by Beth Wiseman
IT WAS AFTER ten o’clock when Katie Ann heard the cell phone ringing. She’d talked to Eli earlier in the evening, but it was a short conversation, and once again . . . she felt like Eli was pulling back. She knew he had feelings for her, and maybe it was just getting too hard for him to keep saying good-bye. Katie Ann felt the same way.
But it was Martha’s name flashing across the display screen. She quickly flipped open the phone, hoping Jonas wouldn’t wake up. She’d just gotten him settled in a playpen next to the bed.
“Is everything okay?” She sat up in the extra bedroom at her sister-in-law’s house. Mary Ellen, Abe, and their children were already asleep.
“Everything is fine. I guess.”
Martha told Katie Ann a bizarre story about her day. In the darkness Katie Ann listened quietly, her heart breaking for poor Danielle. “You think her mother did that to her?”
“She won’t say, but I think so. She wouldn’t eat any supper, and she’s been up in the extra bedroom for most of the night. I keep checking on her, though. She’s not her smarty-pants self, which kinda worries me.”
“She’s still there? For how long?” Katie Ann wasn’t sure she understood all this.
“I have no idea. When I walked outside and told them to wait, I looked at Danielle and asked her if she wanted to stay. Vivian tried to argue, but I told her to shut her mouth. Danielle ran to me.”
“Ach, Martha. That’s horrible. Poor Danielle. But what are you going to do now? Call the police? Report Vivian?”
“I don’t know. I’m going to give her some time. If her own mother did this to her, don’t you think she might be kinda messed up?”
“I’m sure of it.”
“How are things going there?”
“I meet with the lawyer tomorrow morning at ten o’clock. It’s been nice visiting with friends and family, and they love spending time with Jonas.”
“Well, I miss my baby.”
“I know. And he misses you too.”
“I hear Danielle coming downstairs,” Martha said in a whisper. “I’ll call you tomorrow and see how the lawyer went. I love you, sweetie.”
“I love you too.”
Katie Ann lay back down and closed her eyes. Being back in Lancaster County had felt so familiar. Now that Ivan was gone, everyone kept asking her if she would move back to Paradise, and she was considering it. She’d left Lancaster County for a fresh start with Ivan, which didn’t work out the way she’d planned. Maybe another fresh start was in order.
THE NEXT MORNING she had breakfast with Mary Ellen’s family, and Mary Ellen convinced her to leave Jonas while Katie Ann went to meet the lawyer. She didn’t want to be away from her baby, but she knew he would be better off with Mary Ellen, as opposed to going into the city. Mary Ellen had arranged for a driver to pick her up and take her to Robert Dronberger’s office.
It was almost ten o’clock when she arrived, and within a few minutes a woman ushered her down a hallway to an office at the end of the hall.
The lawyer rose from behind a large oak desk and extended his hand. “So nice to see you, Katie Ann. It’s been a long time.” He pointed to two tan chairs in front of his desk. “Have a seat, please.”
Katie Ann sat down, her heart thudding against her chest. She’d been dreading this visit, a summary of recent events that she didn’t care to revisit.
“I’m so sorry about Ivan.” Robert put on a pair of reading glasses and thumbed through a thick file folder on his desk, keeping his eyes down. “As you’ll recall, you and Ivan came in here before you moved to Colorado and had a will prepared.” He looked up at Katie Ann. “Everything that Ivan owned belongs to you.”
“How can that be? He was living with—with another woman.” She hung her head. No matter how much time had passed, humiliation still soared through her.
“That’s just the way the law works.” He sat back in his chair, pulled off his reading glasses, and rubbed his chin. “You are still legally his wife.”
Katie Ann knew that prior to his death she hadn’t really been his wife for a long time. “There are papers for me to sign, no?” She folded her hands in her lap and hoped this wouldn’t take long. She’d asked the driver to wait for her.
“Yes, I have paperwork for you to sign, but I need to explain a few things to you.” He sighed. “Whatever money Ivan had, Lucy has now. They had a joint account, which Lucy has closed, so I’m afraid there aren’t any liquid assets. But Ivan’s personal belongings technically belong to you.”
Katie Ann shook her head. “No. I don’t want any of it. Lucy can have it all, whatever there is.”
Robert stared at her for a few moments. “Katie Ann, there is a house involved. Ivan invested all of his money to build a house about ten miles outside of Bird-in-Hand. He’d hired a builder, and they’d just finished the home a week before he died.”
Katie Ann fought the tremble in her voice. “I do not want any house that Ivan was building for him and Lucy to live in.”
“I understand. But you can sell the home.”
She shook her head, knowing she should have settled all this way before now. “No. Give the house to Lucy.”
Robert shifted his weight in the high-back chair, rubbed his forehead, and locked eyes with Katie Ann. “I went to the house, Katie Ann. I think you should go look at it before you make that decision.”
Again she shook her head. “I am not in a position of financial need. Ivan was living with Lucy, so she should have the house.”
Katie Ann had realized right away that this would solve Lucy’s money problems. It wasn’t at the top of her priority list to help Lucy, but there was a child involved. Ivan’s child.
“Katie Ann, there’s something else.” Robert sighed. “There’s a mortgage owed on the house. In addition to the cash Ivan put into the house, he also took out a mortgage. Lucy will need to keep up with the payments, which are already behind since we had these legal issues to work out.”
“But Lucy can’t afford to . . .” She stopped, knowing it was not her place to air Lucy’s business.
“Ivan was optimistic about his business expansion, and he built a fine home.” Robert paused. “I think you should go and see the house before you make any decisions. Legally, it’s yours.”
In a self-destructive way, she couldn’t help but be curious about the kind of house that Ivan would build for him and Lucy to spend the rest of their lives in. Were there rooms for children? Did it have an extra-large fireplace, the kind Ivan had always wanted? Was there room for a garden? How big was the kitchen?
One thing she knew for sure. She was not going to make mortgage payments on a house that Lucy would live in. “All right,” she finally said.
Robert gave her the address after offering to drive her to the house, but Katie Ann declined. She’d rather be alone when she saw it. If she sold the house, she would give the profits to Lucy. It might not be much, but Lucy deserved whatever money Ivan had earned while they were together.
It was a forty-minute drive from Lancaster to Bird-in-Hand. As they drove down Lincoln Highway through Paradise, Katie Ann glanced at the bakery on her left, the location of her first coffee date with Ivan. To her right was the street that led to Noah’s clinic. They passed Black Horse Road, the street she and Ivan had lived on. So many memories. And most of them good. She wondered if moving back to Paradise would be a good move for her. As much as she loved Colorado, the rolling hills of Lancaster County beckoned to her.
She’d been guilty of picturing a life with Eli in Colorado, a fantasy that often made her regret ever meeting him. And he’d seemed distant since his last visit. It was hard having to keep saying good-bye to him. But could she really say good-bye to Martha, Lillian, Samuel, David, Emily, and all her friends in Colorado?
A few minutes later they passed the sign that read Bird-in-Hand.
When the driver pulled to a stop in the driveway, she recognized the white clapboard house with black shutters surrounded by a white picket fence,
and instantly bitterness stabbed at her heart. She’d always wanted a house like this, high on a hill overlooking the valley.
She asked the driver to wait, and she slowly walked up the cobblestone path, then unlocked the door with the key Robert had given her. As she eased into the living room, the smell of fresh white paint hit her, and shiny new wooden floors met with the sun’s rays as she slowly walked to the middle of the room.
There wasn’t any furniture in the room except for a small desk and wooden chair next to a very large fireplace. Ivan’s desk. He’d had the piece of furniture since Katie Ann had known him, a gift from his father when he was just a boy.
She could see a large and welcoming kitchen through a doorway to the right, and again she fought the bitterness in her soul. She’d always wanted a kitchen like this. She ran her hand gingerly along the white countertop. Peering out the window, she saw a nice spot for a garden, then forced herself to see how many bedrooms were in the one-story house.
The master bedroom was roomy and filled with windows. Farther down the hall were three more bedrooms. She grabbed her chest when she walked into the last bedroom on the right and struggled to stay on her feet. There, in that room, was everything she’d ever envisioned for a nursery. A beautiful crib up against the wall, filled with blankets and two stuffed bunnies. And a changing table, dresser, and baby carrier were also in the room. She couldn’t stop the tears from coming. Ivan died before he knew that Lucy was pregnant, but they were clearly planning on a family.
She thought about how Jonas would never know his father. Lucy’s baby would never know Ivan either. Her heart ached as she eyed the room, feeling a level of pain for Lucy she didn’t expect. Lucy didn’t even know about the house. It was a surprise for her, and as much as it hurt Katie Ann to witness Ivan’s plans for his future with Lucy, she wondered if Lucy’s loss was as great as hers had been. Maybe greater.
Swiping at her eyes, she walked into all the rooms several more times, knowing that she would have to tell Lucy about the house, about the nursery. Or maybe she’d ask Robert to do it. Lucy could make arrangements to pick up the baby furniture for Benjamin. And Ivan’s desk.
She walked to the wooden chair and sat down, leaning on her elbows and supporting her head with her hands. After a few moments she lifted her head. And that’s when she saw the envelope addressed to her in Ivan’s handwriting. Picking it up, she feared Ivan’s last words to her and the level of hurt she’d endure reading anything he’d written to her. But she slid her finger beneath the seam and pulled out a piece of white paper.
Dear Katie Ann,
I hope that this letter finds you well. I wanted to talk to you in person and hope to do so soon, but the distance between us, both physically and emotionally, has made me choose to write you this letter instead.
I know you’re pregnant, and my heart jumps with joy about this.
She gasped as she slapped a hand to her chest, clamping her eyes shut. She took a deep breath and went on.
In a community our size, I was bound to find out that you are with child, but I can understand why you would be fearful about telling me, scared I would return out of obligation. I know you so well. But before I found out this news, I was already praying that we could find our way back to each other. I think of you, dream of you, and my regrets are many.
My heart longs to be with you . . . and our child. I want us to be a family again.
Katie Ann sobbed so hard, she was having trouble reading. She dabbed at her eyes and went on.
I hired help to build a house outside of Bird-in-Hand, and it is my dream for you and our child to live there with me, if you can ever find a way to forgive me. I have shamed you, shamed myself, and shamed God.
Please, Katie Ann. I want to make things right for you . . . and the baby. I have always loved you and continue to love you.
In His name,
Your husband, Ivan
She put her head down on the desk and cried until she was sure there were no more tears. Lucy’s words hung in the air like a thick fog that was choking her. “I always wondered if he was going back to you.”
“How could you do this to me, Ivan!” she cried when she finally raised her head. Dangling the letter by her side, she got up and walked to what might have been Jonas’s room. She leaned against the wall, but the gravity of this news caused her to slide down until she was sitting on the cold wooden floors. She looked around the room and realized that she hadn’t noticed until now—no electrical outlets or lighting fixtures.
She stayed on the floor for the next hour, her legs extended in front of her, the letter in her lap. In a daze, she tried to sort out feelings that had nothing to do with Eli, yet it was his face that kept flashing into her mind.
What would she have done if Ivan hadn’t died? Would she have received this letter months ago and reunited with him? Would she be living in this house now? A house he’d built for her—behind Lucy’s back.
She thought about Lucy and Benjamin. Would Ivan still have left Lucy once he found out that Lucy was carrying his child? Did Ivan suddenly long for a family and either woman would do?
Then it hit her. Ivan was doing to Lucy the same thing that he’d done to her. He might be a man full of surprises, but this house wasn’t just a surprise for Katie Ann—it represented betrayal. Again. This time he would slither away from Lucy, just as he’d done to Katie Ann, leaving her without any money or future to look forward to. He might not have taken money for himself, but he’d certainly left her in a bad financial way. Just as he had planned to do to Lucy. He was a selfish man, but Katie Ann still wondered whether or not her love for him would have been enough to open her heart to him again.
After only a short while, she decided not. She stood up, took a final look around, and knew exactly what she was going to do.
She asked the driver to take her back to Robert’s office. He was busy with someone else when she arrived, but after about thirty minutes, she was escorted back to his office. She didn’t sit down.
“I would like to pay off the mortgage on the house.” She raised her chin, determined not to cry.
“Really?” Robert scratched his chin. “So you’re planning to move back to Lancaster County?”
She fumbled with Ivan’s letter in the pocket of her apron. “No. I would like the house deeded to Lucy.”
Robert stood up and walked around his desk. “Katie Ann, are you sure?” He paused, brows narrowed.
“Lucy has a baby now. Ivan’s child. And Ivan probably would have left her and the child the same way he left me.”
“You’re being very generous.”
Katie Ann didn’t feel generous. In addition to wanting to do the right thing on Ivan’s behalf—since Ivan had earned all the money for the house while with Lucy—she was hoping to never hear from the woman again, to finally have closure on all this.
But then she recalled the way Lucy was at Ivan’s funeral months ago and the way she was when she came to Katie Ann’s house, still stricken with grief.
“He built the house with money he made while he was with Lucy. It only seems fair that she should have it.”
“It doesn’t seem fair—to you.” Robert folded his arms across his chest. “There’s a considerable amount of money owed on that mortgage. I’m not sure why you would do this, but all right.”
“Thank you.”
“I’ll let Lucy know what you’ve done, and—”
“No. Please don’t.”
Robert locked eyes with her. “Don’t you think it’s odd that Ivan would build a house without any electrical outlets or fixtures?” He rubbed his chin. “Everything is fueled with gas or propane too.” Robert paused again, the hint of a smile in his expression. “Certainly resembles a lot of Amish homes I’ve seen. And Ivan wasn’t Amish anymore.”
Katie Ann pulled her eyes from his and shrugged. “Do you think you can make arrangements to have the electricity hooked up before you make mention of this to Lucy? I don’t want her to have any dou
bt in her mind that Ivan built the house for her.”
There was no reason for Lucy ever to know the betrayal that Ivan had planned for her. And as for Katie Ann, she just wanted to go home. To Colorado. Her life here was behind her. Now she just wondered what God had in store for her future. But one thing was for certain. There was no room in her heart for more heartbreak.
As she walked out of Robert’s building toward the driver’s car, she wadded up Ivan’s letter and tossed it into a nearby trash can.
Good-bye, Ivan.
Now she just needed to say good-bye to Eli.
Eighteen
ELI SAT DOWN AT THE KITCHEN TABLE WITH THE package that had arrived in the mail. He stared at it, knowing what it was, but not wanting to admit that his friendship with Katie Ann was over.
Finally he forced himself to open the box and unwrap the cell phone. She hadn’t been back in Colorado for twenty-four hours when she called to tell him that she was sending the phone back. Eli wasn’t sure what happened in Lancaster County. Maybe she was still grieving for her husband, and being back there made her feel like she was betraying Ivan by being friends with Eli.
But who were they fooling? Katie Ann knew that they were much more than friends, just as Eli did. He had tried to talk her out of sending the phone back, but she was insistent that it was a luxury she shouldn’t have. When he asked to visit her, she declined.
Over the next few weeks, he left several messages on the barn phone. She never called him back. He stayed busy planting the fields, but as the seasons began to change, Eli’s feelings began to change too. His hurt turned to resentment. Before Katie Ann, he’d been a happy fellow with his entire life planned out. Now he was lonely and bitter. He didn’t even want to travel anymore. He missed her so much he could hardly stand it.