Feeling no resistance, Tank pulled Drake into a hug. “He told me you killed two men who threatened and beat him. They would have done so much worse. You did the best you could in a bad situation. Was there any better choice you can think of now?”
Drake gave a raspy exhale. “No. Not at that point. But I keep thinking that for him, I’m like those horrible people from my past. Can’t imagine seeing any of them and not wanting to put them six feet under. If he can, he is a far better person.”
Tank stroked Drake’s silky hair with surprising relief. Having Drake back and being able to talk like this took a whole lot of weight off Tank’s shoulders. “Were the roles reversed, and Clover hurt you this way under Apollo’s threat, would you not have forgiven him?” They were getting somewhere here, after months of obstructive behavior, and it felt almost as if Boar’s proximity already had an influence on them.
Drake’s silence spoke volumes. Then, a bitter laugh. Drake rubbed his face, slouching forward. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe it is about me.”
Tank stroked Drake’s back, so incredibly elated that he was allowed to do this again. “Talk to him. He misses you.” Tank’s throat tightened when he looked at the pale face in the dark. He leaned in, tempted by the warmth of Drake’s body and whispered with his lips against Drake’s hair. “I miss you.”
Tank thought Drake had been still before, but he froze, no longer breathing and likely not blinking either. His face moved up in a jerk, and he met Tank’s gaze. “Me?”
Tank frowned. “Of course. We’ve been living together for seven years, idiot. You’re the only one who’s a challenge to race, I miss your snarky comments about every single TV show we watch, and no one’s there to mock my handstands. It’s not the same without you.”
Drake’s expression was supremely hard to read, but when he caught Tank’s gaze from up close, for the tiniest moment the corners of his mouth twitched. “I bet you tell that to everyone. What’s your line for Pyro?”
Tank snorted. “Asshole. Pyro used to be fun to be around before he started snorting coke again. And I really liked watching him fuck Clover. He’s an animal. To be honest, I miss seeing you with Clover. It was so hot when you tied him up, got him all whimpery and moaning for more.”
Drake hummed and looked away again, his shoulders curling slightly under Tank’s arm. “Even if I give him the choice, chances are he won’t be up for that again.”
“Maybe he will, maybe he won’t. For the record, we have sex. He’s still… him, you know?”
“You don’t strap him up like he was… at Apollo’s.” Drake cleared his throat, pulling away, as if Tank’s touch burned him. Tank was done with the skittishness so he grabbed Drake’s hair and forced him to meet his gaze.
“I’d be there, if you want. Hardly a chore to watch you fuck him.” Tank smirked, but wasn’t sure what Drake’s dilating pupils meant. The bastard was so fucking hard to read.
And there was no time for explanations either, because a vehicle approached from the arena. He pulled away and glanced through the binoculars.
“They’re moving.”
Chapter 8 - Clover
Silence ate up the atmosphere as soon as Tank left, and the sounds made by an owl nearby made the awkwardness more obvious. Clover ran his fingers through his hair, took a deep breath, and finally walked up to Pyro with a flashlight. There was no point pretending they didn’t notice one another’s presence.
“Are you wounded? Let me see,” he said, avoiding Pyro’s gaze.
He wasn’t the only one unwilling to talk much. Pyro grumbled something Clover couldn’t quite understand and spread his arms. There were many bruises on his bare skin, as well as a handful of cuts, but nothing to worry about. Clover watched him in the faint light of the stars above, glad that instead of blood and sweat he breathed in the fresh aroma of pine. He loved Pyro and wanted to tell him that, but they weren’t on speaking terms, and he didn’t know how to approach touching him, even if just to dress fresh wounds. The earlier accusations had burned a hole inside Clover to the point where he found it difficult to be around Pyro without anyone else to buffer the situation.
They ended up sitting at the back of the pickup, because they didn’t want to be trapped in the cab if someone found them. The fresh air helped Clover breathe, but that only helped so much as their communication remained limited to ‘could you raise your hand’ when both of them were painfully aware of the elephant in the room.
Maybe it was for the better. Clover wished he could forget the things Pyro had spat in his face. A nasty voice deep inside Clover kept whispering to him that their whole relationship had only existed in his head and Pyro saw him as a plaything.
When they’d had dirty, delicious sex that involved food, and when Pyro had kissed him during the fireworks show in Florida, he might have played along to get what he wanted from Clover. But regardless of whether it was true or not, Clover found it hard to believe Pyro would be such a cynic—such a good actor. Despite his explosive personality and brash ways, he’d always seemed to genuinely care whether Clover had fun with him. Now, with his blue hair a mess, with blood smeared over his skin, he remained as impenetrable as a statue.
Pyro’s firm chest heaved when Clover cleaned and then dressed two larger wounds on his pec. This too felt like rejection, and Clover made sure to be as fast as possible, unwilling to touch a man who didn’t consider him his equal and so clearly resented him. The cool air felt thick enough to choke him, and when Pyro took a rapid inhale, he couldn’t help but flinch.
“I’m sorry,” burst out of Pyro’s lips so unexpectedly Clover stilled, looking into Pyro’s eyes, which appeared translucent in the moonlight.
“Hm?” was all Clover had in him at this point, unsure and reluctant to show his feelings again, just to get them stomped on.
Pyro held his gaze for an uncomfortably long time before glancing down again with a curse on his lips. “I fucked up, okay? I see why you wouldn’t want to talk to me. I wouldn’t want to talk to me if I were you,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest.
Clover put away all the unused things into the med kit, which gave him precious time to gather his chaotic thoughts. He sat at the edge of the pickup bed and shrugged, watching his own feet dangle above the ground.
“I mean… At least you got it off your chest, and we know where we stand.” Which was definitely not where Clover wanted them to be, but what was he to do?
Pyro grabbed his shoulder, but when Clover flinched away, he pulled his hand back, retreating like a smacked dog. “No. That’s not true. I didn’t actually mean any of it!”
Clover clenched his fists as the discomfort in his throat descended into his chest, causing uncomfortable cramps. “No? I’m not just a piece of ass for you to fuck when you’re thirsty? Because that’s what it seems like lately.”
The dam burst, and he would not hold back the resentment that had simmered inside him for the past couple of hours. He’d been so patient, so loving to Pyro, and what had he gotten in return? His kindness pissed on and thrown into his face. He would no longer be patient.
Pyro scowled but didn’t pull back and met Clover’s gaze this time. “I’m not in the best place right now. Doesn’t mean I should use you as a punching bag, but it’s true. I fucking hate everything. I completely lost my compass without Boar. I just… miss him so bad,” he said, voice dropping to a whisper. “And Tank’s right. I haven’t been pulling my weight because—”
“We all miss Boar!”
“I thought he was dead.”
Clover’s chest sank, and he stared at Pyro in disbelief. “Why? Shouldn’t you, out of all people, believe in him most?”
Pyro shrugged, rubbing his shoulders while his hair limply slumped to one side. “I don’t know. It just made sense in my head. This whole search seemed so hopeless until tonight.”
Clover shook his head in dismissal. There were more important things to discuss than Pyro’s pity party. Boar had been a captive for months
and might have gone through unimaginable horrors. They needed to plan well if they were to take him back, and discussing that would have been more productive without Pyro’s mean words running on loop in his head.
“What is that place? That fight?”
Pyro raised his fists to the sky and dropped them with a growl. “Clo. I didn’t mean it, I swear. I was just so angry, and I—I wanted to hurt you. I only said those things because I knew they’d hurt you,” he said, staring at Clover as if he wanted to penetrate his flesh with that green gaze.
The invisible wound, which had been only trickling blood so far, started draining Clover’s heart, and he rubbed his eyes, desperate to get rid of the tears before they could have spilled down his cheeks. “Why would you want to hurt me? I’m always there for you! Always. Even tonight, I was so scared for you that I convinced Tank we should follow you.”
Pyro exhaled, covering his face with both hands. “Why? Why would you care? All those months, you were there to pull me up whenever I was down. But why now? After all I said--”
Clover’s shoulders sagged. “Seriously? Because I love you. What does it even matter at this point? You clearly don’t return my feelings, so let’s just move on.”
Pyro stilled, his eyes widening between spread fingers, breath speeding up. “You do?”
Clover didn’t know what to say. Everything about this situation was embarrassing. He was a sucker. He was naive and too free with his feelings to realize he wasn’t investing them in the right person. Hadn’t Pyro said from the start that he and Boar—the loving couple—needed a third for sex? It wasn’t as if his behavior toward Clover had changed that much since then. Pyro had always been the one who didn’t show much interest in solo time with Clover, and maybe that should have been the hint to how he viewed their relationship all along. “Of course I do.”
“I thought you… you just liked Boar. Are you being serious right now? I’m not just a hot dick to sit on?” Pyro asked, leaning forward with hunger in his eyes.
Clover’s cheeks flared with heat at this sudden change, and he barely managed to rub away a stubborn tear before it could have rolled down his face. “You’re far too much effort to be just a dick. But come to think of it, you’ve definitely been a dick. I’m sick of this back and forth with you.”
Pyro swallowed, his expression changing like the sky on fast forward. “I’m not lovable. I’m a dick. I’m an addict. I can’t look after myself. But Boar saw something in me and dragged me out of the gutter. I didn’t think anyone else could love me the way he does,” he said with unusual softness.
And there Clover was, dragged right back in by the same protective instincts that had allowed him to ignore Pyro’s abrasive behavior since Boar’s disappearance. “I’m not trying to replace him. No one could do that. But I’ve been there for you, and you just don’t seem to care. And in the end, I’m the dumbass who just can’t let you destroy yourself, because I know there’s more to you deep down.”
Pyro exhaled, resting his hands on his hips, as if it was the support he needed to keep his back upright. “Because it’s hard for me to be real with people. Sometimes, it’s even hard to be myself around him, even after all the shit I’d dragged him through in the past. He’d seen me covered in vomit and piss, and he still chose to love me. I thought he was the only one willing to put up with all that,” he said, rubbing his hands against his knees. “That you were just sorry for me.”
Clover frowned. “I don’t do pity fucks.”
A smile crooked Pyro’s mouth. “I am a hot dick.” But when Clover didn’t smile back, Pyro’s shoulders hunched. “Didn’t land, huh?”
“No, it’s not funny. If you can only be real with Boar, fine, but if that’s the case, we can only be friends. I won’t be having sex with you, and it’s not some weird blackmail. I’m just done with this. Even if you didn’t mean the things you said, it doesn’t make me feel good. I—” his voice trembled when it shouldn’t have. “I’ve been through some shit and this is the last thing I need.”
Pyro leaned forward, grabbing Clover’s hand. “Clo, please. I won’t do the whole it-was-the-drugs-talking thing. I’m responsible for what I did. I know I am. But can you, please, give me another chance? I’m not saying right away, because you’re right to be upset, but no matter how it looked like, I do care about us,” he said, gesturing between himself and Clover.
“Why? You already said you can only be real with Boar.”
It was something Pyro didn’t have control over, and Clover knew he was just being honest for once, but it still hurt to know that their relationship had been so one-sided. But despite such disappointment, he couldn’t bring himself to pull away from Pyro’s fingers. There was mortal danger ahead, and for all Clover knew, either of them might die in the attempt to recover their lover. If something happened to Pyro, he didn’t want to forever regret being petty in their final moments together.
Pyro swallowed, lowering his eyes in a physical demonstration of retreat. It took him several seconds to gather his thoughts. “The real me is boring. It’s just… normal. He’s afraid sometimes, and that’s not attractive in a guy like me. You like confidence and strength, and, from the day we met, I wanted you to be crazy about me.”
Clover’s teeth sank into his lip, and he squeezed Pyro’s hand as hope glimmered deep in his chest. That had to be the most honest thing he’d heard from Pyro in months. To be perfectly frank, it was the most genuine conversation he’d had with Pyro. Period. “You did?”
“Just look at yourself. You’re pretty like a doll, you always make time for everyone, you always keep others in a good mood. You’re just…” Pyro met Clover’s gaze again. “Perfect. Like a person who shouldn’t exist, but you’re real.”
Clover swallowed. The months of fear and worry had taken their toll on him, and he couldn’t bring himself to reject the flattery. “But no white hair…”
Pyro groaned, holding on to Clover’s hand as if he were afraid they’d never touch again if he let go. “You’re cute either way. I just hate that you dyed it because you felt you had to, not because you chose to. Did you see me before my hair and tattoos? You wouldn’t have noticed me in the street.”
Clover gave him a weak smile. “Can’t even imagine you as the average Joe. Boar told me your parents made you wear a uniform at home?”
“Yeah. And I had this ultraconservative short haircut. And I couldn’t listen to normal music. I couldn’t go to school to meet people unsupervised. I hated it all. I was like a gingerbread man my parents got to decorate as they saw fit when I wanted to be the flamboyant chocolate cake with chili.”
Clover was unable to fight the pull toward Pyro now that he finally saw a crack in the outer shell of his man. “You are one now. And pretty delicious, if I do say so myself.”
Pyro’s mouth curved into the slightest smile, and his colorful brow tattoos lowered, keeping him looking roguish despite the peaceful expression. “I promise to go light on the chili from now on. I’m serious, Clo. If you were in danger, I’d protect you with my life.”
“Just can’t protect me from yourself?” It was meant as a joke, but turned out sounding bitter.
Pyro’s features twitched. “What do you want me to do to prove myself? I’ll do it.”
Clover took a big gulp of and squeezed Pyro’s hand. “Quit snorting coke, you motherfucker.”
Pyro’s nostrils flared, and he stared back at Clover, bristled up like a cat about to attack. “I… kinda wish you’d said it that way before. You’re too nice to me sometimes. And I’m a piece of shit. Sometimes, a kick in the balls is the only thing that gets through to my pea brain,” he said with a shake of his head. There was no accusation in his tone, just a sense of self-reflection he so badly needed.
“I couldn’t be hard on you after you lost Boar. We were all hurting, and I just wanted to make things nice for everyone. I tried to maintain a home all of you would want to come back to.” Clover sniffed, no longer able to hold in his upset fee
lings. For months, he’d hidden his own wounds and distracted himself by taking care of everyone else, but maybe it was time to demand the same consideration in return.
Pyro grabbed Clover’s other hand and held them both in his warm palms. “I know. And I didn’t appreciate it like I should. But I will try to do things differently now. Maybe when Boar’s back, we could go somewhere together. The three of us.”
“I would really like that. I really miss being… normal, you know?” He shifted closer to Pyro, no longer threatened by his size or innate aggression. He felt as if he’d finally discovered the key to this man’s guarded heart, and it seemed that the only way to stop Pyro from biting was to confront him.
Pyro nodded, watching Clover as if the night around them had dispersed. “I remember that time Boar made us help him prepare the picnic. I was so annoyed that he made me get up early, but spending all day with the two of you had been so amazing. I hadn’t said it and never apologized to him for being a shit in the morning. Maybe I should have. Just like you, he’s too good for me.”
“Boar and me are far from being good boys, but yeah, you are a menace, and it’s amazing how you manage to pull us in anyway.” Clover snorted and entwined their fingers, growing more confident with each passing second.
Pyro licked his lips. “Am I the only one feeling that tension or…”
“Why? So you can tell me that’s the only thing I’m good for?” This time, Clover did mean to tease, but he wouldn’t let Pyro completely off the hook any time soon.
Pyro grunted, shaking his head. “I deserve this. You were hurt, and it’s only by chance that you got an opportunity to run. But I was so focused on my own pain that I didn’t think about it much. I shouldn’t have been so selfish when you were nothing but kind to me.”
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