by Harlow James
“I offer many services, some more sexual for a small fee.”
This girl. Always making something dirty. “I love you. Thank you.”
“Anytime, momma-to-be.”
“Oh, God…” I whine while Clara laughs on the other end.
“Good luck,” she tells me before ending the call. Staring at my phone in my hands, I bring up a message to Kane and send him a text. There’s no turning back now.
Me: Hey you. Can you come over, please? I need to see you.
His reply is almost instant.
Kane: Missed me that much already? It’s been less than forty-eight hours.
After I stayed at his place the night of Thanksgiving, I told Kane I needed a day or so to take care of some things I had been putting off until the break, like cleaning out my closet. But in reality, I didn’t trust myself around him until I knew for sure what our future held. The irony that I will now—in fact—have to clean out my closet, is not lost on me.
Me: Always. Can you be here soon?
Kane: Leaving now. Gonna make a quick stop for food and then I’ll be there. See you soon.
Knowing I had a good forty-five minutes to an hour until Kane arrived, I mustered up enough energy to hop in the shower and wash off the grime of the day, tidy up my mess in the bathroom and hide the tests so I could show Kane when I was ready, and finish cleaning up my kitchen.
About thirty minutes later, I heard a knock at the door. I figured it was Kane, but if he’s this early, he must have been speeding. Ready to give him a good teasing, I open the door with a smirk, but the person standing on the other side makes my face fall flat in a second.
“Hi, Liv,” that voice that I swear would never utter my name again resonates in my ears as a wave of nausea hits me. It might be pregnancy symptoms, but more than likely, it’s from facing my ex for the first time in months since I caught him with his dick in someone else.
“Trevor, what are you doing here?” I shake my head as I watch his eyes bounce back and forth between mine.
“I wanted to see you,” he says, trying to sound sincere, but sounding more desperate.
“Really, it didn’t seem like I was a thought on your mind while you were fucking Lexi?” I cross my arms over my body like a protective shield. Even though I’m one-hundred percent over him, I don’t want him to think that I’m receptive to his groveling at all.
It’s why I never responded to his dozens of texts or missed calls. It’s why when he emailed me, I never thought twice about writing back. Because there was no way in hell I would give him another chance, let alone the opportunity to justify what he did.
“Why are you here?”
His head hangs low now between his shoulders as he takes a deep breath. “I fucked up.”
“Yeah, no shit,” I agree on a short breath. “Well, thanks for driving all this way to tell me that. Have a good night,” I move to shut the door in his face, but he stops me before I’m successful.
“Can we talk? Please?” He begs as his eyes find mine and I see pain there. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Trevor look distraught about anything.
“How did you even find me?”
He peers up at me again and stands tall. “Your Facebook. Plus, after you left I figured you must have gone home.”
Fuck. Damn social media, always providing enough information to people when you don’t want it to.
“So you’re stalking me now? Pretty convenient given you had me near you every day for almost a year and didn’t care that much.”
“I’m not stalking you. Well, I kind of did for the past day or so. But I saw that you moved home and then you posted a picture of you and the girls with the apartment complex in the background. I waited around until I saw you so I knew which unit was yours.”
“Christ,” I roll my eyes. “Okay, so your stalker skills are up to par. What do you need Trevor?”
“Can I come in? I have a lot I need to say…” He’s pleading, and hell if it’s the pregnancy hormones or maybe just pity, but part of me can’t turn him away. I sigh. He must have something important to say if he traveled all this way. Maybe this break-up will help him see what a pig he is and he can vow to be less of an asshole pig for his next lady. Because no matter what he says, that won’t be me.
But Trevor was a part of my life for almost a year, a man I shared my life with and my bed with at one point. He must need someone to talk to, or at least my ears to hear his epiphany.
“Fine, but I’m expecting company, so you can’t be here long,” I open the door wider and motion him in, wondering how the hell this day could surprise me anymore.
Chapter 36
Kane
When Olivia’s text popped up on my phone, I felt relieved to know that she missed me as much as I missed her. It had been less than two days since I’d seen her, but after spending the holiday with her family, I had this urge to never let her go. She insisted she had some things she needed to get done before our break from school ended, so I relented and watched her drive home, feeling like a piece of me went with her.
My future is so clear now. The idea makes me laugh when I think about how differently I saw my life just a few months ago. I was sure being alone was what I wanted. I was sure there was no reason to open myself up to someone else again.
And then a fiery redhead turned my world upside down and flipped over everything I thought I knew. Heads was now tails, dark was now light, and life without Olivia was something I never wanted to experience.
The speed at which I drove to her only solidified what I knew. She owned me. I wanted it all with her. But before I rushed into anything, I needed her to know how I felt. I needed her to know that I loved her and I wanted a future with her.
So when she sent me that text and sounded as desperate to be with me and I was with her, I knew this was the night. Eating dinner, watching a movie, and falling asleep with her in my arms after worshipping her body was the agenda for the evening, and I couldn’t fucking wait.
Olivia has a thing for burgers, so I stopped by one of her favorite places—Jack’s Grill—for a classic burger that is infamous in Emerson Falls. As always, the drive-thru was insane, so it put me at her place a little later than I had intended.
I grabbed the food off the front seat, secured the sodas in my hands, and locked my truck before making my way to her door. The sound of two voices on the other side made me weary as I knocked on the door with my elbow since my hands were completely full.
“Just a second!” I hear Olivia shout before murmuring something else to the person on the other side. My heartrate picks up as I realize the voice is a man’s.
Olivia wouldn’t have a man in there with her, would she? No, she wouldn’t have invited me over if she had company, especially of the male variety. There had to be an explanation.
I knock once more just as Olivia pulls the door open, looking flustered and surprised to see me.
“Kane…” she says, brushing her hair behind her ears. “I’m sorry. I had an unexpected visitor, but he’s leaving now,” her eyes move back into her living room.
“Hey, no worries. I brought dinner,” I voice on a smile as I walk through the door.
And then the bags of burgers and fries along with our sodas, go crashing to the floor when I see who’s in her apartment.
“What the fuck?” I shout as my blood pumps so furiously in my veins I think they might burst.
“Kane, what’s the matter?” Olivia comes up behind me as she takes in the mess on her floor, but my eyes never leave the man standing across from me—the one person I thought I’d never see again after I found him the last time.
“Kane,” he says as he stays put, afraid to move one inch in fear of the repercussions he’ll experience from my fist.
“Kane, what is going on? This is…”
“T.J.,” I manage to say, staring down the man who used to be my best friend.
“T.J.? No, this is Trevor… my ex,” she answers full of confusion.
“This is your ex?” I choke out, turning to her and seeing the blind realization cross her face.
“Yes, but he was just leaving. I didn’t invite him here Kane, I promise. I… I don’t understand what’s going on,” she trembles as her eyes bounce back and forth between us.
“Yeah, well let me help you understand,” I grit through my teeth, my fists clenching beside me, and the fire in my body about to ignite this room in flames. “That man over there was my best friend—Trevor Johnson, or T.J. as I called him—the one who fucked my fiancé behind my back while I was serving my country… and now apparently, he got to you too…”
I glare back over at him while T.J. remains rooted in place, his face almost white, his hair in disarray, and his eyes widen when he realizes our connection.
“Kane, I had no idea…” Olivia’s voice sounds destroyed as everything clicks.
“No, you couldn’t have, right? It’s just a coincidence that my current girlfriend happens to know the man who wrecked my life….” I reply while fighting the urge to plow my fist into T.J.’s face.
“Kane,” he starts, but I shoot him daggers with my eyes, shutting him up effectively.
“Don’t you even fucking dare say something to me right now! I can’t believe this,” I shout, pulling at my hair and retreating from the room.
I have to leave. I need to get out of here. The walls feel like they’re closing in on me and my chest tightens—the first sign of an imminent panic attack.
“Kane, please. I’m so confused right now, let’s just talk…” Olivia begs as I back up and turn for the door.
“Fuck, Liv. I just… I can’t…I have to go,” I manage to croak out before leaving the devastation behind me in a cloud of my dust.
I reach my truck, unlocking it and climbing in, firing up the engine and taking off, screeching the tires against the asphalt as I peel out of the apartment complex.
“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” I curse, slamming my fists on my steering wheel while I speed down the road, taking the first entrance to the highway to head for my house, the one place I go to escape reality, especially since my world is crumbling around me.
My phone starts ringing repeatedly, Olivia’s name flashing across the screen. I can’t talk right now and the distraction is blinding while I’m driving, so I silence my phone and turn it over so the screen stops illuminating the cab.
I just keep driving, lost in the fury racking my body and the fuzziness in my mind. I blank out so hard, I barely remember the entire trip as I pull in my driveway and shut off my engine. Slamming the door to my truck shut, I trudge inside and throw my phone across the room, stomp into my kitchen, and quickly locate the bottle of whiskey in my cupboard. I reach for a glass and fill it half full as my hand trembles and the bottle clanks against the rim. I shoot back the amber liquid and quickly refill it, throwing back shot after shot until my stomach turns and the ache in my chest starts to dull.
Once I’m satisfied with my level of inebriation, I stumble across my house and locate my phone that I tossed when I got home. Taking a seat on the couch, I unlock the screen and see the list of missed calls from Olivia, along with dozens of texts and voicemails.
And then the anger comes back and I chuck my phone across the room again, the thud of it hitting the wall and then the hardwood providing the only sounds besides the background noise of animals calling out into the night outside.
“Fuck! I… I just don’t get it!” I shout into the room, throwing a pillow from the couch over my face as every emotion courses through my body.
I’m so goddamn angry, my skin is vibrating from my pulse.
My heart fucking aches in my chest as I picture the two of them together, and then realizing that he fucking cheated on her just like he did to me with Natasha, makes me want to bash his face in more than anything I’ve ever wanted to do in my life.
I feel tears threaten to fill my eyes when I think about how I had planned for the evening to go—the dinner we would share, my confession to her about how I truly felt.
And now all I can think about is the two of them together. How the fuck did this even happen? How did T.J. end up in northern California and woo Olivia, and then fuck it up—just like every other relationship he’s ever had?
Did Olivia know who I was? Did T.J. ever talk about me? Was her coming home and weaseling her way into my world a plan the two of them had hatched together?
I had heard through the grapevine that T.J. left our town at the same time I did, his reputation destroyed when people found out about what he and Natasha did behind my back. I can’t imagine they hid it all that well either, so I’m sure our neighbors and other people knew what was going on.
So did he find out Olivia and I were together and then came home to stir up some shit as some retribution for the direction his life took after he devastated mine? I wouldn’t put it past him at this point. I always felt he was jealous of me, jealous of what Natasha and I had, jealous of my goals and aspirations when he had no direction of his own in his life. His dad had mapped out T.J.’s life for him before he graduated high school—securing him admission to Oregon State University and demanding he major in business so he could take over their drug store chain when his father retired.
And after he took the one thing from me that he didn’t have—a woman to call his own, and his world shattered simultaneously with mine—was his goal always to get back at me? Was this the opportunity he saw and then pounced?
Some crazy shit is running through my mind as I remove the pillow from my face and inhale the oxygen I was lacking. This turn of events is so fucking crazy, I can’t even form words or coherent thoughts that make any sense. The list of questions in my head is a mile long—as even more start to bellow in.
Is he here to try to get Olivia back? Is he still at her place? Fuck, I left her alone with him, not even contemplating what he’s capable of. But if I know Olivia like I think I do, she wouldn’t betray me—would she?
Hell, I thought Natasha would never cheat on me and look how that turned out.
And suddenly, every ounce of reassurance I felt just a few hours ago about my future with Olivia is drained from my heart and my mind. My ray of hope, the sunshine that brightened the darkened sky I was living in for years was just extinguished with one visit from a ghost of my past.
Chapter 37
Olivia
“What the fuck just happened?” I shout at Trevor as he sinks back down in his chair and pulls on his hair right after Kane stormed off. I tried calling him a few times before I turned my attention back to Trevor, but the calls went unanswered.
“God, Olivia. I have no idea! How do you know Kane?”
I walk over to him as he looks up at me, and then I smack him across the face.
“What the fuck? What was that for?” He yells while rubbing the sting off of his cheek.
I bend down low and get right in his face, pointing a finger at his chest. “That was for Kane. You are such a selfish bastard, Trevor! Do you even know what you’ve done to him? You slept with his fiancé for crying out loud!”
Trevor moves to stand, which causes me to back up from him. I’m not afraid of him, but I can see the anger brewing behind his eyes.
“Natasha seduced me, Olivia. Not the other way around. And she was lonely, and my friend was a whole world away. We turned to each other and sought comfort in one another. But she wanted more, and I didn’t.”
“So you ruined your friendship for some convenient sex? God, you are one of the most self-centered people I’ve ever met! I can’t believe I was with you for as long as I was!”
I study this man that I thought I wanted a future with and chastise myself for my naivety. My God, what would my life have ended up like if I had stayed with him and never caught him cheating on me?
“And apparently this is your M.O. since you fucked around on me, too. First you screw over your be
st friend, then you screw another woman behind my back. Tell me, Trevor. Was she the first? Or was I the first woman you were ever unfaithful to?”
His silence fills the room, and I know I have my answer.
“You’re disgusting. I wish I never would have seen you in that winery…” I turn away from him, the mere sight of his face makes me want to hurl right now.
“I don’t regret it, Liv. Moving to California and working for my uncle at his winery was the only thing I had going for me at the time, until I saw you that day. Falling for you was easy. But then I realized you were the type of woman who deserved it all—the family, the fancy house, the husband who worshipped you—and I realized I would never be able to be that man for you, not when I can’t even stand to look at myself in the mirror.”
“So that’s why you cheated on me? Because you were so self-loathing, you figured, why not? There’s nothing else you can do to make you hate yourself more?” I throw my hands up in the air for emphasis.
He shakes his head, dropping it down in defeat. “Pretty much. I felt like a piece of shit, so I acted like one too. God, Liv… I’m sorry I hurt you…”
“Yeah, you did. Did it ever occur to you that in inflicting your own punishment on yourself—which I think is bullshit by the way, but if that’s what you think you needed to do, that’s on you—did you realize that you would be inflicting self-doubt on me too? You made me question my self-worth, whether there was something I did or didn’t do that caused you to stray. I never put pressure on you for a future, Trevor. I never demanded a ring, and it was your idea for us to move in together. If you knew that you didn’t want or couldn’t be with me, why didn’t you say something sooner? Why did you allow me to waste that time with you and then shatter my confidence? I could have been with a man who cherished me and wanted a future with me—a man like Kane!”
The memory of meeting Trevor and falling for his charm makes my stomach revolt. Nausea hits me and I fight the urge to make even more of a mess on my carpet. I stare down at the spilled sodas, bags tipped over with food spilling out, and then my heart instantly breaks.