by Beth Wiseman
“Except maybe a widower’s heart,” Eli quickly responded.
But he knew what Elam was saying. “Are you afraid I’m not doing right by Katie Ann?”
“I didn’t say that. I’m just reminding you that she is fragile.” He backed up a few steps, waved a gloved hand, and said, “Have a gut time.”
Eli thought about what Elam said as he drove through a flurry of snow to Katie Ann’s house, and he wondered if being so close to Katie Ann was a good idea. But it wasn’t like it was something he could control. He loved her, and he felt led to be here. Despite his own plans for his life, God seemed to have something else in mind. But even if he did trade in one dream for another, how could God expect him to leave his family to be with Katie Ann? It wasn’t fair to ask her to leave the home she’d built in Canaan either. He’d have to go home at some point, and how would they both feel?
He shook his head, deciding not to worry about leaving her before he saw her. He parked the buggy, then made his way up the porch steps. She was opening the door just as he held up a hand to knock. He pulled the screen open and stepped across the threshold into the warmth of Katie Ann’s home.
“It’s gut to be here.” His teeth were chattering as he pulled off his coat and hat.
Once they were hung on the rack, he pulled her into a hug, wishing he could stay in her arms for the rest of his life. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her, the way a man kisses his wife, and as the passion built between them, Eli felt her trembling. He eased away and gazed into her beautiful brown eyes. “I—I . . .”
Eli wanted to say it so bad, tell her how he felt. But Elam’s words rang in his ears. Katie Ann’s husband hadn’t been gone a year, and unless Eli was ready to leave his home in Ohio and be a husband to Katie Ann and father to Jonas, he knew that he would have to keep his feelings to himself. Anything else would be selfish and unfair.
“I know friends aren’t supposed to kiss like that,” he said after a moment. “But I missed you.”
“I missed you too. Very much.”
Her eyes twinkled as she spoke, and Eli felt torn between taking her in his arms again or running out the door. There was a struggle going on inside of him—between what he thought he wanted and what seemed to be playing out in his heart. And all the while a passion burned inside of him for Katie Ann that made it almost too much of a temptation for him to even be there.
KATIE ANN SMOOTHED the wrinkles in her black apron as she took a slow deep breath and wondered if her heart would ever stop pounding against her chest. She released the air in her lungs only after Eli had turned away and walked toward Jonas’s playpen in the living room. He eased his hand down and touched her sleeping baby on the head with a tenderness that Katie Ann could hardly bear.
A few minutes later Eli was stoking the fire and Katie Ann was brewing coffee. By the time they settled onto the couch and began talking, it was as though no time had passed. Once again, they ate supper on the couch in front of the fireplace, and Eli raved about Katie Ann’s chicken and rice casserole. Eli told her all about his trip to Florida, but not with the excitement that she expected.
“I don’t know. It was nice, I guess.” He set his empty plate on the coffee table and took a sip of coffee. “I felt . . .” He sighed. “I felt guilty. So much luxury and things that just aren’t necessary. You should have seen how many different kinds of soaps, shampoos, and lotions were in the bathroom at the hotel.” He chuckled. “I did enjoy the television.”
Katie Ann smiled, glad to hear the laughter back in his voice. “I don’t think you should feel guilty, Eli.” She wasn’t completely sure how he should feel, since she’d never known an Amish man to travel.
He looked down, rubbed his forehead, then locked eyes with her. “It just wasn’t as much fun as I’d always pictured it.”
“I’ll be taking a trip soon.”
His ears perked up. “Really? Where?”
“Lancaster County. I have to handle some things for Ivan. A lawyer has sent me several letters.”
“What about Jonas?” Eli narrowed his brows as he glanced toward the playpen. “Will you take him?”
Katie Ann shook her head. “Ya. He’s not even five months old yet. I couldn’t bear to leave him.”
Eli squeezed her hand. “Do you want me to go with you, so you and Jonas don’t have to travel alone?”
While she was touched, she also knew that she needed to do this on her own, find some closure with Ivan. She shook her head. “No. I’ve traveled by plane before. But danki.”
“When will you go?”
“I’m waiting until after Arnold gets here. I’ll feel better leaving Martha.” She raised her brows. “You’ll never believe what is going on at Martha’s house.” Katie Ann told Eli about Danielle and how Martha found her living upstairs.
“And she’s still there?” Eli sounded as shocked as Katie Ann had been when she found out Martha was letting the teenager stay with her.
She laughed. “Ya, she is. And I’m not sure who is having a harder time of it. Martha is a bit”—she paused—“set in her ways. And Danielle is . . . how should I say this, since I don’t know the girl well?” She sighed. “She’s a bit . . . messy. Martha said she leaves plates in her room upstairs, throws her clothes down on the bathroom floor, and never offers to help clean anything up. And . . .” Katie Ann grinned. “Martha threatened to wash her mouth out with soap if she didn’t clean up her language.”
“Where are the girl’s parents?”
“Danielle says her parents are dead, that she graduated school early while living in foster care, and that her boyfriend is the one who beat her up.”
Eli shook his head. “That’s terrible. How long will Martha let her stay there?”
“I don’t know. Martha has a huge heart, so I suspect it could be awhile.”
MARTHA PUT HER hands on her hips and eyed Danielle as she stepped out of the dressing room. They were in a store Martha had never heard of. “You are out of your mind if you think I’m going to buy you that.”
“Why? What’s wrong with it?” Danielle faced off with her, mirroring Martha’s stance.
Martha started to tell her that she looked like someone who should be standing on a street corner, but she decided a more tactful approach would be better. “You look like a tramp.”
“What?” Danielle shifted her weight, which Martha was impressed with given the skintight pink leggings. “This is what everyone wears.”
Martha pointed at the two inches of skin showing between Danielle’s sprayed-on pants and matching pink crop top. “And that is not going to fly.” She glanced around at the sales staff, most of whom were dressed similarly to Danielle, and shook her head.
“But I like this.”
“I told you that if you were going to live with me, you have to get a job. What kind of reputable company would hire you dressed like that?”
“Well, I wouldn’t be caught dead in what you’re wearing.”
Martha gasped, looking down at her red-and-white-checked pants outfit. One thing Martha knew for sure—she was a snappy dresser. She was at a loss for words.
“And why do you always wear that dumb butterfly clip in your hair?”
Martha’s eyes rounded with rage as she reached up and touched the precious clip that she’d had since she was married to Herbert many moons ago. “This clip, my dear, will never go out of style.”
“Whatever.”
If that girl said whatever one more time, Martha thought she might snap. “I think we’d better try another store.”
“Whatever.”
Danielle marched back into the dressing room and slammed the door. Martha leaned her head back and looked up. I have no idea what You want me to do with this girl, Lord, but help me keep my cool.
Martha raised her chin, then glared at the clerk to her left. She shook her head, amazed that her mother would let her out of the house dressed like that. A few minutes later Danielle popped out of the dressing room. But instea
d of returning to the jeans and T-shirt that she’d had on, she tried on another outfit.
“What about this one?” Danielle raised her brows and stood taller, which only caused the tiny blue blouse to show even more of her tummy.
Martha shook her head, and Danielle stomped back into the dressing room. She couldn’t wait until Arnold arrived tomorrow morning. Maybe he knew more about teenagers than she did.
Sixteen
KATIE ANN WAS THANKFUL FOR THE FOUR DAYS SHE had with Eli, even though her feelings were more unresolved than ever before. They had spent each day together and into the evening. At night, Eli would kiss her tenderly and go to Vera and Elam’s house to sleep. It had been magical.
But right now, Lillian was watching Jonas, and Katie Ann’s furry friend needed her help. Katie Ann had witnessed enough calf births to know that things were not going well for Mrs. Dash. As she knelt down on the hay in the corner of the barn, she stroked the cat’s head and spoke softly. It was the first time Mrs. Dash had let Katie Ann touch her, and the animal’s eyes were glassy, barely open.
“It’s okay, girl. You can do this.”
When the first kitten was born, Katie Ann watched Mrs. Dash clean the animal, but Katie Ann’s stomach lurched when she realized that the tiny creature wasn’t breathing. Mrs. Dash worked to free the new baby of afterbirth, but when it was time to deliver the next one, she simply pushed it aside. Katie Ann tried massaging the small kitten’s stomach, unsure what to do. Nothing. The second kitten and the third kitten, also lifeless. No, no.
When the fourth kitten, the smallest one of all, solid black like its mother, was born, Katie Ann watched Mrs. Dash work to clear the mucus from the animal’s face. Katie Ann started to cry when this animal also lay lifeless before her. “I’m so sorry, girl. I’m so very sorry.”
She stared into the cat’s eyes, wondering if the pain of death was as horrible for an animal as it was for a human. If the tale were told through the eyes of Mrs. Dash, Katie Ann would have to say yes. The new mother nudged each of her babies over and over again. She cleaned them as their little bodies tumbled at her touch, as if she could bring them to life with love. Katie Ann prayed silently for all of them.
Even knowing she had to pick up Jonas from Lillian and catch a plane, she couldn’t bring herself to leave. She didn’t want to leave the cat—with all of this. She rubbed Mrs. Dash’s head, and the cat leaned in toward Katie Ann, then looked up at her. Katie Ann rubbed her head as flashes of her sister lying still and lifeless in the crib shook her.
Then there was a movement. The tiny black kitten moved. Or did it? Katie Ann picked up the little body and moved it closer to its mother. Mrs. Dash worked her tongue across the new baby, and seconds later the little one breathed in life. She watched for as long as she could without missing her plane. “Take care of your little one,” she said as she gently touched the new mother on the head.
Mrs. Dash leaned her head back and found the top of Katie Ann’s hand. Katie Ann stayed perfectly still as the cat’s tongue, like sandpaper, swept across her hand in loving strokes of thanks.
KATIE ANN SAT on the plane headed toward Lancaster County with Jonas in her lap, her mind reeling with what-ifs.
Eli had told her that he would see her again soon, and he’d also invited her to visit him in Ohio. She’d declined, for the moment at least, knowing she had this trip to Lancaster County to make and unsure how she was going to feel when she returned. She was hoping to get her business taken care of in a couple of days, although she was looking forward to seeing Ivan’s brother and two sisters, along with their families.
Arnold had arrived in Canaan before Katie Ann left, and Martha was busy helping him get settled in his new home. And Martha and Danielle were getting to know each other, and although Katie Ann couldn’t imagine the two living together, Martha said she felt called to watch over the girl, at least for a while.
She’d tried to ignore the curious stares at the airport, and even now on the plane. Once she got back in Lancaster County, heavily populated with Amish folks, there wouldn’t be as many curious sets of eyes. Katie Ann had flown twice before, both times for funerals. The bishop in Canaan frowned upon air travel, unless it was necessary. She found it curious how lenient Eli’s bishop was about his travels.
As she laid her head back against the seat, she realized that Eli hadn’t mentioned taking any more trips. She wondered what his home in Middlefield looked like and if she’d ever see it.
And she wondered when she would see him again.
ELI SPENT THE days following his return from Canaan staying busy around his house. He’d made repairs to the fence in the far pasture, put a fresh coat of paint on the woodshed, cleaned the barn, and repaired the passenger door on his buggy.
Busy. He had to stay occupied to keep his mind off Katie Ann. He’d come mighty close to telling her how much he loved her more than once, especially when they parted ways this last time. But Katie Ann had much on her mind, and he knew it would be difficult for her to travel back to Lancaster County to settle her husband’s affairs. So many times he’d wondered what kind of man would leave a woman like Katie Ann. He would spend the rest of his life loving her, given the chance. But he knew his children and grandchildren wouldn’t hear of him leaving, and she had created a new life for herself in Canaan. He wondered if she would consider moving to Ohio.
Even though these thoughts filled Eli’s mind, the plans he’d made for years kept bumping around in his head.
He carried a bucket of feed across the snow toward the barn. It was a dreary day, filled with gray clouds and the threat of more snow. He thought about Canaan and how the sun was always shining there, even after a hard snow, lighting the white peaks as if by rays from heaven. And something about the way the Sangre de Cristo and San Juan Mountains hugged the San Luis Valley in a protective embrace made him see why folks would want to live there. The Amish community in Canaan was small, but Katie Ann had told him that the population had more than doubled in the past year, with more and more folks migrating to the area for cheaper land and more room to spread out.
Eli was walking back to the house when he heard hooves padding up the driveway. He turned to see three buggies pulling in, the first of which he recognized as his oldest daughter’s. Hannah’s horse, Midnight, was a fine animal and easily recognizable with his tall steady gait and coat so black it looked almost midnight blue. Eli pushed back his black jacket and looped his thumbs beneath his suspenders.
Ida Mae was in the buggy with Hannah, and Karen and Frieda were in the next one. Bringing up the rear was his baby girl, Maureen. Whenever all his girls convened like this, something was afoot.
“Wie bischt,” he said, greeting them as they made their way across the yard to the front porch, each one toting a casserole dish or bag. It wasn’t unusual for his daughters to keep him supplied with casseroles and freshly baked goods, but they didn’t make a habit of all arriving at the same time. “Dare I ask what brings all my lovely dochders here today?”
Hannah glanced at Ida Mae and shrugged as they brushed past him and toward the porch steps. “Just wanted to visit our daed.”
Sure you did.
He walked alongside his other daughters toward the house. Was Jake ever invited to these sessions, he wondered, or did his son just have enough gut sense to decline?
“I brought you a chicken and rice casserole,” Maureen said as she placed a dish on Eli’s kitchen table.
Flashbacks of eating the same casserole with Katie Ann on her couch played in his mind.
“And I made you some fresh granola, Daed.” Karen put a Tupperware container next to the casserole.
His other three daughters all unloaded more food— chicken noodle soup that Frieda said could be frozen, two loaves of bread from Ida Mae, and a chocolate shoofly pie from Hannah.
“Danki, danki. I won’t go hungry, no?” He smiled at all his girls, knowing something was coming.
Hannah must have been awarded the job of speaker
.
“Daed, Aenti Vera called, and . . .”
Eli shook his head. He loved his cousin’s wife, but that woman could stir things up more than any female he’d ever known, except maybe for his own daughters. “And what did Aenti Vera have to share?” He eased into a kitchen chair, sighing as he waited.
Hannah sat down across from him. “Daed, she said you’ve become very close with Katie Ann.” She glanced around the room at her sisters. “And we were just wondering if you are going to end up moving to Canaan.”
Eli was smiling on the inside, even though he tried to stifle his joy in front of his girls. They did need him. He should have known they would be afraid that he would leave them to move to Colorado.
“No worries, mei dochders. I’m not going anywhere.” Although the moment he said it, his heart sank. Confusing. He glanced at each of his girls. Also confusing. Each one of them was frowning. “What is wrong with all of you?”
Frieda and Karen sat down too, and Karen spoke up. “We were just hoping you’d found true love.” She batted her eyes a few times, and Eli wasn’t sure what to say. “We want you to be happy, Daed. We thought maybe Katie Ann was the one.”
“You want me to move?” Eli recalled how he’d raised each and every one of them. Now they didn’t need him anymore?
“Of course we don’t want you to move, but we don’t want you staying, either . . . because of us.” Karen reached over and touched his hand. “We all have husbands to take care of us now.”
The statement hurt, but he forced a smile.
Maureen, the newest bride and still filled with romance, spoke next. “Do you love her, Daed?”
It was a conversation no Amish man should be having with his grown daughters, but he answered truthfully. “I love her very much.”
“Yay!” Maureen jumped up and down, and all his girls laughed and clapped.
“We’re so happy for you, Daed,” Ida Mae said. “We didn’t think you would really travel the world like you planned.”
“I did,” Eli mumbled, even though traveling didn’t hold the allure it once did.