sweetheart, you have a letter. It came in the mail yesterday. I forgot to give it to you.” She handed me the envelope and I already knew who it was from.
I ran upstairs and tore it open and started reading. I missed him so much.
Hey, Ali Cat. Miss me yet? I miss you. Don’t tell the guys how cheesy I am with you, I would never hear the end of it. Now that I can hear your voice once a week I’m finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Not too much longer. I’m hoping to be back a week early since the ones who’ve done the best sometimes get to leave before the rest. I’ve worked my ass off here and it pays off. This is really what I needed. I know where I’m going in life now and I know now that this experience has changed me for the better. When I get back the first thing I’m doing is coming over and giving you the biggest hug and sweetest kiss. You literally drive me crazy. Thanks for the pictures of your dances. You look beautiful. Well, time for more training. I’ll see you soon, Ali Cat.
-Jake
Writing letters was definitely not his forte but he was sweet and I missed him. I just don’t think I imagine us together until I see him again.
After supper, I did homework and had a group message with some of the girls from company about the sleepover. By the time 10 rolled around I was ready for bed. I laid in bed and thought about what tomorrow would be like at school with Marlie and Justin and now Carter. What was she thinking? What was he thinking? I never thought he would do something like that to anyone.
I walked into school after driving myself, since neither Justin nor Marlie have talked to me. It kind of stunk that my locker was right next to Carter’s. When I approached my locker, Carter was there talking with Ryan. My heart stopped and I felt myself choke on my own spit. This was beyond awkward.
“Hey, Ali,” Ryan smiled at me and Carter’s body got tense.
“Hi, Ryan. Carter,” I opened my locker and grabbed my books.
“So, Carter, I’ll talk to you later.” Ryan got the hint and walked off.
“Look, Ali, please. I had no idea they were together,” he turned to me.
“Really? Because that’s hard to believe,” I glared at him.
“Okay, I did know but it just happened so fast. She kissed me. I just kissed back,” he put a hand in his pocket.
“No. You knew what you were doing. You could have stopped it. Carter, I could see this from Marlie, but from you? You’re nothing like that.” I put my books on my hip.
“You’re right, but I had a lapse in judgment, okay? Back off. It’s not your business,” he snapped.
“Whatever. You’re an ass for doing this and I don’t even care what happens to you.” I stormed off, leaving him there steaming.
As I walked to my first class, I spotted Marlie waiting for me outside the door and the feeling of all my glory wore off right away.
“What do you want?” I rolled my eyes.
“I’m sorry. I don’t want this to ruin our friendship. Please, Ali, I really am sorry.” She looked a little teary eyed.
“You know I forgive you, Marlie, but I really want nothing to do with you right now,” my teeth started to grind.
“Fair enough. I’ll see you later,” with her last words, I walked off into class and didn’t even acknowledge her.
As the day went on, I made sure to avoid every single one of them. I sat with some of the girls on the dance team at lunch. Gym was awkward enough with me wanting to pound the shit out of Marlie with the volleyball.
“Hey, Ali, wait up!” As I was walking to my car, Justin stopped me.
“Justin, hey.” I grabbed my keys from my bag.
“Can we go somewhere? I just need a friend.” He looked exhausted and sounded like shit.
“Yeah, of course. We’ll take my car. In the mood for ice cream?” I smiled.
“I love ice cream,” he didn’t look too thrilled but he seemed up for it.
We went to the same place that I always go to. I immediately thought of Jake as we walked inside and I saw the booth in the far back. I decided on a round table in the front. I ordered a chocolate peanut butter shake and he got a chocolate strawberry sundae.
“So you heard about me and Marlie.” He didn’t ask. He stated.
“Yeah, I did. What she did was wrong and what Carter did was probably worse,” I sipped on my shake.
“Don’t get me started. I just need a friend to listen and be there for me,” he sighed.
“I’m here for you, Justin. You can trust me.” I reached my hand out and rested it on top of his.
“Thanks, Ali. It really means a lot.” He looked up and smiled sweetly.
“So Friday I’m busy with a sleepover, but Saturday I’m stuck at home all day and night with my brother. You should come over. We can pop some popcorn, eat like shit and drink way too much soda with a couple of stupidly funny comedies,” I went back to sucking down my shake.
“You know me too well, but no chick flicks. I’m not a girl,” he laughed a little.
“Duh, I’m not stupid. I save those for myself anyway,” I grinned.
“I’m sure you do. But I actually was going to go to this party. You should try and come,” he finished up his sundae.
“Oh, really? Well, I can’t. I’m stuck with Dillon, but you have fun. Sounds better than hanging out with a girl,” I was bummed. I really missed hanging out with him.
“Well, try to be there. Hey, I have a friend waiting for me outside so I’ll see you later.” He gave me some cash to pay for our ice creams and left.
What’s his deal? One minute he wants to hang out and the next he ditches me? Instead of finishing my shake, I paid for them with my own money and left leaving the change on the table.
/> I seriously only had dance girls left. I pulled my phone out on the way home and immediately texted Caley. Yes, texting is against the law but I guess I don’t care. I’m a good driver and I made sure not to look too long at the phone. As I was sending my reply to something she said, I heard the rumble bars and noticed I was a little far on the shoulder. I turned the wheel quickly, but a little too quickly. Somehow I crossed the middle line and I didn’t notice the car coming until it made impact.
I woke up in a white room with everyone standing over me. Well, at least that’s what it felt like. Did I die? Was this purgatory? If so, I need these spirits gone now.
“Get out of my face,” I groaned and my throat felt like sandpaper.
“Yeah, she’ll be fine.” Dillon stepped back and sat down.
“Alice, oh sweetie, you had us so scared!” My mom was tear-soaked as she hugged me.
“I need water,” my voice barely audible.
“Here you go, honey. How you feeling?” my dad came over and brushed some bangs away.
“I’m thirsty and sore. My ribs kill.” I winced at the pain when I sat up.
“That’s because you broke five of them,” Dillon came back up by the bed.
“Five? You’re kidding?” I moaned.
“No, we’re not. You also broke your wrist.” He pointed down at the bandage on my wrist.
“Great,” I threw my head back on the pillow.
“You were texting, Alice. That’s against the law.” My dad’s voice was soft but stern.
“I know, Dad, I know.” I closed my eyes realizing how badly I screwed up.
“You’re lucky the person you hit came out with just some bruises,” he continued.
“Are the cars bad?” I felt so guilty.
“Yours is totaled and hers will need repairs, but it’s not terrible. We’re paying for those.” My father seemed really disappointed in me and I didn’t blame him.
“I’m so sorry. I’ll work for the money to pay for them. I’ll do anything.” My heart was sinking.
“We decided that this is your one screw up, but if you do it again, you will be paying,” my mom broke in and I felt relieved.
“When will I be released?” I drank some more of the water.
“Not until tomorrow. Relax, sweetie. We’re going to the cafeteria, but you have some visitors.” My mom kissed me and my dad did the same before walking out.
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