by Harlow James
Kane’s thumb continues to stroke my hand as he watches our connection. Looking back up to me, he continues. “I didn’t know how to process seeing you again. I know I didn’t handle it appropriately, but the more we ran into each other, the more I realized that getting to know you better is something I definitely want.”
Who would have known that this man could actually confess his desire to me without acting like a child?
“You continue to surprise me, Kane.”
He cracks a smile. “Oh yeah, how’s that?”
“I don’t know. I guess I just had you pegged for this guy that wasn’t very in-tune with his feelings and wanted to just be left alone.”
He huffs. “Yeah, well, if you’d met me three years ago, that’s exactly the man you would have encountered. I’ve come a long way since then.”
“Is that how long it’s been since you’ve been interested in someone?” I ask, hopeful he’ll continue to be honest with me.
I see his jaw clench and then his eyes retreat from mine as he drops my hand, his face turned back to looking out over the yard. “Yeah, something like that.”
Okay, not the most detailed answer, but hopefully he’ll open up to me, eventually.
“Well, I don’t know who taught you how to date, or woo a woman, but drilling her with random questions is not the best approach,” I joke, hoping to lighten the mood.
The slightest smile tips up on the sides of his mouth, his eyes bouncing back and forth between mine when he focuses back on me. “I was told to try to establish a friendship with you, and I thought asking you a bunch of questions would help me do that. You gotta admit, I did learn some interesting facts about you.”
“Okay, yes, that’s one way, I suppose. So is just having a natural conversation. Getting to know someone doesn’t have to just consist of facts about the other person. Getting a glimpse into your mind and how you think about the world tells me way more about you than your favorite color.”
“Which is red, by the way,” he answers back, making me smirk.
“Good to know,” I say, immersing myself in this euphoric feeling of how ecstatic I am that the night turned out this way. I came into this party not knowing what the repercussions would be when I ran into him, because I knew we would cross paths. Naturally, this conversation is surpassing my assumptions immensely.
“So who told you to drill me with questions?”
Kane shakes his head and then laughs.
“It was Drew, wasn’t it?” I lean forward, itching for information.
“No, it wasn’t Drew. No one actually told me to just start drilling you. I made that mistake all on my own.”
“Wow, so you really must have been out of the dating world for a while then, huh?”
Kane’s face falls as he clears his throat and then nods. Suddenly, a rush of fear zips through me as I wait for his answer. Based on his reaction, nerves spike in my chest, bracing myself for a confession that might make me run.
“The last time I pursued a girl I was sixteen,” he finally states, rocking my mind and causing my stomach to plummet.
“Sixteen?” I whisper, afraid to show my true shock and concern. That means he was a teenager and now he’s gotta be in his late twenties at least. Holy hell! What the heck happened there?
“Yeah. She was my high school sweetheart. Things didn’t work out, obviously,” he declares in a way where I sense the conversation ends there.
“Well, don’t worry. I’ll coach you along the way,” I tease him, winking in his direction when he locks eyes with me again.
“I just might need that Olivia. I’m way out of my comfort zone here.”
Reaching for his hand, it becomes my turn to soothe and comfort him. I close the distance between us, scooting close enough that I get a whiff of his scent now, his cologne mixed with the smoke from the bonfire out back transporting me to another place entirely.
“So where do we go from here?” I ask as this elated feeling overcomes me. I don’t think I realized just how much I wanted to see this side of him until he just gave me a glimpse of it. Clara was right. There is definitely something here between us, besides the physical.
Although, as I study him, admiring his strong face and eyes and the way his entire body eats up the space on the swing, I’m only reminded of our sexual rendezvous from before, and suddenly my entire body becomes hot.
“Well, I have more questions I’d like to ask you, if you’re game?”
I smile, admiring how boyishly cute he sounds right now. It’s like the sixteen-year-old innocence he still possesses is the only way he knows how to interact with me right now.
“Sure,” I agree, the tingles of excitement I feel makes me itch with anticipation for more. The truth is, I think I’ve always wanted more from him since that first night. And now I’m getting it.
“Okay, let’s do this.”
Chapter 20
Kane
I swear, I don’t think I even felt this nervous when I was trekking across the desert trying not to get killed in Afghanistan.
No, that’s a lie. Avoiding death is definitely the most nerve-wracking thing I’ve ever done. But knowing that I had to make a move tonight with Olivia is definitely a close second to that level of anxiety.
Yet, here we are, sitting on the porch swing, isolated from the crowd so the only two people who exist at this moment are her and me. She looks stunning tonight, wearing dark blue jeans and a puffy cream-colored coat, her stark red hair cascading down around her face in soft waves. Every time her eyes meet mine, I get that same spark of need I felt in her classroom that day that made me run. But tonight, I’m welcoming it.
Obviously, I’ve always found her beautiful—but something about how the tip of her nose is slightly red from the cold, or the way she’s finally opening up and letting me in without all the bullshit sexual politics in the way—makes her even more desirable.
Reaching in the pocket of my coat, I fetch my phone where my list of questions is typed out. I prepared in advance for my goal this evening. Little did I know that it would slightly backfire. But then again, here we are, Olivia agreeing to continue my inquisition. I guess this idea wasn’t all bad.
“Oh, my gosh… do you have notes on your phone?” She peers over into my lap, and the closeness of her body spikes my heart rate to unhealthy levels. I’ve already been inside this woman, but now that our relationship has shifted, she makes me even more nervous than I was that first night. When all I considered we would be was casual sex, the pressure was off. I could immerse myself in the experience and own it. Sex is easy, that’s something I’ve never struggled with.
But now we’re crossing into an unfamiliar territory for me, the process of getting to know each other beyond the physical. The last time I did this was with she-who-will-not-be-named anymore. I refuse to dwell on her when I have this gorgeous woman in front of me, her head mere inches from my crotch.
“Yes, I have a list. I wanted to be prepared,” I fire back, retracting my phone from her eyesight, making her sit back and fake a pout, crossing her arms over her chest.
Fuck, she’s cute when she’s mad—even if it is fake.
“Come on. I worked hard on this. Let me be bask in my effort?” I ask, hoping she’ll see that I’m putting in an abundance of effort where she’s concerned.
“Fine,” she huffs and rolls her eyes, making me grin at her reaction. I sit up tall against my side of the swing as my foot on the ground pushes off the deck, propelling us back before we rock forward in a slow, rhythmic glide. “But if you ask me a question, you have to answer it too.”
“That seems fair. Okay, here goes. Let’s start with an easy one. What is your favorite thing about your career?”
She doesn’t pause to think at all before she declares, “The kids.” Only a teacher who truly understands the meaning of the job would offer that answer. Not summers off, not paid vacation. Nope. An irreplaceable teacher is the one who shows up every day for their students, des
pite the bullshit that goes along with the job.
“I wholeheartedly agree.”
“I should hope so, and that you aren’t just copying my answer to score brownie points with me,” she teases.
“No, I really do agree. I knew I wanted to teach since high school, and the Army helped me pay for my degree. Knowing when I was out I would finally get to make a difference in the classroom was the only thing that kept me going some days. Well, that and…” I stop myself before I utter her name. Because after what she did to me, it doesn’t matter that she was who I would dream about at night to remind me of the sacrifice I made for our future. She burned that dream up in flames as soon as she touched T.J.
“And what?” She asks curiously.
“Never mind. It’s not important,” I shake it off and glance back down at my phone for my next question. “Okay, I’ll answer this one first so you know I’m not just copying you this time. Sound good?”
Her smile says it all. “Learning to compromise already. I’m impressed.”
“I’m not a stubborn, spoiled brat, Olivia. I know how to play fair… well, most of the time,” I say, feigning innocence but sending her a vibe that I hope she picks up on. By the narrow pinch in her eyes, I can tell she senses where I’m going with this.
I can’t wait to get her beneath me again so I can tease her and bring her to the brink of an orgasm before working her back down and up all over again. Yeah, I can play fair… or I can make her question her sanity as I edge her up to an orgasm repeatedly before she explodes. Usually, I win either way.
“Okay,” I clear my throat while trying to discretely reposition myself on the swing to ease the friction on my growing dick in my pants. “What celebrity would you like to meet at Starbucks for a cup of coffee?” I tilt my head in thought, even bringing my hand to my chin to accentuate my deep reasoning. “I’d have to say… Ryan Reynolds.”
“Oh! Interesting... Do explain…” she says as she pulls her jacket tighter around her body.
“I hate to admit this, but you’ll find out, eventually. I have a bit of a man crush on him.”
She laughs at me, the sound like music to my ears. Olivia should laugh more, the full-bodied, natural, mesmerizing laugh that sounds like pure joy. Why haven’t I heard that sound before? Oh, probably because I was too busy acting like an ass which didn’t warrant her laughter. I do know what she sounds like when she comes though, if that’s any consolation.
“Please elaborate,” she says as her laughter winds down.
“Well, for starters, the man is just good-looking. He’s got the hot nerd thing going for him, and his body is fit. I’m not gay, I swear. I can just appreciate the dedication it takes to look like that.”
She giggles and then waves her hand in front of me to continue.
“Second, he’s funny as hell and wickedly charming. And, he’s a great dad. He worships his wife, and you can tell the relationship they have is built on the fact that they are best friends. The way they troll each other on social media has me dying of laughter all the time. And she’s gorgeous too. He has it all, and I would love to know what his secret is.”
Oliva stares with this childish smirk on her face. “That’s a really great answer. I agree, Ryan Reynolds is hot as hell, but everything else you said is also dead-on.”
I welcome her appreciation of my answer, but now it’s her turn. “Okay, okay… who’s your person?”
“Hands down, Ellen DeGeneres.”
“Oh, yeah… great choice.”
“She is my human crush. It has nothing to do with male versus female. I just think she’s one of the best people to walk the planet. I mean, her show brings so much joy and positivity in this world. I just want to be her, or at least be surrounded by her so I can absorb some of her awesomeness. She preaches kindness over everything. Her bravery is admirable, and she isn’t afraid to speak her mind.”
“That’s a fine answer, Olivia,” I reply in a weird British accent. Where the hell did that come from?
“Excuse me?” She giggles again and fuck, if it doesn’t make my dick twitch.
“Just pretend that didn’t happen. Okay, last one for now…”
“What? Last one? This is fun,” she pouts, making me want to suck that bottom lip in my mouth and worship her tongue with my own.
“Oh, look who likes the questions now?” I tease. “We need to save some for next time.”
“Next time?” Her voice sounds surprised, but seriously—did she not think I’d want to take her out?
“Yes, next time. There will be a next time for us, Olivia. Now that I finally got you to talk to me, I’ll be damned if I let my momentum slow down,” I wink at her.
Her cheeks flush with bashfulness as she looks down at her hands, fidgeting with the sleeves of her coat. “Okay, I’m ready for my last question,” she says peering up at me, her long lashes framing her eyes and the soft glow of the light around us bringing out the subtle green hues that get lost in the browns.
“Okay. This is a good one. What’s your biggest fear?”
She ponders her response for a moment, then provides me an answer I wasn’t expecting.
“Snakes. But crickets are definitely a close second.”
I throw my head back in laughter, my entire body shaking as I process her words.
“Snakes and crickets? Really?” I fire back through my chuckles. “I already knew about the crickets, but snakes? Not death? Or public speaking? According to the internet, those are the top two fears of most people…”
“Nope. Snakes are disgusting! They have no limbs! And yes, crickets terrify me, but you already knew that. Public speaking doesn’t bother me too much, seeing as how I stand up and talk in front of people virtually every day. And I don’t fear death. I guess I more fear the idea of dying before I’ve felt like I’ve lived and loved wholeheartedly.”
Her candidness hits me hard as I realize I agree. When I was overseas, it terrified me to think that I could die before marrying she-who-will-not-be-named, or getting to have children and raise a family. After hearing Oliva phrase it like that, I realize she’s right. It’s not death that I fear—It’s not living a life well-lived, void of someone who you want to share all the good and bad with. It’s taking for granted the people who are there for you, day in and day out. It’s the fear of being alone, just as I voiced to Dr. Martinez the other day.
“When you put it that way, I guess I’d say I would have to agree with you. Although, I suppose you could say my biggest fear then is ending up alone.” It’s the first time I’ve ever uttered the words out loud to someone besides my therapist. “There was a time a few years ago when I thought being alone was what I wanted. Then I realized that you don’t have to let everyone in, but you can’t go through life shutting everyone out either.”
“Exactly,” she agrees before smiling up at me, the bright white of her grin turns my insides to putty. “For what it’s worth, Kane… thank you for finally letting me in a little. I don’t think I’ve had this much fun getting to know someone in… well, I don’t know how long.”
“I feel the same, Olivia,” I reply as I watch her shiver on the swing beside me. “But I think I’d better get you near the fire or back inside soon before you turn into a popsicle.” Gathering myself to stand, I turn around to assist her, reaching for her hand again, pulling her in closer to me than I intended, but fuck if the feel of her pressed up against me doesn’t feel right. It did that night we spent together too, but this is different—more intimate if that’s possible. Before it was all about the physical connection. But now I know more about the woman standing in front of me, which makes our proximity even more influential.
When I look into her eyes now, I see a woman with a heart who cares deeply about her students, who values kindness in others above what they can offer her, and who ultimately wants a life filled with love and people that make her feel fulfilled. Those are things I never knew about her before we slept together. And hell if it doesn’t make me
want to learn more.
“Come on,” I lead her back around the house along the back porch, passing by the patio table again where a few of our colleagues are seated, drinking and playing cards. A small staircase descends off of the wooden platform, leading to a fire pit in the middle of the only open clearing in the yard, as trees surround every other surface of the property.
Giant logs are situated around the fire, contained by a circular structure of rocks. The heat of the flames instantly warms me, but so does the thought of spending more time with Olivia. I motion for her to sit on one of the tree trunks, her hands reaching out in front of her to absorb the heat from the fire.
“Oh, yes, that feels good,” she moans as the heat from the flames highlight her face and begin to defrost her features. Being the man that I am, her words instantly spark the memory of her saying something along those lines while I was buried inside of her.
Shit. The last thing I need right now is a raging hard-on.
“Are you thirsty?” I offer before taking my seat.
“A glass of wine would be great, actually,” she smiles up at me, and the more often I see this content side of her, the more I want to be the one to bring it out.
“Sure. Red or white?”
“White is perfect. Thanks,” she states as I nod and turn in the direction of the house, entering back through the garage and into the kitchen where Drew is leaning over the counter, his face stuffed full of chips and dip.
“Hey, man. Where have you been? I didn’t even know you were here,” he mumbles around a mouthful of food. I swear, I don’t know how he eats the way he does and stays in shape.
“Oh… I was actually with Olivia,” I discretely answer while reaching for a bottle of white wine from the counter and pouring a glass.
“No shit. How’d it go?”
I smirk up at him while pouring the crisp liquid, the sweet smell of grapes hitting my nose. “Really well, actually.”